


Mistake➳Stenbrough

by asomina



Series: We Drew Stories In The Fog That Rests On Windows [1]
Category: IT - Stephen King, Matched Trilogy - Ally Condie
Genre: Agoraphobia, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Gay Bill Denbrough, Government Agencies, Insecurity, Jealousy, Loneliness, Love/Hate, M/M, Music as a coping mechanism, Past Abuse, Sarcastic as FUCK, Self-Hatred, Separation Anxiety, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Toxic Relationships, bill is like really petty, demiromantic stan, like gets sad at parts, oppressive soulmate system, stanley is a shy child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:13:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 94,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21772015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asomina/pseuds/asomina
Summary: ❝I hate you, everything about you...you're a mistake❞You used to be able to choose who you fell for, but the idea of control was too tempting. So when you were sixteen through maths and science your soulmate was chosen for you.Bill Denbrough had pictured this moment very clearly in his life multiple times, he wasn't fooled into thinking the system was perfect like everyone else. But he never imagined to be paired with someone like Stanley Uris, he's rude, boring and most importantly he seems to despise Bill.OrIn which Bill is certain there is a flaw in the universe, when he finds his soulmate.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon/Original Character(s)
Series: We Drew Stories In The Fog That Rests On Windows [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1603150
Comments: 235
Kudos: 303





	1. Miserable Beginnings

The world is a messed up place but this time the government decided to try to help make it better.

Suprise, suprise they made it worse. 

Through many problems that exist in the world, poverty, war and mental illness the government decided to go for...none of the above.

Instead they answered a non-existant hyperthetical question...what if the population decreased so much that reproduction would cease to exist?

Or something along those lines I wasn't really listening. 

Due to several debates and ignoring the fact that the population was infact increasing and resources were decreasing (really I think the only evidence they went off was increase in marriage) they came to one conclusion:

Romance was dead. 

It was true to say the least to them the fact that no one sent love letters and stayed together until death bring them apart anymore. Instead we all invested in the world wind romance of sending nudes, sliding into DMs and exposing send nudes. 

It was obvious a solution was desparetly needed, they had to fix romance. One guy saved it all.

Ms Penny Wise, the secetary of whatever the fuck was sacrifacing a goat or burning a cross or something when she had the closest thing to an idea that a politican could possibly have. 

So running past the homeless people, struggling buissnesses and hate crime she made it to the white house to push forward the idea of: using science for controlling people's life's.

Instead of using this empithany or science for any good she decided that by using maths and science you could calculate compatiability of people's traits...deciding who was perfect for who.

She had clearly be reading too mich dodgey soulmate fanfiction

She was granted a genius and soon it became entrenched into law. That was all fun and games before it was taken a bit too far. 

It would be fine if that was a recommendation or you could have the opportunity to swipe left. 

But noooo, they had to force you by law to be with whoever this kid was. If you didn't want to, you would exiled to somewhere shitty where you will be banned from romantic activities or if you enagage with romantic/ sexual activities whilst you are with the person you were matched with.

You. Will. Be. Killed.

Yeah, sounds fun. 

My problem was that it turns out that this machine was as accurate as buzzfeed quizes. Basing my entire life off my favourite egg yoke or something.

My name Bill Denbrough and welcome to my Ted Talk on how my life got completly fucked up.


	2. How To Smile Whilst Internally Dying

THROUGH years of experience I was certain of many things: 

• I can't dance.  
•You can't lie to Beverly Marsh  
•Days come faster when you're dreading them

There was no other explanatiom other than some magic being who loves making my life miserable for this. 

This wasn't like dreading a test or handing in homework you haven't done.

No this was litterally the day my life would be decided for me. 

The day my personality traits will matched with someone elses and I will be stuck with them for the rest of my life. 

I mean it would be nice, I guess finally not being single. But what of it was someone I hated? Or we didn't get along...like they didn't want kids or something? 

I knew there was such a thing as it not working out...everyone knew someone who hated their 'soulmate'. Like my Mum's friend Sandra was paired with a fucking misogynst but put's up with him due to the fact she loves her friends too much and doesn't want to be exiled. 

What if I'm paired with someone who hates me? I mean I'm not perfect, I'm persimistic and my fucking stutter makes people impatient. Only a few people can deal with me, and they're losers. 

Some people despise me, Bowers, Greta. Fuck...what if I'm paired with Greta? What would we even do? Try to ignore her whilst she throws food at Bev or pushes Eddie in the corridor? I could never imagine being with a girl.

...Like Greta

"Hey Billy are you there?" My younger brother Georgie asked, walking into my room with a cheerful glint in his voice.

"No" I said hiding my face beneath my covers. I heard him giggle before climbing onto my bed and pulling the sheet back.

"I see you" He giggled and I groaned, sitting up and stretching my arms over my head. 

"Are you scared Billy?" He asked as I yawned. 

"Yes" I said truthfully. Not really needing to try and be cool around a nine-year old. 

"No need to Billy, it's like magic. You will be paired with the person of your dreams, who will love you as much as we do...even more" He said grinning happily. 

"I h-hope so...buh-but not everything is l-like D-Disney" I said and he giggled as if I was just being silly. 

"I can't wait to meet them" He said messing up my bed hair even more whilst giggling. "I will get to meet them right?" 

"O-Obviously...as suh-soon as possible, I p-promise" I said wrapping my pinky finger around his tiny one. 

"Bill, hurry up..you're going to be late" My mum yelled from downstairs and I rolled my eyes before getting out of bed...even though I had an hour to get ready. 

Parents. 

I got ready quickly, picking up the slightly less dirty clothes up from my floor and putting them on. 

God, my soulmate is going to be disgusted by me. 

I brushed that though aside as I stuffed my bag with my school books and sketchbook, hoping that I hadn't forgotten anything. 

I really didn't feel like eating breakfast as my nerves were piercing through my stomach. 

"By Billy" Georgie said giving me a tight hug and kissing my cheek. "Here" He said passing me a paper boat that I had helped him make last weekend when it was raining. 

"It's for good luck, if you're that worried" He said in a chirpy tone and I wide grin slipped through my lips.

"S-She, we c-call buh-boats she" I said and he giggled. "But t-hank you" He jumped up and hugged me one last time before I left. 

The sinking feeling didn't leave my stomach, no matter how fast I walked. A sharp blade was carving every single concern that etched my skull into my stomach, going back to carefully sharpen any specific doubts...over and over again. 

My head felt heavy and everything around me was dissolving into a loud blur. Only my fears being audiable. 

"He t-thrusts his fuh-fists a-against the..." I tried to let the words escape my mouth, but they always scattered and stumbled over each other just before they rolled of my tongue, when I was nervous. 

"H-He t-thrusts his fuh-fists a-against the p-posts..." I tried again "ah-against the p-pos..p-pos, fuck" my fists clenched with frustration. 

This was terrible, I was tired, scared, my legs hurt and most importantly I felt like I was forgetting something. 

I had all of my school work, notebook...what could be so impor-, oh no...Richie!

I quickly turned around and ran back down the street and towards the kissing bridge, where Richie was leaning against it, waiting. 

"Took you long enough my good fellow, almost gave me a bloody heart 'ttack" Richie greeted me in a terrible British accent. 

I rolled my eyes as he ran towards me and ruffling my hair. "Don't be annoyed with me Billiam, you're the one who left me here" 

I sighed "I'm s-sorry...just s-scar, s-scar..." 

"Scared?" He asked, raising an eyebrow and I nodded. "Hey it's going to be ok, I mean you're perfect...everyone loves Big Bill" He grinned. 

My skin creased, causing my eyes to wince as he said that as it was so far from the truth. "A-and everyone l-loves a Trashmouth?" 

He snorted inbetween pits of laughter "Yeah whoever gets with me is the luckiest person we know...what if it someone we know? Like talk to on a daily basis?" He asked, his words blending together as he spoke at three hundred miles per hour. 

I hadn't decided what would be worse, them being a complete stranger or them being someone I knew. Someone I was already comfortable with as a friend. 

"What if I get Molly Ringwald? I mean I love her but I don't think I could ever live with her" Richie rambled as we walked into school. "What if I get you?" He joked.

I shuddered "I wuh-would volunteer to be k-killed" He let out a gasp and held his hand to his heart in fake horror. 

I laughed trying to hide the rose speckles that I could feel flood my cheeks with an unhealthy radiaton of heat. 

That was a question wasn't it? What if I was paired with a...boy? I hadn't really thought about it before, well I hadn't really thought about it in general, it was stupid to think about datinf before the Selection. 

That decided everything. 

I tried to calm my shaking breath by drawing it in deep, holding it hostage for as long as possible before releasing it. As if I was holding back my fears with it. 

"Eddie Kasprak, how's your mom feeling after last night?" Richie asked, wrapping his arm around the small boy and Eddie instantly gave him a death stare.

"Don't even start that Rich, you are beyond gross" He said trying to escape his grip.

"How's everyone feeling?" Ben asked as we met him next to his locker. 

"Fucked" Mike said simply, causing everyone to laugh. Although Mike was home schooled he had to come to our school for thr Selection. This was because it took place at school, matching you with the best candidate in your town. 

That's why I didn't trust it. See Derry was a shit hole, and if Tumblr or whatever hippy shop is true by saying that 'people make a town'...then we were all fucked.

"We'll be fine, computers rarely make mistakes" Ben said optimistically and we all gave him a unconvinced look.

"I just hope, that they're nice and won't treat me like shit" Bev muttered, brushing her hair behind her ear. 

I nodded. "I hope they'll be organised and clean" Eddie said, looking through his fanny pack.

"You know how to dream Eds" Richie said ruffling Eddie's hair and pinching his cheek. 

"Don't call me that" He hissed.

"I just hope more than anything they wouldn't rather be exiled then spend time with me" Ben said and I wraped my arm around him.

"N-not going to h-happen" I said with a small smile. "You're too l-loveable" 

Ben was probably the most romantic person I have ever met, real old-school as well. He daydreamed all the time, read romance novels and had written at least one love poem. 

To whom I didn't know, nor did I know if they ever knew it was Ben. But most importantly Ben had full faith in the system. 

Which was a decent thing, I guess?

"What about you Bill?" Bev asked and I thought for a moment.

"I-I just w-want them to l-like who I a-am" I said and she smiled. 

We continued our speculations and preferences until the bell rung, a schafeter of the pain that was to come, digging deep under my skin. 

I followed the concregating crowd to the hall. 

This was it wasn't it? Please be nice, please be nice.

I wasn't sure who I was beginning as I have nevee really been the face of religion. 

And while you're at it, pleasw make them patient with my stutter and funny I guess. Someone who likes my art and someone who-

But my thoughts were interupted when a large impact threw me to the side slightly, cahsing a delved pain to spiral up my shoulder.

"Hey" I heard someone say and I looked up and quite frankly never wanted to look away again. 

My eyes fell into deep pools of burnt firewood, the remaing depths of a bonfire. Different hues of soft brown that melted together so smoothly into one bursh stroke, a colour that would take hours of mixing paints for me to achieve.

A golden shimmer, etched the surface of his gaze like an old copper penny being examined in the warmth next to powerful flames that were licking the safety glass door of an old fireplace.

Surving flames burn beneath their orbs scintillated with a mischievous glint that could be noticed next to the umber that rimmed her iris. They glow with humor and playfulness that never seem to escape their eyes.

Nevertheless, the eyes possess sorrow that placed a melancholic veil, which cloaked her them; it seemed as if it made the happiness in their eyes matte.

"Hello" The voice said, snapping me out of my daydream. "Can you look where your going?" The boy asked coldly, no emotion apparent in his voice.

Yup, a boy. I had just spent a good ten minutes falling in deep with the beautiful eyes of a boy

"S-Sorry" I said with a frown, still feeling a bit flustered over this interaction. "I-I wasn't p-paying attention"

"C-clearly" He said, mimiking a stutter and my cheeks burned brighter than Bev's hair. 

My frown grew as he pushed past me, hitting my shoulder with a force that nearly knocked me down. 

Beautiful eyes but shitty boy, whoever's unlucky enough to end up with you...I pity them. 

I managed to cool my cheeks down before I entered the hall and sat next to my friends. 

"Greeting" The voice of our headmaster echoed across the hall, causing everyone to quieten down. "As you know today is the day of Selection, a day of tradition from the past and hope for the fututre" She said with a overly forced smile. 

"It is with great honour that I welcome Ms Penny Wise, the founder of the selection" She said iniating a round of applause as a woman, who looked between her mid fifties with dangerously high red heels, which I hoped would snap and she would have to seek medical attention.

As the destroyer of most people's lives, of course she was from Derry. That's why she was doing the Selection for us.

"It is an honour to be here" She said with a wide grin that didn't seem humanly possible. "You will soon be matched eith the love of your life after years of waiting, I'm sure you're all exited. But first I must remind you that if you for whatever reason do not want to be with your soulmate, then please let us know as we will have to send you Neibolt...where you will be banned from romantic activites. Also I reminder that if you cheat on your partner, than you will have to recieve capital punishment...bu also remember that will noy happen as the system is always right" She said and I rolled my eyes. 

"Your soulmates are perfect, you will all be so happy that you'll practically be floating" She said a little too enthustically. 

She continued on for anither ten minites before reading out names, placing our school pictures on projector as sje did so.

I began to daydream as she did so, wondering about my soulmate. 

I hope they're kind and do not make fun of my stutter. 

"Michael Hanlon" The bitch said, causing Mike to readjust himself, his hand tapping his knee quickly. "And Rue Stark" A picture of the blond girl from my maths class was projected. 

"Beverly Marsh" The bitch's voice boomed as Bev's face, wide with a smile was plastered onto the powerpoint. 

I could feel her body shift next to me, tensing up. I reached over and held her shaking hand, tightly.

Part of me desperatetly hoped that she was my soulmate, Mainly because she was my bestfriend, I knew I didn't love her like that but I knew she would be fun to be with. She was kind, funny and defiently didn't make fun of my stutter.

If she was my soulmate I would reconsider my atheism. 

"With Benjamin Hanscom" She said and I could feel relief spiral around her entire body. I looked over at Ben who looked like he was about to faint. 

I smiled, Ben would be good to Bev. And everybody loved Bev. So it was a in, win situation.

"Richard Tozier" The bitch said and I could feel him tense up jext to me, he held my hand quickly. I smiled, thinking about how I was going to tease him about it later. 

"And Edward Kasprak" She said and I felt the tension being boiled rather than dilouted. Richie had gone completly red and Eddie grabbed his inahler, breathing heavily.

I wasn't expecting that. What? How? Why...?

But the way a water colour rose tint, brushed across Richie's cheeks suggested that the system wasn't completly random. 

"William Debrough" The bitch said and I felt my chest tighten in desperation to catch my heart, which was threatening to fall into my stomach. 

I cringed as my school photo beamed at me from the power point. "And Stanley Uris" She said.

I couldn't breathe. 

A boy? What, when how? I wasn't gay...was I? Unless Stanely is a girls name? Yeah that could be it. 

I stared back up at the powerpoint, my breath hinching as I did so. Air became a foreign concept. 

It was the boy that made fun of me earlier. 

Yep a boy.

Fuck.


	3. Introducing My Brother To Satan

THEY SAY SOULMATES are supposed to take your breath away. Stealing the air out of you lungs, through their beauty or spirit.

But I wasn't sure they meant that through the sense that you would fall into a state of panic. 

It wasn't as romatic as they alluded it to be, suddenly I couldn't breathe...all the air was being stolen from my lungs, scraping my chest with a hate embroided knife. 

The remaining air felt heavy and limited. I tried to calm down, focus on breathing but I couldn't. I was too busy panicking.

No, no, nope. This had to be some sort of misunderstanding, or maybe a joke even. I prayed more than anything that there were hidden cameras ready to jump at me, teling me it was all for some shit comedy show.

But no, there was nothing.

Litterally, I had breathed out all the air in my lungs and I suddenly felt nothing. 

My breath started to slow and every time I breathed, I breathed out all the oxygen I had. 

And everything stoped: heart, lungs, then finally, brain. And everything I felt, and wish, and want to forget, it all just sank.

"Bill" Bev said, squeazing my arm...trying to get my to calm down. "Bill, you're not breathing" She said trying not to bring the world's attention on me. 

"Bill" Richie whispered, holding my hand tighter and shaking my shoulder slightly. "Bill, breathe" 

Mike stood up from his seat and held my shoulders firmly. "Bill, come on" He whispered, pulling me up from seat. 

Without even noting my surroundings I was dragged away from the hall, and into the corridor. 

Then finally, in the cool emptyness...my thoughts came back to me. 

I was given air again, given life.

Then it hit me: I just had a panic attack in the middle of the selection. Just never want to stop humilating myself, do I?

"Hey, Bill are you ok?" Mike asked, cupping my cheek. 

I nodded "I-I'm sorry" I whimpered, sliding to the floor and he sat next to me.

"You didn't do anything wrong, it happens to the best of us. You just found out who you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Honestly I think you had the only normal reaction." He said holding my hand tightly. 

I shook my head "I-It's not juh-just that, h-he wuh-wasn't nice to me" I said, my stutter getting worse when I was upset. "M-made fun of my s-stutter" I added and he nodded, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close.

"I'm sure he didn't mean it, I'm sure he'll love it really like we all do" He said reasuringly as I burried my face into his chest. 

"T-Thanks Mike" I said and smiled.

"It's ok Bill, but we should get going...we have to go meet them now" He said standing up and helping me off of the floor.

I look down at the floor, I realy didn't want to meet this kid. 

"Hey" Mike said "Everything is going to be fine...I promise" 

I smiled weakly, even though I really doubted it. We walked back to the hall where everyone was standing up talking to their soulmates excitably. 

Couples like Bev and Ben were talking quietly in hush whispers, making each other blush shyly at every spoken word.

Others like Richie and Eddie took a different approach, bickering like usual as if nothing had changed.

Mike stayed with me until I spotted the curly haired boy with the beautiful eyes and horrible personality. 

Stanley was leaning against a wall, isolated from everyone else. Was he waiting for me? I couldn't help but wonder. Or was he just distant?

With every shaking breath and thunderclap in my chest I managed to walk over to him. 

He turned and gave me an emotionless expression, removing his headphones from his ears. 

"Well then, I guess I shouldn't have got my hopes up that you ran away" He said and I felt me cheeks burn.

"N-no, you shuh-shouldn't have" I said quietly and his lips fell into a frown.

"Do I make you nervous?" He asked "Or do you always stutter like that?"

I sighed, where had this kid been these past years? Everyone knew about Stuttering Bill, or was he just mocking me again?

"A-always" I muttered and he nodded.

"Shame" He said and I scowed. 

"I-is it a p-problem?" I asked getting annoyed.

"No, not the stutter, it's more you that I have a problem with" He said and my scowl became heavier. 

"Oh don't pout like that, it's insufferable" He said with a smirk and I frowned, I was almost certain that I had been scowling and not pouting. 

"W-what's w-wrong with m-me?" I asked and his smirk grew.

"A lot, I just find you a bit annoying...you and your loud friends" He said "I'm quite reserved and I don't like most people, don't take it personally that I don't like you more" 

I opened my mouth to protest and he stopped me by placing a finver to my lips. "And I'm guessing we have nothing in common, not many people do wtoh me. What would we even talk about?" 

I thought for a moment, it was true, sadly. Even though we didn't know each other, it was clear he wasn't going to let me know anything about him.

I shook my head "H-how about you get e-exiled, you s-said you h-hate everyone. W-why noy leave and I-I can h-have someone who l-likes me?" 

He grinned "What fun would that be?" He said and I fumed, "I wouldn't be able to witness you getting mad, you should work on that by the way...it's too adorable to be intimidating" 

I felt my ears flush pink "I-It's n-not" I tried to say and he rolled his eyes. 

"Sorry to interupt, what I'm sure is a perfect bonding session" The high-pitch screeches of the bitch said and me amd Stanley both gave her a look that suggested otherwise. 

"But as you know everything is closely monitored, we have set up a date for you two as we do for everyone's first one" She hissed and I winced at the idea of having to spend anymore time with this kid.

"So tonight at eight you two lovebirds will be going for loving evening of bird watching and then watching a film" She said and my jaw dropped.

"Buh-bird watching? This s-system is more i-inaccurate than I o-orginally thought" I said, getting more annoyed by the minute.

"No it isn't" The devil with perfect curls said. "I love bird watching" There was no emotion in his voice as usual, so I wasn't sure if he was being serious or not.

"It's the m-most b-boring thing on the p-planet" I argued amd he quirked his brow.

"No, I'm sure that position is taken by whatever it is that you enjoy" He said and I frowned.

"How would you know?" I muttered and my hand was quickly captured by his.

"Your skin is covered in ink randomly and you have a lot of calluses in places were pens amd pencils have been engraved for hours...my guess is you like drawing or writing, or maybe both" He said and I quickly, ignoring the molten blur of electricty that spiralled beneath my skin.

"How original" He commented and I rolled my eyes.

"T-this is f-fucked up" I muttered and he scowled as I did so.

"Don't say that" He said and I gave him a confused glance. "I mean don't swear, what you said was right but your only showing me what a limited vocabulary you have...I thought you were supposed to be a writer" 

"W-what? Y-you don't like s-swearing?" I asked and he nodded.

"It's boring and overused, if you use words effectively you can insult people without swearing...now that's writing" He said and my frown grew. 

"Y-you're j-just s-s-sensitive" I struggled to say and he laughed. I expected it to be swimming with a cold and dry tone, but instead it was embedded with a perfect serenade. Kind of like the birds that I wasn't sure if he actually loved or not. 

The bell rang, indicating our freedom from our soulmates and without a second of hesitation I began walking away from Stanley. 

"Hey, Agatha Christie" Stanley shouted and I scowled as he ran after me in the corridor.

"W-what?" I asked and he quirked his brow as if it was obvious.

"I need your number or you address" He said and I gave him a confused look. "So I can find you for our date" He explained and I nodded.

"F-fine" I tried to find a piece of paper to write my home number on it, as I wasn't really comfortable with him knowing my address yet and phones were banned from school.

Growing inpatient he grabbed the pen that stuck out of my pocket and captured my arm, rolling up my sleeve.

Each drop of ink sinking and burning into my skin as he imprinted a series of numbers onto my skin.

Every movement was slow, the warmth from his touch melting into my skin and I gulped, hoping this woulf be over soon. He let go of my arm and I could finally breath again. 

"T-thanks" I managed to say, looking at the floor to try and hide the pure scarlet hue that had dominated my cheeks.

Before I could walk away, a sudden force knocked me to the ground and I looked up to see Bower's cheering with his goones before running off. 

I sat up, beginning to pick up my stuff that fell out of my bag, because of course I left it open just to make things that much harder. 

I really pitied whoever was stuck with Bower's. If it was me I would've have thrown myself into exile the moment I heard it. 

I reached over to pick up the paper boat that Georgie had made, but before I could, Stanley had already picked it up.

"H-hey" I said, standing up and trying to get it back. But sadly he was taller than me. 

"Cute" He said "Aren't you a bit old for playing with boats?" He asked pinching my cheek.

"M-my brother made i-it give it b-back" I said and he laughed but gave it to me anyway.

That was a close one, Georgie would never forgive me if I lost it.

Oh shit, Georgie.

"S-Stanley" I began "C-can I a-ask you for a f-favour?" I asked and he quirked his eybrow. "I w-would n-never ask you o-often..I j-j-just n-n-" 

He looked as though he was going to make fun of me but gave up when he saw me struggling. "I j-just n-need y-you...y-you too..." I tried again but struggled even more beneath the fluster. 

"Bill" He began but I ignored him.

"I-it's n-n-not for m-m-" I cursed under my breath and my stupid stutter.

"Bill" He said holding onto my shoulders firmly. "Depends what the favour is, I should be ok...just spit it out" 

"I p-promised my b-brother G-Georgie, that he w-would be able to m-meet my soulmate" I said and he thought for a moment.

"Yeah I guess so, meeting each other's famillies in inevitable...might as well get it over a done with" He said and I began walking, leading us out of the school.

"Does that happen often?" He asked and I tilted my head to the side, confused. "Take you ten minutes to finsish a sentence, I try to be but I'm not very patient"He said and I sighed.

"W-when I'm u-upset, embarassed or a-anxious, usually" I said and he nodded.

"So do I make you anxious?" He asked again and like before I didn't answer directly.

"D-don't flatter yourself" I said and he laughed.

"S-sorry" He muttered and I gave him a deadly stare. 

"P-please, d-don't do that" I begged and he titled his head, his perfect curls brushing ovet his eyes. "Y-you can m-make fun of a-anything but not t-that" I whimpered and he nodded.

"If it makes you feel better, but you know what I think?" He asked and I shook my head. 

"You shouldn't be so concerned about it...it's not the only thing that defines you. Like I mean, it isn't what you should be worried about. Sure it can be annoying but I'm already getting used to it. Other things annoy me about you, stop beating yourself up about it. If you stop hating it, everyone else will get over it" He said and I nodded, not really convinced. 

My stutter isn't what makes me annoying? It's just me? Thanks.

"Look, I will never willingly compliment you, but I won't lie either" He said. That was a compliment?

But I guess in a sense, he was right. I drew too much attention to it by hating it. 

We continued to walk in silence for a couple fo minutes before we reached Georgie's school. 

As soon as he spotted us and his teacher let him go, he ran directly towards me. His tiny legs pushing him as fast as they could.

I couldn't help but laugh as he jumped into my arms, squeezing him tightly.

"Billy, Billy look what I made"He said showing me a piece of paper, sunk with layers open layers of vibrant colours. 

"Wow, w-we're getting that f-framed" I said and his smile grew even bigger. 

"Is that your soulmate?" He asked exictedly, jumping up and down, pointing and Stanley.

"Y-yes" I said trying to hide the dissapointment that had envolped me in the past hour.

He ran up to Stanley and jumped at him, trying to give him a hug. To my suprise Stanley wrapped his arms around my little brother and hugged him back. 

"I love your hair" He said "It looks like noodles" He ran his small fingers through his hair, messing it up slightly. 

Stanley grinned at him, but instantly sorted his hair out. Like it pained him for it to be messy. 

"You're very pretty, Billy is very lucky, that you love him...wait you do love him, right?" He asked and Stanley nodded putting Georgie down again.

"Of course I do" He said and I tried to supress a laugh, but when he wrapped his arm around my waist, my entire body froze. "Bill is perfect" He said planting a small peck on my cheek. 

A stream if warmth flooded my cheeks, as the electric sensation that rolled of his lips delved into my skin.

"Awwww" He said gushing over our lies. "What's your name?" 

"Stanley" He said with a grin "But you can call me Stan" 

Great, my brother is a nickname basis with my soulmate before I am...yay.

Gerogie giggled before holding onto mine and Stanley's hands as he began to walk home. "Mommy and Daddy are going to love you" He said with a grin as he skipped beside us.

Looks like Georgie just unwillingly invited Satan into our home.


	4. Is This A Cut Scene?

THROUGHT THE JOURNEY, all I could think about was running away. 

Seriously, through every giggle and words that Gerogie rambled, all I could think about was hoping that I had the ability to spontaneously combust. 

Neither me or Stanley needed to speak really, all we had to do was allow Georgie to ramble on about coloured crayons or whatever and avoid eye contact with each other. 

It wasn't that difficult actually. Mainly because Stanley never really gave me eye contact, or anyone really, he was never in the same pressence as everyone else. I guess if no one else seemed to have as beautiful eyes as himself, why bother?

If I had to put it down to one thing that was really off about Stanley, it was his tendancy to look up rather than ahead, always scanning the skies or nearby trees for birds. Well if he did actually like them, still wasn't sure on that.

"So what will you two be doing for your date?" Georgie asked and I sighed waiting for Satan to answer.

"We're going bird watching" Stan said with a devious smile, which again I couldn't tell was false or not. 

Georgie crunched his face "Really?" He asked and Stanley nodded "What's so great about that?" 

"Well that's for your brother to find out" He said and I shuddered and glared at him.

As soon as we were at a five metre radius of our house, Georgie ran as fast as his little legs could take him until he reached the front door. He began ringing the doorbell repetativly as me and Stanley awkwardly walked up to join him.

When the front door opened Georgie instantly jumped up and hugged our mum. "Mummy, guess what I made at school" He said showing her his drawing, flapping it in front of her excitably. 

"That's amazing" She said, grinning and hugging him, before standing up. 

"Bill, is this your soulmate?" She asked, he smile widing. I nodded, trying my best to give her a realistic smile. 

She walked up to Satan and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him tightly. "Aww, he's so cuteee" She said, limiting his air supply. 

Not like I cared if she hugged him to death or not.

"What's your name, love?" She asked holding his shoulders.

"Stanley, but Stan really" He said, still looking a bit embarassed. Great even my mum was on nick-name basis now. I had a feeling he was doing on purpose just to spite me. 

"Well Stan, are staying for dinner?" She asked and I gave him a pleading look, to make something up so he couldn't. But instead he smirked at me. 

"Of course" He said and I groaned, hiding it as a cough when everyone stared at me.

My mum smiled, not like she ever wasn't, and held Georgie's hand as she went back into the house. As we followed her, my finger clenched around the ends of sleeve, unsure if I should hold his hand or not. 

"Well, Bill you can show Stan to your room and play some video games or something whilst me and your Dad make dinner" She said and I fained a smile. 

"What's going on my little Debroughs?" My Dad said as he joined us in the hallway and I took a shaking breath, unsure how he was goig to react. 

"We've met Billy's soulmate" Georgie chirped and my Dad smiled. 

"Ayee, welcome to the family" He said wrapping his arms around him and my eyes widened. 

"Stan, you can see my lego turtle" Georgie said, holding his hand and jumping up and down excitably. 

"Georgie you can take Stan upstairs, I need to talk to Bill for a moment" My Dad said and I felt my chest grow heavy. 

Georgie nodded quickly, dragging Stan, who almost fell in the sudden movement, up the stairs. 

As soon as they were out of earshot my Dad walked into the living room and I followed him. 

"Bill" He finally said, slowly "Now about Stan-"

"I-I k-know that he's a b-boy" I interupted him "A-And I wasn't e-expecting t-that, buh-but t-that doesn't d-decide w-whether he is g-good for m-me or not, t-there are o-other things" I said, breathing heavily and my Dad looked taken back.

It was true, I didn't really care that he was a boy, that wasn't a problem. It was Stan that was the problem, he was rude and sarcastic and he didn't like me. The fact that he was a boy didn't seem as important anymore. 

"No, Bill, that's wasn't what I was going to say!" He said and my eyes widened. "Why would you think that?" He asked, looking a bit upset. 

"Bill, it doesn't matter, this is your soulmate. No matter who they were, I couldn't complain as they love you and you deserve that" He said and I nodded, wrapping my arms around him, unable to stop the tears spilling out of my eyes. 

"I-It's n-not-" I sniffed, unable to push my words through. 

"Bill what's wrong?" He asked and I let go, sniffing. 

'He doesn't love me'. I wanted to scream. 'Even my fucking soulmate doesn't love me'

But I didn't, because I couldn't. If I did, I would lose everything, they were always watching, listening.

"I-I didn't know" I whispered looking down at the floor. "And n-now i-it's all I s-see" I whimpered and he nodded, waiting for me to elobarate. 

I took a deep breath "A-all I s-see, i-is h-how it m-must have been true a-all along" I said. "I s-see b-boys and I w-wonder i-if I f-found them a-attractive b-before. It j-just doesn't make sense" I said and my Dad wrapped his arms around me again. 

"Bill, maybe you weren't interested in anyone before, no one really is, all they think about is there soulmate. Now you have yours, maybe you just love Stanley and that's all you will love" He said and I nodded, even though I knew it wasn't true. 

"Now what I wanted to talk about was, I'm quite good friends with his father. He's told me in the past that he hasn't got many friends, he isn't good at socialising. I just want to try and include him with your friends, not like I don't think you would've he is your soulmate of course" He said and I smiled a fake smile again. 

"O-of course" I said, despising the way the words tasted as they slipped out of my tongue.

"Ok, see you in a bit" He said ruffling my hair and I ran upstairs. 

Stanley was sitting on the floor of Georgie's room, crossed-legged as Georgie showed him all of his action figures.

"Oh look Bill's back, as much as I would love to stay I'm going to hang out with him now" He said and Georgie smiled as Stanley got up and walked to my room with me.

As soon as ws walked into my room, I decided I hated. It wasn't that it had suddenly grown ugly, I just hated to way Stan looked at it.

A smirk, brushed his lips as he walked around my room, his hands in his pockets. He would sometimes take them out to inspect certain pictures or fiddle with objects on my desk. 

"Cute" He said pointing at a picture of me and the Losers and I rolled my eyes. 

His intrest then became focused on my sketchbook, which I had left on my desk. My eyes instantly widened as he reached forward and I jumped forward. But he swiped it away quickly enough.

"N-no, d-don't" I said balancing on my tip toes to try and reach it but he was still so fucking tall. 

"Is this your diary?" He teased, standing on my bed to be even taller. 

No worse, so much worse. 

"G-give it back" I said jumping up to try and get it.

"Dear diary" He said in a silly voice "Today I meet my soul mate, I can't wait, to meet her. Yes her because I'm so sure I'm straight and I can't wait to kiss her" He coninued making kissing sounds as he did so. At least he didn't stutter. 

I stop jumping and just sat on the floor, giving up. He was going to make fun of me for the rest of my life, might as well get it over with.

He slid of the bed and sat in front if me. "Here you go, it's no fun when you're not annoyed" He said passing it back and I sighed still looking at the floor. 

To my suprise, pools of heat flooded my cheeks as his soft touch rested on them, his hands cupping my cheeks. 

I couldn't breathe again. 

"You've been crying" He observed, his fingers tracing the red beneath my eyes. 

"W-why w-would you care?" I asked and he traced circles on my cheeks. 

"I don't" He said "I'm just observant, rememer...I didn't ask why. I just noted it" 

I nodded, hating how he was forcing me to stare into his eyes. He must know the effect they have on people. 

Suddenly my Mum walked in, informing us that dinner was ready. I couldn't help but feel relieved, that she had witnessed a seemingly 'romantic' moment rather than Stanley being cruel.

Stanley let his hands drop and used to them to lift himself of the floor, I followed him. When we got to the end of staircase he held out his hand and I narrowed my eyes. 

"Come on William, we have a show to put on" He said and I nodded, slipping my hand into his. 

We walked into the kitchen and sat next to each other, our hands instantly dropping away from each other. 

"So Stan, did you know Bill before the selection?" Dad said and Stanley shook his head. 

"No, he was in a couple of my classes but we never spoke" He said honestly and my thoughts drifted backwards for a minute. Was he? I hadn't noticed, I mean surely I would've remembered. 

"Did you ever think he was your soulmate?" Mum said, excitably and I rolled my eyes. She was a firm beliver in this system and that it was based on faith. 

"Well...I never really noticed him before, I'm quite reserved" He said, chosing his words carefully. "But then the selection happened and I could't be happier" He said and I tried to prevent for myself from scoffing. Was he even capable of being happy.

"So where will you two be going this evening?" Dad asked and Stanley looked at me, indicating that it was my turn to speak.

"B-Bird watching" I said between gritted teeth "In t-the evening, b-because that's p-possible" 

My parents nodded. The evening continue with the same pattern, them asking questions and us trying to answer them. Thankfully they seemed to be more interested in Stanley's personal life than our relationship.

At around six, Stanley said his parents wanted him home and finally ended this nightmare. 

I walked him to the door, because my parents assumed he didn't remember hid way.

"So see you in a bit, I guess" He said and I nodded.

"B-bye" I said amd suddenly he lowered his head slightly and leaned forward, kissing my cheek. 

At first I was confused but then I turned around to see my mum in the hallway. 

He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling my body forwards. I quickly wrapped my arms around his shoulders, giving him an awkward hug. 

"D-don't you f-fu- I m-mean j-just dare, d-don't you dare" I whispered in his ear and I could feel his smirk. 

He let go and saluted me before disappearing down the street. I leaned against the door frame, wishing I could disapear in general.


	5. Power move: No skill needed, just be amused by confusion

I THINK I COULD TOLERATE the idea that the reason Stanley and I didn't get along was because he didn't seem to work well with the human race in general.

But the fact that he was capable with interacting with mankind sithout them wanting the jump in front of the nearest car, only told me one thing: He just had a problem with me.

It made me feel even worse that it wasn't because of things like my stutter, no it was my personality that he had a problem with.

I sat nervously in my living room, staring at the clock, tapping my fingers on the arm of the sofa. Counting down the minutes until I had to see Stanley again for a date like I was in a horror movie. Which I might as well be.

Bird watching, fucking bird watching. At 8pm? Well yes it was still light outside, but that didn't mean there would still be birds out. Maybe this was all some sort of joke. Like this was what Stanley liked to do for fun, play pranks on people.

As soon as the thin, black hand rolled ontop of the hour the doorbell rang, instanly making me jump. That was something else I had noticed about Stanley: he seemed to always be a perfect. At being on time, being neat and being tidy.

It was something which I despised because well, it seemed so fake. I hated 'perfect' people, I always felt like they needed flaws or a hobby instead of just being a 2D image of being a perfectionist. It was too boring to me.

I groaned as I walked down the hallway and opened the door. Stanley stood there with a bored expression on his face as if there was a thousand other things he could be doing instead now and to be honest so could I.

"You're looking pretty happy" Stanley said sarcastically and I rolles my eyes.

"C-could say the s-ame about y-you" I said and he smirked.

"Well nothing makes me joyful as being forced to spend time with my partner for life, given to me by the government" He said with a fake grin and I rolled my eyes, again.

We continued to walk in silence until we got to a certain spot in a forest clearing, we're I guess you were able to bird watch. Or you know prank me, still wasn't too sure yet.

But when Stanley put down his bag, taking out several books on birds, binoculars and a notebook, it was officially confirmed that he was a bird nerd.

Uh, even his flaws are so fucking boring.

I spent the next hour, hour! laying on the grass, doodling as Stanley was occupied with staring at birds...just living their life and recording what he saw in notebook, which I was tempted to steal for some reason.

"Can w-we go n-now?" I asked for about the millionth time which caused him to be even more irritated with me.

"No, Bill we can't go yet" He said.

"B-but I'm bored" I whined, rolling onto my back.

He sighed heavily "That's because you haven't even tried to look at any birds" He said.

"T-they're boring" I argued and he rolled his eyes, walking over to me.

"You don't know that for a fact" He said leaning over me, I titled my head to the side before granbes me by the arms and dragged me to my feet. 

"N-No, S-Stanley" I protested as he passed me the binoculars and pushed me over to the spot we're he was standing a minute ago.

I gave in and looked through the lenses, looking around me quickly "I c-can't find a-anything" I heard him sigh loudly as I dropped the binoculars.

"That's because you are looking at the grass" He said behind me, reaching his arm around me to tilt the binculars upward, to the top of the trees.

My fell shallow for a second and I gulped as he wrapped his arms around my waist amd rested his head on my shoulder. "We have company" He whisped in my ear, sending a burning shiver down my spine.

My gaze flickered to the side and in the distance I could see he was right. Two people, sitting there with a clipboard and pen. I wasn't suprised to be honest, they were keeping an eye on us...making sure we were enjoying our boring ass date.

He pecked my neck lightly and I dropped my binculars onto the floor as my skin burned with a molten fibre. He took a step back amd spun me around to face him, his grip on my waist puling me closer towards him.

I was confused at first, what the fuck was he doing? Why were we so close? Was there something behind me? Was there something on my face? 

He lowered his head, drifting down to my height, tilting his head to the side, stealing every breath from my lungs. That's when it hit me.

Litterally, due to the shock of the realization of what the fuck was happening, I quickly moved my head, head butting him in the process. The impact caused him to jump back, his hand carassing his head.

"Bill what the hell?" He mumbled and I just blinked at him, trying to catch my breath. 

Me? He's the one who tried to kiss me.

I looked back at the watchers in the distance and groaned. I wrapped my arms around Stanley hugging him awkwardly.

"What the hell was that?" He whispered.

"Y-you tried to k-iss me" I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Of course Nancy Drew, we're being watched" He hissed.

"D-don't do t-hat" I warned and he sighed, clearly frustrated.

"Why not? I don't want to be exiled" He said.

"B-because I don't w-want to kiss s-someone who d-doesn't l-love me" I said simply and he rolled his eyes, placing his hands on his hips.

"Bill, I'm your soulmate, sadly. You won't be allowed to kiss anyone else...ever" He said and I nodded.

"I k-know" I said, looking at the floor.

After another half an hour of silence, as you know, it was impossible to have a conversatiom with this kid, Stanley finally decided to call it a night "I guess we should get going" He said packing away his books in his bag. "It's dark"

"Thank f-fuuuu, f-flip" I said, pushing myself up from the floor, where I had been doodling again.

Stanley rolled his eyes "See you around Bill" He said waving before dissapearing into the night.

"B-bye" I muttered beneath my breath evem though he was long gone.

This was going to be a long life.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ⁿⁱᵍʰᵗᵐᵃʳᵉˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

I felt even worse the next morning then I did for the morning of the selection. It was going to be the first time facing school with Stanley, AKA the demon soulmate.

Richie was in a better mood that I was, which was good I guess. "So me and Eddie went to watch a movie and then went to the arcade. I'm so glad it was a horror, he got a bit scared so I got to cuddle with him the entire time. He is the most adorable being in the fucking planet!" Richie rambled on forever, gushing about Eddie.

I smiled, admiring the way his eyes lit up when he talked about the small boy and deep down, I wish someone could possibly love me like that.

"What about you Billiam? How was your date with Staniel?" Richie asked instanly causing me to frown.

"S-shit" I said and his grin fell "W-we went f-fucking bird watching!" I added and he laughed. "It's n-not funny! Now I-I think the W-Watchers are s-supicious"

"What, why?" Richie asked as he finally calmed down.

"B-because he tried to k-kiss m-me, and I m-may of f-freaked out" I said and he started laughing again

"Big Bill you're insane you know that?" Richie laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"I k-know" I mumbled "W-what am I g-going to do R-Richie? H-he's horrible to m-me" 

Richie's smile fell and he wrapped his arms around my shoulder. "People are usually mean for a reason Bill, maybe there is something wrong at home. Maybe this is one of those dodgey books with toxic relationships, maybe you just need to find out" He said and I gave him a fake smile.

"I-I guess so" I lied. Richie continued to to talk about Eddie throughout the whole day, which I listened to happily, wishing that I could love someone like that.

By the time it was lunchtime, I realized I was a third wheel, to the power of three. Ben rested his head on Beverly's lap, who was braiding the slightly longer strands of his hair, whereas Eddie was sitting on Richie's lap, comolaining about almost everything Richie said, but Richie would only laugh and place a small kiss on his cheek or neck.

I kind of wished that Mike was here, but then thought better of it. As I realized he would just be doing the same. It made me feel sick, because even Greta was sitting with her soulmate. Sure he looked miserable but that was beyond the point.

"Bill" Bev said and I looked up from staring at my food immensly, hoping it would make me look normal. "Where's Stanley?" She asked and I shrugged my shoulders, I hadn't texted him since our date or at all for that matter and neither of us had talked to one another.

"Bill, I know things aren't going well" She lowered her voice "But for your own sake you probably should find him, it looks a bit suspicious if you aren't sitting with each other" Her eyes gestured to the two Watchers in the corner of the canteen and I nodded.

"I-I'll look for h-him"I mumbled and she reached over and squeezed my hand under the table.

If the canteen made me feel bad, the corridors were a lot worse. Couples being all lovey-dovey against the wall, I just hoped more than anything that it would remain PG. 

Eventually I found Satan, underneath the bleachers, listening to music. I took a deep breath and walked over to him, sitting a safe distance apart from him.

I waved my hand in front of his face to get his attention and he took his headphones off. "What do you want?" He asked, suprised I was here by my own accord. 

"W-watchers are s-uspicious" I said and he sighed heavily. I took out my notebook and began doodling again. "W-what are you l-listening to?" 

"This doesn't mean we have to talk to each other does it?" He asked and I glared at him. "Fine, you wouldn't like it" 

"T-Try me" I said and he hesistated for a moment before placing the headphones over my head.

The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation  
I stopped an old man along the way

Toto, of course he was the kind of person to listen to shit music from the 80's. I tried to address this in a scowl and he rolled his eyes and tried to take them back, but I held on to them tightly. 

Maybe I was enjoying this Toto song. 

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you  
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do.

The music actually helped me with Stanley's whole pressence, calming me down a little bit. The lines and swirled seems to congregate independatly, the only control I had was when my head tilted up to check what Stanley was doing as I had stolen his headphones.

When the song finished I reluctantly fave him his headphones back and continued doodling in silence.

Only then did I realise that I had been doodling him the entire time. I almost ripped out the page in horror, almost.

But I didn't want him to know, obviously so I just turned to page, doodling again. This time when I looked up I saw the Watchers, walling around and well...watching everyone.

I sat up and shuffled over to Stanley, resting my head on his shoulder as it was something that I had seen Bev do the Ben. 

His whole body tensed as I did so, and I gestured to the watchers in the distance and he nodded. My eye lids grew heavier as I did so, I could see why Bev did this so much, it was comfortable.

"Hey Bill, they've gone" He whispered and I nodded, still nit moving. "Bill" He shook me.

"I-It's comfy" I said and I could feel him roll his eyes. I was so tired, mainly because I had spent most of last night crying about all of this shit.

"Fine" He muttered and I smiled, giving in and resting my eyes. I must of fallen asleep at some point because the next thing I knew I was being shaken awake by Ben, who had found me asleep under the bleachers.

Stnaley must of ditched me long ago, embarassed I sat up and I walked to class with Ben, confused more than anything. Cursing myself for being so unloveable.

This was going to be an even longer life.


	6. Funny Story: The bitch broke into my house.

I KEPT MY HEAD DOWN for the rest of the day, embarassed by the way Stanley the stupid dickhead had left me earlier.I had slept through my English class but at least I managed to get out of a detention as I had a 'date' with Stanley.

Hahaha, I lied.  
There was no date.

The losers seemed to notice my fall in mood and tried to play a fun game of finding out what was wrong with me, indirectly. 

Observe:

IT'S A MISERABLE LIFE.

ACT ONE, SCENE ONE:

The representatives of awkwardness meet in the canteen to try and have a normal conversation.

ʀɪᴄʜɪᴇ: ꜰᴜᴄᴋ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴛʜꜱ ʟᴇꜱꜱᴏɴ ᴡᴀꜱ ꜱʜɪᴛ, ɪ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛᴇᴀᴄʜᴇʀ ᴏɴ ᴡʜᴇɴ ꜱʜᴇ ᴘɪᴄᴋᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ʙɪʟʟ ᴛᴏ ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴ?! ɴᴏ ᴏɴᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ.

ᴍᴇ, ᴀɴ ɪɴᴛᴇʟʟᴇᴄᴛᴜᴀʟ: ɪ-ɪᴛ ᴡᴀꜱ ꜰɪɴᴇ ꜱ-ꜱʜᴇ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴀ-ᴀꜱᴋᴇᴅ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴀᴛ ʟ-ᴇᴀꜱᴛ ᴏɴᴇ Q-Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴ, ʟɪᴋᴇ ꜱ-ꜱʜᴇ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ᴅᴏᴇꜱ.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᵃʷᵏʷᵃʳᵈ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

ʙᴇᴠ: ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ ɪꜱ ꜱʜɪᴛ, ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ꜱᴄᴀʀʏ ᴍᴀʀʏ ʜᴀᴛᴇꜱ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴅɪɴɴᴇʀ ʟᴀᴅʏ ᴅᴏᴇꜱɴ'ᴛ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ꜱʜᴇ ʜᴀꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴛʀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴏɪꜱᴏɴ ᴜꜱ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ꜰʀᴇᴇ.

ᴍᴇ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴄʜᴇᴀᴘ ᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛꜱ: ɪ ʙʀᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴍʏ ᴏᴡɴ ʟᴜɴᴄʜ.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ˢⁱˡᵉⁿᵗ ᵃʳᵍᵘᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰʳᵉᵃᵗˢ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᴮᵉᵛ ᵛⁱᵃ ᵈᵉᵃᵗʰ ᵍˡᵃʳᵉˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

ʙᴇɴ: ᴡᴏᴡ, ʟᴀꜱᴛ ɴɪɢʜᴛ'ꜱ ᴇᴘɪꜱᴏᴅᴇ ᴏꜰ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ɪꜱʟᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀꜱ-

ᴍᴇ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴀ ꜱɪɴɢʟᴇ ᴘɪɴᴄʜ ᴏꜰ ᴅᴇᴄᴇɴᴄʏ: ɪ'ᴍ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴛᴏᴘ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ.

ˢᵒ ᵐᵘᶜʰ ᵗⁱᵐᵉ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶜᵒⁿᶜᵉᵖᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵗⁱᵐᵉ ⁱᵗˢᵉˡᶠ ʰᵃᵈ ᵇᵉᵉⁿ ᶜᵒᵐᵖˡᵉᵗˡʸ ʳᵉᵇᵒᵒᵗᵉᵈ...

ᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ: ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʙɪʟʟ?

ʜᴜᴍᴀɴɪᴛʏ: (・_・ヾ

END SCENE.

And Curtain.

Eventually they gave up and let me continue my practices of becoming a professional depressed potato.

Luckily Georgie, was very pleased with his school day, rambling on about his friends, teachers and lack of depression which I tried by best to pretend that I could relate to.

But sadly my self pity session was interrupted by no other than Stanley.

"Denbrough" The annoying voice shouted from the distance.

He ran up to me and Georgie "I forgot to tell you earlier, but my parents reminded me that they still need to meet you" He said, trying to catch his breath because apparently when you're a full time dickhead you don't have time to exercise. 

I pulled my hood over my head and ignored him, because yes...I was that petty.

"Bill" He said waving his hand infront of my face before pulling my hood down, probably bevause he thought I was wearing headphones or something.

"Bill" He said again and I ignored him again.

"Bill...are you ignoring me?" He said, causing a huge grin to form on his face "Awww, you are as well" He pinched my cheek and I stepped away from him.

"He's brilliant at it, he can go days bein quiet if he's really angry" Georgie chirped, giggling and I scowled.

"I wish you would use that skill more often" He said and I resisted the urge to glare at him, because he didn't exist at this point in time.

"Now, he probably won't want to play later" Georgie said and I gave him an apologetic look.

"Don't worry Mini Bill, I have a brilliant way of winning the silent treatment game" He said and Georgie smiled. 

"Bill, don't say anything...if I can take your jumper from your bag" He said and I bit my tongue so I wouldn't. He grinned and took the oversized hoodie that I was too warm to wear out of my bag. 

He pulled it over his perfect curls and swung his arms to the side, emphasising the sweater paws.

"Don't say anything if I can take your phone and do what I want on it" He said and my chest burned with anger as his hand slipped into my pocket to steal my phone.

He unlocked it because obviously to make life difficult I didn't have a password, well really because I let Georgie play on it.

He wore a michievous grin as he was messing around on my phone, which I eventually found that it was because he had changed all of my contact names and edited my instagram to: 

Bill the Windmill~The human equivilant of indoor kites.

Whatever the fuck that meant.

"Don't say anything if I can use your money to buy me and Georgie ice cream" He said, causing Georgie to cheer when I didn't respond. 

He reached into my pocket and stole a couple of coins before running off with Georgie to the ice cream van ahead of us to buy ice cream, like the demon he was.

"Don't say anything if I can look in your notebook" He said and I froze.

"Fine!" I shouted and he was taken back a moment before frowning.

"Awww, game over" He complained before smirking and Georgie pouted.

I hated him so much and I haged his little act whenever Georgie or my family were around. It was infurating. 

"Of course I'll meet your parents, not like I have a choice" I said between gritted teeth and he smirked.

"I'll text you" He said. Stanley hesitated a moment before passing me his ice cream, that I had been staring at since he bought it with my money. 

"Please don't" I muttered so only he could hear.

"Bye Bill junior" He said ruffling Georgie's hair who giggled, hugging him tightly.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᶜᵒⁿᶠᵘˢⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵉˣᵗˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃⁿ ᵉᵐᵒᵗⁱᵒⁿᵃˡ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏᵈᵒʷⁿ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

I woke up in the middle of the night, my eyelids that were drooping and leaden with sleep snap open as violently as if I'd been woken by a bucket of ice being thrown over me.

By the time my eyes are open my brain has become overwhelmed all over again as if it were all new, fresh, raw. 

My throat felt like sand, gritting inside of me and after a couple minites of debating whether I should get water and risk not being able to sleep for eternity or ignoring it and go back to ,sleep coughing up hairballs, I decided to go and get water.

The atmosphere around me was freezing, the biting cold chilled my fingers into clumsy numbness, cold seeped into my toes and spread painfully throughout my feet as my bare feet rested on the frozen floorboards.

I creped down the stairs, hoping that my sleepy self didn't forget which steps would creek, from the excessive hours I spent memorising that pattern as a kid so I could sneak around in the night.

I walked into the kitchen, ever sound amplified, causing me to shake. The kitchen tap, the hands on the clock, all possible deadly weapons according to my tired self.

After saving my throat from with water, I walked down the hallway peacefully. Well until there was a sudden crash.

I jumped back, turning around quickly to inspect where the sound came from. 

The living room.

I took a shaking breath, this was it the moment that I had been having nightmares about all my life. 

I was finally valuable enough to kill.

My body instantly switched dumb horror film mode and grabbed the telephone book to use as a weapon, advancing forward. It isn't a lifestyle, turns out it's an impulse. 

If I make it out alive I will be more considerate when watching horror films.

I slowly walked into the living room, cold floorboards,thundering heat beat and pink panther them in my head. 

My hands tightened the grip around the telephone book, I took a deep breath, turned the light on and screamed.

To only realise it was just my reflection. 

"Hello Mr Denbrough" The horrible seriens of The bitch said causing me to scream again.

Yes The bitch.

Ms Pennywise had appeared to have broken into my house, smashed a Muppets mug and made herself comfortable on an armchair.

"Wuh-w-what a-are y-y-yo..." I tried to say but failed miserably.

"This is a lovely picture" She said holding the picture of my family when we were on holiday. "Very cute family" 

I gulped watching her as she placed the frame back "Terrible if anything happened to them..." She muttered.

"What d-do you-" I began put she stopped me by raising her finger.

"Now, Mr Denbrough as you know, next week will be your first soulmate assement and in preparation for it, I'm inclined to do a little observing, to...how do I put this? Warn those who don't seem to be...trying" She said with a hideous grin.

"I-I don't k-know what your t-talking about"I said amd her smile only grew.

"I think you do Mr Denbrough, you see as a safety precaution, if a couple is not seen to be, perfect, we have to investigate. Obviously the system is never wrong but usually it's the beginning of a...revolution attempt" She said.

I shook my head quickly "N-no, everything is p-perfect" 

"You don't seem like most couples" She teased with a sing-song in her voice.

"I-I'm not c-comfortable with P-PDA, that's a-all" I stuttered, shaking.

"Well, it's fine, you will have your chance to explain soon...as just like every suspicous couple I have the power to move their assesment forward, to later this week" She said and my heart sank into my stomach.

"And I'd be flying with passing colours," She hissed "You know, if you want to keep taking cute photos like this" She purposely tipped the frame over and it landed on the floor, the glass smashing.

Without a moment's hesistation I dragged my feet away from the room, sprinting up the stairs and locking myself in my room.

My breath fell heavy and splurted in pools as her words sank through me thought. The air felt heavier and I watched as it drifted in and out of my lungs, cool vapor spiralling around me. 

I began pacing up and down my room, my pulse racing at uncomfortable speed, thrusting boiling blood through my veins and causing my palms and my head to drip with layers of cold sweat. 

My breath spiked through my chest, rising up and down though my raw throat, wincing in pain every time I drew a sharp breath. 

Contrasting strokes of darkness hovered before my eyes, spiralling around in patterns, speckled with warm sparks of light causing a pain to hammer against my head. 

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, I couldn't calm down. 

There was only one thing I did, I didn't even think. But the next thing I knew I had grabbed my phone and called Satan himself.

"Bill? What the hell...it's 2am, go back to sleep" He mumbled with a yawn.

"S-S-Stanley, s-she wuh-was here and sh-she t-t-thre-, sh-sh..." I tried to say through sobs.

"Bill are you crying ? What's wrong?" He asked.

"T-the b-bi- I m-mean, l-lady buh-broke i-in...i-in..." My stutter became even worse as I was getting even more annoyed.

"Ok, Bill just hold on a second" He said and the line cut dead. 

I dropped the the floor, leaning against the wall and brought my knees to my face. Using them to bury my tears.

ᵀʷᵒ ᵉᵐᵒᵗⁱᵒⁿᵃˡ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏᵈᵒʷⁿˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

There was a faint tap on my window before Stanley crawled into my room as I had left the window open, as usual. Inviting people in to murder me, as my parents called it.

Jokes on them I wasn't valuable enough, even to kill. 

A sudden cool touch, spiralled through my skin, relaxing my limbs and my decreasing my shallow breaths

"Shushh, it's alright Bill, calm down, it's ok" A soothing voice melted through my sound waves like the water streaming over rocks and pebbles in the river and slipped off the great drop of the waterfall, the whisper oddly like velvet, so comfortable and clever and the smallest bit tough. 

The cool stream enhanced the rest of my body, allowing the mist to fade so a pair dark eyes, flooded with an endless depth of ink started to flicker into focus, as my heart restrained down the eyes started to explore mine, revealing a hidden beauty inside them, just like the night sky reflecting the light to make tiny stars.

There were so many colours buried inside, protected and hidden away many a false impression of danger that only showed best through black. 

"Stanley" I whispered as my sight fully cleared and my breath was catching up with itself. 

"You're alright" He whispered, telling me rather than asking me.

Tears were still streaming down my cheeks, but at least I could still breathe. He dragged me back up to my feet. 

"What happened?" He asked and I felt my stomach clench.

"Sh-sh-she's gonna k-kill t-t-th..." I tried again, tears falling at a rapid speed. 

Stanley wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. "Who's going to kill?"He asked 

"P-penny wuh-wise" I said and I felt confusion draw on his face.

"The Selection lady?" He asked and I whimpered.

"S-sh-she was h-here" I hiccuped " A-and she t-threatened m-me" 

"Bill, I'm sure it was just a bad dream" He said and I shook my head quickly.

"No!" I shouted "S-she wuh-was t-there!" He looked taken back for a moment. "S-she k-knows a-about us" I explained "O-our assements t-this wuh-week" 

I hiccuped and he held my tighter. "Bill it was probably just a nightmare, if it makes you feel better you can explain better in the morning, you need to sleep" He tried to explain but I shook my head again.

"N-no, s-she'll come b-uh-back" I whimpered and he let go of me, holding my hand.

"Trust me, she won't" He sighed tiredly. He dragged me by the hand and urged me to go back into bed. I reluctantly let him, mainly because I was just so fucking tired. 

He pulled the cover over my shaking body. He stood up to leave again and I captured his arm.

"N-no, y-you have to s-stay this t-time. Y-you owe m-me" I said and he groaned heavily. He must of been really tired because he actually agreed, crawling under the covers and purposely brushing his cold feet against mine.

"Hey" I complained and he smirked. 

"If you snore, I will kill you" He said and I rolled my eyes.

Priorities.

"Y-you're hogging t-too much" I complained pulling the duvet closer to me before he pulled it back.

"I don't have to be here" He reminded me and I sighed heavily.

"F-fine" I grumbled, turning to my side. I closed my eyes and tried to fall back asleep again. But obviously as I had the focus span of a tiny carrot and instantly turned over again and again.

"Will you stop that?" Stanley hissed arresting my shoulders.

"S-sorry" I said and he sighed heavily. I thought for a moment "C-can you h-hug me a-again?" I whimpered and he groaned loudly.

"If it will stop you from moving around so much" He grumbled, and I smiled, shuffling over to him.

I nested my head into his chest. "So how do I do this?" He asked and I rolled my eyes.

"Juh-just put your a-arms around m-me" I said and he groaned, placing his cold arms around my back. I shuffled closer to him and closed my eyes.

"Well this is great, how am I supposed to sleep now?"He whined and I hit his head.

"S-shut up" I grumbled and I could feel him sigh. 

Eventually I fell asleep, having a 1 part scary 2 part plain weird dream. Well I guess that was the consequence of sleeping w̶i̶t̶h̶ next to the devil.


	7. The Fine Art Of Bullshit.

'THERE ARE WEIRDER WAYS TO WAKE UP'. I kept telling myself as I woke up with Stan's arm over my face as the rest of his body lay horizontaly over me. 

'There are weirder ways to wake up'I repeated as I groaned whilst trying to push him off of me. "S-Stanley, get o-off you s-stupid potato" I complained, trying a different method by trying to wiggle from under him.

He just yawned and mumbled. 'There are weirder ways to wake up' I attempted to convince myself as purposefully rolled over, causing Stanley to fall onto the floor.

"Hey" He grumbled as he hit his had on the floor, before closing his eyes and falling back asleep. 

World ending or not, Satan still sleeps.

I sighed heavily as I rolled over, my eyes instantly widening as I spotted the time on my alarm clock.

Shit, shit, shit.

"S-Stanley get u-up" I shouted jumping out of bed and hitting him repeativly.

"Noooo" He mumbled, ignoring me.

"I-It's a-almost nine!" I shouted shaking him by the shoulders and he sat up quickly, headbutting me as he did so.

We didn't have much time to dwell on it as we both ran around my room like idiots. "I don't have enough time to go home and get changed" Stanley panicked.

"J-just pick b-borrow some of m-my clothes" I said and he quickly ran to my wardrobe, tripping over a box of comics on the way.

"Uhh, your whole room increasing my anxiety to a whole other level" He said and I ignored him, picking up the cleanest clothes from my floor and changing quickly. Stanley was too busy raiding my wardrobe to be traumatised.

"How am I supposed to fit into any of these?" He complained and I sighed heavily, thinking for a moment.

"W-wear m-my big hoodie, I-I also have s-some shorts that are t-too big" I said picking out the clothes and throwing them to him. 

He looked like he was about to complain but then thought better of it, getting changed as quickly as possible.

"W-we have to g-go" I said running to my door and he tried to follow me but as he was pulling the hoodie over his eyes at the same time, he tripped over on the same box of comics.

He scrambled to his feet and we quickly down the stairs, Stanley tripping over the step as he zipped his shorts, sending me flying down the stairs with him.

"Boys...what the-" Dad began, gaping at us with a apron and spatula in his hand. 

We both groaned, pushing each other as we tried ti untangle ourselves. 

"Dad"

"You two had a sleepover?" Dad asked and we both ignored him.

"Dad"

"Shouldn't you be at school?"

"W-Where is S-Silver?" I asked shaking his shoulders like a maniac.

"In the garage" He said putting up his spatula in surrender. "I was fixing it for you after you crashed it into the dumpster truck" 

"T-thanks" I said running out of the door, with a confused Stanley running after me.

It would have been useful I guess if I heard him say "It still isn't fixed properly" before running off. But oh well.

As soon as I had managed to drag Silver out of the pit we just throw shit in to 'tidy' : the garage I sat on the seat and gestured for Satan to sit behind me.

"No absoulty not! What if we crash and we're late to school? I can't have a detention Bill, I will be murdered by my parents" He said and I didn't really think much about this being the first time I had seen him panic.

Again, priorities.

"Y-you wouldn't k-know" I suggested and he thought for a moment.

"Fine only because I don't want a detention" He said sitting behind me and holding onto the frame.

My knackered converses pushed of the ground, the spokes of the wheel soon blur, each strand together like my last two brain cells in my maths test last week.

The front wheel coasted to the right, left, right and then kept biting at the soft mud. Stanley seemed to have calmed down a little, his tense frame relaxing a little as the last trace of summer, brushing past us through the breeze.

I couldn't stop the smile that formed on my face as I felt Stanley's grip rest on my shoulder, tensing everytime we hit a stone or bump on the road.

Sadly like any slightly good thing that happens to me, it was ruined by which ever dick ran the universe that had a bucket list of misery made for me.

As I held the brakes to slow down whilst turning the corner, everything felt like it had turned to slow motion: The bike tilted to the side a bit too much, the tire skidded and the front wheel just decided to yeet it self off to another planet.

All I could think about as I my body was thrown over then handle bars and into a sandwhich with the concrete and Stanley was: how I wished the wheel had took me with it.

"Ow" I groaned as I rolled over and pushed my body off of the concrete that had sliced my skin open in several places. 

"Are you still alive Stanley?" I asked as I stood up, brushing the grit off of my jeans. Kinda hoping he wouldn't

"Inside yes" He said laying on his back and staring directly at the sun "But sadly no" 

"W-what the f-fuc-I mean w-what do we d-do now?"I asked and he groaned as he stood up.

"We're done for, we might as well jump of the quarry" Stanley said and I rolled my eyes. He was so over dramatic.

"W-We just need to t-think" I said picking up Silver who was going to be suffering from technical difficulties for a while now. 

"That's not your strong point" Stanley said and I scowled but then stopped before he could accuse me of pouting again.

"N-Not helpful" I said and he smiled sarcastically.

I looked around me, hoping that a solution would just magically appear without me trying to hard. 

"Bill" Stanley said grabbing my arm and dragging me closer to him. His fingers brushed my cheek and my forehead, which had been sliced open by the concrete. "You're bleeding" 

"T-That's usually w-what happens when y-you fall" I said and he sighed.

"You should sort that out when we get to school" He said stepping away from me. "Before it gets infected"

"Don't wuh-worry, I have a p-personal nurse" I said trying not to laugh as I imagined Eddie dressed as a nurse. "And wuh-what do you m-mean when w-we get to s-school?" 

"I just recognized the street, there's a short cut, I think we can get there in time" He said setting off but then stopping when he realized I wasn't following him.

"I'I'll slow us d-down" I said pointing at my knees which stung and burned under the exposed blood.

He hesitated for a moment "Fine I guess I won't leave you behind" He said reluctantly, really making this seem like a war-movie.

THE ADVENTURES OF SATAN AND STUTTERING BILL.

★★★★☆

❝The viewers managed to stay awake❞  
The Post

❝Not as long as most films❞  
Derry Mail

❝Stop daydreaming and get to school❞  
My common sense

I limped over to Stanley, trying not to hiss in pain as I did so. As we continued at the slow pace, but I could tell that Stanley was beginning to get impatient, but what else was new?

"S-Stanley it's fine, just g-go...you don't h-have to get detention, they wuh-won't suspect anything, y-you can leave" I said.

*Cue dramatic music*

"Bill, I can't it would suspicous if I left my soulmate injured" He said "Death is worse than detention"

"You can still make it, there's still time" I said.

He looked around and thought for a moment "Yeah there is, come on" He said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

He continued to drag me with him as he sped walk as fast as be could. But I guess since he probably had been skipping PE to watch birds, we weren't going that fast.

The time becames more limited as we got closer to the school. We coukd see the doors shutting from the distance so Stanley thought it would be a totally normal thing to carry me, making me feel a lot better about my weakness as he ran towards the door.

We managed to get into the school just before the bell rang.   
As soon as we were safe inside Stanley instantly dropped me, walking away to his life of solitude like nothing happened.

Seriously?

❝Dissapointing love interest❞  
Bill Denbrough

I sighed before making my way downdown...pace terribly slow because I'm dying. 

Staring blankly ahead just limping away to the lockers where my losers were.Making a way through the crowd of school kids who I hated.

"Bill, we thought you had died!We were about to send a search party out for you" Bev said quickly running to me and wrapping her arms around my grazed shoulders. "And it looks like you barely survived death"

"T-Thanks" I muttered.

"Trashmouth was litterally about to try and take over the news to broadcast your missing case" Ben said.

I could already imagine how that would go.

URGENT, STUTTERING BOY BY THE NAME OF BILLIAM HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED. EVERYONE DROP EVERYTHING TO FIND HIM, I WILL NOW PASS YOU ON TO EDS FOR THE WEATHER UPDATE.

"Bill, we need to get you cleaned up, you could get infection and then you really will die" Eddie said as he walked over to me, Richie instantly picking him up on cue so he could inspect my forehead. 

"Then get in there Dr K" Richie said in his terrible English accent.

"I can't be doing with the British guy right now" He said letting go of my forehead, causing Richie to place him back on the floor. "Come on Bill" Eddie said, gripping on to my arm and dragging me to the bathroom.

That boy may be small but he had a horrible death grip. 

I sat next to the sink as he got his portable hospital out of his fanny pack and pressed disinfection wipes against my forehead. 

"Ow" I hissed as he did so.

"Sorry" He said but continued to burn my forehead off anyway.

"So what happened?" He asked. 

"I'll e-explain when w-we're all togeth-ow"I said and he nodded.

"Just...tell me" He hesitated for a moment "It wasn't...Stanley who did this to you?" Eddie said, biting his lip and looking scared.

Part of me wanted to lie, but that part almost instantly disapeared. I shook my head "No, God n-no, S-Silver's down" I explained and he nodded, still looking a bit concerned. 

I wrapped my arms around the small boy "He i-isn't evil l-like that" I explained and I could feel him nod.

"Did you wash your hands Bill?" He asked.

"No" I said.

"Ew, then get off me then" He squealed, jumping back. 

I managed to survive the first couple of lessons, spending them formulating a plan on how I was not going to get my family killed.

By the time lunc time rolled in, I had a soultion. I sat in the lunch hall with the losers, writing down the rest of my plan.

I had invited Stanley to the lunch table and by 'invited' the invitation sort of looked like this.

Dear Stanley, 

You are invited to sit with us at lunch, food not included, if you don't come, Beverly Marsh will kill you.

Lots of love the Losers club.  
xx

"So Big Bill, what killed you this morning?" Richie asked and I groaned, leaning back on my chair.

Previously on:Chaotic Stupid.

All seemed tolerable as Stuttering Bill went to bed last night, he had almost managed to survive the whole night...no Richie, shut up. But then someone broke into his house, it was the bitch threatening to kill everyone if he failed his soupmate test. 

In the moment he called said soulmate to explain everything. He didn't believe him and he ended up staying the night...don't start Richie! But they both slept through the alarm, had to take Silver to school who was broken and ending up falling off her.

End music.

Episode 4: The one where there's an awakward lunch.

"Are you sure Pennywise was there Bill? Could it have been a nightmare?" Ben suggested and Stanley raised his brow, proving his point from past night.

"B-Because, she s-smashed a picture" I explained "I'll show y-you later"

"So what do we do now?" Stanley asked "I actually like Georgie, not sure how he's related to you" 

I rolled my eyes and the rest of the Losers gaped at him. "M-Meet Stanley everyone" I said and he smirked.

"T-The plan is t-that we learn a-as much as we c-can to bull o-our way through this" I said.

"Like a Big Bill trivia?" Richie asked and I nodded.

"E-Exactly" I said and Stanley thought for a moment.

"So we come up with a list of interests, and memorise them by tommorow?" He asked and I nodded.

"Sounds like bullshit to me" Bev said and Stanley scowled as she swore.

"N-No swearing" I said, gesturing to Stanley causing everyone to groan.

Stanley occupied himself with writting down his trivia facts, so things weren't too awkward. That was until Ben pointed out that we looked suspicous again and we were drawing in the attention of the Watchers.

Because apparently if you weren't entangled with your soulmate 24/7 you were rebelling. 

Government logic.

So Stanley decided to take a page out of Richie and Eddie's book, by wrapping his arms around me...without warning me first and pulling me on to his lap. 

I gulped as he did so, air becoming a foreign concept. 

Stanley continued to isolate himself from the conversation, using my leg to rest his paper on when he was writting.

I honestly thought we looked stupid, more like a ventriloquist act than a couple. 

I tried to remain calm and be part of a normal conersation but struggled as my thoughts were captivated elsewhere.

In the corner of my eye, Pennywise had appeared out of nowhere, like I only I could see her. She gave me a sly grin before disapearing into the corridor again.

Stanley rested his chin on my bruised shoulder "What's wrong?" He asked as if he cared about anything to do with me.

"N-Nothing" I said "I'm going t-to the b-bathroom" I slipped off of his lap and wondered across the hall, following the bitch.

*cue the pink panther theme song*


	8. *The Pink Panther Theme*

FOLLOWING in the bitch's footsteps was the last thing I could ever see myself doing. 

It felt like delibrately ignoring a conspiracy, like stepping on all the cracks on the pavement.

She never seemed to walk in a straight line, which was annoying as I felt like I was about to loose all functions in my knee caps, swaying back and fourth like a nutter. 

But then again, I was in no place to complain. I'm not sure I'm even straight anymore.

She eventually stopped at an old office which used to be abandonned before she arrived and give it a purpose.

Bingo, her lair.

I pretended to look intrested in the notice board as I waited for her to leave her lair, checking my watch ever so often. 

"Mr Denbrough" A voice abruptly interupted my spying causing me to fall over in shock. Because, you know that's the actions of the innocent.

"W-What- I wuh-wasn't..." I quickly stammered as I stood up, leaning against the wall and trying to recompose myself.

"I'm glad you seem very interested" The voice who turned out to be the drama teacher, Mr Maturin said and I widened my eyes.

"I'm s-sorry what?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and he smiled.

"The poster, I'm glad you seem interested" He said pointing to poster which I had been pretending to stare at: auditions for the school musical, Annie.

"Yeah c-can't wait" I lied, giving him a false smile.

"Hope to see you there" He said tapping my shoulder before wondering off inti the hallways, whistling. 

I decided to relocate my stakeout post, leaning against the lockers instead. As the time increased I began to grow bored so I imagined myself as a detective in one of the Agatha Christie books I loved.

𝙲𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴: 𝙼𝚂 𝙿𝙴𝙽𝙽𝚈𝚆𝙸𝚂𝙴 𝙰𝙺𝙰 "𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙸𝚃𝙲𝙷"

𝙱𝙸𝙾𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙿𝙷𝚈: 𝙾𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚜 𝚞𝚗𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚝. 

𝙾𝙲𝙲𝚄𝙿𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽: 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚕/ 𝙿𝚘𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚗.

𝙲𝚁𝙸𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙰𝙻 𝙰𝙲𝙸𝚃𝙸𝚅𝚃𝚈:  
●𝙵𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚞𝚙 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚢𝚝𝚎𝚖 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎  
●𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎.  
●𝙴𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚛𝚎 𝚎𝚡𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎.

Eventually she left her lair, probably to go and burn a cross or sacrifice a goat.

As every member in the hallway was staring at their phones, like the social society we were, I pushed open the door and snuck into the room.

It was accidently as I expected it to be, filing cabinents, pictures of children... trophies of her previous victims and pictures of cats...her evil minions.

I'm not sure what I was really looking for, anything really to explain to me why this whole system was fucked up. Anything to prove she was dodgey so I could blackmail her I guess. 

I crept over to the filing cabinents, opening the draws and flicking through the files, each one labelled with a student from this school.

I stopped when I spotted my name, I picked the file out and stared at it, hesistant. 

"What the hell are you doing?" I turned around to Stanley who closed the door behind him. "Have you gone mad?"

"I-I'm going to p-prove she's e-evil"I said and his eyes widened.

"By breaking into her office? Bill you're breaking the rules" Stanley said, panic clear in his voice.

"W-Why did you e-even follow m-me?" I asked.

"Because if you get in trouble so will I" He hissed walking towards me cautiously. "We need to leave, but that back" He gestured to the file and I rolled my eyes, knowing there was no way I was going to be able to do this with Stanley around.

This reminded me of a case I worked back in '45, where my partner was anything but a Sherlock Holmes.

"Bill are you daydreaming about being a detective?" He asked and I avoided his gaze. 

"No" I mumbled and he rolled his eyes. 

"You're so immature" He muttered and I glared at him before putting my file back, but my heart stop when another name caught me off guard.

"S-Stanley" I said taking a file out and turning it around. His eyes widened when he read the name.

Betty Ripson.

"That's not possible" He said leaning down to observe it. 

Betty Ripson was a girl who used to be in my English class. She was fairly tall and she had dark hair. She was incredibly sweet but after her sister was murdered by her abusive soulmate, she decided to make sure that her sister's memory was honoured. 

She started to fight and protest about what she believed in, freedom from compulsory soulmates. But tradegically as she did so she eventually dissapeared. Just like anyone who spoke their mind about this fucked up system did.

I quickly slipped off my bag and placed the file inside of it. "What are you doing?" Stanley hissed.

"S-Stealing it" I said.

"But that's stealing!" He hissed and I rolled my eyes. Uh I hated freaking out Stanley more than regular Stanley.

Before I could justify myself, there were a few hushed voices outside and the door open to reveal the bitch in a serious discussion with the head teacher.

I quickly stood up and she gaped at me. "Mr Denbrough, what the hell are you doing?" Her shrieks boomed through the space time continuem.

"Erm...is it t-too late i-in the year to s-say I got lost?" I tried and I could sense Stanley mentally face palm.

"Yes, detention both of you" The Head said and I swear Stanley almost collapsed.

"N-No, it isn't S-Stanley's fault he t-tried to s-stop me" I said and she quirked her brow.

"From getting 'lost'?" She asked and I nodded quickly. "Fine, detention only for you Mr Denbrough but if I catch you Mr Uris stepping out of line again, you won't be getting out so easy".

Stanley nodded, still looking faint. See that's the thing about this job, you always know the dangers, but you continue anyway for the good and safety of the people.

As for why I defended Satan, well I knew how much he was scared of getting in trouble. I'm pretty sure the idea of it is the only nightmare he's ever had. I knew he would never stop complaining about it if I got him in trouble.

Also, I made an oath to protect everyone, regardless. Even Satan. 

Too much? I don't think so.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᵇᵒʳⁱⁿᵍ ˡᵉˢˢᵒⁿˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

I sat in detention, tapping my pencil against the side of my desk...overthinking everything. From my birth to my present existance, as you do.

The only person to keep me company was Richie, as suprise, surpise he had detention too. 

And judging by his facial expression he had either: Talked shit to a teacher or got in a fight with someone because they didn't say that Eddie is perfect.

"Oh dear Billiam, what poor deed landed you 'ere old chap?" Richie said ruffling my hair as he sat down next to me, earning a 'shushh' from the teacher who he just winked at.

"B-Broke into the b-bitch's office" I mumbled and his eyes widened.

"YOU DID WHAT?" He shouted causing the teacher to shout at him again, he apologised and blew a kiss at them.

"B-Broke into P-Pennywise's office" I repeated and he gaped at me.

"Big Bill I'm not sure what has taken over you but I'm liking it" Richie laughed and I rolled my eyes. "Why?"

"W-Wanted proof she wuh-was a b-bitch" I whispered and he grinned.

"And did you find anything?" He asked.

I nodded "N-Not quite, but y-you remember B-Betty Ripson?" I asked and he raised my eyebrow to remind me to not be the dumbest person on the planet for just a moment.

"L-Look" I whispered, opening my bag so he could see the name on the file I had stolen.

"That's insane Billiam" He said "I thought all of her shit was taken to the police"

"A-Aparently not" I said "And i-it's been u-updated" 

He looked taken back for a moment, growing quiet for a moment, which was concerning for Richie because that meant he was...shudder...thinking.

"You think she knows something about it?" Richie guessed and I nodded. "And you want to figure out what so you can figure out if the system is dodgey?" I nodded again and he sighed heavily, thinking for a moment. 

"So you can prove Staniel is a mistake" He concluded, I opened my mouth to protest but thought better of it, looking down at my feet. 

There was no point in arguing, Richie was my best friend he knew me better than anyone. 

AND THE AWARD FOR THE SHITIEST PERSON OF THE YEAR GOES TO...BILL DENBROUGH.

Richie smiled "But whatever you decide to do, I'll stand by you, no matter what...so I'm also guessing you going to need some help Detective Denbrough" He said and I smiled.

"A-Always Detective T-Tozier" I said.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᵃʷᵏʷᵃʳᵈ ᵐⁱⁿᵘᵗᵉˢ ᵒᶠ ˢⁱˡᵉⁿᶜᵉ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

𝟭𝟮𝘁𝗵 𝗢𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟵, 𝟭𝟳.𝟭𝟱𝗽𝗺   
━━━ 𝗗𝗲𝗻𝗯𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗛𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱

It was just a regular evening at the retreat, radio on, cigarrettes, suspenders and Detective Tozier slowly losing his shit.

"It just doesn't make any sense"My partner complained, hanging his head in his hands.

"N-Never usually does, it's w-why it's a muh-missing case" I said exstinguishing a cigarrette in the ash try and resting my feet on the desk.

The case of Betty Ripson, poor kid. We weren't getting any closer, Richie had begun to make a crime board put of my old whiteboard. We had begun to make out way throught the stolen file, but it seemed to confuse us more.

You spend over ten years in the job and the divisions between good and evil start to blur, stealing to help people. Like an underrated Robin Hood.

"Last seen alive...in June? Bill she went missing in March" Richie said pacing up and down the room. 

"I-I'm aware" I said searching the text. "I-If they have h-her, w-why haven't t-they seen her s-since June?" I asked and my partner took off his classes and sat down opposite me. 

"Too many questions, not any fucking answers" He said lighting a cigarette.   
"Maybe they killed her?" He suggested. 

"T-They've recorded h-her real d-date of disapearance, d-different from the m-media. Why w-wouldn't they record her d-death?" I asked and he groaned. "E-Exiled maybe?"

"No they record that by law. Ha law? What do they know about that?" He laughed and I smirked, agreeing with him. 

"She j-just disapeared from the D-Derry parade" I said re-reading the facts again as if it would make it would change the fact that we were doomed.

It all reminded me of a case that I worked back in '32, where a child just disapeared in the park with only her-

"What the hell are you two doing?"An unimpressed voice interupted our investigation.

*record scratch*

"J-Just hanging o-out" I said trying to distract from the heat rolling off of my face.

"In suspenders?" Stanley raised an eyebrow, not impressed. 

"Fine you caught us Staniel, we were really talking about the amazing night me and your mom had last night" Richie said and I pinged his suspenderas Stanley gave him a disgusted look.

"You're looking at the file you stole, aren't you?" He asked and Richie clapped slowly.

"Well done Stan the Man, I now fear you're going to steal my job" Richie said and Stanley rolled his perfect eyes, like he did everytime anyone talked to him.

I quickly shut the file as he came to look at it, causing him to smirk. "W-What are you doing h-here?" I asked. 

"Your mum let me in, I came here to give you my list of facts and I was wondering if you wanted to go over them? But I see clowning around is more important to you" He said placing a piece of paper on my bed before turning around.

"S-Stanley wait" I said grabbing his arm, instantly letting go when he gave me a death glare.

"S-Stay, we will p-practice" I said and he gave me no facial expression, but didn't run away, so that's good I guess.

He hesitated a moment before, sitting down on the chair, staring at Richie's terrible crime board.

I got my notebook out of my bag and flicked through my trivia facts.   
"O-Ok, there isn't t-too much, h-here" I said, rubbing the back of my neck. At first he didn't respond, but eventually he snapped out of his daydream and turned to face me.

"Ok hit me" He said and I threw the book at his head. He scowled "Not litterally idiot" 

I rolled my eyes and sat on my bed reading through Stanley's facts.

"And I guess I'll...start a cult with Bill's staples" Richie said sitting on the floor, resting his head in his hands.

After reading only a few lines of an insight in Stanley's life I already wanted to throw myself into the sun. 

It really should be called: 

ɪᴛ'ꜱ ᴀ ʙᴏʀɪɴɢ ʟɪꜰᴇ  
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐨-𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲 𝐛𝐲 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐔𝐫𝐢𝐬

Includes fun and exciting passages about:

━Birds  
━Being tidy  
━Birds  
━Cleaning  
━Birds  
━ Music  
━More Birds 

I felt like I was about to drop dead, the only new thing that I learnt really was that he was Jewish and he loved music. Like really loved it, which was stange as I didn't think he was capable of having any strong feelings other than hatred.

After about an hour of trying to memorise these facts, we eventually decided to test them so we could finally make Richie feel important.

"Hello Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Soulmate Bullshit!" Richie said in a terrible voice, recieving a death glare form Stanley. 

"Ok Big Bill you are up first, what is Staniel's favourite thing to do on a rainy day?" Richie asked.

"R-Read a history b-book or do a puzzle" I said and Richie paused for dramatic effect.

"Correct!" He shouted changing the scoreboard.

Big Bill: 1

Staniel: 0

"Staniel, what is Bill's favourite book genre?" Richie asked reading from the cue card he made.

"Horror" Stanley said.

"Ding ding, point to Stanley" Richie said.

We continued this terrible game show for another hour until we all got bored and decided we should be fine for tommorow.

Life threatening or not, everyone seemed to treat all tests the same.

Stanley decided to stay over with Richie after he realized the time and didn't fancy getting murdered in the darkness.

The final score was:

Big Bill: 20

Staniel: 18 

Meaning that I had won and obviously I was never going to let anyone forget that.

"Cool wuh-what's my prize?" I joked and Richie laughed.

"More time with me, free of charge" He said and I pretended to cry.

"How about an answer to your questions on Betty?" Stanley suggested, leaning against the crime board.

I raised an eyebrow "Hit m-me" I said and he threw my notebook at me and I scowled.

"What if Betty wasn't kidnapped, what if she went into hiding...to protect herself from them?" He suggested and there was a moment of silence.

"Stan the man, you're really after my job aren't you?" Richie said and to be honest, he wasn't exactly wrong.


	9. Unexpected item in your bagging area: doubt

IF YOU EVER thought it wasn't possible to be kicked out of your own bed, at your sleepover, than you clearly have never had a Richie Tozier in your life.

Lucky you.

He was currently sleeping   
on my double bed, convering it's entirity like a demented starfish. Meaning that me and Stanley were sleeping on the floor, on   
polar sides of the room.

If there was one thing that me and Stanley agreed on, it was that Richie's snores was the sound that it would cause us both to run away to seperate parts of the globe.

"S-Stanley are you a-awake?" I asked and there was a moment of silence.

"No, I have been given the miracle of being able to sleep through that" He said "Of course I'm awake"

"S-Sorry" I mumbled.

"It's fine, I've already forgiven you for keeping the foghorn here" He said and hesistated for a moment "Because it meant that we weren't completly screwed for tommorow"

"A-Are you s-scared?" I askes and there was another moment of silence.

"I'm scared about many things" He said. 

"W-We could p-practise again, if y-you want?" I asked.

"That would be nice" He said.

I thought for a moment, or two "What i-is my f-favourite book?"

"Well this week, Silence Of The Lambs, but you said it changes all the time" He said.

"Correct"

"What's my favourite book?" He asked and I couldn't stop the smile slipping through.

"T-The Catcher Of The R-Rye, because y-you're a b-basic bitch and you d-don't like change" I said.

"There is nothing wrong with being a basic bitch Denbrough" He said and I pouted for a moment, imagining Bev smaking me with a book.

"W-What's the l-last thing we d-did together?" I asked.

"We went Jellyfish Catching and watched Annie" He said and I rolled my eyes, before realising he couldn't see me.

"S-Spongebob really?" I asked and I could sense him shrugging. "You're i-insufferable" 

"What is it about me that makes you happy?"He asked and I groaned.

"C-Can't even t-think of anything to l-lie about" I said and he laughed.

"Then make it up, like your ideal soulmate" He said.

"M-My ideal soulmate, w-would love a-all the same books as m-me" I said and he groaned.

"Is this because I refused to read horror?" He asked. "Petty move"

"No, j-just in g-general, b-because I have no one to t-talk to about t-them" I said.

"You do realise there is this thing calles Tumblr? Fangroups? They'll be plenty of people to talk to on there" He said and I felt my heart fall into my chest.

"Really?" 

"Would, I lie?" He said and I shook my head, one of my problems with Stanley was the fact he was always honest and most of the time it was hurtful.

"My i-ideal soulmate w-would like m-my art I g-guess" I said honestly.

"Would they be a girl" Stanley asked and without hesistation I shook my head.

"N-No, I get it n-now" I said "It i-isn't just b-because of the s-selection. I-I've just a-accepted it now" 

Stanley grew quiet for a moment "Are you sure you just haven't decided that because of the system? Wanting to deperatly believe it is right?How do you really know" 

"T-Trust me, I k-know when to c-criticise the system" I said laughing "But I k-know because of my first c-crush" 

There was a moment of silence, before I heard a shuffle of sheets and then Stanley walking across the room, laying next to me.

I instantly rolled to my side and he groaned. "No, you can't just drop that and not tell me" He complained and I tried to suppress my smile.

"N-Night" I said.

"No" Stanley protested, rolling me back to face him, I just giggled "Tell me"

"I-I don't think y-you've earnt enough s-soulmate points...if a-any" I said and he pouted. I thought he was going to give up for a moment, but then he began tickling my sides, and kissing me repetivly all over my face, on the cheek, nose.

"S-Stop" I said between pits of laughter, "I-I surrender" I yelped, pushing him off of me. 

I tried to catch my breath "F-Fine, it was the f-foghorn" I said and his eyes widened, he looked back and Richie and then back at me again.

"WHAT?" He asked and I laughed.

"R-Richie T-Trashmouth Tozier" I said, unable to stop laughing.

"Why? How? Why?" He said and I laughed.

"H-He's my bestfriend" I said and he looked unconfinced. "I-It's true, he's f-funny and k-kind"

"I hope you're lying" He said "That's mad"

It was true sadly, I had only realized it now...well more accepted it recently through my fun daily sessions of procrastination. 

"I-I used to get j-jealous whenever he wuh-would be close with a-anyone else" I said "E-Especially Eddie, I g-get obsessive, it's t-terrible".

I remember hating when he would make everyone else laugh, loving it when I could make him smile. I think I was scared of losing him as a friend so much that I sort of fell for him at the same time. If that makes sense.

"Nothing terrible about being obsessive" He said hesistating "So how'd you get over it?"

"Realisation, g-growing up. B-Beverly Marsh" I said and he fell into a pit of laughter.

"Beverly Marsh?" He asked "The slut?"

"D-Don't you e-ever say that!" I snapped and his grin fell, looking taken back at my anger "I-It's not true, and y-yes Bev. E-Everyone had a crush o-on her at some p-point" 

Silence threaded around us, my thoughts still abusing me about Stanley's remark. You could be a saint for all I cared but as soon as you insulted Bev...see you in hell.

Uh, this was a mess, all of this. I shouldn't have to deal with this. I should've been given someone who loved and cared for me, hell while we're at it I should've been given the option to choose who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I felt like the Selection just threw me into a bottomless pit, labelled with:

WELCOME TO HELL, YOUR HOST: STANLEY URIS.

If it wasn't for this fucked up system I wouldn't be here, hating myself even more for not being able to be loved by even my fucking soulmate. 

I would be next to someone who loved me, was nice to me and wouldn't insult me and my friends all the fucking time. I wonder if Stanley could ever be matched with someone who liked him, or if he could even love them back.

"S-Stanley, what w-would your ideal s-soulmate be like?" I asked and at first I thought he wouldn't answer but then he did.

"Smart, I guess. Enjoy bird watching, obviously, someone who loves music as much as I do" He said and I rolled my eyes, always about the music with him wasn't it? "Someone reserved, wouldn't talk all the time, so I wouldn't have to either" He added, and I could feel his piercing glare.

"Boy?" 

"Obviously" He said and I raised my eyebrow. I wasn't sure how he could be so confident knowing this, but I guess as he was just so disengage from society as a whole, hiding from the world behind his headphones, it was easier.

"I d-don't get why y-you're so obsessed with music" I said trying to fill the awkward silence and there was a moment of silence, where I had hoped he had died of shock but sadly he didn't.

"Bill Denbrough how could you say that? Don't you listen to music?" He asked and I rolled my eyes.

"O-Of course like a-albums in the car s-sometimes but not c-crazy like you" I said and he gaped at me.

"You don't even like have a playlist on your phone?" He asked and I shook my head. "For like different moods?" I shook my head again.

What use would that be? I was only suffering from one mood recently, so my playlist would look a bit like this:

NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL DEPRESSION.

I Am  
Jorja Smith.

Dead Inside  
XXTENACION

because my

Soulmate  
Lizzo

Hates Me  
OTHERLiiNe

Because I'm Me  
The Avalanches.

That's Why  
The Cave Singers.

My Life  
Tame Impala

is

Mediocre At Best  
Sorority Noise.

"I don't think I could ever be near you again" He said before thinking for a moment. "Write this down for our next fake date, I'm making you a playlist, or we'll fool no one" 

There was a moment of silence again, my thoughts slicing my head with the one pain I had settled tonight.

"S-Stanley can I ask you a q-question?" I asked and he quirked his brow.

"All you've been doing is asking questions, but go on then" He said.

"W-Why do y-you hate me so m-much?" I asked and his eyes delved into mines, his beautiful fucking eyes.

"I hate the idea of you, the fact that I have to be with you, if that makes sense?" He said and I nodded "I hated you before I met you theoretically, I want to be able to choose who I'm with and to be honest I don't want to be with anyone...I'm not the relationship type, but they don't think if that do they?" He asked and I shook my head.

"You and your friends are loud and talkative, it makes me uncomfortable. You in general are just too...how do I put this? too much for me, you like reading, writting, art and for someone who can't deal with people...it's difficult. But if I'm being honest, you're annoying, you always think you're right, you are too over dramatic and way too petty" He said and my jaw dropped.

"A-Am not" I protested and he gave me an unconvinced look.

"Yes you are, you're so childish, I feel like I'm babaysitting you. Everything has to be about you and why you're annoyed, I've been with you for a couple of days and all it has been about is you complaining about basically everything" He said and I frowned "I can't deal with people, you're way too much of what I fear, sociable, dramatic and too many emotions...it's difficult" He said staring at the celing. 

I felt a little relief, even though he just revealed he hated my existance. But like I said before, I could tolerate this if he just hated humanity as a whole, I was just too...Bill for him. I didn't really know how to feel.

"I-Is there anything you c-can tolerate about m-me?" I asked and he rolled over to face me, "F-For the test o-of course"

There was a long silence, and he just stared at me...trying to think of something to say.

Ok, ouch.

"You care about your bother a lot" He said "That's sweet" Well thanks, most people care about their siblings, wow this hurt more than I thought it would.

He hesistated again "You...erm...you are passionate about things, like reading, that's cool I guess" 

I sighed heavily "S-Stanley thanks f-for trying but just l-leave it" 

His lips fell into a frown "I like your smile" He said after minutes of silence. "I get jealous of how happy you can be sometimes...your eyes match your smile, it suits you" 

I stared at him, completly frozen "I like your stutter I guess" Wow he was running out of things to make up, I tried to stop him but he continued.

"It's different, it makes whatever you say sound important. No matter what's trying to stop you, you make the words come out anyway...doesn't matter what they are,must be important if you have to go through a that effort without giving uo" He said.

It was like there was no more air left in the world. And I was gasping, and I was panicking. But internally, like my heart wasn't breathing but my lungs were fine.

I stared at him, trying to think of something, anything to say. But there was only one things that occupied my thoughts as I stared at him.

"I love your eyes" I said not stuttering once "But I hate that they belong to you" 

And for the first time in days I felt a new item, fall into my head: doubt.

About what I wasn't sure, I just knew it was there.

And I wasn't sure what it was supposed to mean.


	10. The Perfectionist And The Procrastinator

I WOKE up feeling more shit than usual.

Well that's a slight lie. I felt alright, well as good as you could do for a school morning, until I checked my phone.

Reminder: Test that determines whether or not your family is murdered, is today.  
&  
Don't forget that we've run out of milk.

It was awful, I wanted cereal this morning and I hadn't realised until after I had got everything ready. I hated checking my reminders too late and getting dissapointed.

Oh and the stupid soulmate test was today as well. Or really: To be exiled? or Not to be exiled?

Stanley had been unusually quiet this morning. I wasn't sure it if it was because he was annoyed about the milk or the test.

Richie was sadly, loud as normal. Making even more bad jokes than usual, which annoyed Stanley more but made me feel grateful. I knew he was only doing it to distract us from stress.

We rode to school in silence, stopping by Stanley's house so he could get changed and ready for school.

The school halls seemed quieter than usual, I think it was because I already felt exiled...isolated in my own thoughts and fears.

"Hey Bill" Bev said wrapping her hands around me. "You're going to be ok, I promise" She whispered in my ear and I gave her a small smile. 

"T-Thanks Bev" I said and she grinned, before placing a small peck on my cheek. 

Richie gave me another hug, keeping his arm around me. I leaned into his touch, not wanting to let go, as if when he let go, I would loose everything.

"You too Stanley" Bev said and he gave her a small forced smiled. "Everything is going to be fine" 

I wanted to scoff, she wouldn't be talking to him like this if she found out what he said about her last night. But then again she probably would've, she's Bev.

Stanley's eyes penetrated me as we stood there for another five minutes, something was bothering him, more than the test. "We should go and practice in the library" He said quietly and I nodded as he interwhined our fingers, dragging me away from the safety of my friends.

We didn't practice in the library, instead he just sat there nervously tapping his fingers against his knee. Eventually I had had enough, I grabbed Stanley's bag and took out his Walkman, because he had to be retro and shit.

I placed his headphones on his ears and prayed that whatever tape was already in the deck was something relaxing and not AC/DC or something. 

Thankfully that seemed to be the case as the fear in his eyes seemed to fade and he stopped tapping his fingers against his knee. 

I breathed in relief, sitting back on my legs. His hands cupped my cheeks, tracing circles across them. My eyes widened as the heat rolled off his skin, electricty spiralling beneath my skin.

His gaze fell into mine, searching for something. What, I didn't know but he seemed vunerable up close, fear flickering beneath his eyes like a lighter that Bev used all the time.

"I can't loose them" He said and I nodded, unsure of what to do or say to make this any better.

I rested my forehead against his, it was something that Richie would do often whenever I was stressing out about anything. 

Once upon a time it used to make me want to kiss him, but now it felt like a comforting gesture between best friends who cared for each other more than anything.

It was neither for Stanley, it just felt dangerous. I was unsure how to confort him or even talk to him every single fucking day, it was tiring. 

He closed his eyes, relaxing in the touch. "You're a good person Bill" He whispered and I almost thought I imagined it. "I don't want to ruin that for you" 

"Y-You won't" I whispered back "If a-anyone will it w-will be me" I didn't want push Stanley for any more complimants, I just wanted to make him feel better. I knew he was just scared and vunerable, this wasn't who he was, he was just terrified.

He reached for my hand, squeezing it firmly, before releasing them to place his headphones over my ears."It helps" He said and I nodded, allowing the music to flood my ears.

"Cause all of the stars  
Are fading away  
Just try not to worry  
You'll see them some day"

I closed my eyes, as the lyrics surrounded me. Calm down Bill, try not to worry. 

I looked up at Stanley, usually an intimidating painting that scared me, but he looked peaceful and safe. 

And for some reason, I didn't want this moment to end.

Beep Beep I quickly snapped out of my trance and looked down at Stanley's watch that had obviously had an alarm to make sure we weren't a second late.

We quickly jumped back from each other, I bit my lip, cursing Stanley's stupid watch for giving me a mini heart attack. I set a mental note to remind me to not be so harsh with Richie, that shit was annoying.

I quickly returned his headphones, and he took them in his trembling hands, he eyes drawn to the floor.

I leaned forward and brushed his perfect curls out of his eyes and I gave him a reassuring smile. He tried to return it but he was clearly conflicted by the fact his hair had been moved. 

I dropped my hnd and he quickly re-adjusted his hair. I made another mental note not to do that again, apparently it wasn't reassuring at all. 

He cleared his throat, recomposing hinself. "Come one, we have a show to put on" He said with a fake smile. 

I captured his hand and dragged him from him his chair into the corridors. We sat nervously in the chairs outside the bitch's lair. Stanley had put his headphones on again, which I didn't mind until he spotted the Watchers and leaned his head on my shoulder, the plastic of his headphones digging into my shoulder.

Part of me was tempted to let him fall asleep so I could ditch him, because yes I could be that petty. But I thought better of it, running away wasn't going to help anyone.

I sat there awkwardly, trying not to push him away, ignoring the pain in my shoulders. 

"William Denbrough" The bitch hissed and I felt my whole body begin to panic. Fear burning beneath my skin, I squeezed Stanley's hand, indicating for him to let go, before standing up and walking slowly into her lair.

"Take a seat" She offered kindly and I wanted to throw up somewhere. She passed me a contract to sign as I sat down. So I just to gave consent for her to send me away if I didn't pass this, as you do.

"Ok, let's get started shall we? Are you excited" She sang and I raised my eyebrow at her, which she just ignored. "What is Stanley's favourite colour?" She asked, man this was so patronizing. 

"B-Blue" I said "Like h-his favourite bird, the m-moutain blue b-bird, he s-saw one on h-holiday when he was e-eight" Her expression stayed neutral scribbling notes down on her notebook.

"What is a flaw about him?" She asked and breathed heavily. Don't rant, don't rant, don't rant.

"He's a p-perfectionist" I said calmly "W-Which is usually f-fine, but s-sometimes it's a-annoying like the o-other day he r-rearranged all of m-my pens, t-twice" I tried to suppress the smile out of this absolute bullshit.

It sounded like something he would do and to be honest he looked like he wanted to whenever he was in my room. 

She continued these questions for the next twenty minutes and answering them with the the least bullshit wasn't as difficult as it seemed.

"Why don't you guys seem like an affectionate couple?" She asked and tried to laugh at this.

"Because S-Stanley doesn't l-like to bring a-attention to himself. H-He isolated h-himself from e-everyone before t-the Selection" I said and she thought for a moment before writing something down. "B-Before you forced u-us, making u-us feel u-uncomfortable" I muttered under my breath and I wasn't sure if she heard it or not.

"Ok, so what is it that you love about Stanley?" She asked and I froze, Sound convincing, sound convincing. 

"W-When I f-first saw him" I began, and she nodded. "I s-saw how p-perfect his eyes were, l-like really b-beautiful. I d-don't know if you've s-seen them...but t-there f-fucking-" She cleared her throat and I apologised, my cheeks burning.

"He's s-sweet, and k-kind" I lied, looking down at my feet. "He d-doesn't make f-fun about my s-stutter, in fact h-he made me f-feel better a-about it" I said honestly, a small smile creeping through my lips. 

"H-He's nice to G-Georige" I said "M-My parents love h-him" I sighed heavily, feeling a bit of pain in my chest at the thought of my family, my eyes pricking with tears.

"H-He was the o-only one who b-believed me about-" I quickly stopped myself, her gaze deadly and tormenting.

"P-Pinapple, being g-good on pizza" I lied, cringing as I did so, knowing very well that Stanley was the kind of person who would dispise it. 

I thought back to the night when he held me in his arms, sure he was annoying about it. But he made me feel safe.

Beep, beep, The bitch's timer rang and I felt a pool of relief wash over me. Wow she and Stanley had something in common.

"Well, William that's all we have time for, I must for such an...awkward pairing you two do seem happy. I'll lay if your case for a while" She said and I smiled.

"But I suggest that you also lay of my case for a while too, words cannot describe how unpleasant I can be" She whispered and I nodded, quickly scrapping my chair back and running out of her lair.

As soon as I was as far away as possible, I leaned against the nearest wall and breathed. It felt good to just fucking breathe again.

I couldn't do this anymore, I needed to get out of here. My mind couldn't rest, she knows, she knows, she knows about Betty Ripson. 

I didn't think twice before running through the school my breath fell heavy and splurted in pools as I tried to ignore my thoughts. 

The adrenaline saved me before I could think, pushing me out of the building and onto the streets. 

Running and running, my breath trying to come to a rest. I stopped as it began to settle again, pacing across the water drain. Again and again, until there it was. 

Hello air, where the fuck have you been? 

I collapsed onto the floor in relief, staring up at the setting sun...not caring that my eyes began to water. 

Suddenly there was a loud crash, followed by a 'Ah fuck'. 

"Richie, you should be in class, why did you follo-" I groaned as I rolled to my side, immediatly freezing as I did so.

That wasn't Richie, I quickly pushed myself from the ground and ran over to the pavement where someone had fallen off their bike and was lying on the floor.

"Are you o-ok?" I asked and the person groaned.

"I guess so" He said and I gaped at him, 

His eyes were the hue of the same curtain that spreads throughout the black expanse of this amazing universe. They are made from atoms born in the brilliant stars, twinkling through his smile.They were like two pristine stones of onyx, that lit up with a purple flare when touched by candle light.

"Y-You d-don't l-look it" I said gesturing to his bleeding knees, head  
and arms. Stupid, fucking Stutter.

"I should be fine" He said nervously brushing the grit off of his sleeves

"C-Can you g-get up?" I asked and his smile fell as he tried to ppush himself off the floor, but winced.in pain as he struggled to bend his knees. 

I sighed and offered my hand to his, which he gripped as I pulled him up. "Thanks" He said as he limped over to his bike. 

"Y-You sure y-you'll be able to r-ride that home?" I asked and he nodded before sitting down on his bike and hissing in pain.

"I'll be fine" He said with a small smile but as soon as he pressed his foot down on the peddle, he pressed his brakes and pushed himself off if his bike. "Nope"He said and I laughed.

"D-Do you need h-help getting home?" I asked and he quickly shook his head.

"No" He said, beginning to panic but the cleared his voice "I can't go home"

"O-Ok" I said "But y-you need to c-clean up, b-before you die of a-an infection" 

He laughed "I'm sure I won't die" 

"Y-You will" I said seriously "I h-have a n-nurse as a f-friend". 

He rolled his eyes and I thought for moment, "Come on then" I said gesturing to the front seat of his bike, he tilted his head confused. "C-Can't let you bleed to d-death" I said and he hesistated.

"Why would you want to help me?" He asked "I don't know you" 

"B-Bill" I said reaching for his hand and shook it. 

"Connor" He said and I smiled. 

I pressed my foot on the peddles, the autumn sun rested as a shawl, comforting, as I pedal onwards the breeze, welcoming as sunset air. 

In that way, with steady sunlight warmth and wind to cool, my eyes were bathed in the passing scene, able to see the rich natural hues laid all the more bright by closeness to an open sky.

"So how do I know you aren't going to kill me?" He asked, his voice coarsed through my body, from my back of my shoulders,where he had rested his head.

"E-Even I wouldn't g-go through all of t-this effort to k-kill someone" I said 

He was quiet for the rest of the journey and I generally thought he had fallen asleep. I pulled up in front of my house, and helped him off his bike. 

Turns out he hadn't fallen asleep, I wrapped his arm around him and helped him through the back door into the kitchen. 

He sat on the kitchen island as I found the first aid kid. He stayed quiet as I rolled up his ripped jeans and cleaned his scarlet cuts, only wincing slightly when I placed the anti-bacterial wipes on his cuts. 

"Y-You don't talk very m-much do you?" I noted and he looked down at his hands and shook his head softly.

I lifted hid chin up slightly, so I could clean his bleeding chin. "Thanks" He simply whispered softly and I smiled, causing his eyes to melt into mine. 

"He s-speaks" I said and he smiled awkwardly, looking down amd trying to hide the rose colour that reached his cheeks.

"All d-done" I said cutting the bandage and tying a knot tightly causing him to hiss in pain.

"T-Thanks" He said moving his leg from side to side. 

"So w-why aren't y-you in s-school?" I asked, and he shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't have any friends, no point" He said, looking down and picking at the holes in his jeans.

I titled my head, confused. He sighed heavily. "People don't talk to me...because Henry Bowers is my cousin" He said and I froze. 

"Oh...t-that's nice" I said awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck. I can't believe I just invited the spawn of Henry Bowers.

"There it is" He said pushing himself off of the island and began to leave, I quickly caught his arm.

"D-Don't you h-hang out w-with them?" I asked and he gave me a disgusted look.

"Are you mad? No wait...they're mad, that's why I avoid them, they tried to kill someone at the kissing bridge. I tried to stop them, now he won't talk to me" He said, pouting and my heart sank.

This could be a trap, he could have thrown himself off his bike. 

"S-Soulmate?" I asked and he shook his head.

"I-Idiot, got himself a-arrested because of H-Henry. Happy t-though, he w-was mean" He said, eyes drowning in sorrow. "Can't get a new one, 'till death do us apart'" He scoffed.

"S-System sinks" I said and he nodded.

"Fucked up" He said and I smiled, someone finally agreeing with me. 

"Y-You can hang o-out with me and the l-losers if you w-want" I suggested and his smile fell, causing my heart beat to increase thundersly. 

"I'm not sure, would you even want me around?" He asked, nervously.

"W-Wouldn't of asked, if I d-didn't" I said and he grinned sheeplessly

"Ok" He said, blushing.

I captured his arm, rolling up his torn sleeve, carving numbers into his skin. A move I had stolen from Stanley. He looked shocked, clearly his throat when I let go.

"C-Call me i-if you a-at school t-tommorow, and I-I'll find you" I said and he nodded, still looking shocked...like this was the nicest thing someone had ever done for him.

"Thanks Bill" He said and he smiled, he hesistated for a moment before quickly wrapping his arms around me. 

At first I was shocked, but then I quickly returned the gesture, wrapping my arms around him. 

He let go of me and stepped back, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 

"D-Do you n-need help g-getting home?"I asked and he shook his head.

"I don't want to...I can't go home, not yet" He whimpered and I nodded.

"D-Do you w-want to go to t-the aracade?" I asked and he smiled.

Look at that, I have the ability to make friends.


	11. How To Run From The Mess You've Just Made

"YOU DID WHAT?" Richie's voice pierced through my skull. 

I rolled my eyes at his reaction. But then again, I couldn't complain...it could be argued that I could be a bit over dramatic from time to time. 

"I i-invited someone to t-the arcade w-with us" I repeated and his eyes widened as it did the first time I said it.

It wasn't a big deal really, there wasn't much to do in Derry so it was either the Arcade or the quarry. If Derry had a honest Wikipedia entry, it would say something like:

Derry, Maine.

Derry is a miserable town in the shittiest corner of Maine... place so glum that not even my Nana knew what it was and she had lived here for fifty years. It has never been featured in Location, Location:escape to the country as everyone wants to escape from Derry not to.

It is filled mainly with white people over the age of 130. Me contributing heavily to the multicultutral aspects of the town by great uncle's cousin being half Irish. Come here to be an undertaker, otherwise don't bother.  
See also:Hell, Pit of Satan, the Abyss, Purgatory.

"At least you want to be here" Stanley said as he walked into the room. I rolled my eyes.

"N-Not with you I d-don't" I said with a petty smile and Richid whistled.

"Ok, fine before we there is yet another lovers quaral from our favourite dysfunctional couple..." Richie began, me and Stanley turning to give him an annoyed look. "Could you tell us where we're meeting the rest of the losers?" He asked.

"A-Arcade" I said and he nodded. "The k-kid whose j-joining us is u-upstairs, n-needed to borrow c-clothes" I explained, Richie looked like he was going to make a comment but thought better of it when both me and Stanley gave him a death stare.

"Hey Richie, I need to talk to Bill for a moment" Stanley said and Richie rolled his eyes before walking off to the next room.

"S-So how did you d-do?" I asked and he sighed heavily before grinning.

"My Bill trivia was perfect, of course" He said and I rolled my eyes. "Said we seemed happy blah balh and they can't wait to see us at the Winter Formal"

Oh yeah forgot about that, the stupid fucking Winter Formal. 

Derry High's hottest club is:Winter Formal

A wonderful opportunity to stand around awkwardly and stare at your phones in corners. Whilst the PE teacher acts a Dj, playing terrible music too loudly so no one can speak. 

Price: Enough to remind you you're poor.

For Soulmates Only.

This place has got everything: food, awkwardness, the town bully with a knife and human ambulances. 

Human Ambulances  
/ˈhjuːmən/ /ˈambjʊl(ə)ns/  
noun  
It's where you get an Eddie in bright red shorts to force everyone on the road to move out of the way, with his hesterical sieran due to a medical emergency.

Obviously I have never been, I wasn't really planning on going either. I usually only went to these sort of social situations if there was food. But I was not paying that much ever, not even for food.

"What about you?" He asked and I held my breath.

"S-She's off our c-case" I confirmed and his grin grew. "But..." I added quickly, causing him to frown. "She k-knows that we k-know about Betty" 

He shook his head, dissapointed "I told you not to take that stupid file Bill" He reminded me "This isn't some YA book where the adults are stupid...Bill, she's always watching us" 

"I k-know Stanley" I said "But if I w-where Betty, I would w-want to be found" 

He hesistated for a moment before tilting his head back and groaning. "I hate you so much, why do you have to be so...poetic?" He grumbled and I smirked "Fine, if you're doing this, then I guess I'm going with you"

I smiled "Y-You've grown to c-care" I said and he looked offended.

"No! No I haven't, I couldn't care less what happened to you" He stammered and couldn't stop laughing at his reaction. "They'll connect both of us anyway if you're caught, which will happen on your own because your usless" 

I tried to catch my breath inbetween pits of laughter. "S-Sure" I said and a faint smile slipped through his lips before it disapeared again when Richie returned.

"Ok, lovers time over...time to give me immense therapy to get over the trauma of runnjng into this guy in the corridor" Richie said, gesturing to Connor with his arms like Will Smith.

"W-Well, C-Connor this i-is Richie my b-best friend and S-Sat-I mean S-Stanley, my soulmate" I stammered awkwardly, Connor grinned at Stanley who just gave him a small, fake smile.

"Bill, you could have warned me it was him who you invited...I thought I was going mad, reliving my worst nightmare" Richie, who had been scowling at him this entire time, said.

I gave Richie a confused look at he sighed, pushing his thick glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Do you remember when I told you about the incident in the arcade after we got in that fight last summer?" He said and I nodded.

"D-Dic- I m-mean idiot, t-that you were flirting with and t-then they o-outed you to B-Bowers because they were a c-chicken" I said remembering how much it fucking angered me.

"Well, volia" He said gesturing to Connor and my eyes widened.

"Why?" I asked and he bowed his head in dissapointment.

"It was before the kissing bridge incident, but that was when I was planning on ditching them anyway...but at the point I still relied on him so much. I know it was selfish and stupid, I'm sorry Richie" Connor said and Richie was still pouting.

"Please tell me you aren't seriously thinking about forgiving him...after everything he did to Richie?" Stanley asked and we all turned to give him a confused look.

"B-But you hate him" I reminded him and he shrugged his shoulders.

"But now I need an excuse to hate Connor, so I love Richie now" He said and I rolled me eyes.

"I-It's up to Richie" I said and Richie thought for a moment.

"Well first of all, you should know that I have an amazing soulmate now. He's the cutest person on the planet and I've been in love with him since I was eleven" He said placing his hands on his hips "I also fucked your mom after Bowers kicked me out of the arcade..." He thought for a moment.

"I get it, accepting that you'd rather fuck Eddie's Dad than his Mom is difficult...but it doesn't excuse shitty behaviour, trust me I know" Richie said "You can come with us, but you're not a loser..." He began to leave the kitchen.

"And neither are you Stanny the manny, my bestfriend deserves nothing but to be treated like the angel he fucking is...so watch out" He warned before attempting to disapear dramatically, failing miserably when he couldn't figure out the lock on my door.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᵃʷᵏʷᵃʳᵈ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

"HE DID WHAT?" The losers screamed and I rolled my eyes.

"Billiam has invited a new chum with us in this fine afternoon" Richie said in his awful English accent. "Not only that...he's the cousin of Bowers!" 

"Oh the bitch from the arcade?" Bev asked and I nodded.

"WHAT?" An angry Eddie yelled, pushing passed his taller friends and running uo to Connor "You are in big trouble, you stupid, irresponsible, selfish-" 

"Ok Eds" Richie said walking up to his smaller soulmate.

"Cowardly, unloveable, piece of-" Eddie continued as Richie pucked him up and removed him from the scene before he ripped the boy's eyes out.

"Nice to meet you all too" Connor said and I scrunched up my face as I cringed.

This was one of those moments when I wanted my life to my like a video game from the arcade, so I could die and restart all of this.

BILLCRAFT.

PLEASE SELECT YOUR CHARACTER:

STUTTERING BILL

STRENGTHS: READING AND WRITTING, SARCASM  
WEAKNESSES: SOCIETY, REALITY AND STANLEY URIS.

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█████▒▒▒▒▒ 30%

Level 1

I gave Mike a desperate glance and he sighed, he was always the one who wanted to keep to peace, compromise. "Guys, if Bill wants to invite a dick to the group and Richie is ok with it...then I guess we can aswell. That doesn't mean we have to like him but it also doesn't mean we can be rude" Mike said causing everyone to groan, but they murmed in agreement anyway. 

I gave Mike a small smile, squeezing his shoulder. He returned it but gave me a look to inform me that he doesn't agree with this. 

He wrapped his arm around Rue, his soulmate who I hadn't found the time to meet yet. You don't have to remind me, I know I'm a shitty person.

"Come on guys, let's go and have some fun" She said with a big grin "Or is Tozier too scared I'm going to beat him at Streetfighter?" 

"Never!" He yelled giving Eddie a piggy-back and running into the arcade.

Connor gave me a small shrug before following us into the arcade. 

𝙾𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎: 𝚃𝚛𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚟𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎.

𝙴𝚊𝚛𝚗 𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜.

𝙻𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚊𝚠𝚔𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜.

Rue had won every single game of Street Fighter much too Richie's dismay, but he later found his new calling by becoming and I quote a "Basketball Bitch" by lifting Eddie up (even though he didn't need to) whi threw the balls in the hoop.

Ben and Bev spent more time than it was healthy, playing Mario Cart. Rue and Mike had beat the shit out of Pacman and some zombies.

I did manage to drag Bev away from Mario Cart for a couple of rounds on the dance game. Our favourite, that we use to olay most days after school.

"You're getting sloppy Denbrough" She said as she won yet another round, I rolled my eyes inserting a couple my coins.

"H-Haven't had the practice, y-you're too busy w-with Romeo" I said jumping on both of the side arrows and spinning around.

"I'm sorry Bill if I want to spend time with my soulmate like everyone else does" She said laughing. "Speaking of soulmates, you should probably find Stanley, there's Watchers everywhere" I groaned as she won yet another game, letting her retire as reigning champing as I went to find Stanley. 

Stanley had occupied himself by standing awkwardly at the side of the arcade, looking around him like a lost puppy...I mean a socially awakward kid.

"H-Hey you a-alright?" I asked him, as I guessed that was loving soulmate thing to do.

"Don't really like video games" He muttered and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. 

Of course he doesn't.

Awkwardness: -2 points

But then the strangest thing clicked in my head, a moment worth a bell ringing as my Stanley trivia knowledge had now become a superpower.

A usless one, but was still there.

"N-No you don't" I said and he raised his eyebrow at me "There's t-too many p-people here" He studied me for a moment, his fucking perfect eyes alining with mine.

He looked down before nodding. I looked around me, I reall didn't want to go back home, but I knew Stanley was uncomfortable.

I slipped my hand into his "I h-have an idea" I said and his lack of snarky come back, informed me of how bad he was feeling.

I dragged him away from the busy scene and into the only thing that seemed empty which was the photobooth. 

I shoot the door behind us, drowning us both in darkness. Vibrant light from the screen reflecting onto both of our faces, giving us life.

"I-I can leave" I informed him and he shook his head, removing my hand from the door handle. 

Time rolled ocer us, straining under the pressure as Stanley stared at the floor, focusing on his breathing. I took his hands in mine and guided him to take a seat, as he was too lost to do so himself.

He remained in silence, clearly struggling through whatever thoughts were consuming him. I rested my hand on his shoulder "H-Hey, come on S-Stanley" I whispered.

It's only when his gaze fell into mine did I realize how close we were. His breath filled mine, brushing my cheeks, stealing the air out of my lungs once more.

"So what do you do in these things?" He whispered, looking up at me.

I quickly pulled my gaze away from his tradgically and I placed a couple of coins in the machine.

"S-Smile for the c-camera" I said "I guess we h-have to put on a s-show" But we both didn't look at the camera, getting only half we there by grinning at one another.

I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and quickly leaned against him, our cheeks pressing togther as we smiled.

Stanley gave me a peck on the cheek for the next one, I dropped my arm from hik and we both just stared at each other, clearly lacking further creativity.

But that wasn't the best idea as my eyes were inevitably captivated in his. My eyelids strained under the magnetic impulse that lured them towards two bottomless pits of melted sunlight that speckled beneath the dark pools of volcanic ash, hovering around the brim of his pupil. 

Breathe Bill, fucking breathe.

The billowing clouds of this volcanic ash enveloped me, sending sparks of burning heat and lust through my body, contaminating my mind of any common sense or self respect.

I could feel my heart trying to fight it's way out of my chest and my breath hitched slightly as he slipped his molten arms around my waist

Breathe

A current of electrical fire swept through my body as he brought me closer to him, our faces just inches apart and our eyes connected once more, his overflowing with waves of desire and lust, sending a current of electricity across my skin.

Everytime he breathed, he stole all the oxygen from my lungs.

His head tilted and lips parted as he lowered his breath slightly. My frozen body had melted through his movement, my eyelids fluttered shut and I felt my head tilting slightly to fit his.

The fladh of the camera burned through my eyelids and Stanley's grip remind on me even though he let go.

"I think that's a wrap" He grinned and my ears burned as he moved away from me. He stood up and open the door of the booth, I followed him slowly, trying to recompose myself.

What the fuck just happened?

He observed the photos that had been printed out "Wow we look like we should be on a romantic comedy with these" He said smiling "Especiallg you Bill, I think you've stolen the show here, you may make a decent actor"

Awkwardness: -1000 points 

I rubbed the back of my neck nervously, "Y-Yeah acting"

"I'll stick mine of my notebook or something, that look convincing" He said folding the pictures and putting them in his pocket. "If we had actually done ot that would've been more convincing but...I guess I respect your decision on 'not wanting to kiss someone who doesn't love you'" He said and I sighed heavily.

Awkwardness: -10 points.

Why was this getting even more difficult?

"I-I'm going to go and p-play some shi- I mean s-stuff" I said walking away from him, trying to recollect my breath. 

I walked over to the teddy picker and lead against it. "Hey you alright?" Connor asked joining me. 

I gave him a small nod and he leaned against thr glass as well, meeting my gaze. "Is Stanley giving you a hard time?" 

I gave him a confused look. How did he figure it out? We we that obviisu? Oh shit we were going to die?

"Sorry, I' just paranoid all the time. Since my soulmate was..." He trailed off and I nodded, relaxing a little.

"H-He's just a bit..." I lowered my head to whisper in his ear "D-Difficult sometimes" 

"I get it, that's normal I guess. No one's perfect. But I'm just ao fucked up since my soulmate that if I ever got a chance with anyone else I couldn't even make one rude comment...I would never but anyone through that" He said, and I smiled.

"I'm s-sure you're a g-great soulmate" I said and he grinned shyly, a small blush spreading across his cheeks.

More than Tolerable: +100 points

"Do you want anything?" He asked gesturing to the teddy picker and I quickly snapped out of my trance, and nodded, pointing at the small bear.

He nodded and turned back to the machine. He bit his lip as he concentrated, pulling the lever and watching as the bear fell through the bottom of the machine.

He passed the bear to me and I smiled, hiding my cheeks by holding the bear close to me.

"T-Thanks"I said and he smiled. 

Suddenly I had my life temporary removed as a pair of lonv arms wrapped around me from behind me. I screamed, but then realized it was Stanley and then screamed again.

"Hey, we should get going now" He said placing a small kiss on my neck as I recovered my soul from the shock.

"Where?" Me and Connor asked at the same time.

"Well we need to do you know what, Nancy Drew and you also have to meet my parents before there is a noose" He said and I sighed before agreeing reluctantly.

I guess it was time to see who was responsible for summoning Stanley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about late update, I have exams after Christmas so really busy because my school have a weird way of celebrating Christmas  
> Thanks for all the kudos, much appreciated.❤


	12. I came, I saw, I left.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stanley decides to take matters into his own hands, Bill dreams a revolution.

SEE THE THING about Stanley was, although he didn't like being in social situations and you know, talking to people...he didn't like being ignored either.

That's what I had put it down to, the fact that he had isolated himself to an extent that others isolated him. It didn't help that everyone knew how much he hated me so didn't really want anything to do with him.

He cycled far behind us. Until we both left the group to cycle to his house. He cycled far ahead of me then, didn't talk to me until we reached his house.

"Ok, here are the ground rules...meaning if you break them I will crush you to the ground"He said and I rolled my eyes.

"Number 1:Just smile amd agree with everything my parents say" He said and I nodded.

"Number 2: No matter what happens, if my parents mention anything about the trip to France last year change the subject or throw yourself out of the window....don't say I didn't warn you"He said and I nodded, slower this time.

"Number 3..." He began to pace "If my parents ask you anything about Bar Mitzvahs or Shabbat just smile and nod like I've taught you everything" 

"S-Should I start w-writing this down, how many are t-there going to be?" I asked and he glared at me.

"And finally...no swearing, making jokes about drinking, sex or violence" He said seriously "I know you're not Richie but I can never be to sure"

"Y-You're the one who d-dragged me here, calm d-down" I said and he sighed heavily before slipping his hand in to mine.

"Go on, I know you want to say it" He said and I grinned.

"W-We've got a show to p-put on" I said giggling and this time he let the smile fall through, wrapping his arm around my waist.

Stanley's house was litterally just how I imagined it. Really, like I didn't believe we had the ability to read minds or predict the future...but this completly changed my mind.

Should I write a conspiracy?

BILLS STUTTERING TRUTHS.

▶️My Soulmate is Satan, change my mind.

▶️Pennywise can teleport.

▶️People can read minds.

"Hey Bill, stop daydreaming" Stanley said pulling my closer and squeezing my side.

I sighed and nodded, unsure whether that was possible or not. We walked through the spotless living room that actually looked like one of those model rooms from Ikea.

"Mum, Dad?" Stanley called as we wondered through the kitchen, which again looked like people didn't live here at all.

Apart from a broken...I want to say washing machine? Next to the kitchen island, with pieces and parts smeared all over ever end of the floor.

"Dad?" Stanley asked and there was a light curse of 'oh flip' when the man wacked his head on the...dishwasher?

"Oh hey Stan" He said crawling out of the machine and taking off his kippah to rub the back if his head. 

"What's going on?" He asked.

"Well the washing machine broke-"

"Yes!" I yelped and they both turned to give me a confused look. My cheeks burned and I quickly tried to defend my self "I j-just won a b-b-bet with myself....c-continue" I said.

Great, humilating yourself infront of my future in laws....

Wait. I conpletly forgot, I WILL HAVE TO MARRY STANELY!!??????

"Well so as you know it's been broken for a while now and your mother went to go to the shops to buy supplies so she could fix it...you know as I'm.not 'brilliant at diy' well I said I probably could so we had a bet..."

"And you are currently losing that bet" Stanley said.

"Yes, yes I am" He sighed and Stanley giggled.

"Stan I didn't know you were friends with Bill Denbrough" His Dad said and my heart fell through my chest. "I'm good friends with your father and..." He continued and I gave Stanley a death glare causing him to clear his throat.

"No Dad...Bill's my soulmate" Stanley said and if you were wondering what that loud thud was, that was my heart landing on the floor.

His grin grew wider "Aye, I was wondering when we were going to meet your soulmate Stan, we thought they had run off" He said wrapping a arm around me and Stanley.

"Quick Bill, I'll distract him and you run" He said and a smile grew on my lips. If only he wasn't joking.

"Haha"Stanley said and his Dad ruffled his curls. As soon as he was released, I quickly helped him sort them back as quickly as possible before he had a panic attack.

"Right,I'm going to have to hide this...from your mother, and cook some dinner...Stanley you can take Bill to your room I guess, keep the door open though, or maybe closed because I don't want to see anything, or open so you won't do any-"

"Dad!" Stanley hissed "We're 16, don't worry" He assured him, causing his Dad to sigh and let us go.

Stanley's room was...litterally as I expected it would be. Books 

The room looked like an unfinished painting. So much of the canvas was still perfectly white, as if waiting for the artists hand to return. Books were neatled pressed against each surface, nothing sticking out or falling out of place. Everything sort of just, fit like a perfect puzzle.

I really didn't want to walk in, my pressence alone seemd to be disorganized. There were books or birds but not nearly enough birds to be...well Stanley.

"Did all the b-birds fly o-off?" I asked and he laughed nervously, still unsettled with my parents.

"I guess I would love to have pictures of all my favourite birds around...but I've never found any that I liked or you know...fit with what's comfortable" He said staring at the walls.

I nodded, before sighing "I guess...I c-could, p-paint some" I suggested my cheeks burning crimson "S-So they l-l-look like w-what you want" 

He tilted his head, thinking for a moment, looking back and fourth between the walls and me.

"That'll be nice...but you can paint right?" He asked and I grinned.

"'Course" 

When he seemed to relax a bit more, I wondered around his room, inspecting and being drawn to random things.

"Bill..." Stanely began, hesistant. I hummed in response and he walked over to me. He held his breath fro a moment.

"W-Wha-" He cut me off by quickly wrapping his arms around me. At first I was shocked, but then I quickly melted into his touch.

"Thanks" He whispered and I nodded.

"What f-f-for?" I asked, even though I had already figured it out, I just wanted to hear him say it.

"You know..." He began "Helping me in the arcade, with my room and before the test, even with my hair" He laughed and I smiled.

"I-It's alright" I whispered and she his head against my shoulder.

"I could never be as kind to you...I'm sorry, but I want to help you" He said and I sighed heavily.

"S-Stanley, I don't want your h-hel-" But he cut me off again, his soft, chapped lips grazed my jaw. Heat rolled off his lips as he dragged them across my skin, onto my neck.

I couldn't speak I had no fucking clue what the fuck he was doing, but I let him do it anyway. The warmth wondered everywhere, pools of heat flooded my neck, my cheek and crawled onto my shoulder.

My blood boiled beneath my skin, with the same electric pulse that fuelled my anger. His lips never met mine, thank fuck.

My skin burned under every touch, my breath became spluttered and rasped. Then everything stopped and I could finally breathe again.

W-W-W-What the actual f-f-fu-" I tried to say still struggling to breathe, je smiled innocently like he hadn't just done...that.

"I owe you" He said simply "Pennywise isn't after me anymore, but hopefully now she won't be after you anymore now...don't cover your neck tommorow but do now" He said and I groaned as he passed me a turtle neck hoodie to put on.

"G-G-Great" I mumbled already dreading tommorow, fuck what if people thought we were too much? "Y-You should of w-w-warned me" 

"I'm sorry" He said, fiddling with bottom of his shirt. "It was all I could think about during the arcade...when you helped me, that you were in a lot more trouble then I was. I knew I couldn't help with being tolerable or a decent soulmate but I guess I could seem more romantic" He said and I nodded, my fingers tracing my skin. I gave him an unconvinced look, still not too happy with the whole idea.

"It doesn't count Bill" He said "It's just for show"

"A-Ask me n-next time" I said and he nodded still looking guilty. I mean if he just wanted to make it look more than it was, why was he so...electric?

"I promise" He said "And I'm sorry, and tommorow after school me, you and Richie are going to look over that file and we're going to find Betty"

I nodded, smiling slightly, I tried to thank him or ask why the fuck he was doing all this but there was only one thought that contaminated my mind.

"W-W-Where did you l-l-learn how to do...t-that?" I asked, my fingers still brushing the traces of his touch.

"I've read books" He said.

I shruggedy shoulders "S-So have I" I muttered, wrapping my arm around his neck and pulling him closer.

"W-What are you doing?" He asked, panicking.

"Same a-as you did" I said, he hesistated for a moment, before nodding and closing his eyes.

I pressed a light kiss on his cheek before scraping the surface of his shaking skin, a trail down to his neck. His breath falling out of place, slightly disorganized.

Suddenly the door burst open I Stanley quickly pushed me away, suprising us both when I went flying across the room.

I was kind of hoping I would land in the closet, for metaphoric reasons because he might as well of.

"I have witness enough to be traumatized for a life time" He said and that's when I found out where Stanley got his sarcasm from.

"Dinner's ready" He added becore disappearing out of the room. 

"I'm so sorry...again" He said helping me up and I rolled me eyes before groaning.

"G-Great now i-it's going to look like..." I trailed off, heat rushing to my cheeks.

"Like what?" He smirked and I drew my gaze away.

"N-Nothing" I mumbled and he laughed.

"Go on" He said and I groaned. 

"N-Nope" I protested.

"Tell me" He said even though he very well knew what I meant.

"L-Looks like I w-w-was the one getting-" Luckily I was interupted again by Stanley's dad, telling us that the food was getting cold.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᵃʷᵏʷᵃʳᵈ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ ᵒᶠ ˢᵗᵃⁿˡᵉʸ ᵐᵃᵏⁱⁿᵍ ᶠᵘⁿ ᵒᶠ ᵐᵉ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

The dinner was going suprisingly well, mainly because Stanley's parents were doing most of the talking. 

"So Bill, I must say I'm suprised...you haven't run away to Neibolt since you've been paired with Stanley" He said and I gave him a nervous laugh whilst Stanley rolled his eyes. "What's stopped you"

I thought for a moment "W-What isn't?" I said and his mother smiled "H-He's perfect" I simply said continuing to eat. It wasn't a lie either, Stanley was textbook perfect woth good grades, clean and organized.

But that's what made him so fucking dull as well, like where was his personality other than being rude and paranoid?

"Well we're glad, Stanley didn't really talk to many people before you...do you hang out together with your friends aswell" His mother asked and I looked at Stanley, allowing him to answer the question.

"Yes, we went to the arcade earlier, we took pictures" He said taking the pictures from the photobooth out of his pocket...aka empiracal evidence of my utter humiliation.

"You two are the cutest" She gushed before giving the pictures back to Stanley. 

"I knew you would love eachother this much. It’s practically impossible to not love your match on day one. The maths doesn't lie."Both of his parents laughed together whilst I wondered if they were in love with each other at first sight. 

Growing up this whole system always seemed like a fairytale but now I was starting to wonder. "We actually had someone drop out of the program about an hour ago. Such a sad thing to see people give up on love." I took a shaking breath and Stanley squeezed my hand. 

"Have you two started planning your future together?" She asked causing Stanley to choke and for me to spit out my drink.

I guess that was a no.

Stanley gave me a look and I cleared my throat. "Well...w-we don't want to r-rush into things..." I began as it seemed like the safest bet. 

"That's not ehat it looked like upstairs" Mr Uris said earning a wack from his wife, turning both me and Stanely's cheeks bright.

I cleared my throat again "I-It's difficult with the s-school pressuring us, n-not fans of PDA" I added and they nodded.

"We'd probably move in together after uni" Stanley said, "Probabaly marry later on, not sure about kids, yet but a dog is a proirity" Although Stanley was just improvising, I couldn't breathe, his words were painting my future, our future, deep into my mind. It was all I could see.

I couldn't do this, I couldn't let my life be run by stupid fucking Pennywise. I couldn't live with Stanley for the rest of my life.

I needed more exitement, more lust. Somone who could make me feel like the books tell you, someone who I knew I would love instantly. Anything but the forced civil love I had with Stanely. 

I wanted a hurricane and an adventure. People should be able to choose, to choose wrong, have bad break ups and learn from exes rather than being dragged into a spiritless relationship that wasn't even a relationship. 

I knew it was selfish, but it wasn't just me. Everyone had to have freedom, even Stanley who didn't even want to be paired with anyone. He was fucking uncomfortable with relationships, which is understandable because it's not for everyone.

But now he has to suffer through even more anxiety and paranoia of doing things he doesn't want to do, being close and caring with another being when he can't even do that for himself. Being connected and indepth with a stranger when he struggled with human interaction in general, even with his family. 

I knew I had to fix this amd I knew some how that by finding Betty, she would help us a great deal. I also knew that by teaming up with Stanley and the Losers, especially Richie...we would be less likely to die trying.

So I prayed, wished that night. To who, to what I didn't know. 

Dear whoever isn't sleeping.

•Someone just give me the best fucking romance in the world, with the best adventure and greatest soulmate.

Lots of love Bill

x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things seem to be heating up, boil the tea.


	13. Bed And Breakfast At The Trashouse

I WANTED TO SLAP my past self for thinking that was insecure. Because compared to having to experience every moment after waking up today...that wasn't insecure. This fucking was.

I crashed into the morning with a sharp breath, blurry sight and rising chest. The aftermath of a chaotic dream that was haunted by the ghostly touch of a certain curley hair boy.

I lay on my back, staring at the celing in relief when I realized it was only a dream. However things took a fun turn when I went into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and screamed.

The traces of Stanley's touch were imprinted onto my skin, threads of the night sky, spirals of purple, deep and embedded with lust. I tried to steady my breath as my fingers traced them.

I closed my eyes, the rush of yesterday evening flooding beneath me. I just liked the intimacy, I had read about it before. That was it.

I groaned heavily as I pushed the fabric of my shirt off of my shoulder, hoping that there would be an end.

I quickly got changed and ready for school 'don't hide it' Stanley's 'brilliant' plan wouldn't leave me alone, reminding me that I couldn't ignore it. Because then it would've have been all for nothing.

I tried to run out of the house as quickly as possible, trying to avoid my parental unit. 

I almost made it as well, but I got to the door before "Bill" The sound of defeat blarred in my ears.

"Yeah" I said trying to sound more calm and collective then my thoughts.

"Aren't you going to have breakfast?" My Dad asked.

"N-No, I'm g-good" I quickly said, running out of the door. 

"Well that was weird" I didn't here my mum say.

"Eh, he's young and in love, how much on that Stan was over last night?" My Dad replied.

Thank fuck I didn't hear that, if I did I would probably be even more pissed.

I was greeted by a wolf whistle and the British guy when I met with Richie on the kissing bridge. "Looks like you had a good evening, my fine fellow" He said and I rolled my eyes.

"I h-had a regular e-evening" I mumbled and he laughed, throing his arm around me.

"Sure you did Billiam" He said with a smirk.

"J-Just try not to make a b-big thing about it, d-don't want to draw t-t-too much attention at s-s-school"I said and he laughed.

"Don't think you need my help for that" He said, ruffling my hair.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ʷᵒˡᶠ ʷʰⁱˢᵗˡᵉˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ⁱⁿˢᵉᶜᵘʳᵉ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

"Woah, what happened you, Juliet?" Bev said leaning against my locker.

"W-Why can't I be R-Romeo, w-why am I always the g-girl?" I complained, trying to distract from the question. 

"He is gayer" Ben agreed and Bev smirked.

"Anyway what did you do last night then?" Bev asked.

"J-Just homework" I said and Bev gave Ben a smirk. 

"Hey everyone" Stanley appeared out of nowhere to bring a new colour to my cheeks.

"Hey homework" Ben said, causing me to choke amd the rest of the Losers to laugh. 

Stanley titled his head to the side, confused before his gaze scraped the surface of my burnt cheeks, causing a smirk to play on his lips.

"Hey Bill" He said walking over to me, making be jump as he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me from behind.

"H-Hey" I said, my heart beating thunderously.

"How's it going?" He asked his lips brushing my cheek.

"E-Enough of that" I whispered and he laughed. "I'm d-doing ok" 

"That's nice, but I mean is it working?" He asked, his smirk resting next to my ear. 

"W-What do you t-think?" I mumbled, giving a small glance to the Watchers who had seemed to find a new target. 

He smiled "Budge over" He said and I scooted across the bench, letting him sit next to me. 

Stanley gave me a knowing look and I sighed "D-Dective Tozier" I said quickly grabbing Richie's attention away from stealing Eddie's lunch. "M-Me and Stanley are going to y-y-yours" I said and he gave me a confused look, until you could visibly see him joining the dots together.

"Ok, thanks for the warning, I guess Detective Denbrough" He said "Love third wheeling".

I rolled me eyes, resisting the urge to inform him the only thing he would be third wheeling was awkwardness.

Stanley fingers interwhined with mine and I froze, dropping my sandwhich from my mouth.

I cleared my throat and tried to recompose myself. "N-No can s-s-see under the table" I said and he smirked.

"I know" He said and my eyes widened before I turned away, hiding my burning cheeks.

There was a moment of silence before it was obviously broken by no other than Richie.

"And I've got an evening of this" He said gesturing between the two of us and I quickly looked down at my food, as if my sandwhich would help me from humiliation.

Spoiler alert: It didn't.

Although Stanley's hand was in mine, I didn't feel safe. Mainly because for once there wasn't anyone watching us, something was off.

Like where the fuck was Pennywise?

I didn't like the idea that she was busy doing something else. I mean she couldn't have hobbies, she wasn't human. Unless her hobbies included torturing children.

Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't saying she wasn't allowed to ruin other people's lives and not just mine. But I thought what we had was special.

What the fuck was I even saying?I clearly needed a hobby.

"Hey" Stanley whispered, drawing my attention "You ok, you've been destroying your sandwhich into tiny pieces...I'm not sure why I just suddenly related to it, but I did" He said.

"I n-n-need a hobby" I mumbled and he gave me a confused look.

"Yeah no kinding" Richie said "Is getting annoyed at Stanny no longer a good way to pass time?" 

I rolled me eyes, I needed new friends.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᵇᵒʳⁱⁿᵍ ˡᵉˢˢᵒⁿˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃⁿ ᵃʷᵏʷᵃʳᵈ ʷᵃˡᵏ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

"Ok Staniel, prepared to be amazed" Richie declared as we walked up to his bedroom door "Welcome to the Trashouse" 

Oh God, if Richie really did open a hotel it would be the top line of my suicide note.

"Over here we have the shoes all over the floor, stuff that missed the bin and I think that's...a hairball from a cat, we don't own a cat" He said and Stanley looked like he was about to pass out.

I had already mentally created my review on Tripadvisor.

THE TRASHOUSE.

★☆☆☆☆

>The place is an appropriate area to spawn a Richie through a ritual consisting of trash and bad jokes. One star because despite of this I fucking love him more than anything.

"Ok" Richie said flipping over his whiteboard to reveal a crimeboard he had also been making in his spare time. "Detective Denbrough, and Staniel, Betty Ripsom aged 16 was last seen at the parade, next to the statue and then was never seen again" He said pointing to the picture and lighting a cigarrette.

"Can y-you not?" I said and he ignored me.

"So how did she disappear?" He asked.

"Through the crowd" Stanley said "She could've easily hidden, there were hundreds of people all the way up to the church. I know that because I cried, too many people" He said and I gaped at him.

I didn't even know he was capable of emotions.

"And if Staniel's theory is going to work? Where would she go next?" Richie asked.

"She couldn't have gone anywhere on the streets further than that without being picked up by the camera unless-"

"S-Sewers" I said and they both turned to look at me "Tunnels t-through the whole of D-Derry" I explained adding the word onto Richie's board.

"I guess so" Stanley said.

"And that's why you're my partner" He said throwing his pen to the ground dramatically 

>Over dramatic host.

"B-Ben has a map of a-all of it, they all l-lead to the w-w-well house" I explained.

"So we'll drag him with us to the swers tommorow?" Stanley suggested and we both nodded.

"We could bring the rest of the Losers, make it a couples get away" Richie said and I laughed before I caught Stanley's unimpressed look and then dropped my smile into a frown.

Suddenly the silence was interupted by my phone ringing, which made me jump as that was unusual...no one ever called me.

"H-Hell-"

"William" My mother's voice rang through my ears, muffled in a desperate sob. My heart started beating out of my chest.

"Y-Yes" I said.

"Where the hell have you been?" She asked.

"At R-R-Ri-Ri"

"Are you on your own?"Her voice cracked.

"N-No, with Stanley and R-Rich-"

She let a heavy sob "Come home now, quickly" She whispered desperatly.

"W-W-Why? Wuh-W-W-W-?"

"It's Georgie...he's gone missing" She said her words piercing through my chest, sharpened and crafted through misery, shattering my entire existance in one movement.

The phone dropped out of my hand and I crashed onto the floor, my world crashing with me. Richie wrapped his arms around me, everything crumbled completly as I fell to the floor into a abyss of despair. 

The remaining shards and tears of my heart binding together into one cold, rusting, emotionless blanket that began to choke my chest. With sharp edges and nails digging into the sides of it. 

I squeezed my stomach tightly as I rolled to my side. The world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. The taste. The smell. Everything was just gone. 

The pain came out like an uproar from my throat in the form of a silent scream. The beads of water started falling down one after another, without a sign of stopping.

Stanley pulled me up, wrapping his arms around me and I instantly burried my self into him. His fingers brushed through my hair, his other hand tracing circles on my back.

My breath began to slow down a little, falling sooth. Until it clicked and I remembered how this had fucking happened in the first place. I quickly pushed him away from me, a little harder than intended.

"No!" I screamed at him, causing a confused and hurt expression to fall on his face. "T-This is all y-your f-f-f-f-fucking fault!" He winced as I swore.

"Bill-" Richie began, trying to defend him.

"I-If you w-were just f-f-fucking capable of l-loving me, like s-soulmates are s-supposed to, t-then t-this would have n-never happened!" I screamed between sobs, hiccuping.

"Bill..." He began, walking towards me and brushing away my tears with his soft touch.

I pushed him away again "No!" I screamed. "I hate you...everything about you, you're a mistake" I said calmly, not stuttering once.

A slight moment of pain scraped along the surface of his face, but dissapeared the moment he came, he gave me a long look with his perfect fucking eyes before nodding and walking out the door.

The hurricane that entered and destroyed everything had just left, leaving me deserted on the wastelands of the remaing damage.

Anger burned under my skin like steam, the fuse that he had lit so long ago, the one I trying not to light had been burned out and relit by pain and anger. 

Venom screamed and encircled me until I finally exploded throwing my phone across the room in rage. 

I collapsed again in Richie's arms, buring my face in Stanley's hoodie.   
I had just lost everything. 

And I felt nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, and the angst.Hehehe


	14. A Day In The Life Of  A Terrible Human Being

YOU DON'T have to tell me, I already knew. 

I was completly fucked.

I spent a good hour or so, curling up into Richie and sobbing everything I had out. He cried too and it was all a very sentimental moment in our relationship.

His fingers would run through my hair, over my back and across my cheeks. I would stutter something unaudiable and he would agree with me.

He didn't have to tell me wither, but I knew he thought the way I treated Stan was wrong. I knew he was right, but it was all too fucking much.

Georgie was gone. Stanley...I knew what I said was fucked, the only lie being that it was his fault.

It wasn't his fault, I knew that. If I were him, I wouldn't love me either. I couldn't hate him for being reasonable. 

"Bill..." Richie said running his fingers up and down my arm. "It's getting late, you need to talk to your parents, they need you now Bill" 

I hiccuped, wiping away the tears with the fabric of his jeans that I was resting my head on.

"I c-c-c-can't" I said and he sighed, wrapping his arm around my waisf to pull me up so I could lay next to him on his bed. 

"What you said to Stanl-"

"I k-k-know" I mumbled as he pulled me tighter.

"No, not that. I mean about him not loving you, Bill that isn't his fault, we all have just been forced to be with someone who we don't know and expected to be perfect. Don't get me wrong I fucking adore Eddie, but the thing is, I always have done. I got lucky, Stanley has barely had any friends, he doesn't do intimacey. That doesn't mean I can tolwrate the way he treats you Bill, but I understand it. And I know you do too, it isn't his fault, you know whose fault it is" He said wiping the tears from under my eyes, even though they just fell back again.

"G-G-Georgie..." I hiccuped and he nodded, tears slipping down his eyes.

"I know Billy, I know He said, pressing a small kiss on my forehead. "We're going to get him back, I promise, we're going to destroy this system" 

"W-W-W-What if h-h-he's..." I began and he shook his head quickly.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence...Bill he's alive he has to be. We're going to find Betty and she's going to help us get him back. But you know who else is going to help us? Stanley" He said and I whimpered.

"He h-h-hates me e-e-even more..."I protested and Richie squeazed me tighter, our cheeks pressed together in a tight hug.

"But he likes Georgie...so what are you going to do about it?" He asked.

I sighed "F-F-F-Fine..." I said, sniffing and Richie gave me a sad smile as we both sat up, giving me a small hug.

"You k-k-k-know I kind of w-w-w-wish you were my s-s-soulmate now" I said and he laughed, pecking my nose.

"If I were you soulmate Bill, I wouldn't be disappointed but my heart belongs to my beautiful Eds" He said and I gave him a sad smile.

"I love you Bill, and in an alternate universe, maybe" He said "But believe me when I say I will do everything I can to make you happy, whether that is destroying the system to bring back Georgie and let you fall in lpve with whoever you want or if it is murdering Stanley, I'll do anything for you" He said.

"I don't u-u-u-understand, why the f-f-f-fuck would you want to do t-t-that?" I asked and his eyes widened.

"Why wouldn't I? Look Bill Stanley isn't the only person in the world, the Losers fucking adore you. In 5th grade who lied to the teacher when I got stuck up in a tree even though you didn't know me?" He asked and I sighed.

"M-M-Me" I whispered and he nodded.

"Who listened to every one of my bad jokes, years ago there brilliant now and didn't complain once?" He asked.

"Me" I sighed.

"And who is willing to take down the system, that has been forced in this society since the ancient times, for his littlr brother and someone who hates him?" He asked again.

"The l-l-losers club"I said and he grinned, cupping my cheek with his hand, I leaned into the touch.

"We love you Bill, I love you. You're my bestfriend, and you're my brother, nothing Stanley says is going to change that" He saod and I nodded. "But neither is anything you say, now get over there before it gets too dark" He said and I nodded reluctantly. 

I opened his bedroom window, skidding down the roof and rolling onto the floor. Because clearly I haven't been the most rebelious child.

"You could have just used the door you idiot" He shouted as I stood up, brushing myself off and then flipping him off.

I took Richie's bike, through the rain that sliced through my skin with every movement. Stanley didn't usually live this far away but I guess through the rain and the tears streaming dowm my eyes, the distance had become further.

When I arrived at the Uris' summinging circle, I rang the door bell and pounded my weak hands against the wooden door. Almost hitting Stanley's Dad when I didn't realise he had opened the door. 

"Bill..." He said trying to hide his suprise "Erm...Stanley's, sick yes he's not feeling very well it must've been that food that his mother made" 

"Hey" She said walking up to the door to hit him with a tea towel "We had a bet, after I found out he had broken the washing machine" She said.

"S-S-S-Stanley..." I began and Mr Uris sighed, looking over to his wife for support. 

"He's sick and he doesn't want to see Bill...because he doesn't want to get him ill too, that's being good parents..." He began "But if we leave Bill in the rain he will also get sick, so that's being bad responsible adults..."

"They never do tell you anything in those parenting classes" Mrs Uris mumbled.

"I-I-I-It's fine" I said, letting myself use this as a good excuse to give up. "S-S-S-Stanley never g-gets sick" I said walking away before they could protest.

When they had shut the door I threw Richie's bike in the bus and ran round the side of the house.

I ran over to the side gate. Using next door's fence to help me climb on top of it. 

My feet dug into the broken concrete almost instantly. When I reached the outside window ledge of the kitchen, I stretched my arms and gripped the crumbling bricks, pulling my body up and resting my feet against the ledge. 

I continued this pattern, reaching for a sterdy brick and pulling myself up until I got to the top of the extension. It was a pattern that I was used in my own house as I had been locked out of my house that many times.

I pulled myself over the top of the drainpipe and rolled over, laying on the slanted tiles of the roof. I stood up and began to walk across the tiles, shuffling awkwardly and trying not to slip.

I looked around the gardens as I did so, particulary at his neighbour's complete polar opposite garden from his. 

Last time I had done this at mine, I had given my ninty-one year old neighbour Ms Ttynn, I think, a heart attack whilst she was watering her roses. Thought I was going to witness her corpse fall into her pond.

I continued making my way over to my his bedroom window. I felt my foot slip on a tile, causing me to fall backwards at fall, landing onto the ground below. 

You know, as you do. 

My back curled, shifting the penetrating blade of pain across my spine, slicing it in half. 

The delicate point of agony traced the rest of my skin, teadingly before pushing inself into my skull, and twisting. 

My hands grazed along the floor and skin tore from them and pain screamed through my palms, crimson curling around them. 

I lay there for a while, staring up at the dark sky.

I didn't check but I already knew where I was bleeding based on the areas which hurt the most. I guess I had experienced that fall that many times. 

After moments of contemplating my existance I sat up, the essence of the concrete envoloping my ripcage. I inspected my wrists and knees, torn and dirty skin, reddened, weeping. 

I sat up and scaled the side of my house again, as well, nothing had changed...This time however I managed to successfully reached his bedroom window, at least I hoped it was his, that would be a nasty suprise if it wasn't.

Stanley had left his curtains open so I could see him curled up on his bed, reading a book on birds...wait no that wasn't a book on birds, it was an actual book. Like a novel, Stanley was reading the book I was obsessed with last week. 

I guess this was the plot twist of the week.

He lay there, his perfect curls covering his beautiful eyes, so I couldn't read his expression but I knew he was pissed. 

I knocked on the window slowley, hoping not to draw the attention of his parents. He instantly jumped from his bed, looking around him petrified.

He stared at the window, with a look of horror. Oh wait he couldn't see me, it was too dark and he had his light on. That must be a horrible suprise when you're reading a horror book.

"Stanley" I shouted but my voice was dry from all the crying so I sounded like the exorcist. 

He shook his head still looking horrified, he dove onto his bed and hid his head under his pillow.   
"S-S-Stanley" I cried again, "P-Please let me i-in" 

He shook his head under his pillow, his whole body shaking. Then I had an idea, he just needed to see it was me. I turned my phone on to light up my face.

He took one good look at me and started screaming like a madman. I guess he couldn't really see me that well then.

His parents came rushing into the room. His Dad holding a pan and his mum holding a vase of flowers, "What is it, Stan are you ok? Is it that monkey poster again, I told you Dad to move it"

"Hey, I did-" 

"N-No" He said, sounding a bit like me."I saw something, someone is outside" He whimpered and I groaned, this wasn't how I was hoping this would go.

"It's probably nothing, but your mother should check it" Mr Uris said quickly and I rolled my eyes as I trembled in the rain.

Mrs Uris, muttered something inaudiable and walked over the the window, I quickly yeeted myself out of the way. Sadly this also resulted in me yeeting myself off the roof, landing on the concrete, again.

By the time I had pulled me body over to the window again, his parents had gone and I really felt like a perv, like Peter Pan level creepy.

"S-S-Stanley" I said again and his whole body shook again. "P-P-Please, it's m-m-me" 

He took a moment to hesistate before grabbing something, I couldn't really see. He walked over to the window, slowly and I grew impatient as I really needed a piss. 

As he got closer, I started to straighten my hair out using my reflection in the mirror, because...it was human nature to do that.

He took a deep breath and opened the window, "S-S-Stan-" He instantly screamed and hit me with, my favourite book, very hard. Sending me flying off the roof, again.

I dragged my self over to his window again, barely alive, he had shut the window again and I groaned.

"S-S-Stanley, please" I begged and he pretended not to hear me.

"T-This wasn't a j-j-j-joke, I n-need to talk to y-y-you, p-p-please" I sobbed, tears streaming down my eyes. 

He hesistated, his whole body tensing up before he opened the window, letting my dead self collapse through and land on his bed.

He didn't even look at me before closing the window, and dragging my soaking, muddy, bleeding body off of his bed by my feet. It looked like he didn't even what me on the floor either.

"What the hell Bill?" He hissed "Do you really hate me that much that you would try to scare the life out of me?" I shook my head quickly, but stopped as it hurt to much.

"I-I-I'm s-s-s-sorry" I whimpered, pathetically my voice cracking.

He sighed heavily "For which part?" 

"B-B-Both...it w-w-w-wasn't your f-f-f-fault" I whispered. "Y-Y-You shouldn't be f-f-forced to love me, it w-w-wasn't you it w-w-was P-Pennywise, who t-t-took him" 

He didn't look convinced "I w-w-was upset and w-w-wrong, but I c-c-can't do this without you" I said before grabbing onto his arm to help me stand up, I limped my way over to the window and he stopped me, picking me up from behind and placing me on the floor again.

He took my muddy shoes and socks off, rolling my ripped jeans up so he could see my bleeding knees. He disappeared down stairs for a moment before returning with a first aid kit.

He cleaned up the wounds, causing me to hiss in pain. "I-I-It hurts" I whimpered and he rolled his eyes.

"Good" He said, ok still pissed, just checking.

My fingers clench as he wrapped the bandage around my knee tightly. "I'm doing this for Georgie" He said and I nodded, even though it hurt. "You're mad you know that?" He asked as he started to clean the wound of my forehead.

"I k-k-know" I said.

He sighed as he rolled my riped shirt up, "But I'm not sure why you would meed my help, I thought I was a mistake?" My breath hitched.

"Y-Y-You are, b-b-b-but so am I" I said and he gave me a confused look. "T-The system h-h-has to be taken down, then w-we w-will be with t-the right people" I said and he pressed the anti-bacterial wipe down harder and I cried out in pain.

He cleared his throat,"I guess so" He said, tugging out my shirt so I could take it off. I gulped as he cleaned the wounds acorss my ripcage, hating how exposed I felt.

"S-S-So you'll h-help?" I asked and he sighed before walking over to his draws to give me some pajamas.

"For Georgie and to be able to stay the hell away from you" He said and I nodded. He placed the pajama top over my head, being careful not to hurt me too much.

He replaced my muddy socks woth fluffy ones. "Take your trousers off" He said and my breath squeaked.

"E-E-Excus-"

"I can't reach the rest of the cuts" He said and I sighed before undoing my belt and rolling my jeans off. 

This was the worst day of my life.

His grip stayed firm on my shoulder and I tried to distract myself by staring at the bird books on his shelf as his grib would slip down to my thigh, as he wrapped bandages around it.

"Ok, all done" He said and I nodded, he helped my stand up so I could change into his pajama bottoms, as my knees burned every time a bent them. 

"You're still cold" He noted my shivering body, and I rolled my eyes. Well I had just been stuck outside in the rain. 

"Do you erm..."He began looking around for answers "Want some hot chocolate?" He asked I nodded.

By the time he came back and had just managed to pull myself onto his bed. He passed me the hot chocolate and sat next to me, tapping his mug with a particular pattern.

He passed me a blanket and I just held it, guilt flooding through my veins. "S-S-Stop" I said and he gave me a confused look. "S-S-Stop, being k-k-kind after I was m-m-mean, it's not f-fair" I said and he rolled his eyes.

"I know it isn't fair, my life is currently evolved around you, I generally feel like your mother looking after you" He said and I rolled my eyes. 

"But I'm not going to change the way I am for you, not now not ever. Whether that's pretending to be imitate or pretending that I am capable of letting someone bleed to death in my room...that's not me" He said.

"I w-w-w-wish you were n-normal and j-just be m-mean, like I w-was, you u-usually are" I said and he smirked.

"This is me Bill, being pissed at you. I hate evrything you said and that I'm stuck with you but I care for Georgie and me breaking you with what I'm thinking...really Bill you haven't even heard real insults yet, I could destory you. But if I did that that wouldn't bring him back" He said and I nodded, sipping my hot chocolate but instantly spitting it back in the cup when it burnt my tongue.

"But when we get him back, I will just sit next to you and recite every insult I've been thinking of since I've left Richie's. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pissed, I don't even want to be talking to you right now. But here I am" He said and I nodded. 

When I finished my hot chocolate, I crawled into his bed. I was in to much pain to sleep anywhere else, he got that and didn't even bother fighting with me just tucking me in. 

I knew where this was going, this was Stanley being pissed, by making me feel guilty and not giving me the attention I so desperatly need.

I woke up several times in the night, crying amd sobbing as everytime I closed my eyes, Georgie was behind the darkness. Hurt and alone.

And every single time, Stanley would crael into bed with me and hug me until I fell back to sleep. Never saying anything, just knowing I needed the intimacy and not him exactly. 

This time when I woke up, he had never left, fallen asleep with his arms around me. He didn't look so pissed when he slept, he looked like someone who was capable of love or maybe even loving me.

I tried to go back to sleep without him, but I had already woken him up. He held my tighter as I continued to cry. 

"G-G-Georgie is probably s-s-so scared" I whimperd and his fingers ran through my hair, just like Richie's did earlier. Except this time, it didn't feel comforting or brotherly. It made my heart fall out of place and breath to be stolen straight out of my lungs.

"We'll find him Bill" He muttered, for the first time since I went to sleep. "Dead or alive, I promise" 

This time it was something I could believe, because if I had to live only knowing one truth in the world. Let it be: Stanley never lies.


	15. Couples Therapy, WW3 and Gay Porn

"THIS STINKS" Mike said as he moved another bramble leave from the water...well everything but water.

"Where did you get that impression from? The fact that we have to search in the sewers or that we are surrounded by shit?" The wise words of Stanley replied.

"Both"Mike said and Stanley smirked. 

"I can't do this guys" Eddie said, who had hidden away from the dark tunnel. 

"Come on Eddie" Richie said. "I'll protect you" 

"It's not the tunnel, it's the fact you're all playing in grey water!" Eddie rambled at two-hundref miles per hour.

"What's grey water?" Bev asked.

"It's basically piss and shit" He said and Stanley flinched.

"Hey Eds baby?" Richie said, clearly ignoring his hate for pet names "Dial down the language love" 

Eddie gaped on him and looked like he was about to start ranting again, but Ben saved us.

"Are we going to go or..."Ben asked and Eddie shook his head.

"I'm not splashing around in a millions gallons of Derry pee!" Eddie complained and I sighed, my fingers clenching around the hem of my shirt. "Are you serious?" He asked when Richie brought the giant stick he had fished out from the grey water and sniffed it.

"Doesn't smell like caca to be Señor" He said.

"Ok, I can smell that from here" He complained.

"That's probably just your breath wafting back into your face" He said and I rolled my eyes, if this was soulmate love, throw me into Neibolt.

"Have you ever heard of a staph infection?" Eddie asked and I looked up to Stanley who looked as pissed off as I was. 

I turned around and continued looking. "I'll show you a 'staff' infection" My heart stopped as the light from my torch grabbed my attention to a familar shoe.

"That's so unsanitary!" Eddie squealed. I walked towards it slowly, my heart hammering out of my chest.

"You guys are swimming in a toliet bowl right now-"

"Shut up!" Stanley shouted and we all looked at him, shook. Eddie's eyes widened.

"What did you say" He asked getting ready to drown him.

"Eds" Richie said, walking over to Eddie to hold him away from Stanley. "What the fuck did you say Staniel? No one I mean NO ONE dares to insu-"

"I said shut up, both of you!" He said and I scowled at him."We came down here so we could help Bill find Georgie and instead of helping him you're refusing to help and then arguing so distracting those wanting to help!" He said and my heart beat fell again, deep.

"I don't want to be searching Derry's pee, but...I'd do it everyday if it meant I could help him..." He said "And you should to" He shook his head and walked further into the tunnel, everyone staring at him as he did so.

"Sorry Bill" Eddie said.

"Yeah, sorry bill" Richie said and I shook my head.

"I-It's fine" I lied, my gaze still focused on Stanley. 

I picked up the shoe "G-Guys" I said and everyone lookef at me.

"Shit" Bev said "Don't tell me thats-"

"N-No" I said "G-G-Georgie wears galoshes, it's B-Betty's"

"That doesn't look good" Mike said and I stared at it, that didn't look good, what if this was useless what if she was-

"How do you Betty feels? Running around the tunnels with only one shoe?" Richie said, laughing nervously, clearly trying to make me feel better.

"Bill" Stanley said, taking the shoe off of me and studed it "Look" He said and I looked over his shoulder to see the words imprinted under the sole that I hadn't noticed.

"I-It's c-coordinates" I said and Stanley quirked his brow. "I t-think, B-Ben" I said and he walked over to us to look at the shoe.

"Yeah, coordinates...what do you think it means?"He asked and I looked over to Stanley who shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe it's a message, like Cinderella?"He suggested 

"Cinderella didn't leave her shoe on purpose" Ben pointed out.

This was the opposite, to Cinderella. Betty running away from Pennywise. Ew. Imagine Pennywise as prince charming. 

My mind makes me want to vomit sometimes.

"M-Maybe it's a m-message" I said and Ben nodded.

"I have a map at home" Ben began.

"He has many"Bev corrected and Ben blushed.

"Let's see if we can find anything else" Mike said, beginning to walk further into the tunnel.

I continued walking in silence next to Stanley, wondering where the defence come from. Maybe because I didn't mind if he did it again.

"You're staring" Stanley noticed and I quickly looked down, my cheeks burning. 

"S-Sorry" I whispered and he smirked.

"That's kind of gay" He said and I rolled my eyes, laughing. 

"I-I'm not s-s-sure if you've n-noticed but I a-am the g-gayest" I said.

"EXCUSE ME!" Richie's voice boomed through the corridors like a fucking foghorn "I. AM. THE. GAY" He said causing me and Stanley to role our eyes.

As it grew darker, so did the glint in Stanley's eyes. He bit his bottom lips, just like he did when he was waiting for his assesment, just like he did in the arcade.

I brushed my fingertips passed his, holding my breath. He didn't seem to alter or flinch in disgust, so I took a deep breath and interwhined my finfers with his. He turned to look at me, his yes filled with fear, he gave me a small smile.

"We can g-go back i-if you want" I offered and he shook his head quickly. 

"I litterally just made a speech, I can't" He said and I have him a small smile. I squeezed his hand and he sighed.

"Bill...I'm still annoy-"

"I-I know, I'm s-s-sorry" I pleaded and he thought for a moment. He looked like he was about to say something but he was interrupted by Eddie's screaming.

"It's Bowers, it's fucking Bowers" He shouted and I gave a quick look to Stanley before he quickly began running out of the tunnel, dragging me with him.

We all ran out of the tunnel, Eddie hanging onto Richie for his dear life. I took a moment to look back to see Bowers and his goones, running after us, running straight into a tree and falling on my back.

Stanley croached down infront of me, grabbing my arms to help me up, but as soon as I did, Henry and his little minions caught up with us.

"Well, well, well" Henry said with an annoying smirk on his face. "What do we have here? Stuttering Bill and the Loner?" He laughed and my cheeks burned.

"Tits and the slut" Patrick said, with lighting his flame thrower. "Tozier and wheezy" 

"And looks like Home school's all alone, suprise, suprise"Henry said and Mike rolled his eyes as he was the only one sensible enough not to bring his soulmate on a date, in the sewers.

"Does this mean the Losers club it now officially a club of little fairies?" Henry smirked.

"Are you interested in joining then?" Stanley asked and I gaped at him, usually it was Richie to snap back at Bowers but today it was Stanley who was going to get us killed.

HERE LIES STANLEY URIS   
Died tragically due to calling Henry Bowers gay, along side his soulmate.

Henry looked confused for a moment, before anger became visable on his face when he figured out what he had said.

"Yeah I think we should run" Bev said before sprinting off behind us. I quickly grabbed Stanley's hand dragging him through the woods.

My breath spiked through my lungs, every limb in my body burning and only one thought in my mind:

Fuck I was out of shape.

I thought we were going to make it as well. But I was wrong when Henry managed to catch up with me as we skidded down the hill covered in leaves. He jumped at me, causing us both to role down the hill.

This is what happens when you get optimistic.

Never again.

Henry looked even more ugly close up as he pinned me to the ground. "Looks, like this is the end for you Billy...I heard what happened to your brother, looks like they had to teach you fags a lesson" He sneared, the cool mental o his blade running across my cheeks.

I winced "E-Ew" I complained "You breath s-s-stinks, must be f-f-from all of this b-bullshit" I said and he moved his face slightly away from me.

"Excuse me?" He asked.

"R-Running around calling us names, s-sounds like g-gay jealousy to m-me. I-Is Patrick not giving you e-enough time?" I asled and he scowled.

"I have a soulmate" He growled.

"I k-know, tragic" I said, instantly biting my tongue afterwards. Richie fucking Toizer and a bit of Stanley was rubbing off on me.

He growled again, "T-This is getting to s-s-sexual for me, can you j-just kill me already?" I asked.

HERE LIES BILL DENBROUGH.  
He became Richie Tozier and Stamley Uris' love child.  
That was his downfall.

He looked like he was about to slit my throat then and there, he pressed the knife down against my cheek, causing it to burn.

Suddenly he was thrown off of me, he litterally looked like he was hit my a giant log. I quickly sat up to see that Stanley had tackled Henry to the ground like the suicidal kid he was.

I quickly got up to me feet and he ran over to me. "T-Thanks" I said "I o-owe you one".

"Two" He corrected me and I stared at him blankly.

"As of yesterday you owe me twice" He said giving me a small grin. 

"Oh you two are so dead" Henry said when he got up to his feet, knife ready. But again he was knocked over by a rock hitting his head.

What ever the fuck is happening today, can it happen more often? I am never this lucky!

I turnef around to see Conner Fucking Bowers, armed with a rock in his hands. "Hey Henry" He said with a grin.

"Conner what the fu-" But he was cut off by him throwing another rock at his face.

Where had this kid been my entire life. I'm not saying that him and Stanley should lead a Henry restiance league of super heroes, apart from that's exactly what I'm saying.

I mean I already have a buissness plan:

'Powers against Bowers'

Sign me up for the apprentice or-

Henry's accomplice's had returned getting ready to avenge their pathetic leader, but so had the Losers. Vic began to walk closer but Bev took a page out of Conner's book and threw a rock at his face.

"ROCK WARRRRR!" Richie screamed before instantly getting knocked over by a rock. We all began throwing any rock we could find with as much strength as we had, hoping it would end up in their general direction.

It honestly felt like I was in one of those world war films. We took cover behind the bushes, in the mud like trenches. 

The trenches were getting more and more unstable, with explosions left at right. I was worried, my brothers and sister weren't going to make it home to our wives. 

Because we are all of a sudden straight, just for the roleplay.

"We're running out of ammunition" Commander Bev shouted ducking from another explosion.

Suddenly Officer Mike screamed, falling to the ground. I ran to his side "Mike, Mike, stay with me" I said holding him close.

"It's too late for me, tell my wif-" He began.

"No, no, we're going to get out together, we're going to go and sea the sea you and me, on holiday. When all of this is over, you're going to be a pianist just like you always wanted" I said, as obviously I wouldn't have a stutter in my imagination.

"It's no use" Ben said "We've ran out of ammunition" 

"There's more in the river" Eddie said "Tell Richie he loves me" He said.

"Wait Eddie-" And with the sun setting behind him he gave us a long slow motion stare, he turned away from us for the last time running out onto no-man's land and throwing large rock's agressively at the other sode, agressively screaming at them. 

"Noooooooo-"

"Henry bun" A sweet voice echoed through the forest, interrupting my fantasies and causing Henry and his gang of bad hair choices to stop instantly. "Honey" The voice called again, causing Bev to grab Mike's arm to stop him from throwing another rock.

"Gays, lower weapons" She said just before an tall girl with light hair and dark eyes arrived.

"Henry, baby where have you been?"She asked and we all gaped at the devil that was Henry's soulmate.

"I'm sorry Cassie-Poo but I was busy hanging out with my best friends" He said waving at us with a smile...yes I was suprised as you were it is possible for him to smile. We waved back awkwardly..

She squealed "Aww they're so cute, you could all come along to one of our picnics" Henry gave her a fake smile and I tried not to smirk. It was quite amusing seeing it on the outside.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᶜʳⁱᵗᶜⁱˢᵐˢ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᴮᵉⁿ'ˢ ʳᵒᵒᵐ ᵃⁿᵈ ⁿᵉʳᵈ ᶜᵒᵐᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

Turns out the cooridnates lead us straight back into the woods, so we did a pointless loop basically. Also turns out that Betty ad buried a small box with a VHS tape and other shit inside.

Touché.

So that's how we ended up in my garage of doom, projecting the video like we were at a fucking movie night. Richie had even gone out of his way to buy popcorn.

When it started to load I walked over to sit down but Ben was in my seat. "Hey Ben you're in my seat" I said simoly and he gave me a confused look.

"Bill we don't have designated seats" He said and I mirrored his confused look. 

"But I wuh-want...I mean I s-s-sit next to Stanley" I said and he rolled his eyes.

"There's isn't any room" He said and I pouted, trying to give him the most vunerable look I could. 

Stanley didn't really know anyone else here, it seemed...wrong for him to sit with anyone else here. I sighed, giving in and turning my back to find somewhere else to sit.

But when I did, I felt Stanley's molten touch slip around my waist a pull my onto his lap. My heart stopped beating.

Touché.

"Now will you stop complaing amd we cam watch this?" He asked.

"Y-Yeah" My voice cracked and I could feel him, just sense him smirking before he rested his head on my shoulder.

"That's three times now" He said and I ignored him focusing on the video that had finally loaded.

I blurry image of Betty Ripson came up, althoufh we were expected no different it still shook us. 

She cleared her throat "Hello, it's me, Betty Rispom. Don't worry, you're not going mad..."

Debatable.

"It's really me. If you're watching this then I've disappeared. Unless it's you Sammy and you've been snooping in my room again!" She said 

"As you probably know my older sister was murdered by her soulmate and every since then I have been trying to figure I way to change the system...I did a lot of research and I mean a lot, but they soon started to catch on and I onew I wasn't going to be safe when Pennywise threatened me. So I've gone into hiding, because I've found something. Something that will destroy this entire system, if you think you can help or need me, I'm-" The tape suddenly stopped causing everyone to groan in frustration, Richie even threw some popcorn at the screen and booed.

"No what?" Mike asked and I sighed, slipping off of Stanley's lap and ladning on the floor, melodramatically.

"Hey guys" Ben said, who had put the tape back in the box "Look at this" He said taking what look like a hotel ket out of the box.

"It's for a hotel called...The Wellhouse" Conner read and Eddie's breathing began to shallow as he reached for his inhaler.

"That's too close to Neibolt, do you know how creepy that place is? It's terrifying" Eddie began to ramble and Richie put his arm around him.

"We're going" Stanley said sternly "If it can help us find Georgie, we're going" 

He gave me a reassuring look, causing a strange heat to return to my cheeks. I guess, maybe, if I had to, I wouldn't mind dealing with 'Leader No Nonsense Protecter' Stanley more often.

I mean, if anyone's listening. Yes please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I clearly got a bit carried away, I was trying to lighten the mood, post-angst.
> 
> Sorry for delayed update. Happy new year and new decade, I'm starting it off with a cold. I is dying. I just wanted to thank you all for the amazing feedback, y'all the sweetest and thank you for baring with me and my slow story line and updates😊. I have exams next week, but after that...I can focus more time on dis book because I love writing it so much. Thank you 💕💕


	16. Do Not Read This

COLLECTIVELY we had all watched enough TV, to formulate an idiot-proof plan to check into the hotel without our parents. 

But when I say we idiot-proofed the plan, I should've mentioned we forgot to Richie-proof the plan.

The plan was simple, it wasn't rocket science. The least-complex illegal plan we had ever went through with aka Operation: This Is Not Going To Work. Optimistically named by no other than Stanley.

Yet Richie still managed to find a way to fuck it up.

Mike had booked online, used our collective savings and fake parent signatures to get a room, hahaha Richie, no.

To get us a room to share as Losers so we could find what was in the room that Betty left is the key with. I should've seen this was going to fail when basic words on the website was misspelt. I mean who can ignore spell-check for that long?

When we got there, it turned out we could throw our carefully crafted plan, mainly based of Home Alone, in the bin because the owners simply didn't give a fuck. 

I mean if Betty could do it, so could we. Wait that meant nothing, that girl was able to hide from the government, she was genius.

We had managed to get passed reception, when Richie's idiot mode was activated. 

"Erm sorry sir, no can do" Richie said to the recpetionist, causing my panic scale to increase.

"Excuse me?" The lady asked "I'm a woman" 

"Don't be sexist, I treat everyone the same" He said causing her to wince "See, this room isn't an even number"

"And...? You already booked online" She said and Richie's eyes widened.

"Mike, how could you?" He hissed and Mike shurgged his shoulders.

"Well, then, I demand a new room...and new friends whilst your at it" He began to rant and Mike gave a unamused look to Stanley. 

They both walked over to Richie looping one arm each under his. "And your mum's phone number whilst your at it, as well as Eddie's, now that's room service!" He shouted whilst he was being dragged away by Mike and Stanley.

"Erm...so we'll just take the keys...and go then" Ben said, awkwardly taking the keys from the surface and waving.

The room was just as medicore as expect, making me feel a little proud that my new aporoach in life: having low standards in everything so you're not disappointed, was working.

"Shotgun bed" Bev said jumping onto the one of the only two beds we could afford and spread starfish across it.

"No fair" Richie said jumping on top of her, squashing her. She screamed before trying to push him off. Eventually she gave up. 

"Ok, so what's the plan then?" Eddie asked, sitting futherest away from Richie as possible.

"Well me and Bil checked the security earlier" Miķe began "Litterally no cameras, so we'll wait for the staff to clear and we'll see if there is anything important in that room" 

Everyone nodded, Bev abd Richie continuing to argue whilst Ben and Eddie pretended they were not their soulmates. Stanley and Mike had seemed to be getting on quite well, that didn't really suprise me as everyone loved Mike.

"Hey are you ok?" Conner asked, noticing that I hadn't engaged in a single conversarion, just observing everyone elses. Especially Stanley and Mike.

I nodded a little to quickly, banging my had against the wall I was leaning against, causing a small grin to slip across his lips. 

"You alright?" He asked laughing softly as I carassed the back of my head, I nodded, trying not to hit my head again.

He leaned forward, tilting my head to the side to inspect the damage "Looks like your going to live" He said and I grinned.

"U-Usually Eddie likes t-to p-play doctor" I said.

"Only if I get to declare the time of death" Eddie's voice called over from the other side of the room causing us both to laugh.

"Seriously, is something up?" He lowered his voice "You don't have to tell me if you don't want-"

"I-It's ok" I said "E-Everything's fucked" I whispered so Stanley wouldn't hear me swear. 

His gaze held curiousity and I sighed "D-Do you e-ever get j-jealous of things that you k-know is unreasonable t-to?" I asked and he nodded.

"All the time" He said.

"I-I just keep seeing e-everyone with their s-soulmate, in l-love, like they t-told me it would be l-like in books" I began, fiddiling with my fingers. "A-And it hurts because I k-know that e-even if w-we b-become closer, me and S-S-S-Stanley will n-never be like that" I said.

He nodded, reaching for my hand and squeazing it. "I get it,I know I should be happy for everyone, but I don't know, I feel so...lonely" He whispered.

"S-Same" I agreed, "I l-like hugging p-people, t-touching people, l-loving people...but I-I'll never get that" I said.

He sighed, pushing away the loose strand of hair that was covering my eyes. "Bill, I think Stanley cares about you" He said and I scoffed. "No, really I do. I don't want to make this seem like I'm comparing traumas in any shape or form, but I would rather marry Stanley sixteen times then be stuck with that asshole I was with again"He said. "It's impossible not to like you, there's something about you...that everyone just wants to..." He tried to find the word.

"S-Shag?" I asked and he bursted out laughing, trying not to wake the others.

"I was going to say protect, I think you've been hanging out with Richie way too much" He said and I smiled, blushing slightly. "Think about this is his perspective, you don't talk to many people and then suddenly you forced to fall in love with someone you've never met and all of his friends...have you asked him how he'a feeling or doing about that, I think he's a bit overwhealmed" He said and I looked over to Stanley who had fallen asleep on Mike's shoulder.

Everything just seemed so, perfect around him. Every curl in his hair, every eyelash beneath his beautiful fucking eyes and not a single crease in his skin nor shirt, even when he slept. It must of been his OCD or something, making him infuratingly perfect.

I hadn't, I hadn't asked him. We barely talked properly and that was down on me. Stanley didn't really like much physical affection, I knew that so I respected his bounderies, and he understood that I just couldn't get enough of it. 

But neither of us knew why.

I shook my head "D-Doesn't matter, he h-hates me" I muttered.

"Not possible" Conner said "You're Bill, you're funny, pretty, sweet and a talented writer, I think he's grown to like you" 

My cheeks burned with the fading sun "W-W-What did you s-say?" 

"I said he's grown to like you" He said his cheeks flushing "And that you're pretty"

Ok, breathe Bill, just breathe. Just because someone complemented you, doesn't mean you're going to be weird about it.

"Y-You're hair s-smells nice" I said.

Fuck.

You had one job. ONE.

"Thanks?" He said, trying not to laugh "You can borrow my shampoo one day of it will make you happy" He said.

"Y-You'd do that?" I asked and he continued to laugh.

"I'd do anything to make you smile" He said

Ok, change the subject, fuck, fuck.

"W-What are you going to d-do if we d-destroy this s-system?" I asked and thought for a moment.

"Celebrate, write a documentary, make a shit tonne of money, fall in love for real" He said and I nodded.

"S-Same, but a b-book" I said "I t-think I would j-just date a l-load of random people, j-just cause I c-could, and then f-fall in love...with a b-boy I think" I said and he nodded.

"Would you still talk to Stanley?" He asked and I didn't even hesistate before nodding.

"Yes" I said "I m-mean, he's g-growing on me, it'll be wuh-weird, without h-him" 

"I will never talk to my soulmate again, hopefully I'll be able to hang around with you lot, if you'll keep me. But if ever have the chance to love again...I'll do it forever and always. I would give anything to be allowed to love" He said, giving me a sad smile.

"Boy?" I asked and he thought for a moment.

"I'm not sure, they sort of decided my sexuality for me. I know I'm not straight but I don't know if I like boys, since my soulmate wasn't exactly loving" He said, biting his lip, like Stanley would always do when he was nervous.

I wondered what Stanley was planning on doing if we were successful. Did he want to still talk to me or the rest of the Losers? Or would he run off, never speaking to me again. I'm not sure I wanted that, his pressence was safe, sort of.

"I-I'm not sure" I said even though I'm pretty sure I was, the way I admired Richie, Conner and even Stanley was stronger than I ever admired Bev(I still fucking adore her more than anything). "H-Hopefully, one day I-I'll find out" I laughed nervously.

His gaze dropped from my eyes to my lips, he titled his hed to the side as his touch rested on my cheeks. His lips were soft and tasted like mint humbugs that we had been snacking on earlier with a faint trace of ash from smoking. 

It lasted for less than a second before he let go of me, not moving back, his forehead rested against mine. "Now do you know?"

"I-I'm n-n-n-not sure" I said, my stutter getting worse as I got flustered. My eyes fluttered closed and so did the gap between us, our lips connecting again. 

Fuck, not how I was expecting my first real kiss. (Bev and Richie don't count)

Fuck, FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I DOING I WAS GOING TO GET KILLED!!!!.

I JUST BROKE THE FUCKING LAW.

Google: How to be so stupid that the universe is laughing at you

Did you mean: Bill Denbrough

I pulled back quickly once common sense had started to work again. Like where had it been two major dilema's ago?

"The l-law" I said, air becoming a foreign concept.

"Only if they know" He said, and I looked back at the others to check the others were still asleep, biting my lip as my haze rested on a Stanley for a little too long. 

I nodded, hesistating before pressing my lips against his. It was affection, finally, just something to make me feel loved. Maybe my unhealthy coping mechanism had finally gone to far but I didn't care. 

Maybe I needed something to distract from the fact I wasn't loved. 

We kissed for what seemed like hours, with enough friction to create a hearbeat between us. A molten fibre would spiral beneath my skin, every time he would reach his hand under a new piece of clothing, his touch slipping further beneath my shirt, under Stanley's hoodie.

Stanley.

Eventually he dragged his lips away from mine, his hands still gripped around my neck.

"Ok, I think I like boys" Conner said, breathing heavily before giving me a shy smile.

"Ha, s-same" I said, it was true. I couldn't imagine myself with a girl anymore, infact I couldn't really imagine myself with anyone other than..

"Oh shit" Conner said and I gave him a confused look. "We forgot, to check the room" He got up quickly, going over to Stanley to wake him up.

"D-Don't" I said, "W-We'll go" I didn't want Stanley to be woken up, he just look so...peaceful and less rude whilst he slept.

We crept down the corridor, passed all the doors with fading numbers in until we finally got the one that Betty left.

I gave a quick look to Conner before, unlocking the door, praying to whoever was playing around with fate that no one was on there.

Thank fuck there wasn't, instead this room was actually slightly less miserable looling then ours. "Not fair, Betty got a bathroom?" Conner said as we began to look around for anything that could help us find Betty.

I looked around the floorboards, as whenever I hid Georgie's birthday presents, I hid them under the floorboards.

Georgie.

"Bill, over here" Conner said I walked over to where he was crouching on the floor, where he had found something behind a piece of peeled of wallpaper.

"It l-looks like a m-map" I said, unfolding it, "N-Not complete, but s-she's written on it" 

Conner nodded "We'll show the others when they wake up" He said, usuing the table to help him get off from the floor. 

The room hadn't changed one bit when we got back, apart from Stankey who was lying on the floor next to Mike rather than sitting up.

By some force stronger than my own, I was dragged over to Stanley, laying beside him. Conner found a free spot on the other side of the room, making me feel a little sad. 

"I k-know you're a-awake" I said and I heard him sigh. He turned to face me, the light from the window, casting patterns beneath his perfect curls. "S-Somethings on your m-mind"

"It doesn't matter" He said, before turning over and I rolled him back again.

"You a-always sit through m-my problems" I said, Conner's words flooding through me "T-Talk to me" 

His eyes softened as his gaze lowered. "I'm scared Bill" He said and I nodded, before beginning to wrap my arms around him, but then brought the back when I remembered he didn't like to be touched.

"W-Why?" I asked and he closed his eyes.

"If this works and we destroy this system...I'll be alone again" He whispered and my heart sank. 

"N-No, you c-can still hang o-out with us" I said and he shook his head.

"As soon as you will be able to leave Derry, you will" He said "All of you and you'll all forget about me"

"T-That's just a m-myth to scare p-people into not t-trying to leave" I said "N-No one will forget" 

He hesistated for a moment "I'll still be lonely, no one would ever willingly love me"

I shook my head without hesistation "N-Not true, t-there's someone out there for e-everyone" I explained and his breath began to shake.

"Whar like soulmates" He said and we both laughed quietly. "I'm unloveable" 

"I t-thought you d-didn't believe in l-love" I noted.

"I don't believe in love at first sight, no" He said "But, do you think it's possible, to fall in love over time, like everything begins to...change?" He asked and my heart beat thubderously, causing me to hold on to it tightly.

That wasn't possible was it? Our whole lives we had been told we would instantly fall in love with our souomates when we met, immediately attracted to them physicalltly and emotions. In all the books, films, everything.

But then again...

"M-Maybe" I said "If we c-could choose, then p-possibly"

There was moment of silence before Stanley finally snapped "Ok, fine Bill, you can hug me, I know that's all you've been thinking about" He said and I cheered quietly.

I slipped one arm around his waist to bring him closer "I don't get what's so great about them" He sais and I frowned.

I brought him closer to me, his head resring against my chest, running my fingers through his hair, but careful not to mess it up, through a delicate, pattern. "I-Is this better?" I asked.

"I guess so" He said, his breath warm against my chest, burning with the guilt in my chest. I had cheated on my soulmate. Stanley wouldn't care, right?

"Why do you love this so much?" He asked, the vibrations from his laughter spiralling beneath my skin.

"B-Because it makes me feel s-s-s-safe and l-loved" I said "I n-n-n-need that" He looked up at me, his eyes filled with brightest stars that I just wanted to draw together into a constellation.

"People love you Bill, so many people do" He said bsfore hesistating "I hope you find someone who will care for you and love you forever in a way I couldn't" He whispered before resting his head on my chest.

Fuck.

I was the worst fucking being on the planet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...tea


	17. I'm Not A Nonce, But Sometimes I Dream About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh wait, nonce means pedo in England. Oops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rigger warning: domestic/emotional abuse, mentions of previous abuse

SOMETIMES I LIKE TO IMAGINE that I'm a different person. 

Someone who is more confident, someone who is smarter, funnier, better looking, someone who people would want to keep around.

Other times I like to pretend I'm in a different life, living outside of Derry, in a world with choice and you know...living in a castle, as an author and other shit like normal people did.

I always kept my friends in my daydreams, because they were better than any people I could ever imagine myself. Nothing ever changed about it. Because although sometimes it annoyed me, they were perfect.

But something had changed, recently, I'm not sure exactly when as the Selection had sort of collapsed time.  
Now whenever Stanley needed a shelter from reality, he had been taking dips into my daydreams.

Whatever new life I crafted, I wasn't able to make anything without him in it. Which is weird because there was a time when he wasn't in my life, like it's only been a couple of weeks

Unless there's something I'm missing...

BILL'S CONSPIRACY #12: The Government Are Controlling Our Dreams. 

Stay tuned, I'll prove it when I have more time and you know...not trying to bring down the system. 

Tonight was no exception, I struggled to sleep because...insomnia and well, guilt to be honest.

It's not like I regretted kissing Conner, I loved every second of it. I just wish, I don't know...it wasn't him. Don't get me wrong, he's growing on me, I think he's brilliant. But, part of me wished it was Stanley.

Because, well, then everything would be simpler, if we could just be like normal soulmates. Yes, that's what I went with.

My eyes were drawn onto him, wrapped in my arms. And as the dim hues of the early morning light, began to flood the sky, it's faint tones would weave itself through his hair, but I always thought it glowed from within rather than relying on the sunshine.

My fingers would brush through his hair, never changing it's distinctive pattern that Stanley would spend hours perfecting. 

I couldn't help it, I was daydreaming. Imagining, another motive for us to be here, burried into each other. It wasn't because I had trouble sleeping on my own, or I was annoying, or the conversation we had.

No, in the alternative universe, Stanley was a completly different person and we were in love. Georgie was at home and he got on with all my friends, he liked to read the same books as me and that was our favourite thing to talk about. 

It got on well with my friends, and he liked to hug me. It felt nice, pretending that we cared for each other and that, by holding him close, I was looking after him...and that he needed me. 

As much as I needed him to hold me.

"Bill" He mumbled, shifting in my arms "Sleep" 

I apologised and I could see a small smile form on his lips. "Insomnia isn't cute" I frowned. "Obviously you are but you'll be tired and grumpy later, like when you did an all nighter reading Maze Runner, only to find out your favourite character died"

"W-Why would y-y-you remind me?" I asked and he chuckled softly.

"Because I had to deal with you being all mardy, it was adorable but I don't have enough energy" He mumbled, his eyes closing again and I laughed, holding him a bit tighter.

"O-Ok" I said, leaning down to press a small kiss onto his forward. "I love you"

He smiled "I love you too, now sleep" 

"Bill" Stanley mumbled, snapping me out of my daydreams. Yes that wasn't real, I'm as disappointed as you are. "Stop daydreaming, you need to sleep" 

"S-Sorry" I said, loosing my grip around him.

"It's fine, we don't want you falling asleep when we're trying to find Betty" He mumbled and I nodded. "You'll be all grumpy like when you did an all nighter with that book, only to find out your favourite character died" 

I can promise you I didn't imagine that. Was I going mad? I wasn't sure what was real anymore. Did I even have a brother? Was my name Bill? Was it all a simulation?

I couldn't help but smile, my heart sinking into a pit of euphoria. After a while, when I knew he was asleep, I leaned down as press a small kiss on his forehead. 

Because that's what Bill would've have done in my dreams, what the better Bill would've done.

"I'm still awake you know" He said and my heart stopped beating, completlely. I felt him smirk before closing his eyes again.

I'll have you know, that I handled that embarassement pretty well, for me anyway. 

Just know that I had moved that to the top of my non-existant suicide note.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᵉᵐᵖˡᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵒᶠ ʳᵘⁿⁿⁱⁿᵍ ᵃʷᵃʸ ᵗᵒ ᴺᵉᵖᵃˡ, ʷʰᵉʳᵉ ᴵ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ˡⁱᵛᵉ ᵃˢ ᵃ ᵍᵒᵃᵗ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

"Ok, gays" Bev said, placing the cut off map me and Connor had found on my garage wall.

Because yes, we relocated after Richie got us kicked out of the hotel, after having a conversation with the receptionist.

"Here's what's up, we have like a quater of a map, with these areas circled" Bev said pointing to each one.

"But these locations have no relevance to each other what's so ever, like in any shape or form" Ben added.

"I'm no expert, but repeating the same thing over and over again is  
n't going to help us understand it" Richie said causing Stanley to smirk...at something that Richie, RICHIE said.

"There isn't many things in Derry, it has to mean something" Mike said walkiing towards the board, connecting the points together with his finger.

Stanley leaned against the wall next to me "They have to have something in common" Ben said 

"How about they're all miserable...because they're in Derry" Eddie said who had been keeping his smart remarks to himself recently, not wanting to be lectured my Stanley again.

"Ok, well I'm putting that on the board" Richie said, writing it down.

"Are you sure you don't have anything to contribute Agatha Christie?" Stanley asked and I shook my head quickly "Well something's going on in that head of yours, no harms going to happen if you have an idea" 

I bit my lip, like every time Stanley did when he was nervous. His habits were rubbing off me, not long now until I start bird watching, for fun.

I gave him a small nod, before clearing my throat to stop Richie and Eddie bickering. "I h-have an i-idea" I said walking up to the board, Bev giving me the red pen.

"In 'R-Run for your l-life' L-Lynn leaves a m-message on a m-map" I said, writing down the names of each location. 

"And...?"Richie asked.

"I s-saw Betty reading i-it once" I said circling the first letter on the first location, then the last on the second. "S-She did the s-same" I added, collecting the letters in the same way that Jade did. Not going to lie she was my hero when I was nine.

R E D B A L L O O N

"Betty ran away to a funfair?" Richie asked "I volunteer as tribute, I will bravely win a teddy bear" 

I shook my head, it couldn't be. The Derry fair was only in the summer, unless she was hiding in a storage room. 

"N-Never mind, maybe I w-was wrong" I muttered, giving the pen back to Bev.

"No, you're not" Connor said, looking weary, he walked up to me. "Back when I was...with Henry and the Gays, they would always talk about getting supplies and shit from these people. They'd always use the code name, Red Balloon" He said.

"Please tell me this doesn't mean we're going to have to find Bowers" Eddie said, Richie passing him his inhaler before he could panic.

"No..." Connor said, sending a tempory spike of relief around the room "It's worse, so much worse" Everyone groaned. 

"What do you mean, what could possibly be worse than Bowers?" Mike asked and Connor shuddered.

"My soulmate" He said and Eddie dropped his inhaler. "He was the only one who knew who they were, he colected supplies" 

"But I thought he was..."Bev began, looking around, hesistant.

"Yeah, but they make me visit him every week, cause you know 'true love'. Anyone fancy coming with?" He asked and everyone stepped back except from me and Stanley.

"I unvolunteer myself as tribute" Richie said, putting his up and bringing it down slowly. 

I looked and Stanley, desperate and he looked down at the floor, before nodding. "We're in" He said and Connor looked relieved.

"Ok, but I should warn you, wear layers" He said and I gave Stanley a confused look, which he returned.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᶜᵒⁿᶠᵘˢⁱⁿᵍ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃʷᵏʷᵃʳᵈ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

The way that people react to being scared has always interested me. Richie would make terrible jokes, getting worse the more he was nervous.

Bev would smoke more, trying to hide her trembling skin through nicotine. Eddie would also use an physical coping mechanism, reaching for his inhaling to calm his non existant asthma.

Ben would study, doing the most reasearch possible on the issue. Recalling every fact he knew about us, repeativly. Mike would hide his nerves by helping his friends feel better, it would make him shake less.

And Stanley, well Stanley's OCD would get worse. He would stroke the end of his shirt or collar, to get rid of any non-existant creases, perfrcting his hair nervously. Biting his lip, sometimes so hard that it would start bleeding.

Connor fidgeted nervously, tugging the end of his shirt and tapping the side of his leg. 

I wanted to reassure him it was ok, hold his hand. But the Watchers were picky with human contact that wasn't soulmate related, they didn't understand the nature of friends let alone people you've cheated on your soulmate with.

Fuck, that happened.

"Hey Connor, it's going to be ok, there's three of us"Stanley said and he smiled, but he trembled all the same. 

My heart burned in my chest, since when did Stanley care about Connor? Since when did Stanley comfort people, other than me when I'm being clingy. What else don't I know? Does he cuddle Richie at night too?

"Bill" Stanley said and I snapped out of my internal lecture. "Calm down, I'm just being nice" He whispered and I gave him a confused look. "Don't be petty" 

I gaped at him. I was Bill Denbrough, 90% petty and 20% hungry. When God, or whoever made me, they accidently spilt too much petty in me.

"I-I'm not" I lied and he laughed. 

"I think you're at like, a level 6" He said and I raised my eyebrow "On the Bill petty scale" 

Did he just...

Did Stanley just steal my thing?.

Making imaginary, sarcastic concepts as a coping mechanism was MY thing. 

I feel personally attacked. Was this blasphemy?

BILL DENBROUGH'S PETTY SCALE

⇧ 

║═══➩Riverdale gets another season  
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║  
║  
║  
║═══➩ Stanley stealing my thing.  
║  
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║  
║  
║  
║

Ha I made it first, so I'm going to take credit for it.

We walked into a room, where Vic was sitting behind a table, with an ugly smirk on his face.

"H-He kind of l-looks like an e-evil Draco M-Malfoy" I whispered to Stanley.

"Draco was evil" He whispered and I shook my head.

"N-No, he w-was baby, it -w-wasn't his f-fau- w-wait you read H-Harry Potter?" I asked and he nodded. "I t-though you said i-it was for g-gay nerds?"

"I don't know if you've noticed Bill, I like bird watching and I'm very gay" He said "When you kept making references to the books and telling me about how much you lived them and how much you hated the musical-"

"W-Why would you m-mention that?" I asked and he laughed quietly. 

"So I did four all nighters last week to see what the hype was about" He said and I grinned.

"And..." 

"It's amazing, remember when I said I had hayfever yesterday?" He asked and I nodded quickly."I actually had an emotion breakdown because Cedric died" 

That's it, it's official, my entire life is merely an illusion.

Stanley VS Imaginary Stanley

[✔] Talks about books

"You two are adorable" Connor said "But we're going in" He opened the door, his body trembling as he walked inside the room. We followed quickly behind him.

We sat on the cold metal chairs, opposite Evil Draco and his ugly smirk, I mean all smirk are ugly, well apart from Richie's, Stanley's and everyone else is the world.

"Connor, baby" He said, his voice patronizing and from the way Connor tensed, it seemed to only be from his nightmares. 

"It's good to see you again my love and you've brought friends...other than Henry" His eyes dragging onto me and Stanley, and then resting on me.

"Baby we've talked about this, you don't need anyone else" He cooed and Connor glared at him, shaking ever so slightly.

"Henry isn't my friend...he's horrible and your no different" He hissed and Vic's eyes darkened.

He grabbed Connor by the shirt and pulled him over the table, closer to him. "We don't speak badly about our friends Connor and definitly not me, you know what happens when you do, baby" He said, calmly before letting us pull Connor back to his seat.

Connor, looked down at his feet, even more uncomfortable. "You're looking well" Vic said and Connor, didn't face him. "Still as beautiful as ever" He leaned forward, resting his touch on Connor's cheek, tracing over every dent, every part of his skin.

"Then why do I hear our dear Henry that you've run from him?" He asked pressing his grip hard on his skin, causing Connor to hiss in pain. 

Where was the guard how was he allowed to be unsuppervised? 

"Now careful, what you say sweetheart, you don't want to hurt yourself again" He said, tracing his fingers along the sharp scar that hooked under Connor's eye, which I left soft kisses on the night before.

"Get off him!" Stanley raised his voice, snapping out of his petrified trance, smaking Vic's hand away and pulling Connor back, who looked like he could cry.

Stanley VS Inaginary Stanley

[✔] Gets on with my friends.

Vic seemed to just find this amusing, leaning back in his seat, with a snear. "I'm came for a reason" Connor said.

"I'm sure you did, you always did" He said and Connor glared at him.

"The Red Balloon, what is it?" Connor asked and Evil Draco laughed.

"Why would I tell you?" He asked "It's not for Henry, because you've run away, are you on a little quest Nancy Drew?" 

Connor's, fist clenched beneath the seat. "I-It's important" I said.

"No one asked you Stuttering B-B-Billy" He snapped and my cheeks burned. 

Stanley stood up and I quickly pulled him back down before he got us all killed. 

"Tell us" Connor said, hesistating for a moment, looking down at his hands. "And the others will leave" 

Vic's smirk grew and I wanted to vomit "They'll leave when I tell them to, but by all means, I'll tell you my love"He said

"They give us our supplies baby, guns anything you need...at midnight at the quarry, is where we meet them, everyone who wants shit does" He says "But why do you need to know?"

Connor hesistated. "I'm looking for someone, someone who's going to help me get the fuck away from you!" He shouted, within the second Vic launched forward, pinning Connor down the the floor.

Me and Stanley instantly got up, trying to pull him off of him. "The fuck did you say to me?" He screamed, pressing his hands down onto his throat, choking him.

Stanley ran out of the room, shouting for a guard, or anyone to help him. "I said I'll never have to see you're ugly fucking face again" Connor managed to say between gasps for air. 

Vic pushed him down on the floor again, smashing his head on the concrete at the same time. My weak pushes finally irratated him to the point that he let go of Connor and through me accross the room. 

My back curled with the impact when I landed on the floor, blood flooding my mouth. He sneared at me, stepping on my hands as he towered over me.

"Shame I'm going to have to kill you stupid fucking boy toy as well Connor" He said "Bye Stuttering Bill" His fist smacked against my face, like a boulder, burning my skin.

But before he could land another punch, he was pushed off me by Stanley who pinned the tall monster against the wall. "Don't you dare touch him!"He shouted before punching him in the face.

Sadly Stanley wasn't as strong as he thought he was as was easily pushed aside, landing on the otherside of the room.

Vic wipied his bloody hands on the bottom of his shirt, before walking over to Connor, his footsteps echoing through the floor, penetrating my skull.

He picked up the smaller boy easily, pushing him up against the wall. "Now look what you've done Connor" He sneared and Connor whimpered as his grip tightened.

"You can nsver run from me" He hissed, pressing rough kissed against his neck.

"Got off me!" Connot screamed, trying to push him away, but he was nothing compared to him.

With my remaining strength, I pushed myself off of the floor, limping over to the table, picking up one of the mental chairs and walking over to Vic.

I tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned around I seung the chair at him, hitting him as hard as I could, causing him to collapse onto the floor.

Connor instantly fell in my arms and I held him tightly, as tears streamed down his eyes. "I'm s-s-s-sorry" I whispered and she shook his head.

"It's fine...now we can find Betty" He said, hid voice a little lost, he checked around him before pecking his bleeding lips against mine.

I heard a groan from Stanley and I quickly ran towards him, helping him sit up. "Helping people is so painful" He said, hurling over for a moment but sitting up again.

I laughed, brushing his hair aways from his eyes. "You're m-m-m-mad" I said, "Y-You shouldn't h-have done that" 

"He would have killed you Bill" He said. "We can't save Georgie without you and...I would never let him kill you anyway" He said and I grinned, pulling him into a hug.

"Thank you, both of you" Connor said wrapping his arms around both of us.

We must have not looked reassuring for the other visitors in the waiting room, as all three of us walking doen the corridor, looking like this was actually the queue for a human catapult.

"You may want to check up on Evil Draco" Stanley said to the one of the useless guards "He got a bit tired"

I grinned, although this didn't go exactly as we hoped. Whether or not I killed Vic with that chair, we knew now that Connor would never had to see that kid again. 

And although it physically hurt my bruised face to do so, I couldn't help but admire what he did.

Stanley VS Imaginary Stanley 

[] W̶e̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXAMS ARE FUCKING OVER, YESSSS. Also thank y'all for 1k hits, you babies are the cutest and for the kudosss💕💕.
> 
> I'm sorry for the angst, I felt physical pain writing it. 
> 
> Is Bill catching feelings? Who knows?
> 
> Oh wait I do, hehhehe
> 
> Till next time, which will be soon because I have no exams now. heheh.


	18. I Need A Holiday, Also No One Talk To Me

𝟯𝗿𝗱 𝗡𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟵,  
𝟮𝟯.𝟰𝟱𝗽𝗺  
━━━𝗤𝘂𝗮𝗿𝗿𝘆

NIGHT, DARKNESS, like everything I ever lost, every loved, ever became. All drifted from darkness. 

This night flickered with a small amount of light, a hope I guess. I know it was far stretched and hope in this life, would destroy you. But it was there, because tonight things were different.

I had cofided myself behind a bush, hiding, with Stanley binoculars from bird watching (still not a nonce), watching each shipment flood in and out of the dark waters of the Quarry.

My blood boiled beneath my skin, as they fell in and out of place, with illegal shit. These people made me si-

"Bill!" Mike said snapping me out of my daydreams, I groaned as he did so. "Concentrate, no brooding, we have to focus, otherwise they'll catch us" 

"S-Sorry" I muttered and Stanley smirked, sharing my hiding place.

"Let me guess, you were pretending to be a detective again? No wait...FBI agent?" He asked, laughing quietly.

"No..." I mumbled not helping him stop laughing.

"You're too cute" He said and all the air in the world had seemed to run away from me.

"W-What?" I asked, a blush coating my cheeks.

"I said, it's too cute, you're such as child" He said and I pouted.

"A-Am not" I protested and he raised his eyebrow.

"William Denbrough you are the most childish person I have ever met" He said and I pouted even more "But...it's nice, it's like you're innocent and sweet, but you know still very silly" 

I smiled, trying to hide the blush that coated my cheeks. "Y-You are the m-most sensible p-person I have e-ever met" I said.

He grinned "I'll take that as a good thing" He said, causing a small smile to slip through my lips.

"I-I'm not used to s-seeing you s-so positive" I observed and he laughed.

"I may do it more just to spite you" He said and I rolled my eyes before nudging him playfully.

"I-If that was y-you motive f-f-for everything, you'd get n-nowhere" I said and he quirked his brow. "I-I'm not that p-petty"

He fell over. I'm not even joking he fell over and Mike choked when he heard me say it.

"I-I'm not" I protested and Stanley couldn't stop laughing. "S-Stop" I said pushing his shoulders as he rolled to his side, unable to stop laughing, his hands caught mine when I tried to stop him, interwhining our fingers.

"Make me" He said and my heart stopped beating. I knew that line, better than any other person in the planet. 

Yes I said it, fight me.

But please don't as I'm emotionally and physically unstable.

Why, of all things did Stanley say that? He knows not what he's done!

My knownledge of that line from awful vampire romances I used to watch when I was thirteen, because of all the 'pretty girls' rather than it was filled with shirtless men, has told me if anyone says that to you, you have to kiss them.

I mean I coul-

Instead I took a more, Bill approach and sat on his stomach. Yes, I did that. Stanley squealed trying to push me off and I ignored him. 

"Is this you trying to prove you're not petty?" He asked and I continued to watch the Quarry.

"Yes"

I could feel him sigh beneath me and I tightened my grip on the binoculars. His hand crawled up my leg "Fine then...I guess you wouldn't mind if I said that Newt deserved to di-"

He didn't even finish his sentence and I had already tackled him, ticking his sides. "D-Don't you e-e-even" He just laughed before easily pushing me off him, I lay beside him, my arms folded

"I think you need a hobby" He said with a grin and I turned to face him, shuffling a bit closer him.

"I h-have hobbies" I said and he quirked his eyebrow. 

"Being emotionally invested in books isn't a hobby" He pointed out and I opened my mouth to protest but was stopped by Bev, who reminded us why we were here.

Luckily, for Stanley as I was going to win that one.

"There it is" Bev said pointing towards a certain boat that had parked...if that's what boats actually do, I guess they drift...maybe. 

"Red balloon" Mike said "Ok Connor any ideas about what we do?" 

"I wouldn't bring you here if I didn't" He said picking up the suspicous looking bag he had brought, which Richie, being Richie was convinced it was weed. "But you're not going to like it"

"Wait...why did you look at me when you said that?" Richie asked, holding on to his glasses.

"Because you are going to go ither there with Stanley and Bill" He said and I quickly jumped off of Stanley.

"Why?" Richie asked.

"Because Richie's the tallest and looks the most intimidating and Stanley's scowl is an award winner" He said and Stanley frowned "There it is"

"Why did you include Bill, he's as inmidating as a puppy on rollerskates" Eddie said with a smirk.

"First of all, a puppy on rollerskates? That's something I want to see. But that's also coming from you Spaghetti" He said with a grin, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy, bringing him close. 

"Don't call me that" Eddie complained, his angry tone fading when Richie showered him with small kisses.

"Bill, Stanley and Richie are the tallest" He said, "Mike is also the strongest so he's doing it as well" 

"Doing what...? I can't be the only one that's lost here" Ben said, placing his hands on his hips.

Connor just smirked to Bev who grinned.

"Oh no, please don't say we having a edgy gang makeov-"

"You are having an edgy gang makeover!" Bev cheered as Connor opened his suspicous bag he had brought with him.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ʷᵃʳᵈʳᵒᵇᵉ ᵐᵃˡᶠᵘⁿᶜᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ʷᵒˡᶠ ʷʰⁱˢᵗˡᵉˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

I adjusted my leather jacket as we walked down the hill next to the quarry. 

My right-hand man Richie pushed his sunglasses up the bridhe of his nose, even though he was blind now as he swapped his glasses.

Stanley kept his hands in his now super tight black jeans. Not that I noticed that they were tight, I wasn't staring. 

And then there was Mike. He was sort of our protection, he took care of the nasty buisness. He wasn't one for words-

"Is it me or is this leather a little too cold?" He asked.

For fucks sake Mike, I had built your character so well!

"You'll be fine, just remember to act tough, answer bluntly and ask subtly" Connor began "And most importantly-I'm sorry can someone please turn that off?" He asked and Richie rolled his eyes, turning off Back in Black by AC/DC that he had been playing for our entrance.

"Fine, but if they aren't convinced...I'm playing you" He said and Connor rolled his eyes. 

"Just go, you'll be fine" Bev said pushing Richie in the right direction, which was good because he couldn't see anything.

My nerves got the best of me, the only sound thundering through my ear drums being the senseless beating of my heart.

The closer we got to the Red Balloon crate, the more suspicous stares we got from the people around us and the more Richie was being dragged away from the walking into something by Stanley.

"What do you want? Wanna be emo gay club is on the otherside of town" One of the women sneared at us and my heart rate began to quicken.

"Nah we were looking for the real emo gay club" Richie said, but the fact that he was facing the wrong direction made him look even more stupid.

"In all seriousness, we're here on buisness" Stanley said, his death stare increasing due to Richie's behaviour, making him look more the part.

Oh that's why Richie was needed.

"Have you seen a girl, about 5'7, dark hair, dark eyes?" Mike asked and the lady frowned.

"What is this?Police interregation, get out of my fucking sight you little shits before I skin you alive" She said and Stanley looked less intimidating when she swore.

"No...we're just c-curious" I said, focusing and desperately trying not to stutter, Stanley's pressence helping me calm down for some reason. "Little bitch stole f-from us, we're going to find her and kill her" I breathed heavily, every word falling out slowly so I wouldn't look like a fool. "And unless you won't to j-join her, I s-suggest you tell us"

The lady looked taken back for a second.

"Not bad Billiam" Richie whispered, but adressed that to the man standing next to the suspcious lady rather than me.

"Where did that come from?" Mike whispered "I didn't think you had that in you, who are you and what have you done with Bill Denbrough?"

The lady hesistated for a moment becore complying. "Fine, this small girl came down here about four months ago, boight a load of shit, then she left this" She walked over to a crate and then picked out a string of beads, threaded into a bracelet.

"Fu-I mean, fudge" Mike said, causing me to sigh in relief. Respect for Stanley was started to increase amongst my friends. "That little thief, stole that from us"

"What?" Richie asked, looking around frantically, "What did she steal?" Stanley lightly elbowed Richie to shut up, but ended up knocking him onto the floor.

Stanley reached forward to take it from her put she pulled it back.

"Not so fast, this is a buisness, not a charity" She said, eyeing Richie who was waving his arms around, holding on to anything to help him stand up. "What will we get in return?" 

I hesistated for a moment, thinking of a reasonable, Bill response to the situation. But then gave up and just grabbed it from her hands, sprinting off in the opposite direction, cackling like an idiot.

I turned around to check that the other members of my 'gang'. Stanley was dragging Richie by his hand, trying to stop him from walking into anything and Mike just looked completly shocked.

"I'm serious Bill" Mike shouted after me "Who even are you?"

"I d-don't k-k-know anymore" I said, my stutter returning as I shruggled to breathe.

It was all fun and games before Richie tripped over a stick, rolling down the hill, knocking us all over while he was at it. As soon as I hit the bottom, the new confidence had completely left my body and I began to panic.

Especially as I had wacked my head on a tree.

"Oh no" Somoeone near me shouted as he stood, searching the leaves frantically. "Where the hell is Richie?" 

"I-I'm here" I said and they both looked at me weirdly.

"Bill, how hard did you hit your head?" The boy with curly hair walked towards me, holding my head and observering it 

"I'm fine G-Georgie" I said and he frowned, giving me a sympathetic look.

"He must of gone in this direction" Mike said, picking up a pair of sunglasses from the floor. "Bill, are you sure you're ok?" 

"Who are you, Richie?No wait you can't be, I'm Richie" I said, giggling. Wow, my head felt fuzzy, like a small little peach mating with a tennis ball.

"Oh no, we don't have time for this, we need to go now" The curly hair boy said.

"Ah, b-b-being a paronoid m-m-mother, you m-m-must be S-Stanley" I said and he rolled his eyes. 

"Mike"He said and the huge body guard guy, nodded before picking me up.

Damn.

We began to run in a random direction, my head throbbing. "I'm f-f-flyinggggg" I screamed and Stanley the mother shushhed me.

Was he always this rude?

Eventually my new method of transport came to a stop, parking in front of a tall boy with dark curly hair.

"Rich" Mike said and the boy screamed.

"Mike, is that you?" He asked.

"Y-Yes" I said and Stanley rolled his eyes.

"Bill?" He asked "What's going on?"He cried, looking around him like a maniac.

"Rich, what is that in your hand?" Stanley asked, stepping back. 

"It's fine...I manage to get the bracelet from that evil mafia lady" He said and I gaped at the strange boy.

"Oh God" Stanley said.

I couldn't be the only one seeing this?

"It wasn't easy though, it kepy running away from me and it put up a bit of a fight" He said chuckling, "It's a good day for blind people"

"Erm...Richie love" Mike began, looking at Stanley awkwardly. "I need you to be calm about this...but that's not a bracelet"

"What?" He squeaked.

"They can't move remember?" Stanley said "Rich, that's a snake"

"Oh would you look at that" He chuckled "That was a plot twist" before screaming, dropping the snake and running...straight into a tree.

"Hey, Trashmouth are you ok?" Stanley asked trying to help the strange boy up "We can't have two concussed Losers"

"M' just dandy" He coughed, rubbing his head.

"Ok, we have to run" Mike said, Stanley nodded before grabbing Richie's hand.

Why didn't he hold my hand like that?

Eventually we left the strange dark woods, meeting up with a strange ginger girl, midget, a slightly chubby kid and another blonde boy who looked like he had made a time machine and travelled from the 80s

"Oh my" The Annie girl said, jumping at me and wrapping her arms around me. "You mental fucking idiots, what the hell happened?Everyone just sort of disappeared from that area at started running after you..." She continued to ramble at me.

"Oh, y-you're a bit a-agressive"I said, and Garfield gave me a death glare. "You m-must be Bev" 

She gave me a confused look. "Erm..."

"H-Hello Bev!" I shouted.

"Hello? Can you tell me what the hell happened?" She asked and I nodded.

"Of c-course" I said and she looked relief, before a strange silence surrounded us.

"Well?" She asked after several minutes of silence.

"V-Very well thank y-you" I replied and she groaned. "H-How are you?"

She gave a desperate look to Mike, who rubbed the back of his head nervously "Well...Richie can't see without his glasses..." He looked over to Richie who was currently, walking around in circles. "Eds!" He cried before hugging a small postbox.

"I'm over here asshole!" He complained, storming over to the tall boy "Just because I'm sort!" He muttered.

Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie "I've lost everything Eds, I will never be able to see your face ever again, I used a snake as a accessory. It was terrible!" He cried, burrying his head in the annoyed small boys's shoulder.

"New buisnesd idea?" He suggested.

"Obviously" He said and the small boy giggled before passing him his glasses.

"Here you go idiot" He rested them on Richie's nose and gave him a small peck.

"Thank you, I love you so much my beautiful Eds" He cried, pulling him close and showering him in kisses, dramatically.

"And Bill's...slightly concussed" Stanley said and I giggled wrapping my arm around him.

"W-Who is t-this Bill?" I laughed before looking at him, up close for the first time. "

"F-Fuck" I breathed and he winced. "Y-You're so f-fucking pretty" I said, cupping his cheekd and he gaped at me, looking like his heart stopped beating. I ran my fingers through his hair, in a certain way for some reason.

"D-Do you h-have a boyfriend?" I asked and he rolled his eyes. I guess he must be asked that often.

"Yes" He said "Unfourtunately I have a soulmate" He laughed.

My jaw dropped, and the tears stung my eyes before I could stop them. "Whhhy?" I cried, before sobbing into his shoulder, he pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around me.

"I think it's severe" Stanley said to Ed Sheeran who just nodded.

"Well we need to get out of here regardless" Mike said, dragging me away from Stanley.

"I will never look at life the same ever again" Richie said looking around him. "That was a life changing experience, should I do a TedTalk on what it's like to be temporary blind?"

"Yeah you could write a book about how amazing life is through your eyes" Bev said sarcastically.

"A book?" He asked.

"Let's just go" Bev said, pushing him forward.

"Chapter 1: Supersight.After regaining sight, it has improved and I have an even better eye si-" He said, writing iy down on a piece of paper, which I didn't know where he got from, before walking straight into me.

We both crashed onto the floor, smashing my head on the concrete. "W-What the fu- h-hell Richie?" I hissed, trying to push the idiot off me. "E-Even with g-glasses you c-can't see T-Trashmouth" 

"Bill!" He screamed "You're back!"

"W-What?" I asked as he began kissing ever inch of my face.

"W-What happened?"I asked, allowing Bev to help me up.

"You banged your head pretty hard on a tree" Connor said with a grin and I rubbed the back of my head.

Oh so that's why it hurt so much.

"You told Stanley he was pretty and cried when you found out he had a soulmate" Ben said, still laughing.

"Oh n-no"I groaned, desperately wanting to drown myself.

We continued to cycle home in silence, Ben sometimes started laughing randomly thinking about everything that happened.

I sat at the back of Stanley's bike as I wasn't allowed to ride mine and Silver was at home in repairs. 

I jumped off the bike when we got near my home. "T-Thanks" I said "A-And sorry for...y-you know" 

"For entertaining...it's fine" Richie yelled from the distance and I rolled my eyes.

"See y-you" I gave him a small wave and a look of disappointment threaded across his face. "W-What?"

"Nothing..." He began "It's just, we've spent the past nights...with each other, I just assumed we would again"

A small grin slipped through my lips, as well as a blush across my cheeks. "You're s-starting to like h-hugs" I observed and it was his cheeks that burned this time.

"No...ok maybe"He said and I laughed.

My gaze caught on to Connor's and I sighed. "S-Sorry, Connor s-staying round, doesn't w-want to be a-alone and he t-trusts me" I said.

"I could stay as well" He suggested and I shook my head a little too quickly.

"No, i-it's f-fine" I said and he nodded, not even hiding his disappointed.

"Ok" He said quietly before turning his bike around.

"Bye" I said. He didn't reply.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᵃᵗᵗᵉᵐᵖᵗˢ ᵒᶠ ᵗʳʸⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏ ⁱⁿᵗᵒ ᵐʸ ʰᵒᵘˢᵉ ᵃⁿᵈ ᶜʰᵉᶜᵏⁱⁿᵍ ᴵ ᵈⁱᵈⁿ'ᵗ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵃⁿʸ ᶠᵒʳᵐ ᵒᶠ ᵇʳᵃⁱⁿ ᵈᵃᵐᵃᵍᵉ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

I spent that evening, like I had spent every other evening like it recently. Locking my room, sitting on my bed and lips pressed against Connor's.

My grip would vary, sometimes on his shirt, neck or hair. I avoided his hair most of the time, the light curls reminding me of Stanley. And this wasn't about feeling guilt, that was for later.

My mind was distracted tonight however, maybe it was because of the debatable brain damage. But I wasn't focused.

"Bill, what's wrong?" Connor mummered in my ear.

"N-Nothing" I whispered and he pulled away, raising his eyebrow.

"It's Stanley...isn't it?" He asked, no emotion apparent on his face. 

"I f-feel bad" I whispered and he nodded, cupping my cheek. "S-Sorry

"That's fine" He said "You don't have to apologise"

"I t-think he w-wanted to be w-with him t-tonight" I whispered "I d-don't think he w-wanted to be a-alone"

He nodded, a small smile escaping his lips "Then you should go" He said "If you want to"

I hesistated "A-Are you sure?" 

He grinned "Course" he pressed a small kiss to my cheek. 

I smiled, a stupid smile "T-Thanks" I said "T-Tommorow" I promised, pressing my lips against his, unable to stop smiling.

I crawled out of my bedroom window and gave Connor a small wave before rolling off the roof. 

I had got better at this, climbing out of my bedroom window. What was Stanley doing to me?

Stanley, Stanley, Stanley wanted me.

I cycled to his house, peddling as fast as I could, not caring about how may almost brian damage may kill me.

I had gotten better at climbing to his window as well, we had even come up with a secret knock code. You know after last time when Stanley thought I was a murderer.

Fun times.

He looked suprised to see me, his happiness settling better than his disappointment.

"I'm sorry" He said "I'm afraid we're closed at this hour"

"Oh r-really?" I asked, smirking "I h-happen to b-be good friends w-with the m-manager, ask him"

He smiled "Oh I don't want to wake him you best come in quickly then"

I crawled through the window, not destroying everything like I did last time. I layed on my back next to him, following his gaze to the celing.

"Couldn't sleep?"He asked and I felt my heart sink.

"S-Something like t-that" I mumbled, shifting uncomfortably. 

"I guess we finally have something in common" He said and I laughed.

"S-So how d-do you deal with it?" I asked and I rolled of the bed for a moment, picking up his headphones from the desk and placing the round my head.

Cold, bones, that's my love.

The music flooded through my blood stream and there was this moment.

Just one moment.

His eyes looked with mine, his dark, soulless eyes. Being this close, I realized there was something there, a soul, a heat maybe but it was damaged and broken. 

There was still flickers of his spirit that had burnt out long ago, it sparkled a little under the darkness in her eyes, like stars so far away from me that I could never see them, but I was searching, always searching for something. 

Did she know that we bleed the same?

"Did you mean it?" He asked anf my heart began to pound, remembering what Ben told me I said "About us being friends?"

I breathed again, but it was filled with relief. I nodded, "Y-You're not t-that bad S-Stanley Uris" I whispered and his cheeks grew pink, even in the darkess. "I w-wouldn't mind you h-hanging around"

Did you run away?

"Neither" He whispered "If it comes to it, I think I could tolerate staying around you Bill Denbrough".

"I-If it comes to i-it" My breath shook, and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer. 

If we fail. If I loose Georgie forever.

Being with Stanley forever, meant I lost Georgie.

Do y-you think h-he's scared?" I asked and his gaze lowered beneath my skin, causing me to tremble. 

"Petrified" He whispered. "And so am I" My breathing had stopped, as if the words he realesed captured the air out of my lungs. 

"It's a-all I see" I admitted "All I-I hear, what if it n-never s-stops? What i-if it c-conusmes me c-c-completly and I'll have n-n-nothing left b-b-but that?" I asked and his hands cupped my cheeks, his touch melting into my skin and I melted with it.

"You're not as bad as you think you are..." He whispered, hesistating for a moment.

"Your insecurites aren't you, the person who fought them is and that person is crafted by you, only you but if those thoughts are too loud to sleep, just turn music louder" He said, gesturing to my headphones. 

And I did, the lyrics drying to burn out the intrusive thoughts that suffocated my childhood. Fire with fire.

Where's my love?

"W-Would w-we really get a d-dog?" I asked and he gave me a confused look."The o-other day, you s-said to your parents we g-get a dog" 

He laughed softly "Whatever you want Bill, we can have an indoor trampoline if you want"

"A b-bouncy castle f-for Georgie?" I suggested and he nodded.

"He'll live with us if he wants, he'll have his own water park outside and dog" He said

"We'll h-have indoor l-laser quest" I laughed.

"And Richie will always win, because they'll come round every day" He said.

"D-Don't forget about a s-shrine for Pennywise" I said and he couldn't stop giggling.

"Of course, as well as a dart board with her face on it" He said and I nodded.

"P-Please" I whispered and he smiled, before squeazing me tight.

The light from the moon had slipped through the window, skimming the surface of his skin. There were no clouds tonight, stars were flooding the sky. 

But I wasn't looking at them, I was looking at him. 

With the dark room softening his darkness, all the stars were spiralling through the surface of his skin. 

"What we're doing is dangerous Bill..." He began, biting his lip. "Whatever happens, before or after..."

Electric light tracing under his eyes, a dark sky under faint freckles, scattered embers of a dying fire that my fingers wanted to trace with the sliced scar under his eyes into a constellation as I stargazed.

"Promise me you'll never leave me....alone" He said "Fall in love, get married, get a dog. But whatever happens, how ever much I deny it or push you away...please don't let me be lonely" He begged.

And as I pushed the volume up, I could hear the music, feel the music burn through my entire body, my heart beating thunderously to the bass line. The lyrics seemingly stolen from my thoughts as my thoughts began to spiral, suffocating me. 

Because as the music flood through me, so did another thing. The realization that I was falling and I really hoped someone would catch me, before I fell.

"I promise" I whispered without a stutter "G-Good night S-Stanley.

If you ran away, come back home

"Night Bill" He whispered eventually. 

Just come home.

But I think it was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I clearly got a bit carried away at the start, oops.
> 
> A slightly longer chapter for a a bit of a laye update. Thank you all so much for the lovely comments and kudos, y'all feeding my ego😂😂.


	19. Ability Required: Existentential Crisis.

I THINK SOMEONE SHOULD TELL Stanley he's pretty.

Not me obviously, but someone else totally should.

Because I knew he needed it. I could see it, feel it sometimes. He wore it on him. 

Sometimes I struggled to breathe when I was around him, but I think he just struggled to breathe. Especially when he was alone.

I had spent the past couple of weeks trying to figure him out.

That boy was a puzzle. With wonky pieces, broken pieces, pieces from other puzzles and missing pieces. He could never decide what the picture will look like in the end, he lost the box reference a long time ago and is just improvising-wondering if he wants me to be in the final picture or not. 

He wasn't cruel, he was just lonely.

He needed someone, someone to care for him, someone he is important to, someone to tell him...that he's beautiful.

Because he really was.

If my last words had to be for him, then I would tell him. Only under that circumstance, because I could never deal with the consequences otherwise.

We had called another Losers club meeting apart from Mike who had to help out in the farm and with Stanley and Connor included with us, after school the next day. We all met in the park, by the lake.

"Ok, so after last's nights...unholy disaster-" Bev said, as we sat around the benches.

"Are you seriously describing your sexual experiences with us? We have a serious task at hand" Richie who was feeding the ducks said and Bev threw a cigarrette at him. Luckily for Richie she missed.

"I have the bracelet" Ben said taking it out of his pocket and we all surrounded him.

Ben let the beads spill in his small hand, anylasing each individual charm and bead. "There's nothing here, why would she leave this?"

"It's just dirty" Eddie said, taking a couple of anti-bacterial wipes out of his fanny pack and cleaning every inch of it, three times.

As each bead shimmered under the sun's surface, a shallow engravement glistened below. "Letters" Ben said.

"Maybe, there's message" Connor said, "Like an anagram" 

"Maybe, what are the letters?" Richie asked throwing the last of his bread at the geese, but apparently it wanted more. "Oh shit, I'm all out kids" Richie said, crossing his legs.

"Hey, I said I'm done...fuck off" He said, trying to wave the geese off but that seemed to attract more.

"Erm...R-Rich"I began, looking over at him and then the birds again.

"I know..." He said as they began to advance forward, Richie stepped back cautiously. "Hey Stanthony, you're the bird expert"

"It doesn't take an idiot to know what happens when you feed ducks and geese Rich" Stanley said and Richie rolled his eyes.

"Thank you for that useful insight as always Stan" Richie replied. It bewildered me a bit, how Richie could just call Stanley whatever he wanted and he didn't care.

What if I did the same?

One of the geese, honked and charged towards Richie, apparently desperate for a bread fix. Richie screamed as the violent flapped it's wings at him. 

Richie's flight or fight reflex kicked in, but obviously as the reflex belonged to Richie, it was a stupid one. He jumped straight into Ben's arms, causing him to throw the bracelet in the air in shock.

I watched in slow motion as it spun in the air, landing on the floor all the beads falling free and bouncing across the concrete.

But before I could pick them, that fucking goose had pecked up the lot.

Oh fuck. Oh FUCK. OH FUCKING SHITTING BISCUIT PACKETS THIS WAS THE SHITIEST FUCKING THING.

"Ok, no body panic..." Connor began and we all looked at him in shock

"How are we not supposed to fucking panic? Eddie's fucking boy toy just ruined any chance-" Bev began to shout and Ben out his hand on her shoulder.

"Erm...Bev love, allow me" Ben said with a reasurring smile "WHAT THE FUCK RICHIE? WE ARE DOOMED, DOOOOOOOMED I TELL YOU"

Richie looked taken back for a moment, shocked, I pretty sure I saw him flinch when Ben started shouting.

Oh shit shit.

"R-Richie"I began. 

"Chee..." Eddie began, putting his arm around the frightened boy's waist, pulling him into a hug. He whispered something reassuring in his ear and Richie nodded.

My heart sunk with envy, no matter how much I tried to stop it. There was a time that it was only me, only me who could stop Richie from freaking out when people got mad at him.

Only me who knew that Richie's worst fear was disappearing and being forgotten. He would cry himself to sleep many night if he got in fights with his parents, or the Losers. 

He didn't want to be alone.

It consumed him, every moment of every day. 

It was why I stopped getting angry at him when I figured it out. Instead I listened to all of his shit jokes and if he made me mad, I told him subtly and held him close throughout the night.

And he would do the same to me.

But now he had Eddie and I had no one. 

"Come on Bill...get in here, I know you want to" Eddie said and my heart fluttered as I wrapped my arms aeound both of them.

"I'm sorry...." Richie sobbed "Georgie...I ruined everything" I shook my head, wiping off the steam on his glasses, giving him a light kiss on his cheek.

"I-It's fine w-we're going to g-get it back" I said, letting go off him, eyeing the goose.

"What the fuck are we going to do?" Ben asked, groaning.

"We could kill it" Bev said and we all looked at her shocked. 

"Nope, never we are not killing a bird Beverely Marsh!"Stanley hissed.

"I thought you said you didn't count it" Richie noted.

"That was before Bev threatened to kill it!" 

Ben shrugged his bag off of his shoulders, taking his sandwhich out and feeding it to the goose to stop it from running away.

"Well done genius, what are we going to do after you rub out?" Richie asked who had seemed to cheer up "Sacrafice Eddie?"

Eddie rolled his eyes. 

"Does anyone have any other food?" Stanley asked looking at Eddie, who usually carried more food than the freezer ile in Tesco.

"I have a cupcake" Eddie mumbled.

"Sacrafice it" 

Eddie nodded, taking the cupcake out of his back and letting the goose eat it. But as soon as we ran out of food it began to back away.

"What shouod we do now?" Connor asked.

"We could kill it" Bev suggested.

I looked up to Stanley who nodded, advancing towards the goose, slowly, followed by Bev. 

The goose backed up slowly, before running in the opposite direction, with a very passionate honk.

"CATCH THAT GOOSE BEFORE IT GETS AWAY!" Eddie screamed, running after it, flinging his arms around drmatically, followed by everyone else.

"Hey, we are just normal people..."Connor said waving at the man with the pushchair who was giving us a confused look.

I'm pretty sure no words could justify to the public why we were doing laps of the park, following a goose.

"Oh shit...it's gone in the water!" Bev observed and we all groaned. I looked over to the end of the lake, where you coukd high small rowing boats.

"D-Does anyone h-have any m-money?" I asked. Stanley took out a couple of coins and Ben passed me a crinkled up note.

"O-Ok, me, S-Stan and Richie will t-take the boat, y-you guys will t-try to encourage it b-back to you" I said and they all nodded.

"If you get the chance, wrap you arms around the bird firmly, bring it closer to you and-" Connor began.

"Snap it's neck?" Bev asked.

"Fuck you"

We walked over to the man who seemed to be looking after all the boats. "Excuse me, how much is it for the boat?"

"Fifteen" The man said.

"Fifteen, fifteen?" Stanley began to panic. "We asked for a boat not a yaht" 

Eventually Stanley reluctantly paid and we got onto the boat, me and Stanley with an oar each and Richie looking out for the goose.

"L-Left" I said to Stanley and he nodded. "You h-have to p-pull harder S-Stanley"

"Bill, stop releasing small samples of your sex tape, I don't want any spoilers" Richie said and I rolled me eyes.

"You called me Stan earlier" Stanley said and my cheeks fell into a pit of crimson. 

"S-Sorry"

"No it's fine, I really don't care...I guess I just liked how you called me by my proper name, no one else really does" He said giving me a small smile, not really helping with my blushing cheeks.

His eyes looked dofferent under the sunlight. The darkness in his eyes were punctuated with small glimmers of light, it looked like fireflies only they burn brighter against the glowing black satin behind layers and layers of serene clouds of secrets disrupted with pain.

But there was something different about the darkness in her eyes that I had depicted before, as though what was behind them wasn't a sunny sky but perhaps a even darker one.

"O-Ok S-S-Stan" I whispered, my heart burning beneath my chest, as I was unable to draw my eyes away from his. 

"You're staring" Stan said

I just hummed in response, not really wanting anything to change at the moment.

"There's that little bastard" Richie said, pointing at the goose and we rowed quicker.

When we got closer, Richie reached out for it, actually managing to grab the bird and pull it onto the boat. Not falling into the water, which was a suprise to everyone. 

"See that what happens when you have me on the case Detective Denbrough, instead of whoring over Stanthony, you could of-"

"Oh you've done it now!" Stan saidnstanding up on the boat and tackling Richie...straight into the water.

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ ᵒᶠ ˢᵃᵛⁱⁿᵍ ᴿⁱᶜʰⁱᵉ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵈʳᵒʷⁿⁱⁿᵍ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵏⁱⁿᵈᵃᵖᵖⁱⁿᵍ ᵃ ᵍᵒᵒˢᵉ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

"So let me get this straight..." Mike began.

"Most people here aren't" Bev said.

"You kidnapped a goose...and brought it here?" Mike asked, staring at the foose that was sitting on some newspaper on his bed.

"We panicked" Ben said. 

Rue, who was supposed to be spending some quality time with Mike, sat next to the goose petting it. "It's sort of cute" She said.

"Trust me...it wasn't cute when it tried to kill me" Richie said, who really couldn't be taken seriously wearing Mike's clothes. Which were too short for his flamingo legs but too baggy at the same times.

"Are you sure...it..." Rue began, staring at it.

"I promise, that feathery bastard ate that stupid bracelet" Eddie said, glaring at the bird.

"So what are going to do?" Mike asked.

"W-Wait for it t-to..." I said and his eyes widened.

"Then why would you put it on my bed?" He hissed and we shrugged.

"We were wondering if you had anything, for farm animals to help them...go?" Connor asked.

Ben shuddered. "Yes we do" Mike said, disappearing for a moment.

"Bill" Stan said, snapping me out of my daydreams. "You ok? You've been a bit quiet"

My cheeks burned and I nodded, he reached for my hand and squeazed it softly. He leaned his head against my shoulder.

That was it, that there officer. That's what killed me.

Mike fed the little shit some potion thing and we sat on the floor, waiting. Eventually, it began to grow dark so Stan and Ben had to go home.

He wrapped his arms around me "Best of luck" He said and I nodded. "See you tonight?" He asked and my chest burned, I nodded again. 

He grinned at me, a big stupid grin and I'm pretty sure it put me in a state of shock.

It was only me, Richie, Mike and Eddie who stayed with the bird until the end. It was a heroic journey, with Richie mainly interested with somwthing else. 

"Out with it Bill" Richie whispered and I gave him a confused look. "Don't give me that look, bitchface, what's up with you and Staniel?"

I shook my head quickly "N-Nothing"

"Bill, after everything, did you really think you could hide something from me?" He asked "You've been hiding something from me this entire week, and I think it's something more than Stan"

My eyes widened, I couldn't tell him, he could never, he could neve-  
"You've been messing around with Connor haven't you?" He asked and I gaped at him.

"You absloute...bitchface! Do you know what I'd do if I lost you? I love you so fucking much Bill, if you get yourself killed...I would be nothing without you, you're my brother Bill.." He began and I leaned into him, letting him wrap his arm around me.

"I-It didn't m-m-mean anything" I mumbled and I could feel him shake his head in disappointment. "I-It doesn't"

"I l-love you Richie, I w-would never l-leave you" I said and I could feel his heart rate increase "N-Never, not m-matter what you s-say, d-do. Y-You're stuck w-with me forever and i-if you w-were taken away...I w-would spend the r-rest of my life l-looking for y-you...we a-all would" I whispered. "N-Never forget that"

"Please..." He began "I can't loose you, any of you"

I nodded "I-I'm sorry I s-scared you"

He smiled sadly, "I-I'll stop f-for you" 

"And Stan" He said and I narrowed my eyes at him. "I know what's happened Bill, you've fallen?"

"F-Fallen?"

"You've fallen deep, too deep" Richie said. What was he on? Was he high?.

"You William Denbrough are falling in love with Stanley Uris" He said and my heart stopped beating. My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to protest.

"Don't even think about it, Bill I know you don't want it to be true...but if it is Bill, it doesn't mean Pennywise won in any way" He said and I couldn't stop shaking my head desperately. "It's still you're choice and your heart"

"I-It's not t-t-true" My whole body shook. "The S-Selction isn't r-right"

Richie arched his brow. "Yes it's fucked up Bill, but aee you saying we're all mistakes. That Ben and Bev aren't meant to be? Rue and Mike? That I'm not obsessed with Eddie?" I sighed, shaking my head.

"I-I'm not in l-love with S-Stanley" I said and with that piece of shit said another was released, as the bird had finally taken a shit.

"Yes, success!" Richie said running towards the bird and spinning it around, trying to kiss it. He went towards the newspaper and picked up a couple of beads.

"EWWWW RICH WHAT THE FUCK? DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Eddie screamed. 

"On that note, you run to Stan Bill, we'll clean this shit up...litterally" Mike said and my eyes widened.

How did he know I was going to Stan's?

My thoughts consumed me whilst I cycled as quickly to Stan's, in some sort of internal conflict. I tried to convince myself the reason my jeart beat so fast was because of the excerise and that I wasn't excited.

"Hey Bill, I'm guessing you were all successful?" Stan asked as I crawled through his window. For some reason that made me blush.

TALKING ABOUT BIRD SHIT MADE ME BLUSH?

"How fast did you cycle?" He asked, placing his hands on my shoulder, taking away the remaining breath. "You've gone all red"

My eyes fell into his and I still couldn't breathe. Traces of light spiralled back of fourth not fireflies but perhaps silver stars like the scattered embers of a dying fire winked down at me, illuminating the atramentous curtain of dark eyes.

It's was surreal and it would make anyone wants to reach up for them, keep it in our hands for warmth and pocket it to bring home and keep them in a jar...like fireflies.

"Someone should tell you you're pretty" I said without thinking or stuttering once. His eyes widened.

"What?"

"I-I-I mean I-I-I t-t-think..." I struggled and his confused look didn't help. "Y-You're p-p-pretty...beautiful even Stan"

Stan's eyes widened, his cheeks reflecting mine,more red than Bev's hair or a bad sunburn. He cleared his throat awkwardly and bit his lip.

"I think you're b-beautiful too Bill" He said amd if he wasn't holding on to me, I think I may have collapsed then and there. 

His words spiralled through me, replacing the oxygen that was supposed to flood my lungs. It seemed to be the only thing that kept my heart running, kept me alive as all air had run away long ago.

He seemed to be closer than he was a moment and my fucked up head thought his gaze lowered to my lips for a second. 

"I h-have to g-g-go for a wee-wee!" I shouted, a little too loudly, making him jump back in shock. He nodded and I ran down into his bathroom, breathing heavily.

I took my phone and I quickly out of my pocket and called Richie. 

"Bill? What the fuck...I'm doing something, v-very important...right now" He said his tone all over the place and I rolled my eyes when I could hear Eddie in the background.

"R-RICHIE S-SHUT UP!" I shouted before lowering my voice "I-I'm having an b-break down, I t-think I-I'm dying..."

"Bill, what the fuck?" He asked "Out with it"

"YOU WERE R-R-RIGHT!" I shouted again "I've fallen in love with Stanley" 

I didn't stutter once and all I could here was Richie drop his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to leave that there....


	20. The Unlikley Adventures Of Bitchface And Go Fuck Yourself

"OK BILLIAM I NEED YOU TO CALM DOWN" Richie said in an attempted soothing voice.

"C-Calm down, Calm d-d-down?" I asked pacing up and down Richie's room. "This i-i-is me w-w-we're talking a-a-about here" I hissed. 

At the moment everything I was thinking and everything I did was anything but calm. 

I had ran away from Stan. I know, I know it was stupid but I panicked. And as my parents like to say, when I panic I 'replace my head with a snow globe'. It becomes delicate and my brain turns into water.

"Just...don't loose your shit Bill, let's think calmly and rationally about this" Mike said, because yes Mike was here as well as Ben and Bev. Because Richie had called a Losers club emergency meeting...because yes this was an emergency!

"H-Have you even m-met me before?" I asked, still pacing up and down the room. "I d-don't do c-c-calm, I g-got stressed out in a m-medidation class"

Don't ask, can't explain.

"Bill stop being such a bitchface, just breathe" Richie said.

"Go f-fuck yourself"

"Ok, let's try something else...Bill are you sure this isn't a false alarm?" Bev asked, placing both of her hands on my shoulders.

"You t-t-think I'm capable of j-just h-having a meltdown for the f-f-fun of it?" I asked and silence threaded through the room, if there were crickets in Derry, they'd be having a blast right now.

"O-Ok, I get your p-p-point" I mumbled, placing my hands on my hips and trying to breathe. 

"Let's just take a moment here..." Ben began, allowing me to breathe "What exactly set this off, how did you come to this conclusion?" 

Ben should never be a therapist.

"I d-don't know it j-just happened" I said, thinking for a moment, which was difficult in my current state of mine. "W-Well I g-guess I g-got over the w-whole Stan has b-been summoned to make my l-l-life a living hell" I said and everyone mummered with agreement. 

"T-Then I got used to his c-c-company, we had a 'h-h-heated' moment which gave d-dreams that I will n-never be able to explain to G-G-Georgie..." I began, tapping my fingers on my leg. 

"T-The p-photobooth i-incident, l-l-late night c-conversations and c-cuddles, the m-m-music thing, h-he's easy to t-talk to, he a-actually gets me...n-no offence g-guys" I continued to ramble, basically doing a speed recap of the past few weeks. 

"H-He's goregous, s-so f-f-fucking beautiful, I m-mean have you seen his eyes? I c-can't even...I m-mean, he has nice ass" I stammered and there was a moment of silence before Bev s slow clap filled the room.

"Well I'm sold" Bev said "All in favour say aye" She added, the entire room lifting their hand up, even Connor, which was a little weird.

"I-I'm all for d-democracy, but what d-d-did you j-just vote for?" I asked.

Eddie smirked, something he had stolen from Richie. "For you...and Stan"

I quirked my brow at them, confused. "Team Banley, Stilliam...wait no Stenbrough" Richie began. 

Connor said heavily. "Bill...you're going to do something about the Stanley problem" He grinned "And more importantly, we're going to help you"

See from my highly qualified experience, of well being myself. I could only guess, that this wasn't going to end well.

"Well shit"

ˢᵉᵛᵉʳᵃˡ ᵉᵐᵇᵃʳᵃˢˢⁱⁿᵍ ᵐⁱⁿᵘᵗᵉˢ ᵒᶠ ᵗᵒʳᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈᵉᵇᵃᵗᵉ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

"H-How is this going to h-help make him f-fall in live with me?" I asked

Bev shook her head "We not going to help you 'make him fall for you' more like we are going to figure out a way for you to tell him how you feel and find out if he feels the same"

I groaned. "This is b-bad idea...I s-shouldn't do it" 

Mike wrapped his arm around me as we walked towards the school. "Think about what was one of the things that you said that Stanley does that makes you...what was your term?" 

"Makes m-me want to s-skin myself a-alive, because e-everything inside burns?" I suggested and he nodded. "When he c-compliments me"

Mike grinned "Exactly, so let's see if it does the sams to him, but slightly less...graphic"

I groaned. "I-I'm never nice to h-him, he'll k-k-know something's u-up, and w-what are you even d-doing here? You're h-homeschooled"

"There is no way I'm missing this" He said. 

"I've brought the popcorn" Ben said, trying to suppress his laughter. I quickly looked around me before attempting to run away, only to be dragged back by Connor and Richie. 

Richie bit his lip, before placing his hands on my shoulders "The popcorn is because it's going to be so successful, the best romantic love story"

That would do shit in the box office.

THE FAULT IN OUR GAYS: A beautiful story about two twats finding love in an stupid situtation 

"Come on Bill, just go for it" Bev said, pushing me forward. 

My mind spiralled desperately "C-Connor how a-are you a-able to go a-along with this?" I asked and he raised his eyebrow.

"Bill...come on, why would it bother me?" He asked with a smirk and I sighed heavily.

"F-Fine" I grumbled, taking a deep breath as I walked over to Stanley

His eyes widened when he saw me "Hey are you ok?You kinda of lost your shit yesterday and when you didn't come back from the toilet I thought you were right about those toilet crocodile-"

"S-S-Stan!" I said interrupting his rambles and he blinked at me. "I'm f-fine, I j-j-just c-came h-h-h-here to s-s-say..." I tried, my words failing to come out of my mouth.

"T-T-That I-I-I t-t-t-t...." I attempted to say again but failed.

"Bill" Stan said, placing his hands on my shoulder "Breathe...it's ok, just concentrate and relax" 

I nodded, my cheeks burning insufferiably. "I...j-just wanted to say, I'm s-sorry for running last n-night, R-Richie had a...paper c-clip emergency"

"Ok...I'm glad he got his paper clip emergency solved" He said, his tone drifting in and out of confusion.

"A-Also, I r-really like y-your j-jumper, it r-really suits you" I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Haha, very funny Bill" He said bitterly and my eyes widened. 

"Wuh-what?" I asked. 

How had I already fucked this up? Oh..wait, Karma.

"Hahah, My mum made me wear a jumper because it's cold and it makes me look like my Nan, it's apparently the comedic outbreak of the century" He said loudly, I wasn't sure who it was directed at until Henry walked past.

"Nice jumper Stanley" Greta said and she walked past. 

"Did you steal it from my Gran's washing line?" One of her clones asked and Stan rolled his eyes.

"I' really concerned of the lack of entertainment everyone in this school seems to have" He said, before oulling his headphones over his head.

"I'm going to blast music and hide in the library so I can't hear all the hurtful things people say" He tapped his headphones with a grin, before disappearing. 

"Can my grandma borrow your jumper Stanley? She's dead..we need something to burn the corpse with" Henry said as Stan walked past him, disappointed when he didn't recieve a response.

I kept my head down as I walked over to the Losers who were sharing the popcorn, all apart from Richie, who's expression was unreadable.

He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close and I leaned my head on his shoulders.

"I h-hope you have a-a plan B" I mumbled and I could feel him chuckle. 

"Don't worry, we based the plan around you fucking up" He said and I smiled a little.

My smile fell as the next plan had began to be taken through. My heart hammered through my chest as my the note in my hand got more and more crinkled.

Bev noted how difficult I found it sometimes to speak how I was feeling, but writing words down...that I could do. 

I knew Stan didn't believe words meant anything when spoken, words always felt better written down. In lyrics, in poetry, in books.

Because when you speak, you can make mistakes and sometimes people can't hear you. But when you write them down, only those who you want to, can see see who you are and how you feel.

I felt the same, I always found it difficult to speak to people, so I found comfort in lyrics and writing. Which allowed me to illustrate my heart the way is was crafted to others.

It wasn't much just a small note:

I know this may confuse you, it confuses me. But even if we were in a different life, different world, I'd fall for you. Because you stole my heart and I'm not sure I want it back. 

Not without you with it.

Love Bill   
x

My fingers dragged across the lockers until I reached Stan's, slipping the note through the gap. 

I grinned as I walked to my maths lesson, which I had never done before and had somehow convinced my teacher that I was a massive fan of Inverse Functions and since I found it so funny I should answer the questions. I think I may start a fan page at home just out of spite.

The grin didn't leave until I was dragges out of the corridor and into the cleaner's cupboard. 

"What the fuck Bill?" A very pissed of Rue hissed at me, turning on the light.

"E-Excuse me?" I asked, you know just a little confused as to why I was just kidnapped by Mike's soulmate. 

"Are you trying to get everyone killed? First messing around with Connor and now trying to move on to me...are you mental?" She asked, opening a piece of paper and waving it unfront of my face.

Oh shit, shit. 

Rue's locker was next to Stan's.

"N-N-No...it was a m-mistake" I protested and she placed her hands on her hips.

"What like Stan?" She asked and my jaw dropped.

"H-How the fuck d-did you know a-about that?" I asked.

"Mike isn't a very good liar" She said and I frowned.

"N-Neither are you" I said.

"Fine...Stan told me, he likes me, I like him, we're good friends...he talks to other people other than you, you know" She said with a smirk.

He did?

"The n-notes for Stan" I whispered and her eyes opened. "I-I've fallen...deep"

She grinned "And let me guess, the Losers have come up with several plans to see if he likes you too...and they've backfired?"

I nodded slowly, still slightly embarassed that both plan A and B had failed. The Losers better have a long list.

Her grin only grew, "Drop everything, I'm helping...I know Stan and I've read enough questionable romance novels in the past that if you ask me about I will deny, to know what I'm doing" 

What the fuck had I got myself into?

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ˢᵗʳᵉˢˢᶠᵘˡ ᵃⁿᵈ ʰᵒʳʳⁱᵇˡᵉ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

"So I j-just g-go over there...in f-front of the e-everyone and just...k-k-kiss him?" I asked hesistantly.

"Yes" Bev said "If he kisses you back...that means be likes you, if he doesn't, well we'll cover that afterwards" 

"N-Nope" I said, making a run for it but was quickly dragged back. " I t-thought if I s-said it outloud, it w-would sound s-slightly less m-mental, but no a-all of you are insane"

"Bill, calm yourself, the more you over think, the worse it'll be...and besides it's not like your a bad kisser" Connor said and my cheeks actually set on fire. 

"What if i-if he k-kills me, what i-if he n-never talks to m-me a-again?" I asked "W-What if-"

My cheek burned even more when I was cut off, it took me a little while to realize I had been slapped softly by Ben.

Ben of all people.

"Sorry Bill, but you were loosing your shit...come on you can do this, who is the strongest person you know? Who do you aspire to be? Your hero?" He asked, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"B-Bev" I said and everyone mummured in agreement

"Would Bev be loosing her shit?" He asked and I shook my head quickly. "So when doubt think: 'What would Beverly Marsh do?" 

"S-She would g-go over there and k-kiss the life out of h-him" I said, recieving a cheer from the Losers. "T-Thanks Ben" 

He grinned "Don't thank me yet" He pushed me towards Stan "Good luck lover boy, knock yourself out!"

With the adrenaline I ran towards Stan, an excited grin on my grin. "Hey everything alright?" He asked and I nodded quickly.

Ok, here goes nothing. I gave a quick prayer to whoever above has been making my life miserable so far to take a break. 

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, drifting closer to him. My heart burning with the heat in my cheeks, beating thunderously. 

It beat quicker when I accidently stepped on Stan's toe, causing him jump back in pain. His movement, meant I had nothing to stop me from falling, crashing straight into the lockers and landing on the floor.

My back arched as the pain rushed through my body like an ingniting fire. My eyes squeazed close as my head crashed against the floor.

When I opened them, each of the Losers faces's towered over me. Mostly with concern, especially Eddie, some with confusion like Stan. 

"Thanks Ben" I mumbled and he sighed heavily.

"Please say he's not concussed again"Stan said, thankfully not having a clue of what was going on.

"So..." Richie said laughing awkwardly "Anyone ready to hear plan D?" 

"Go f-fuck yourself"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah...that was a very Bill reaction.


	21. It's Me, I'm The April Fool

"I T-THINK I m-may have to run away to n-nepal, where I'll l-live the rest of my l-life as a g-goat" I grumbled as I sat on my bed next to Mike and Richie.

"You have said that like five times already Bill...it's getting boring mate" Richie said, pressing yet another ice pack on my head.

Mike wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close to his side. "Come on Bill, you can't give up, not now, not after-"

"I j-just failed p-plan H?" I complained, but it hurt to move my face. 

This time I tried Eddie's briliant idea to seductively lean across the table in science, which was just had to be revently bleached so I slipped straight off, almost knocking myself out and causing a very...minor fire in lab after knocking over chemicals and bunsen burners in the process.

"I-It's a sign...from the u-universe" I protested and Richie rolled his eyes.

"The only sign I see, is the check you just recieved from burning down the science lab" Richie said and I sighed heavily.

"Maybe we are just over thinking this, maybe you should just talk to him, just tell him how you feel and how overwhelmed you are" Mike suggested.

"G-Great idea, I'll j-just walk over to h-him...a-and the building will collapse o-on me" I mumbled sarcastically.

"I'm serious Bill, no more schemes, just think, when do you usually...connect?" Mike asked and I knitted my eyebrows together.

"W-When it's just u-us and we j-just...talk" I said. "A-And it's everything...f-fuck" I lay down, staring at the celing. "H-How did you deal with it R-Rich?"

"Deal with what?" He asked, inspecting my head for any other injuries.

"B-Being in l-love"I mumbled and he curled up next to me.

"It kind of consumed me...every second of every day, all I could think about was Eddie, if he said one nice thing to me or hugged me, that would be my weekend thoughts. So one day I went to the kissing bridge and wrote out initals on it...I guess hoping that we would be matched" He said.

"So I h-have to j-just go to the k-kissing bridge and h-hope that m-magically he'll love me back?"I asked and Richie shook his head.

"Just go and talk to him, do what Bill Denbrough would do, not Bev, not Rue, not Mike, not Connor, not Ben, not Eddie and definitly not me" He said and I groaned.

"B-But what if he d-doesn't like m-me being m-me?" I asked and Mike rolled his eyes.

"Then he isn't worth it" Mike said and there was a moment of silence before he spoke again. "But I think he is Bill...you're enough"

"Y-Yeah sure, everytime I e-even think about S-Stan some d-disaster strikes" Suddenly there was a massive thud that hit my window and landed on my bed.

This was am appropriate time to evaluate Mike's and Richie's panic defence mode

Mike: Jumped over Richie and grabbed the closest thing to him...Georgie's favourite teddy bear to arm himself with.

Richie: Grabbed me and threw me off the bed, crashing into me.

Neither of them I can trust for any possible future CIA career choices.

"Stan what the fu...udge are you doing?" Richie asked releasing me from the floor and I pushed him.off my body. I raised my eyebrow at Richie to explain his behaviour and he just shrugged his shoulders "I don't know Bill there is just soemthing about you...that just makes me want to protect you"

"W-Why does e-everyone keep s-saying that?" I mumbled.

"Because you're cute" Stan said rolling off my bed. "And you don't look like you can defend yourself...being petty isn't a weapon"

I gaped at him, before looking around me frantically. Stan just called me cute? And nothing happened? Something wasn't going to knock me out?

"What are you doing here and why didn you just use the door?" Mike asked holding the bear to his chest.

Stan smiled, fuck that smile...really, no wait fuck everything about Stan, fuck me...wait what?

"I got excited and Bill does it all the time, I am never doing that again, it took me a while to get the right window, tell your mum I didn't mean to scare her" He said 

I smiled, trying not to remain calm "W-What are you d-doing here?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm taking you out on a date" Stan said.

The words that fell so causually from his mouth, thread through the room, initating utter chaos. Richie fainted amd Mike choked.

I just stared at him, every organ in my body not functioning at all, my arms holding Richie. The world stopped still on its axis. There was no time, no wind, no rain.

"W-Wuh-What?" I asked, my heart melted long ago, the heat of the sun burning my cheeks.

"Two week notice" He said passing me a piece of paper "From Pennywise, we haven't been on a date since the bird watching incident and we can't find Georgie if we're in exile..."

My chest slumped heavy with the weight of the shatter that tore from the rest of my heart. I nodded slowly, scrunching up the notice into a paper ball and throwing it to the side...accidently hitting Richie in the eye.

"Why do I keep getting hurt? Most destructive soulmates ever" He whined and Mike pretended to listen to his complaints.

I grabbed my school bag, just in case I had the sudden urge to run away to Greece and work as a sailor.

Stan gave me a little smirk before tilted his head towards the window. I let him take my hand into his and with it, any doubt or any common sense, allowing him to drag my heart into the dark abyss that was Stanley Uris.

The sun breaks through the cracks, lighting up the dirt path ahead of me in bright and shadowy hues, decorated with outgrown roots, wildflowers and fallen leaves that crunch beneath my bare feet

"W-Why are we d-doing the whole m-mystetious shit? W-We could've gone to the c-cinema" I said trying to keep up with him as of course he had to be a fast walker.

"Bill it will be a lot more difficult to deal with your complaining in a public setting...I have a feeling you just talk through films" He said.

I opened my mouth to protest but struggled. He got me there. Also I was out of breath from all of this fucking walking.

"S-Stan..." I whined "S-Slow down, I c-can't breathe" 

He ran back towards me "Honestly you've been spending to much time with Eddie, do I have to start carrying an inhaler like Richie does?" He smirked but wrapped his arms around my legs, lifting me onto his back.

I wrapped my hands around his neck and grinned "Onward" I said.

"You're a piece of work Denbrough" He laughed and I breathed in every way that it is possible to expand: in lungs, in brain, in soul.

He dropped me off at the same clearing that we pretended to care about last time. I lay down beside him, he took his binaculars out, staring at each bird as it flew past with wonder and joy...and I just stared at him the same way.

I had fallen deep, I was so fucked.

It was as if space and time become the finest point imaginable, as if time collapsed into one tiny speck and exploded at light speed. It's as if my universe began and ended with him. 

I guess I could run forever Nepal, Greece, search forever, but in the end, every path leads right back to his heart and soul. 

I think I was going to have to change my genre from horror and start writing shudder, romance.

"Bill, Bill...look at that sparrow over there, it's so pretty" Stan said, the sun only glistening through the sparkle in his eyes.

I hummed in response "Y-Yeah, beautiful" I mumbled, unable to drag my eyes away from him.

I reached for my sketchbook in my school bag and started drawing some of the birds that Stan pointed at and admired, for his bedroom like I promised I would. 

He would describe them in great detail, giving me facts and history that never seemed to stop, but I didn't mind, he was like my own mini bird wikipedia page, but like a adorable one.

"These are amazing" Stan said flicking through some of the pages that I had drawn for him, never looking too far at the other pages, respecting my privacy. "I'm not sure if I should put them in my room or sell them for thousands"

I rolled my eyes, taking them back "T-The only reason p-people would p-pay you for my a-art would be to b-burn them" I said and he wrapped his arm around me pulling me close.

"For someone so petty about others you sure are harsh on yourself" Stan said and I sighed heavily.

"I'm n-not petty" I mumbled and I could feel him laugh.

"You're so cute, you know that?" He said laughing at my attiude, I pouted.

"Am not"

He mimicked my expression before tackling me down the hill, tickling every inch of my stomach. 

There are three stages of tickling:I'm laughing, I'm crying, I've shit myself.

Luckily I didn't get to stage 3.

He continued to observed the birds from the bottom of the hill. We didn't move from the way we landed, so I lay across Stan's stomach doodling and he lay on his back.

His words had drowned a little while back and every sketch and tone of birds he described did etch onto the page, but falling next pressing the  
tone that deepened around his eyes, the feathers of the birds fading into his perfect curls.

Fuck I was drawing him...again.

The sun faded into the distance, but we didn't move because sometimes you need something that can make everything slow down for a bit. Make things breathe a little more.

Because when your life is fucked out of your control, sometimes you need everything to just stop for a moment, so you are able to destroy it a little yourself. 

And in those moments, when I sat next to Stan, everything I ever wished, felt or feared, disappeared. The world stop moving for a moment and everything slowed.

It's all a moment, just one, one moment of everything at once. Anything before is nothing. Everything after, nothing. Just that one minute.

So we sat there, with that one moment, the world around us falling apart. And we would run away from it all, it that one moment. The boy with the beautiful eyes and the boy who was drawing them.

His arms slipped around my waist,  
pulling me off of him, letting my lay down mext to him.

He lay beside me, both of our gazes drawn to the sky, looking for stars under the blanket of Derry pollution. 

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close and suddenly I felt safe in my own thoughts. "I'm scared"

"W-Why?" I asked and he sighed.

"Because I've finally found someone to care about...and now I'm scared of loosing them" He said, his hands running my hair.

"It d-doesn't make you weak to c-care about this person " J said, my words burning my lungs, just like nicotine.

"I know, but I've never felt so...loving of someone before, so deep woth them and I want to protect them from everything, I want to protect you Bill from every horror in this world, I want to hold you close like this forever" He said 

"Whatever happens, promise me that you won't ever let anyone from Derry make you cry your heart out" He said his words cascading through the air, in the depths of wisps of the smoke that, stretching into eclipses. 

And so a promise followed the burning ash, a whisper of ghosts in the breeze, towards the soulless sky that envoloped the city that never woke up. 

Hoping one day the stars would be visable above the bird boy and the boy who was helplessly in love with him.

We crawled through my window again, Richie and Mike had run away long ago I'm guessing.

My hand cupped his cheek, resting my head against his. Just be you, be Bill, you're enough.

What would Beverly Marsh do?

She'd tell the truth, she'd be brave.

Stan's touch made it's self comfortable, resting around my neck after he turned the light on, so we were no longer hiding in the darkness.

I held my breath, every moment in the world drifting into this one, ever star, ever constellation falling into place around him, around Stan, Stanley fucking Uris.

"S-Stan..." I whispered, as his touch grazed over the surface of my neck "I-I-I'm l-l-"

But he cut me off, his eyes widening "Bill...what the hell?" He asked, unbuttoning my collar to observe my skin all across to my shoulder.

I titled my head in confusion until I remembered.

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!

Stan instantly took a step back, as if the purple bruises from Connor were some sort of poision that would kill him.

And from the way he was looking at me, I think it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops.
> 
> Sorry for the delay, I had to do some shit case study which took up my entire week, a-levels are so fucking hard😶. I really wanted to write some fluff, until the shit I left at the end, but I ended up turning Bill into a poet, jahhah.  
> Till next time kids
> 
> Btw next chapter will probably be up either later this evening or tommorow morning. I have no idea how time zones work


	22. A Guide To Giving Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Well this gets a little angsty, not going to lie. Talk of abuse, a lot of sadness and crying.Heartbreak all around sadly.

IN THAT MOMENT Stan's perfect eyes, the ghosts that haunted my sketchbook fell through a vortex of emotions. 

I knew I had broke him, with each colour that ebbed and flowed through his gaze like shooting stars, each new colour, new constellation falling into place. One of grief, shock, fear and finally anger.

He was made of outer space and now it haunted me.

He tried to calm his shaking breath, his grip tight against my collar. "Did..."He began, struggling to find the words. "Did someone do this to you? D-Did someone h-hurt you?"

With every shaking breath he took, it drew a little air from my lungs. I shook my head quickly, but his gaze nevet met mine. "I-I'll kill them, w-who hurt you?"

I shook my head quickly, "N-N-No one, Stan, d-don't worry" Of course, of course he was thinking of me first, I worse the worst person on the planet. "R-Remembet at y-yours and d-dinner with y-your-"

"That was over a week ago Bill..., y-you can tell me, I c-care..." He began, closing his eyes. 

"N-No one hurt me S-Stanley" I said, knowing there was no way I deserved to call him anything else. "B-But me...I d-did this, I wuh-w-w-wanted to"

He gaze finally met mine and I saw the moment it all fell into place, clicked, pieced together. He nodded slowly, his grip fading from my shirt until it was gone.

He breath displaced aroun him, he wasn't breathing, he backed up into he felt the wall. He slid down onto the floor and rested his head on the wall.

"S-Stan..." I began, but it was like I wasn't there, like he had drifted elsewhere.

He brought his knees up to his chest and buried his face. My heart broke with every sob I heard.

It was so faint I thought I had imagined it at first. It took me by suprise a little bit...because I had never seen him cry before, a little while back I didn't even think he was capable of emotions.

Whether he liked me or not, it didn't matter, I betrayed his trust and I broke him.

I walked over to him slowly, tears burning in my eyes, I was crumbling completely when he cried. "S-S-Stan" I began again but he snapped.

"No!" He shouted, another new thing. It took my by suprise and I fell to the ground. "You lied!" He screamed, "You promised, YOU PROMISED ME!"

"S-Stan" I tried again but he hugged his body close to him as he cried.

"You said you w-would never leave me, you lied! You a-are all I have B-Bill and n-now they're g-going to kill you t-too" He cried and I shook my head quickly wrapping my arm around him, pulling him close and he didn't have the energy to fight back this time.

"N-N-No, I'm n-not going, n-not now not ever" I promised, tears streaming down my eyes.

"T-They're going to kill you" He whimpered "You said you wouldn't leave me alone"

"I'm not going to, Stan I promised" I whispered, kissing his eye softly. That seemed to be bad idea because he instantly pushed me off him.

"Stay the hell away from me!" He shouted "You lying, cheating, hypersexual, selfish, arrogant, sociopathic loser!" He pushed my chest lightly, throwing me onto the ground.

Anger boiled beneath my skin, until the feeling of grief gave away to numbness. "M-Me?" I shouted back and he flinched a little "I f-found someone w-who actually cared about m-me, I'm s-sorry if I w-wasn't able to stay a-around and listen to h-how much they h-hate me every. s-single. d-day!" 

He shook his head quickly "It was you! You were the one who decided I hated you, you told me you didn't want me to kiss you to touch you because I 'hated you'. No matter how much I told you I needed time and it was impossible for me to be forced to love someone who I the government gave me...you didn't wait, you risked your life to shag someone else!"

"T-The moment I m-met you, you m-made fun of me and I n-never had sex with a-anyone so c-calm down the a-acusations" I said and he scoffed through the tears.

"I'm just reacting to what you told me" He said. " I can't believe you were desperate to get away from me, you tried to get yourself killed...all I tried to do was make you care. I tried being nice, being honest, I read the books you cared so much about. I tried the touching thing and I listened to you complaining" He listed, his voice breaking as he did so. 

"Why?Why am I never good enough for anyone to care?" He asked and I had no energy to reply. 

He shook his head, "I'll go Bill..because I care about you, I'll sign myself off, you can get re-matched. I didn't want to accepted it before buut I get it, if I were you, I wouldn't want me either" He mumbled, but I caught his arm before he left.

"I d-don't want y-you to l-leave Stan...I n-meed you here w-with me, forever" I begged and he shook his head. 

"When have I ever known that?" He asked.

"D-Do you even know w-what I've been through? I have h'had three head i-injuries today! Just today!" I shouted but he clearly didn't understand what I was talking about.

"And all I w-wanted is for y-you to f-fucking love me like I f-fucking dreamt you would. M-My entire life I've b-been waiting for this n-never did I t-think I w-would be d-driven to t-take down the e-entire f-fucking system j-just to get r-rid of y-your f-f-fucking useless s-shitty self!" I shouted, 

The words tasted like venom as they spilled out my mouth, complete lies and hate that were formed from a base with the same sort of flavour. I placed my hand over my mouth, sealing it from anymore destruction.

Stan's eyes were overflowing with shock, it looked as if the fire inside of them had been dowsed with a bucket of icy water. Bubbles of tears dared to escape the brim of his eyes, reflecting an my dark and cold image inside of them. His face paled and he swallowed and nodded his head, clearly trying to restrain the tears. 

He gave me one last look, his eyes falling into mine, filled with hurt and traces of despair. His breath became sharp and shallow as he fell to the floor and then I realized what I had done.

I quickly wrapped my arms around him, letting him lay against me as he struggled to breathe. He didn't scream at me, only shaking in fear. "S-Stan breathe"

His eyes kept twithcing and he wouldn't stop shaking "Please don't hurt me, please" He kept repeating.

I held him tighter "S-Stan, I'm not going to hurt you, it's me" I tried to calm him down but I realized that I wasn't much of a comforting image anymore.

"You don't care" Was all he said and I shook my head.

"I l-lied Stan, of c-course I care about you, more t-than anything or a-anyone in the w-world" I whispered tracing circles up and down his arms, his breathing began to calm down a little bit, but only slightly.

"I'm not leaving Stan, not now not ever, you're stuck with me for the rest of your life. I would never hurt you, never on purpose, you mean to much to me, I'm staying even if you'll hate me forever, I will do anything for you to trust me again" I whispered and his breathing slowed down."I'll never leave you alone" 

I didn't even stutter, not once.

"Man, we're messed up" Stan said, laughing sadly into my chest and my fingers ran through his hair. "Why did you do it? Why woulfd you even.."

"I w-was upset, I j-just wanted the i-intimacy, to f-feel close to s-someone like t-that" I said and his gaze couldn't meet mine.

"You're horrible" He said and I nodded.

"I know".

"S-Stan whatever y-you decide to d-do, p-please, just a-always know that I'd n-n-never hurt you..." I whispered and he sighed heavily.

"But you did" He whimpered and my heart broke once more.

"I k-k-know but I-I'm sorry, p-please don't b-be mad at me S-Stan, please d-don't hate me...I d-don't know what I-I'd do" I cried and he still couldn't look at me.

"I could never hate you Bill...but I want to, so badly" He whispered "You hurt me"

"I k-know, I-I'll do anything to m-make things better" I said and he hesistated for a moment, biting his lip.

"Never lie to me again" He whispered and I nodded way to quickly. "This doesn't mean you are forgiven!" He added sharply "But I'm resisting every urge to run away from you"

"I believe you were being stupid, I know you would never delibaretly hurt me, but you still did Bill. We're still going to find Georgie together, but I don't know...I think we should stay apart for a while, so I don't try to kill you" He said and my heart sunk. It could've been worse I guess but I wasn't sure how long I could last without Stan.

"Just...just stay away from me" He said, closing his eyes for a moment "And if you think about saying something important to me or try to win back my trust...don't. I hate the whole pretend thing" He explained codly and I nodded, not even resisting the tears that fell from my eyes.

"You can atill talk to Connor if you want..." He began and my eyes widened as he did so. How did he know who it was? "I'm not stupid Bill who else would it be? Just no more kissing" 

I nodded slowly, it hadn't happened since I figured out I was in love with Stan. "W-Why did you t-think I was g-going to hurt you? And w-why did you say y-you couldn't let my die as well?" I asked and Stan instantly looked away from me, steading his breath.

"Then you want to know why I hate the the Selection so much" He said and I nodded. He tilted his head back a little before curling up into me. It didn't matter what had happened or what was going to happen, he needed comfort and I wasn't going to deny him.

"My mum didn't have a good run, her first soulmate...my Dad, who you met is brilliant but when I was three he was arrested" He said

"He tried to rebel against the system, they didn't kill him because they wanted to make an example out of him...test him, they took him away and did weird stuff to him, I'm not sure what but when he came back he wasn't the same. You've seen the way he talks about the system, he loves it" He said and I nodded slowly.

"T-They b-brain washed him" I concluded and he nodded.

"I'm not sure how but they did. See back then, they hadn't gone with the whole re-match thing if your soulmate was removed. Well they still don't do that unless they've been exiled. They were reluctant because they thought people would use it to their advantage, framing people to get re-matched. But they figured that too keep the populatiom going, it would be important for partners of the exiled to be re-matched"

"So not only did they experiment of my Dad but also with my mother" He said, sighing heavily and closing his eyes. "They re-did the test and got her a new guy to help look after me...I was nine when this happened. The guy, Bruce, was quite possibly the worst person I'd ever met. He'd drink, shout, shout all the time, he'd never hit me, but he screamed at me all the time. Always the shouting and always the swearing"

I held him closer but he seemed unaffected by my pressence. "Eventually when he tried to beat my mother to death they decided that he should be taken away...but went through with the rematching thing anyway" He said hostily, gritting his teeth. "They messed us up pretty bad, ruined my life and couldn't even take any responsibility with it. After that I realized if I couldn't even trust the people who controlled and protected us, then I couldn't trust anyone. I don't know I guess that's why the swearing sets me off...all I see is him" He whispered.

"I-I'm s-sorry for swearing, for a-all of us" I whispered but he shrugged, getting sick of my apologises at this point.

"It doesn't matter you all tried I guess, but I've kind of got used to it now, starting to just associate you lot instead of him with it. But if you lot swear I probably witll have a panic attack again" He added and I nodded quickly.

"Y-You were friends with h-her weren't you?" I asked finally piecing together the last of the story "B-Betty as well as R-Rue"

Stan nodded "We didn't talk in school, I didn't like the Watchers of Pennywise knowing who I cared about so they could hurt me. So we always talked outside of school"

"I-It wasn't your f-fault, s-she isn't dead" I whispered and he tensed up.

"She told me she was running away" He said simply. "I felt disappointed because I kind of hoped we'd be matched, not because I loved her like that, but because I wanted a safe option without having to be emotionally invested in a stranger"

I nodded "I w-wanted to b-be with Bev for the s-same reason" I whispered.

A small smile slipped through his lips "Wouldn't that be something?" He laughed dryly "Betty wanted me to run with her, but I guess I was too scared. I should've"

I shook my head. "No, shouldn't h-have" I said and he tilted his head in confusion.

"Why?"

There were a million reasons why it was a bad idea, he wouldn't have been able to help us figure out where Betty was, or how to take down the system. But only one thought dominated my brain, the only thing that I really cared about:

"T-Then I would n-never of met you and m-my life would've been i-incomplete"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahhaha two updates in one day, peer pressure and I have no life. I have spent my frees reading rather than writing and noe I have almost finsihed the foxhole court series and I have no regrets. Bare through this shit and I promise ish will be turning up VERY soon.


	23. Chapter 1: Yes, I'm Re-Writing Everything.

THE WORLD is a shitty place, but this time I realized that's mainly because I have an outlet driven by cynicism and hatred.

The government tried to make it better by matching me up with a soulmate and by absolute luck and charm that I never deserved I was paired with Stanley Uris.

But suprise, suprise, I fucked up every little chance I had with him...by being myself. My name is Bill Denbrough and welcome to my follow up TedTalk about how I was going to sort out my fucked up life.

I woke up this morning feeling the shittiest I have felt in a while. But I decided to try and be...productive for once about my problems.

I know, I know, you're probably wondering: Who are you and what have you done with the old Bill?

Well the old Bill was an asshole and lost Stan, but the new Bill was going to do everything in his power to win him back.

There was a lighter filter surrounding my life because I needed to get my shit together.

BILL'S TO-DO LIST.

● To get Georgie back

● Stanley Uris

●DESTROY THE SYTEM!!

Richie had been no help, yet another surpise. When we had tried using the power of Google to help us make progress through the list, he was more interest in my search history than anything else.

A copy of it can be now found everywhere in our school.

Bill's recent Google search history: 

Birds.  
What makes birds so interesting?  
Why are certain people interested in birds?  
Why are cute boys into birds?  
Why are cute boys names Stanley Uris into birds?  
Ambient sounds to help you sleep, What qualifies you for a service dog? Why do cats like to sit in boxes?  
Daily horoscope.  
Does quoting Shakespeare sound flirty?  
Buzzfeed quizzes food?  
How to be soulmatey.

Richie couldn't stick around all the time sadly as he also had a soulmate. So did Bev, Ben. Rue just gave me death glares whenever I walked passed and I couldn't bring myself to talk to Connor.

And Mike...well Mike had taken on the role of Stan's best friend. They sat next to each other at lunch, talked to each other all the time and Stan would help out on the farm.

Richie and Stan also seemed to have reached a civil relationship of Stan insulting Richie's jokes and Richie going out of his way to make extra jokes for him.

In other words, they were practically besties.

I dunno, I guess everyone accepted that what I had done was shitty. They still talked to me and all but there is only so many times people will try to stay after you tell them to fuck off.

I had made a tally chart, fuck I was turning into Stan, but anyway I had made one in order to keep track of how many days Stan hadn't been talking to me for:

DAYS I HAVE BEEN STANLESS:

I I

TWO it has been TWO DAYS, SIX HOURS AND 126576 SECONDS since Stan had spoken to me!

Calm, I am calm. I am a new found optimistic person. I can do this.

I really had been trying my best with this Stan probelm, Bev was brilliant. She sat at the end of my bed as I drew more birds for Stan, which I had been keeping in my notebook. Sometimes one or two Bev would slip in his locker without my permission, but I told her to stop it as I didn't want to harass him.

He asked for space. But there lies the catch. I know from personal experience, questionable One Direction fanfiction and TV programs: When people want to be left alone they also want to know that you're desperate for them to forgive you. 

If you seem uninterested or don't care, then they'll get even more mad.

But Stan was so detatched and out of place with the human species in general, I didn't know what to do. Bev had just told me not to overwhealm him but not act like I don't care, let him know that I was dying inside.

So I left little hints like doodling crying cats in history and making sure he could see, put sad quotes on my social media and wore his hoodies everywhere.

Obviously we couldn't actually look like we were upset with each other...because like death, but Stan had managed to find a way to be intimate and passive agressive. It was the worst experience in my life.

Plans would formulate and then destroy themselves in my mind as I followed the Losers into the woods, my sight occupied by Stan laughing to whatever Mike was telling him. 

I scowled as subtley as I could because I wasn't going to get petty, I had moved on from that phase in my life. But it was more easy to think I was capable of that, then actually doing so.

"Bill...why don't you just go over there and-" Bev began and I cut her off by raising my eyebrow at her.

"B-Because no m-matter how h-hard I try, I-I'm not B-Beverly Marsh. I d-don't have your charisma and I-I'm too shitty of a-a person for i-it to work..." I mumbled and she rolled her eyes before hiding them behind her sunglasses, to give me more judgemental looks without hurting my feelings I guess.

"Not this again Bill...the universe doesn't have a fuck-up list with your name on it, nothing is that powerful" She said and I quickly jumped infront of her and covered her mouth.

"Shhhhhh, d-don't make t-things worse for m-me" I hissed, giving a little glance at the sky, a quick rain check for any falling planes that would land on me.

I could feel her roll her eyes again, just sense it. "What are you looking at? Have you turned over a new religious leaf? Has the Lord beseech us with the righteousness of thou?"

I groaned heavily as laughter followed Bev's giggle. "Has thou been enlightened to lead the way through the woods as well as the way of faith?" Mike asked.

"Hey guys enough" Stan said and my heart fluttered ever so slightly...ok a lot. "Bill is taking us onto a spirtial journey, we must listen to his prayer"

Did you hear that shattering sound? That was the sound of Stanley Uris breaking my heart. Oops there it goes again.

But even I couldn't pretend to be offended for that long, a small smile pressing against my lips, a small contribution to everyone else's laughter. 

Well all except for Richie who was a bit lost but wanted to be involved anyway. "Do caterpillars have dicks?" He asked, again if there were crickets here...they'd feel special.

Connor seemed to have decided that my complete and utter avoidance of him had settled doen a little and that it was safe enough for him to talk to me.

"I'm sorry" He whispered, looking around to see if anyone was listening. "I was being reckless, because I could, I'm sorry I let you be too"

I shook my head too quickly it hurt. "I w-was beyond s-stupid and r-reckless...but d-don't worry, I'm g-going to win him back" I said tapping my forehead lightly.

Connor quirked his brow "Who even are you anymore?"

I shrugged my shoulders "If there is anything I can do to undo the damage I helped with, please let me know" 

I nodded and stretched out my hand to shake his "D-Deal".

With a few blissful mummerings and whispers that fell with the autumn leaves, Stan decided to drift back, joining me at unhealthy slow pace. He didn't say anything for a while, just staring into the distance as we hiked through the woods. Like we were on an expedition.

The sun blistered through the skin without a single solace of mercy, draining any fluid or fibre from beneath my flesh, leaving my soul, my spirit dry for the-

Wait, I hadn't even explained what we were doing out here. Basically Bev and Ben had figured out what was on the bracelet turns out it spelt out the word LOSER.

Which was ironic really, but Stan guessed she meant us as in the Losers Club. The only physical place we could think of was the Loser club house, which no matter how many times we went there, we still never remembered where it was.

"So...how have you been doing?" Stan asked and I turned my head to hide my grin.

I could finally get rid of my stupid tally chart.

"Terribly" I mumbled, knowing this was what he wanted to here and it was the truth, so bonus.

"Good" He said.

"What d-do I need to d-do?" I asked "F-For us to b-be friends again?"

He frowned "I think you and I both know that friendship is a little unrealistic...and I think you already know what I want" I stopped in my tracks as he continued to walk.

WHATTT, WHATT IS IT THAT HE WANTED? I WAS SUFFERING, HE ENJOYED SEEING ME SUFFER!

Or maybe I had completely misread that situation.

That does sound like me.

Suddenly there was a loud crash and ben fell into oblivion, or the club club house, either way works. 

The air moved like cool water and the aura of our footsteps infused far more deeply than it did in the light of outside. In the darkness the webs and stones were muted hues, as if they waited dawn to ignite their colours.

The cool air seemed to lace and interwine in the connnection of our fingertips as if it forshadowed such a touch was dangerous. 

The darkness shifted slightly with the landscape as we made our way down the ladder and into the clubhouse. Richie instantly ran towards the hammock, Eddie tackling him but giving up halfway and just draped himself on him.

Stan shrugged his bag off and handed us showercaps. I gave him a confused stare when he handed me one and he smiled, shyly "It's to stop spiders from getting in your hair" He said, placing the cap over my head as well as the blush over my cheeks.

"Come on Stanley we aren't scared of spiders" Richie said before looking up and seeing that he was the only one not wearing one. "And I stand corrected"

"That's a first" Bev smirked, lighting a cigarrette. 

"Touché".

I sat next to Stan tapping my knee awkwardly. "D-Do you want more bird d-drawings?" I asked him and he glared at me. "D-Do you w-want me to write you a l-letter? Poem? F-For me to c-cry...that will be n-no effort b-because I am o-on the verge of a-an emotional b-breakdown"

"A-Anything Stan please...I n-need you" I pleaded and his gaze darkened.

"But you didn't...I'm a mistake" He whispered and my heart broke all over again. 

Tears had already started to threaten my eyes and Stan had already been there to wipe them away before anyone sees. "All I want is you..." He whispered.

"To leave me alone...because you know by now, at least some of you does know what I want" He added and my chest crinkled into an iron grip.

"A s-song?" I suggested and he rolled his eyes before standing up.

"I'm don't get why you're investing so much effort in someone who you clearly don't even know" Stan said before walking off, probably to Mike...his new bestfriend.

"Ok, can we please try to figure out what we need to do and why we're here?" Ben asked, leaning his arm against one of the pillars, causing Eddie to tremble in fear, because last time it had caused damage.

"Please do" A voice said, a very familiar voice. "Don't let me stop you" We all turned our heads, very slowly to the end wall, where lurking in the shadows, approached a slightly tall girl will long dark hair draped over her face.

We all instantly screamed and I quickly hid behind Bev, knowing she would protect me. 

But it turns out it wasn't the girl from the ring, but in fact Betty Ripsom.

I don't know why I thought stating that calmly would make it sound any less weird, but I did.

"What the-? How the-? Why the-?" Eddie began, panicking, only relaxing when Richie passed him his spare inhaler, which he always just carried around with him I guess.

Stan looked like he had just seen Betty Rispom after she was broadcasted over the news for months about disappearing, used as an example of rebellion and was suffering internal conflict. Because yes, in itself it was a traumatizing thing.

"Betty-" His voice cracked, my hand slipped into his and he gave a vunerable look, like everything had just broke and rebuilt itself into a new reality without telling him first.

"Stan..." She began before looking at everyone else "Losers...looks like you found me, now can I ask you what in the actual name of roast pinapples did you try and find me for?" 

Awkward and confused glances grew but never faded, she sighed heavily placing a hand on her hip, unimpressed. "We n-need your h-help" I said and her gaze softened a little. "T-They took m-my brother"

The look she gave me, scared me. Because it dissolved every wall of denial, optimism and dillusion I had creating, shaping the reality of loosing Georgie. Because I had binded finding him with her. 

"Bill...I'm so sorry, but why did you think I could help?" She asked.

I bit my tongue, the blood skidding through my throat. Stan noted this and took over "Everyone says you found something...something that could destroy everything"

She hesitated for a moment, but the way she looked at Stan, drowning in trust, threw it all away. "I did, but I can't do anything in my own...if you guys choose to help me, you have to run away and risk everything"

"For Bill, for Georgie" Stan said "Easily"

"I also need a little more back up evidence, like more dysfunctional relationships, failures, mistakes" She said and Stan sighed, looking over at me, squeazing my hand a little.

"It's fine, I'm a mistake" Stan said, his voice shaking slightly as he did so. Betty's face fell, before she looked from Stan, to me, to Stan again. 

She shook her head. "No Stan, I'm serious"

"I'm not joking" He said, a little offended.

"You two aren't uncompatiable" She said, confusion deep in her expression. 

"W-We are c-currently fighting" I protested and she raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, he cheated on me" Stan said and my heart sliced through my chest as I closed my eyes.

"You two are holding hands" She said and I looked up to Stan who just shrugged.

"So...? We don't want to get killed" Stan said and I wasn't really sure who he was trying to convince. I mean, I wasn't exactly playing on the safe side with finding Betty, Connor, climbing Stan's roof.

"There aren't any Watchers here" She said.

Although the 'Oh fuck' was universal, we still didn't let go of each other. I mean, it felt wrong...to just do what she suggested.

"I can help you" Connor said, breaking the silence. "My soulmate's in prison...I'm not an expert on love but I don't think trying to kill your partner several times is a romantic gesture" 

Betty nodded. "That'll do" She said "Come on Losers, we'll have to rein it in for the night and I'll explain in the morning what I found" 

"Where would we even go?" Mike asked and she smirked.

"I wasn't hiding in your club house this entire time, pack your ish Losers, we're leaving Derry" She said and silence poisioned the room until it was liberated by utter chaos.

"No one has ever left Derry and lived to tell the tale" Rue said, the only one of us apparently able to join her words up into a sentence.

Betty to raised her eyebrow and pointed to herself, before we ended up interogating her with 21 questions, which she replied with simple phrases or just tapped her nose. 

Turns out to sneak out of Derry, we took yet another lovely trip doen the sewers, our useful guide: Betty Ripsom. The sewers led to a small abadonned building a couple of miles out of Derry.

To be honest I thought there would be more when you left Derry, but there was just miles and miles of road and empty fields. According to Betty, the old maps she had manage to find said that the next town was about four hours away.

You could tell Betty had been hiding out here for months. Despite the outside of the building, well what was left of it, looking like the only person who could live here was some sort of demon child in a horror film.

With every step there was a blanket or a piece of clothing that could keep you warm, the fire burned lightly, smoke drifting around us with a subtle wood fragance.

"Okay, I have enough sleeping arangements for everyone" She said, passing everyone a cup of coffee, which most of us weren't interested in drinking, just in staying warm. "I guess you can pair up with your regular bed buddies" She began " But I swear down if any of you have sex...I will kick you out, I don't want to be woken up and experience nightmares in reality"

"Connor you can have your own space" She said and he gave a small smile.

"Erm...B-Betty, c-can I also h-have my own room?" I asked, following her down the hallway and she gave me a confused glance.

"Why?"

"B-Because, S-Stan isn't very h-happy with me r-right now and I d-don't want to upset h-him anymore than I a-already have d-d-done" I said and she rolled her eyes

"You make it sound like he's being unreasonable" She said and I looked down at me feet. She was right, things could've been a lot worse.

"Look I'm tired, if you must then you can share with Connor or thirdwheel one of the couples" She said and both me and Stan winced at the mention of his name.

"Oh...Oh now, I get it" She said, laughing a little "Bill Denbrough...the plot thickens, I didn't think you had it in you" 

"So that's why you two are fighting...I guess it's worth almost getting killed for. Well let me get this one thing clear, that's wrong, I'm going to say this because everyone else is too scared of you to say it. Well only Stan, sorry Bill you're as intimitating as a puppy on roller skates" She said and I rolled my eyes.

"You two may argue and insult each other all the time, but like every tv show or film it's because you both are hiding the fact that you really like each other and this is the only way you know how to communicate" She said and there was a silence before mass panic. Me and Stan both started protesting and arguing simultaneously.

Has she never met me? She can't just out me like that! Unless she's planning on paying for my funeral.

"Oh give me a break, I have been living on my own, researching romance for months" She said cutting us off. "You cannot fool the runaway"

"You're a fanciful emotionally unstable teenager" She said pointing at me. "You've read way too much books that you will deny in public, watched terrible romances and have been surrounded by successes to have a realtisic standard for your soulmate. You expected for there to music and camera swirls when you met. But it didn't and you decided straight away that meant there was a mistake in the system" She added and I opened my mouth to protest but he stopped me.

"But let me guess things started pretty badly between you two...and you can never forget about the fact that he probabaly made fun of something that I guess you were insecure about, as he does that, a lot, it's an unhealthy coping mehcanism that we're working on. But then he started to get more comfortable about him and you found out that he actually really nice but allowing yourself to fall for him would mean the system won and you would never see your brother again" She concluded in a bored manner, leaving me speachless.

"And you" She said pointing at Stan "You're like to pretend you're an emotionless kid who loves insulting people so no one will ever take advantage if you again. You close off the world from you but I bet you love it when people really know you and understand you, well because you're human"

"But nooo, falling back on him would be awful and you would feel terrible because ladies and gentleman, you both broke each other and you would have to live with that forever"She said and I looked at him, but he tried to hide behind his curls.

"So why don't you just both send me back to Pennywise, rip your clothes off and get. It. Over. With. All. Ready!" She shouted before walking away, leaving us both shocked and broken in the empty room. 

We walked into our small room in silence, Stan awkwardly fidgeting eith everything he touched. We managed to slip next to eachother, pulling the blankets over us to hide the heartbreak.

But my eyes couldn't leave his, every words, every breath, every moment that was Stan spiralled through me, consumed me. It was almost as if I hadn't lost everything, my heart was only beating, only for Stanley Uris. But I was breathing still and he wasn't mine.

"Stop looking at me like that"He whispered and I knitted my eyebrow together.

"L-Like what?" I asked as his gaze deepened. 

"Like you'd run away from everything, for me" He whispered 

"But I w-would" I whispered and he closed his eyes, his breath shaking .

"I'm not your answer Bill...and you can't be mine, not when you can hurt me" He said and everything around me sank inwards.

"Stan, don't be scared" I whispered, the stutter escaping me "I'm not your answer, I'm nothing...and I promise you nothing will ever hurt you, because I can't loose everything"

"I'm not your everything" He said. "I won't let me be"

"Then why does everything crumble when you cry? " The look he gave me told me that with those words everything sunk, every fear, every wish, every little piece of common sense that ever existed and ever will, all have why to numbness.

And then just like that, my hands reached up to cup his cheeks, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his, stepping off the edge of the cliff.

He tasted like despair, lust and a hint of ash.

In that moment the entire universe burst into colour, my lips painted with the galaxy's edge. The once sombre darkness that had tainted my heart was dissolved with an ilusive soul made of stars. 

Exotic fibres of light, that provoke holes in a blanket of darkness. Speckles of raw passion that had once only lived in a forbidden fantasy now suprised me in reality.

Soothing brush strokes of vibrant colours and dangerous hues swirled through his touch, stroking the tones together, infused with eaxh touch as they embedded the serenity and mystical nature of a constallation, falling into place on my lips.

I smile crept through my lips, as I kissed the colour of a constallation falling into place. 

But then it fell, just like the newly form planets and stars. Swept away from my lips leaving a trickling snapshot, sending shivers from my skin as it tried to stay alive.

He pulled away, staring at me, more shocked then I was of his own actions.

His cheeks were brushed with a rose hue, heat rolling off of them, his eyes wide with shock. "Oh my god,” I all but jumped back and away from him.

“I am s-s-s-so s-s-sorry,” I scrambled backwards, trying not to freak out.

He didn't say anything and I wasn't even breathing. It was like there was no more air left in the world. And I was gasping, and I was panicking.

“I don’t e-even k-k-know, I don’t k-k-k-know what I w-w-was doing, I am so s-s-sorry-” 

His gaze pooled into my chest, rushing into where I only supposed my heart could be, and it was beating thunderously

I could feel the heat casscading from his breath, on my cheeks. It drew a way for a second as he held onto it before leaning down to reach my lips again. I instantly fell into him, every movement fitting perfectly like a puzzle piece, stealing the oxygen from my lungs again.

Lips that had broken into mine and left it unlocked so long ago had returned and I had never forgotten what it felt like and yet it still suprised me.

Fire and passion rolled off of his chapped lips, lighting the cold fuse of my body and spirit. Painting it with lust and promise. My hands trailed through his hair and his were already wrapped around my waist, his lips flooding the rest of my body, soft and rough, molten and electric. 

It fell like falling snow, each individual movement lacing my skin with a cool fire, spirallining through my body, making my heart strike like thunder.

It interwhined with my soul, filling me with electricity, embedded with fibres of passion and sadness at the same time because I knew he was still hurting.

Nothing felt right once it all stopped, it was like the world had collapsed around us, there was nothing there that was important apart from Stanley Uris.

"Well...fuck"Stan said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this makes up for the late update, I was stuck in cambridge for an english trip so yeah that's what's been happening. I may have also got a lil carried away, but we'll just pretend it's Bill who is the over dramatic one.


	24. Drop Everything, I'm Getting Married

I SWEAR my body was paralized.

I really just wasn't expecting it.

I actually- He actually...we actually...

I think I'm actually dying.

Help.

Movement drifted into molten blur.  
He gave me a long look, as my arms slipped beneath his shirt-it was delved with energy from the depths of an erupting volcano. Heat fled everywhere, passionate and lustful. His gaze locked into mine.

"Is this how you win every argument?" He asked chuckling slightly, his voice dry and raspy. I rolled my eyes

"Oh your annoying" I said and he laughed, dipping his body into mine, causing me to lean backwards, the wooden shelf beneath me being a soft comfort compared to him.

"So annoying, how will you survive?" He joked displacing the pools of molten electricity onto my cheeks and then neck instead.

Confident arms pushed me down  
on to the floor. Heat poured off of him and filled the cracks in my soul, we fit together perfectly like puzzle pieces of two different puzzle pieces.

The warmth wondered everywhere, pools of heat flooded my neck, my legs and crawled up my back underneath my shirt. 

My blood boiled beneath my skin, with the same electric pulse that fuelled my anger. I burned like fire beneath him and he was the taste of ash-from crackling wood, warm and dusted grey. 

His grip was strong on my legs, his palms rubbing circles on my thighs. His lips dragged, his breath warm, hot and heavy against my shoulder. My skin burned under every touch, breaths became spluttered and raspy. My hands clasped his shoulders, on his back, under his shirt. 

I writhered underneath him, trying to catch my breath. Then tragically my phone rang and I've never wanted to sue Apple more. 

Stan fished my phone out of my back pocket and rested it on my chest as he unlocked it. "Missed call from 'Parental Unit 1: The Prison Guard'"

"P-Pass it here" I said before switching it off and throwing it across the room. We both eatch it hit the wall and land on the floor. "O-Ok, do i-it again" I said and she smirked.

"Do what?" He asked and I hit the side of his arm lightly. I pushed my head up so I could reach his lips again, desire pooled in his dark eyes, dripping on my skin. The sky bathed the room in a sultry blur, he tried to cool it down but it only fed the flames. His dark eyes were a drug and I was addicted

"Bill..." Stan began between kisses and I hummed in response. "We need...we need to...talk" I groaned, put kept my hands on his cheeks, tracing every dent, faint scar, freckle that dusted his cheeks.

"So...I-I guess..."He began, blushing even more than he was when I kissed him. " I g-guess you g-grew on m-me..." He tried again and I raised my eyebrow. "Fine...I fell for you and your stupid judgmental looks"

I smiled happily "I f-fell too...w-way too hard" 

His face fell into a frown. "Really?"He asked, his voice barely audiable.

My eyes widened "Yes Stan...of course I did. I spent all of Tuesday trying to come up with a elaborate plan...remember the locker incident? I was trying to kiss you!" I said and he gaped at me before laughing. "W-Wuh-What?"

"You're something else entirely Bill Denbrough" He said before reconnecting our lips. He pushed my fringe out of my eyes and grinned "But sadly everything"

I kissed him softly this time, but I still couldn't get used to it. "You're e-everything" I corrected him and he rolled his eyes.

"How amusing"He said and I frowned.

"I-I'm serious" I whispered, brushing the curls away from his eyes. "I'm i-in love with you Stan"

"You don't know what love is" He said, rolling off of me and lying next to me.

I shook my head quickly. "I k-know what it i-i-is...it w-wasn't messing around w-with Connor" I said and he tensed up.

"Is love not admiring how caring and funny you are? Or obsessing over how shy you get in social suituations and how your not shy around me? Is love not falling over everything when you let me listen to music I've never listened to before? " I asked and his gaze softened.

"Is love not staying up all night, unable to stop thinking about whatever it is that goes on in your head that allows words to flow and fall from you, so perfectly? Is love not infatuating over how you pretend to be interested in my books just to talk to me but then actually enjoying them? Or how you can read me like an open book like and understand things that even I didn't know...?" I asked and it seemed like no one was breathing anymore, the room painted hollow by the confession.

"Because if it isn't then I don't know what is. But I don't care either all I know is that's how I've fallen Stanley Uris and that to me is love" I said and he hesistated for a moment before pulling me into a tight hug and kissing every part of my face. 

"I fell for you Bill, way to far I fell so deep in love with you that I'm no longer scared" He said "I love you so much. I love how you doodle and paint on your clothes, I love how funny you are and how you daydream so much and make up strange scenerios. I love how you steal my clothes and read all the time and I love reading your thoughts that you scribble all over the pages"

"I love how you push your hair back and fiddle with your sleeves when your shy, I love the words you write and speak and how I can speak to you for hours and never get bored. I love how smart you are and they way you bite your coller or pen lid when your nervous. But mostly I love how you are, because just being with you will be the death of me" He rambled causing me entire heart to clench and drown into his, trying to give me the strength to resist the urge to propose to him in that moment.

I kissed him again because it felt strange not to, like everything that I felt ,ever was, ever wished...the universe itself started and ended with his lips. But not matter what he was never close enough to me "Bill I shouldn't...we shouldn't be doing this" Stan whispered and I frowned.

"N-Nothings is h-h-happening" I said, confused. Okay not nothing we were kissing. Oh my fuck...we were KISSING I WAS KISSING STANLEY FUCKING URIS. AND HE LET ME!!!

He bit his lip for a moment, hesistating "It's just...nevermind" He began and I gave him one of my favourite judgmental looks, from my private cabinet. "I feel like I can't do this to you...after everything I've done, said..."

"N-Noooo" I said shaking my head "A-Are you c-challenging me to a c-c-competition? I-I've been t-terrible and t-that's an understatement" I said and he averted his gaze, momentarily hiding from my eyes. 

"Yeah...I guess so" He mumbled, giving me a small smile.

"W-What's wrong?" I asked and he shook his head too soon.

"Nothing...nothing" He said before bringing me closer to him, his touch resting on my cheek, under my eyes as he fell for a moment into my glance. 

"Y-You don't have to l-l-l-lie" I whispered. "N-Not to me, I-I'll always be h-h-here, I-I'll never l-leave you" His expression broke and it look like his heart did a little too.

"I'm sorry..." He began and I frowned. "I wish we could just lay here forever"

I hummed as I buried my head into his chest. "I-Impossible" I mumbled "The w-world will k-keep moving, b-but you're stuck with me f-forever"

"As long as that's a promise" He muttered and I grinned.

"Whatever happens..." He began "With breaking everything and saving Georgie...I want you to know that I love you, so much and if anything happens, you have to know that"

I looked up at him "N-N-Nothing is going to h-h-happen" I muttered and I could feel his heart sink in his chest but I ignored it once his fingers brushed through my hair. 

"So what now?" He asked and I held him closer to me when he drifted away a little.

"N-N-Nothing..." I mumbled "J-Just hold me l-like this f-f-forever"

"You sure you're genre is horror rather than romance?" He asked laughing softly. 

"Y-You love it" I mumbled pulling him in for another kiss, trying to ignore his smiling lips.

"I guess I could live with it" He mumbled, pushing me down once more, my fingers hooked around his belt loops, pulling him closer to me. I guess I knew how he felt, fearing someone well take him from me.

"How l-l-long" I mumbled when I was wrapped in his arms again. "How long have you f-f-fallen for?"

He sighed heavily. "Not soon enough...if I had known you sooner maybe n...." He stopped himself , biting his lip again. 

"What?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Nothing...I just wished I had known you sooner because then I guess I would of fallen for you earlier" He mumbled and I knitted my eyebrows together. "No fights, no Connor, no heartbreak"

"I-In this scenerio h-how petty a-am I?" I asked and he grinned.

"The pettiest" 

"T-Then I'll have to d-draw on your 'n-n-no fights'" I said and he grinned.

He shrugged his shoulders "I guess it doesn't matter, I'll take whatever it is that is Bill Denbrough, pettiness and all..I choose you, whatever that means" 

"I-I'm getting that t-tattoed" I mumbled and he laughing before pressing his lips against mine once more.

"You don't stutter as much as you did a couple of weeks ago...well at least when we're alone" He said.

"T-That's because you no longer m-make me nervous" I said and he grinned, like an idiot.

"I made you nervous?" He asked and I nodded "I'll take that" 

"W-Will we g-get a dog still?" I asked.

"Course" He said "I guess everything we've ever lied about will be real"

"I l-l-like the sound of that...w-wait apart from the bit a-about hating you...you're not a m-mistake Stanley, r-regardless of the system, y-you're my soulmate...uh I h-hate that word, you know what? You're a mistake...I wasn't supposed to fall for you, I didn't want them to be right but it was a m-mistake that they were...because I-I've never felt like this before so the u-universe is going to suffer now I'm happy. You're my mistake...I k-know that sounds bad, but trust me...you're everything" I said and he looked at me, probably being the only person who would ever be able to unscrabble that mess and understand what my heart was trying to say.

"A mistake for the world...the petty boy and the emotionless boy, it turned out they weren't what they seemed. A pair that only exsisted in nightmares" He said, smiling.

"And now we a-are a team, so world domiantion i-is now the only thing on my to-do list" I said and he raised an eyebrow. "Oh a-and you" 

"I'll take that" He said. 

"Why?" I asked, fishing for another pool of affection because I was a whore for love.

"There's just something about you that makes me just want to-"

"Oh l-let me g-guess,protect?" I muttered, remembering a similar conversation I had with Connor...but you know meant less. 

"I was going to say shag but ok" He said seriously for a moment and jist before I crumbled completly I pointed at him.

"You w-were listening" I said and he started laughing "You r-really had me there I thought you w-were perfect" I tacklef him and he couldn't stop laughing.

"Hey" He pouted.

"F-Fine...you're p-perfect...but you c-can't read minds eavesdropper" I said and he held onto my hands firmly. 

"I would make a brilliant spy" He mumbled and I rolled my eyes before lying down to kiss that stupid idea out of him. Only I came up with silly scenorios...and I was really suprised that this entire evening was real and I hadn't just daydreamed the whole thing. 

Oh shit, what if I woke up and realized it was all a dream? Ha I'd just kiss him again I guess.

"You c-couldn't be a spy i-if your life depended o-on it, y-your terrible at b-being subtle" I said between kisses and he laughed. 

"You've ruined my dreams Denbrough" He said melodramtically but kissed me anyway. 

This one lasted a little bit longer, so did Stam's touch on the back of my neck and under my shirt.

"Nope" Richie shouted dramtically when he walked in and I jumped off Stan like a scared cat. 

"I came here to get a lamp" Richie covered his eyes and starting waving his hands around him. "Not to be traumatized"

Stan gave me a look to help him, but my eyes widened and I gave him a pleading look, so he rolled his eyes when I looked down at my jeans, passing Richie a lamp and pushing him out of the room.

"I don't even know what to do with that infomation" Stan said sitting opposite me.

"Well..."

"Don't even..." He began, hesistating for a moment "Fine"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops well thar got heated. This is late because I was like hungover at the weekend at it was birthday yesterday, 17 and way to old for this. So the update from your grandma is here, thanks for all the love and kudos. 💕💕


	25. Hey Siri, Play Some Dramatic Music...Because Shit's About To Go Down.

THERE WAS a new outlook that seemed to contaminate the room. It was if, suddenly everything had changed. I wasn't sure if that was because things between me and Stan had or the fact that Richie was being serious, for the first time in his life.

To put things into context, he once wouldn't stop making dead puns in his aunt's funeral. Coping mechansim and shit I guess.

THE AFTER-LIFE HOUR WITH TRASHMOUTH

Is your funeral a little on the...dead side? Then bring a Trashmouth because he'll bring it back to life. With   
hilarious additions such as observations.

A Unfourtunate Relative: I've prepared the eulogy, I hope it goes well.

Richie: According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

And puns:

Richie: Aunt Tilda's humor was a little dark. Her humor was too GRAVE for me. Now it's just TOMB much. But here I go again, BURYING the lead. Oh man am I digging myself too deep? Who died and made you guys critics? Oh, right.

"Okie dokie, wake up mon petit pois" Richie shouted, making a make-shift alarm clock my hitting a pan with a wooden spoon. I was too tired to roll my eyes as soon as I woke up, helping Stan to his feet. Although I felt like shit as I had spent the night on the floor, I also had never felt more happy to wake up, because no I was able to kiss Stan. 

"Not before I've brushed my teeth" He said before I even mentioned it, I pouted which always seemed to amuse him and he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close. He pecked my forehead and took his hand in mine, pulling me into the kitchen. 

"Alright I know you guys are hungry but I'm going to need help with setting up the Selection Exposé, I made a powerpoint and everything" Betty said.

"Ooo, transition slides and varieted fonts?" Stan suggested and Betty smirked.

"Sound affects and pictures of cute animals as well" She said.

"Taking down the system, Betty Rispom style" Stan said and the high-fived. 

"Am I the only one concerned that there is NO FOOD?" Eddie asked.

"Unless one of you want to stay here to cook while we set up?" Betty suggested and everyone shook there head. 

Eddie turned around and gave me those stupid, useless, adorable, cute puppy eyes that...weren't going to work on me, as I was going to stand my ground so that's why I said "Fine, I'll do it"

"Thanks, lieutenant, comrades, onward" Richie said taking Eddie's hand.

"Why can't I be lieutenant?" Eddie complained and Richie smirked. 

"That's because you are the co-general with me, the general's wife" He said and I could hear Eddie roll his eyes. 

Stan stayed behind still sitting on the kitchen counter. "I have a bad feeling about this" Stan mumbled as he wrapped his arms around my neck. 

"W-Why?" I asked, placing small kisses on his cheek, neck and across his shoulder.

"Because...don't you think if it was possible to take down the system, someone would've already done it by now?" He asked. 

"W-We have to try" I said and he sighed heavily.

"What if we just...I don't know, run away?" He said and I froze.

"T-Tempting, but I c-can't loose G-Georgie" I mumbled. 

"And I can't loose you" He said and I kissed him softly. 

"N-Not going to h-happen" I mumbled "I'm not g-going anywhere, y-you're stuck with m-me forever"

He bit his lip, looking away from me. My hands cupped his cheeks and I kissed him again. "Y-You should g-go with the o-others I have a meal to m-make" 

"Don't set anything on fire" He said pecking my cheek. 

"That was o-o-one time" I said and he grinned. 

There wasn't much in the cupboards, I couldn't expect much more from a girl on the run. There was a pack of lentils, probably from when Betty went vegan for a full twelve hours in the summer. There was some angel delight and milk, flour. I could make pancakes I guessed. Master chef.

But when I went to turn the gas on there was a loud CLUNK and suddenly everything went dark followed by a 'Oops wrong plug' from Richie in the other room. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Ok, adapt, improvise, overcome. 

"Welcome guests, I h-h-hope you enjoy the l-low lightning a-atmosphere R-R-Richie c-created to enchance the m-mood"I said and Richie cheered at the mention of his name. 

"P-Please help yourself with an a-amuse-bouche, they a-are d-delicate crisp b-bread with a p-pearl of soft c-cheese"I said gesturing to the table.

"Is this a sour-cream-and-chive pringle?" Bev asked. 

"With Primula cheese spread on top?" Mike asked.

"D-Don't ruin the c-chef's secret" I said causing everyone to laugh. I ran quickly outside to where I was heating up the Eggos I found in the freezing on the barbeque. Refusing to be beaten by the weather I brought a umbrella and positioned it over the barbeque. 

Perfect.

I went back in side and ate some of the biscuits that Richie had found in one of the cupboards. "What's that smell?" Connor asked "And more importantly what's that big light?"

I turned around and froze in horror when I saw the flames licking outside the window. SHHHIIIIITTTTTTTT. I ran outside to where the umbrella was on fire. How? What? Why?

That didn't matter, I had to bring solutions not problems, naturally as Betty had been on the run she didn't have a fire blanket or anything to help with the situation. So I was going to do this the retro way. 

I ran back into the kitchen, filled a bowl wiyh water, darting back with the water sloshing around the bowl. I even tripped over a pack of lentils which some twat left lying on the floor. The water drenching me. 

Fuck. 

The fire was later fixed by the Losers creating a DIY fire bragade, passing pots and pans across the room in a train. And all my efforts of cooking were long forgotten because of one small fire. 

"Okie dokie, let's go and watch Captain Betty's Powerpoint" Richie said leading us back to the other room, past the remains of smoke. 

"Why does that name sound like a frozen food company? Like fishfingers?" Betty asked and I laughed. 

Richie and Betty stood next to each other, on seperate end of the screen. "Ok, here's the deal..." Betty asked and Ben changed the slide to a purple background with the words THE DEAL, with a small picture of a confused turtle beneath it.

"Alice Ripsom...may her soul rest in peace, was murdered by this dick" Betty said changing the slide to a yellow background, Alice with angel wings and her 'soulmate' who had giant aubergine emoji covering his face. 

"So Captain Betty Of Fishcakes did some digging, including breaking into Pennywises' office and their evil headquaters" Richie said, gesturing Ben to change the slide to a picture of a regular building.

"Doesn't look that intimidating" Mike said.

"I know, disappointing" Betty said and Ben change the slide to an animation of the explosion. 

"But behold the evil secrets and revealations that is bound to blow your minds" Richie said walking around and waving his arms in a weird eay in an attempt to create mystery or anticipation, neither of which were successful.

The slide changed to a picture of shocked cat and the words BEHOLD. Betty gestured at Ben to change the slide again, to another picture of a dog and the words ANTICIPATE. They kept flicking through the several more slides of similar synoyms such as WAIT FOR IT, and ALMOST THERE until they went iver to Ben to find the slide they were looking for. 

"Sorry I got carried away" Betty mumbled and Richie rolled his eyes.

"Drum roll please" Richie said and for some reason we complied, I guess we didn't have anything better to do.

"Volià" Richie said when a horrific picture of Pennywise appeared and a Will Smith next to her, doing that gesture with his arms. 

"Pennywise has had three soulmates..." Betty began and we nodded slowly, "Two of which have 'died under mysterious cicumstances'"We all nodded again, confused as this was common news to everyone.

"Or did they?" Richie said and Betty groaned. 

"I was supposed to say that!"She said and Richie rolled his eyes. 

"No, you were going to explain why" He said.

"No you were" 

"Okay, how about both of you just explain why?" Connor suggested and they scowled at each other.

"Fine" They mumbled.

"I managed to steal the autopsy from headquaters...turns out one of them was poisioned and the other had deep cuts in his neck...impossible to be self-afflicted or natural causes" Betty said. 

So the bitch really was a murderer as well as a kidnapper. 

"More importantly...they weren't the only ones" Richie said changing the slide to a series of unfourtunate faces. "Some were exiled, with no cause written down...others, which is more important are still here"

There was a moment of silence anf it was of those time where I wish blinks had a sound effect in real life. 

"S-S-So, are y-you s-s-suggesting that...s-some of t-them got to b-break-up?" I asked, it was a strange word that I had only seen in old romance books or films, essentially ot meant that people got to end a realtionship, without one of them being exiled. I wasn't sure if it was the right word, or if I had used it right. 

"Yes" Betty said "There's evidence here that she and many other people in government, higher class, friends of Pennywise, powerful people were able to maipulate the sytem...and more importantly, control the test itself" 

"Say as a revenge...matching people with a criminal or matching a favourable person with a rich kid" Richie said "Now I'm no good at maths or science, but I don't think that's how they've been telling us it's been working"

"So it's a s-s-scandal" I said and both of them nodded. 

"They just do it for their own benefit...blackmail, revenge...it's mental" Stan said "That means...it's not real, any of it, what if it we're all not perfect matches?"

There was a moment of silence, which was only filled with the shatter of everyone's hearts in the room.

"It isn't possible" Betty said "Think about, a computer isn't human, neither is maths or science. How is it possible to match people up? It's why people used to choose each other, because only we can fall in love, include feelings and emotions...not a dumb machine" 

"It d-d-doesn't matter" I said "B-Because we'll be able to c-choose soon...and I-I'd choose you" I looked over to Stan whose gaze deepened. "T-They'd have to kill m-me before I c-chose someone e-else"

"I'd choose you Bill" Stan said "In another world, in any lifetime, you're stuck in my heart"

"And all o-of you...I l-l-love you and j-just ad we c-chose each other a-as friends, we'd s-still choose e-each other" I said

"Same..." Eddie began "Over every idiot in the world, I'd choose you" He said and Richie melted in his arms.

"You're everything to me...I'd choose you over the universe" Richie said kissig him softly. 

"That's sappy" Eddie said. 

"Mike Hanlon...bees will swim before I choose anyone else in this planet over than you" Rue said and he spun her around in a hug.

"I love you so much, nothing will ever change that" He said with the widest grin.

"I would never write poetry for anyone else other than you" Ben said to Bev and ber gaze softened into the warmest glow.

"And I'd burn any poetry from anyone else" She said kissing him.

"And I'm....still single" Conner said with a cheer "But I'd choose you Losers over any other people in this world.

That earned a group hug apparently and it was all a very sentimental moment in our relationship as Losers.

"You're one of us now" Bev said "You, Stan, Rue and Betty"

"Yeah, welcome to the Losers Club asshole" Richie said with a sniff.

"Richie are you crying?" Ben asked

"No...fine but only because I love you all so much and I want to marry Eddie" He said and we all laughed.

"And with this...and evidence of abusive relationships...thanks Conner" Betty added and he gave her a small smile. "And Georgie's kidnapp...we have enough to destroy everything twice over"

"So what the hell are we going to do?" Eddie said "I'm sensing a plan coming together"

"Mainly blackmail...we walk over there and tell them what we know and if they don't comply then we will expose them to the media...then we'll have to start some sort of revolution" She said and we cheered.

"F-Finally, a-all that reading of Y-YA will b-be worth it" I said earning another cheer and laughter.

Suddenly the power came back on and so did the radio. Through the smoke, the music was able to drag us onto a makeshift dancefloor, to Come On Eileen

We all congregated around each other, falling around between the small gaps. Arms clunching and slipping from each other as we stumbled clumsly through laughter.

Sometimes Eddie would spin me and round, or Bev or Rue. 

No alcohol was really needed for us to sing badly, our voices melting into the   
the sprit, moving around as easily as the smoke. To be fair, things felt normal, comfortable.

And for once in my life, I could see myself here, with these people, with Stan forever.

Richie even demanded that the floor be clear so he and Eddie could recreate Dirty Dancing. 

Needless to say it was unsuccessful.

But of course, when happieness difts in one direction, it usual fall back into another.

Suddenly the front door was kicked open and a several blurs of armed soliders stormed into the room, surrounding us with guns that I prayed they wouldn't use against us. 

Every limb of my body was captured and pulled away from my control with every moment that I used to fight back. Desperately trying to get to Stan. 

Eventually when my everything had been smashed that many times and I was unable to move the soliders stepped aside in a fancy formation, which I'm guessing they had been practising ever since Betty disapeared to make it dramatic as fuck for when they finally caught her.

"Hello, Mr Denbrough" The bitch sneared, her hands behind her back and an evil smile threaded through her lips. "Isn't this a lovely suprise...looks like you should've of run when you had a chance" 

What? How did she couldn't of known about that conversation "Fuck you" I said and she laughed. 

"And Betty, long time no see...I can't wait for you to see your sister again...although it will be a long, painful journey" She said and Betty gave her a heavy scowl.

I tried to break free again when the energy reappeared in my body but was quickly thrown to the ground in less than a second, the surface of the floor burning through the back of my neck and head.

"Don't you fucking hurt him" Stan shouted trying to get over to me but stopped almost instantly.

"No spoilers Mr Uris...not until later, because I can promise you this will be inbelievably painful" She said with an evil giggle that seemed to spark something in Stan and he manged to rip himself from the harsh grip and tackled her to the ground, attacking her.

This didn't last long as he was quickly tased and carried away. I looked over to Betty "If they don't kill you lot first, I will" She hissed as we were being dragged out.

"Why?" Rue asked and she glared at us.

"Isn't it obvious...one of you twats betrayed us, they would have never found us someone hadn't been working for them the entire time" She said and no one was able to speak a word, the same thought and suspicion flooding through us.

Someone wasn't a Loser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imma just leave that there


	26. Ok Now This...This Is The Sad Part

FEAR WASN'T something I was a noob to. I had been scared before, obviously. I felt the way your skin trembles when you blood floods away from you, the air that runs away and your left gasping for life. 

But I've never not been able to wake up from the fear, because this wasn't a nightmare, this was real.

It's was like the entire world had stopped moving. Every movement had been frozen in place, through the sombre propeller of my grief. 

The only breath of life seemed to appear, from the heavy rotation of the clock's hands which penetrated my ears with a sharpened burden, like a boulder falling down a well...never meeting the water.

My hands brought no comfort, no matter how much I fiddeled, moved or stared at. But it was better than looking up, facing the accusitive stares, that echoed the same expressions and pain that I did. All the painted faces, congreted to hate me...blame me. But there was a fountain of irony, because we all looked at each like that.

We all blamed each other, unsure who the fuck had let something slip. 

As they sliced me with their scimitar, they couldn't harm me. Because Stan's touch still carassed me with a vivid and absorbent sharpened arc.

My head burned with every moment and so did my leg, and everything else really because they had fucked me up. The only things that really mattered to me however was that Stan attacked the bitch for me. Suicidal but cute. 

He was still passed out, but his head lied on my lap and my fingers would run through his hair softly. Eventually the van came to a sudden holt and we dragged out of the back and into the building from Betty's powerpoint, it looked even more mediocre than it did before. 

I was going to make a comment like that to her but then I remembered she was royally pissed at us. I mean I didn't blame her, she had been hidden for months, suddenly some Losers who she thinks she could trust ruin eveything. But to be fair, whoever did this wasn't a loser.

As soon as we entered the building we were thrown into a small dark room, with no windows or light. Only a locked door. 

"Ok, let's but this out there...who the fuck did this?" Bev asked her voice breaking as she did so "Maybe if there's a perfectly reasonable explaination to why you did it...we can understand" 

"Why did you l-look at m-m-me?" I asked and her gaze stiffined. 

"Bill I didn't...I never would think..." She began, her gaze not meeting mine. 

"Bev..." I began, after all this time?She didn't trust me. 

"It's not that I don't believe you Bill...it's just they took Georgie, you had contact with Pennywise...maybe she made you a deal?" Bev suggested and I shook my head in disgust.

"The f-f-fuck is wrong with you? I-I'd never, s-since your so a-acussitive is i-it you?What did they o-offer you?" I asked and her face fell, Ben stepped forward looking like he was actually going to punch me. 

"Hey enough!"Rue said "This is what they want...they want to divide us"

"Easy for you to say" Eddie said "You're not even a Loser, we've known each other forever but you, Stan and Conner...we've known you for four fucking weeks"

"Yeah it isn't going to be a Loser it's going to be one of you three...and my money's on Mr 80s over there" Richie said gesturing to Conner. 

Conner's face fell and he looked at me with vunerable expression. "Y-You're skint" I observed and he rolled his eyes.

"Think about it, it was Conner that appeared in our life randonly, Conner that got me fucked over by Bowers...fuck he's realated to Bowers and he kissed Bill...probably to get him in trouble, your soulmate is the devil...did he even really hurt you?" Richie asked and Conner's eyes darkened. 

"Shut the fuck up Richie" Stan said and we all gaped at him "That's my thing now...I can swear, Rich you weren't there, me and Bill were...we saw him. No one can fake that shit" He said "I don't think it was Conner".

"Then who the fuck is it?" Mike asked and my gaze was attracted by a shadow appearing in the distance. 

"I t-think w-we're about to find o-out" I mumbled.

And just like that, the bitch re-apeared like a fucking magic trick no one wanted to see. 

For the next act we were taken from the cell and transported into another room, through a magic box called a long, cold corridor. 

"Now that we're all reunited, let's get to buisness..." Pennywise. 

"To defeat the huns" Richie whispered and Eddie gave him a death glare. 

"So...basically I'm going to skip over the new fun ways we planned to tortue and kill you that took us months of brainstorming...the winner was infact Chad over there..." She said gesturing to one of the guards behind us who gave her a thumbs up.

"And get to the point...give us the Powerpoint" She said sticking her evil hand out, her evil red claws tapping against her pale palm.

Betty scowled at her and when she didn't move to her favour, Pennywise sighed tutting amd shaking her head, disappointed. "I thought we had a connection...an understanding, you and I, but I guess will have to do this the hard way" She said, giving us a grace stare. 

There was sudden bang that ripped through the air...and then my skin.

The pain that once burned like fire had faded away to an icy numbness. Black filled the edges of my vision and the only thing I could hear was my own heartbeat. My breath came in ragged, shallow gasps. 

This wasn't like anything I had read about in my life. Why did it hurt so much? I mean I knew the risks of doing this shit but I agreed to them because I didn't think it would happen to me. 

I stumbled back, unable to stop myself as I fell to the floor, the loud screams fading in the background.   
Stanheld me tight, and pressed his hand against my shoulder, shroking my hair with his other hand. 

It was difficult to read his expression, mainly because a strange fog had flooded my eyes, like I had fallen in water again. "He's going to be ok...it's just the shoulder...but we need to keep pressure on it" Bev said, taking her scarf off and wrappig it around me tightly. I winced in pain.

My eyes began to feel heavier, like it was a school day and all I wanted to do was sleep in. 

"Hey,hey" Stan said shaking me slightly to stop me from falling asleep "Stay with us ok?" He begged, tears threatening to escape his broken eyes. 

My hand reached for his warm cheek, allowing the heat to flood through my body...hopefully not for the last time.

"The file Ms Ripsom" Pennywise said again and Betty tried to steady her shaking breath. 

"It's not here, it's hidden" She said "Even I wouldn't be able to get it now...only Bill, but he doesn't know how"

Pennywise scowled, twirling her hair and tapping her foot as she thought carefully. "Mr Denbrough...then I guess I'll be willing to make a deal with you" She said as Stan and Eddie helped me to stand up.

"N-Nothing...in this f-fucking world w-will make me h-have an agreement with y-you" I hissed and she smiled hidiously. 

"Well..I think not" She said, gesturing to the guards and a door behind her opened, a small boy walking slowly towards me and my hear sank. 

"G-G-Georgie..." I began quickly running towards the boy as best as I could and he jumped into my arms. I held him tight to me, scared that if I let him go, I would loose him again. 

"Billy, Billy, Billy" He kept saying hugging my tightly, his tears soaking my top.

"You're o-o-okay" I whispered cupping his face in my hands, leaning my forehead on his. 

"I was so scared Billy" He said and I nodded tears streaming down my eyes. 

"I-I-I'm s-s-sorry, s-so s-s-sorry" I whimpered, holding him close and kissing his forehead. "D-Did they h-h-hurt you?" 

His gaze didn't meet mine and he bit his lip "It's ok..." He whispered and I shook my head.

"N-N-No, No, I-I'm sorry, i-it's my fault I s-should've...." I whimpered and his hands brushed my hair out of my eyes and observed the wound on my shoulder.

"They hurt you too" Was all he said and I broke completly. 

"I-I'm sorry" I said again, hugging him tightly. "I l-l-love you so m-much"

"I love you Billy and I missed you so much" He sniffed when he let go of me I reached for my pocket for the small boat Georgie had made me on the Selection day, unfolded it and handed it to him.

"Did she protect you?" He asked and I nodded hugging him again.

"But I d-didn't protect y-you" I mumbled, kissing his cheek softly. 

"You're here now" He said "Please don't leave me on my own Billy" He pleaded and I nodded quickly.

"I p-promise" I said. Pennywise cleared her throat and I turned to glare at her, holding Georgie close to me.

"So here's the deal...give me the files and I won't kill your friends and brother and everyone will forget about this little petty plot" She said and I looked back at Georgie, his glittering eyes looking deep into my soul.

"I d-don't believe y-you" I mumbled and her grin fell. "Y-You didn't mention me, w-what will you do?" 

"William...what do you take me for? Would I lie?" She asked and we all raised an eyebrow at her.

"I d-d-don't believe you...a-all this...this i-isn't real, you w-won't do a-anything" I said and she grinned and evil grin.

"Is that so...well then I guess we'll prove it to you" She said looking over to the Losers from the way she was staring at Stan, I began to fear that she would kill him.

"Mr Uris..." She began and I closed my eyes, no, please no, don't hurt him.

Stan looked distruaght as he walked closer to her, his body trembling, his skin fading into a ghost...red brush strokes pinching deep beneath his eyes. 

"S-Stan..."I began when he got closer to me, but I can't tell you things got any clearer when he pulled a gun out of his pocket and pointed it at my head.

"I-It was y-you" My voice broke, as the shaking gun rested between my eyes. "Y-You did this" Tears contaminating both of our eyes. 

Even though everything that was broken hurt me. Every shard of glass, slice of mirror, tear of paper pierced me. 

"I'm s-sorry Bill" He hiccuped, "T-This wasn't supposed to h-happen" He sniffed.

The pain was like gasoline in my guts. My insides died slowly in the toxicity, needing no more than a spark to set it ablaze.I had never fallen so frozen in my life, it suffacated me into a venemous clasp, ice spiralling beneath my veins, flooding into my bloodstream

"This e-entire time...i-it was you?" I whispered and his eyes fell into a depth of tears once more. "You n-never loved m-m-me?"

I felt my lungs clench in desperstion, trying to swallow any air that atmosphere left behind. My breath finally returned but in heavy splurts that spiralled in a heavy nature. 

He shook his head quickly " There isn't a single part of me that doesn't love you, I love you Bill and that wasn't part of the plan, I' s-sorry"

"W-What's the d-deal?" I mumbled and he shook his head quickly, but I ignored him.

"Since we can't find the files...we'll let you all go as long as we won't have any more trouble with you"She said and I looked frok her to Georgie, to the Losers to Stan. The burnig in my shoulder blurring my vision. "You don't have enough time Bill...you'll die soon anyway, let us help you".

I hesistated for a moment, this wasn't ok, none of this was, she was lying. "Bill..." Stan whimpered "Don't do i-it...t-they'll take away your m-memories" 

That spolier caused Pennywise to give him a threatening look to shut the fuck up. "T-This way e-everyone lives" I said "A-And maybe I-I'll forget how y-you broke my h-heart" 

Pennywise took this a cue to strike the deal, the guards began to drag us into another room. "I-I' s-sorry" I shouted to them, the salt of tears resting on my lips.

But before I could be taken away, Stan quickly dropped his gun and ran to me pulling me from the guards grip and holding me firmly. "You have to know...you d-deserve to know why" He pleaded, holding my cheeks and brushing away the tears under my eyes.

I held on to his arms, shaking my head "I-I'm going to f-forget anyway" 

"I had no choice, remember that s-story?" He said quicker when the guards started to come back again to take us away "The one about my dad, the reason they didn't kill him was because they used all of us...mum for rematch, and me for a spy, especially when they got suspicious with you...it was why I was friends with Betty...they would've killed my family Bill" I shook my head quickly "But I fell for you, and it was stupid and I shouldn't of...but it's true Bill, I love you that wasn't and still isn't a lie"

He quickly pressed his lips against mine, and even though my heart was breaking with every movement, of course I meleted under his touch and kissed back, because I was a fool for him, no matter what he did, I knew I would still love him. And that was so fucking dangerous.

"I l-love you Stan...y-you broke e-everything..." I mumbled and he shook his head.

"No I wanted to run away, I didn't want to do this, I wanted to run away with you" He pleaded as his grip was being snatched away from mine. "Please remember"

"I w-won't be able t-to" I said "I-If anything I w-want to remember t-that I can't trust you"

He shook his head whilst two guards had captured his limbs and started pulling him away, "No just remember I love you Bill, please just remember that I love you"

I was dragged into another room, an empty, bland white room..which to be honest sort of reflected the demographic of Derry...now's not the time for polticial comments on racial inequality Bill.

HHAHA, WRONG I'M TERRIFIED.

I tried to remember something more useful, as if replaying a memory again and again will stop me from loosing it. I tried to remember the Losers, last night, how Stan betrayed us. But Stan't words contaminated my mind.

Remember that I love you.

It burned in my chest like they were being engraved into my heart as I was pinned down onto a cold, metal table.

Remeber that I love you.

I closed my eyes, as every part of my body was tied down, but I wasn't fighting back.

The last snapshot occupying my mind being Stan's eyes, those stupid perfect fucking eyes that I feel for when I walked into a rude boy on the Selection day. And then I fell for Stanley Uris afterwards and it litterally almost killed me. At least whatever front Stan was putting on, I didn't even know if that was what the real Stan was like.

Remember that I love you

I tried to ignore the pain that spiralled beneath my skin when a needle was stabbed through me. 

Remember that I love you.

And then...nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you thought before I was evil, now I'm really evil.


	27. You're Not Going To Like This, But It's The Truth

Dear Bill,

I'm not sure what to say, what I could possibly say to make any of this better. I just want to say that I'm sorry, I know you won't remember that, I don't know if even I will. I know they're mad at me and I don't even know if I'm going to live to see you again but I'm writing this anyway.

I don't care what they'll do to me, I only care about what I did to you. It's been inevitable, but I've been dreading this day even before I met you. I'm not a bad person Bill, I never wanted to betray anyone, but the fact that I fell for you didn't make it any easier. 

I wasn't lying about that Bill, I fell for you when I said it did, I didn't want to hurt you and when I did I just wanted to run away and spend the rest of my life with you. But they control everything, I'm just a fucking puppet to them, no matter how much I wished or prayed, this was inevitable.

I just need you to know that in any world, in any universe, I love you and I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you this in person, hold you, kiss you but I won't be able to. 

Whoever is your new soulmate, I hope they're kind to you, they like your books, they get along well with the Losers and that they make you laugh. As much as it will kill me, I hope you forget about me, all the pain and heartbreak I caused you. 

You let me trust again Bill, you let me love again, let me feel safe. I'm sorry I couldn't do the same for you. Just know that whatever they do to me now, won't be as bad as what I've done to myself.

I can't give you this, but I'll try. I'm leaving you something, some people call it a mixtape, cassette, I call it false hope. It used to be everything to me and in some star I wished it will let you remember me. 

False hope, is something I'll need to die to. 

I know you won't remember this, but I want my last thought to be of that night, when I was birdwatching and you were drawing...before everything fell apart, I want to think about dancing with the Losers and I want my last dream to remember there was a time when you kissed me, you William Denbrough kissed me and with that movement I fell apart for you. 

I hope you'll never stop daydreaming Bill and I wish for your thoughts and words to be written for the world.

Lots of love from your mistake,

Stan  
(Satan)  
x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A:N: So that concludes, 'Mistake' thank you guys so much for sticking around, for all of the kudos and the lovely feedback, it really makes my day. I love you all so much.xxx
> 
> HAHAH JOKES, It does not end here, I am physically incapable of writing sad endings, ehheheh, stay tuned, next chapter will be up soon.


	28. System Reboot:'Mistake 2.0'. Is it On? Mic Test, One, Two, Three

**I WOKE UP** to the torturous, ear burning sounds of my fucking alarm clock, pounding through my head. I groaned as I reached for my phone and threw it across the room, it smashed against the far wall and the sound died.

Along with my phone I'm guessing.

I pulled my sheets over my head, hoping that magically it would cause me to spontanously combust.

Spolier alert: It didn't.

"Come on Bill...you have to get up, you do this every morning...your bed isn't going to magically teleport you else where, we're still in Derry and we still have school" My soulmate and bestfriend, Beverly Marsh said.

I groaned throwing a pillow at her which she missed easily, as blind-pillow throwing wasn't exactly my specialité. She picked up the pillow and threw it back at me, that seemed to give me enough motivation to jump out of bed, and take cover behind it. Bev took cover under my desk, throwing anything she could get her hands on at me, including many books.

"Bill" My mum said, walkig into the room, accidenly getting hit on the head by an old teddy bear...my aim was really that bad. "Come on...you have school, you're eighteen you shouldn't have to rely on your mum to makw sure you get to school" She said "Oh hi Bev"

Bev waved awkwardly, trying to hide herself under the desk properly as she was only wearing an oversized tee-shirt. As soon as she left we quickly left our bases...until next time and began to gather our shit ready for school.

"I need to stop staying round yours" She said, sturggling to find something...probably her cigarrettes, whenever I found them I usually threw them out. "I get later and later to school and I never have my shit"

"Y-You keep s-s-saying that...b-but you can't s-stay away from m-me" I said laughing and she rolled her eyes.

"Where would I be with you out William Denbrough?...Heartbroken, in a sea of my own tears?" She said melodramatically, holding my hand from a small distance.

"I can't live w-w-w-without you, d-don't let go" I said and she laughed before letting her fingers fade from my touch, slowly. We both waved our arms around in slow motion, pretending to fall backwards.

"yOu'Re HeRe!" Bev screamed awfully on purpose and I covered my ears.

"F-Fuck no"

"tHeRe'S nOtHiNg i FeAr" She yelled in my ear before picking me up and spinning me around...because yes, she was just that strong, I wasn't that light, I didn't think.

"aNd i KnOw tHaT mY hEaRt WiLl gO oNnNNNnnn" Ws screamed together, well I was trying to be louder than her just to annoy her.

"Get to school you idiots" My mum shouted from downstairs and I couldn't stop laughing.

"Come on Bill..." She said pulling her jacket on "We've got a show to put on"

"H-Hey" I complained "I-It was my t-turn to say it"

She laughed "Don't worry Bill, we've got the rest of our lives for you to say it"

"Y-Your t-tone is c-comforting but y-your words a-are distressing" I said and she gave me a sad smile.

Bev had been my soulmate for over a year and that time hadn't changed the way I felt about her. Sure I was happy she was my soulmate, better to be paired with someone who you can tolerate, bonus if it's someone you love anyway.

But that was just it wasm't it? She was just my bestfriend, I loved her, but I wasn't _in love_ with her and she wasn't in love with me.

But she always said she was relieved, if your going to spend your life stuck with someone, let it be someone you care about but I know she was just relieved I wasn't abusive.

We grabbed our bikes and began riding to school, I'm not sure why but whenever we cycled passed the kissing bridge something would burn beneath me...like there was something there that I was missing or left behind.

I'd been feeling like that a lot recently, a bit lost. Not just in a poetic stance but really...sometimes during my lovely midnight sessions of procrastination I tried to remember when certain things had changed or how I got somethings, like that scar on my shoulder or how I became friends with Bev.

When I got to school, I pulled my headphones over my head, resuming the only tape deck that was in the Walkman. Neither of which I can remember where I got from...or when. I guess one day it just found me when it was lost. 

Which was a bad idea, on so many levels. If there is one thing you could learn from the world is that you should never give music to someone who is lost.

Because that's it...after that they'll never be floating in silence again, just drifitng around in a sea of melody and lyrics...pretending that it helps you feel things, feel anything.

But in reality, if there is one person you can't lie to...it's yourself.

Sometimes, if I was in deep, I'd find myself tracing the letters that scartched the surface of the tape. Whenever I closed my eyes it was there.

**MISTAKE** , written on one side and then **REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU** on the other.

I sighed heavily, allowing Bev's fingers to interwhine with my and the burning in my chest to pass into numbness by turning the music up louder.

I hated this feeling, the feelings that this wasn't mean. What wasn't I'd never know, the world? My soulmate? The music? It seemed like I'd never sink the guilt away from me, the feeling that I had stolen something.

It didn't matter Bev and David Bowie seemed to be good enough company for me right now. _Though nothing_  
_will drive them away, we can beat them_  
_Just for one day._

Every morning seemed to be the same really, like a predictable routine, reminding me that I'm missing something.

_We can be heroes_  
_Just for one day_

Every ghost, every spirit of life seemed to breath the same boring air every single day, until eventually the depression sort of collapsed time.

_Cause we're lovers_  
_And that is a fact_

Suddenly I find my whole days blending together to create one endless and suffocating loop.

_Though nothing_  
_Will keep us together_

Ans then found myself trying to remember the things that made me happy.

_We could steal time_  
_Just for one day_

But slowly I guess my brain began to erase every memory that ever gave me joy. Until eventually all I could think about is how life has always been this way. 

_We can be heroes_  
_For ever and ever_

And will only continue to be this way.

_What d'you say?_

It's like I had a timer, in my mind, a reminder to what was about to happen and if I was feeling up to it, a crafty remark with it.

_8.23 AM_

Here we have a Greta Bowie surrounded by her herd in her natural habitat...the lockers, seemingly brooding and looking down at her prey, occasionally pushing rhem over. Her fabourite prey being that small, wheezy kid, who would instantly grab his inhaler and panic, claiming he needed an ambulance.

_8.30 AM_

Richie Tozier would be sprinting down the corridor, laughing like a dickhead, usually behind his soulmate Rue Stark, running away from the consequences of pranking one of the teachers...they were the worst people to be paired together and the school is paying for it.

A minute later Richie would spot Eddie and harass him, making sure he was ok and annoy him into forgetting he wanted an ambulance in the first place.

_8.35 AM._

Rue Stark abandons her soulmate and annoys her two best friends instead, Me and Bev, usually in deep conversation with Bev about some show or with me about a book that I recommended and she read.

That was something that everyone loved about Rue, she was everything, as in everything that could make people happy, had something in common with everyone. I think she even had a conversation with Bowers at some point about Love Island.

_8.40 AM_

The more tolerable Bowers, Conner would arrive, running as he was nearly late, practising his late or homework excuse with Richie or his soulmate Eddie Kasprak...who he treated more like his adopted child then his lover.

_8.45 AM_

Bev would drag us to the Library to make us 'help' the new kid, Ben (who was new two years ago) stack shelves of books, but really they'd just talk for ages, her cheeks brighter than her hair...and me and Rue would just _stand_ there in the background, like a Nick, just eating the cakes that Ben would bring every morning (being the only reason we 'help' of course)

_8.50 AM_

We are offically _**LATE**_ and Bev is dragging us down the corridor, Rue skating next to us on her skateboard because she's...a cool seventeen year old, yeah she's still seventeen...she baby.

I sat through my maths lesson, ignoring the lecture about exams, numbers, letter, shit and using my time productively by using my calculator to figure out how many more minutes of maths I will have to sit through for the rest of my life...and then began counting down.

Richie was being loud again...of course he was. The lesson would go a lot quicker if he just shut up and didn't piss off the teacher. Especially as he sat next to me. "W-Will you j-just k-keep your mouth s-shut?" I asked and he laughed.

"Do you want me to walk to the moon as well Big Bill while we're making lists about things that are impossible?" He asked and I rolled my eyes.

Oh shit, here we go again.

"Why don't you add Pennywise goes hula hooping on there?" Rue asked from behind us.

"That's a good one" Richie said "Hey Eds, do you want to add anything to our list?" He threw a rubber towards the small boy across the room.

"I told you not to call me that!" He said, not even looking up from his work.

"That doesn't work you see we need things that are impossible" Richie shouted and I rolled my eyes.

"How about Richie stay quiet and focuses in my lesson?" The woman who had wasted her whole life on Maths and got her revenge by dedicating the rest of it to making kids life's difficult, said, earning a few cheers.

"Ah, I may stuggle with that Miss, perhaps give me your number and we could discuss that over dinner with your mum?" He asked, winking and she just rolled her eyes.

"Wow, you never sounded so gay" Rue said and he laughed at her.

"I wonder why that is" He said and she smirked, tapping her nose.

"Just...p-p-please just k-keep your mouth s-shut Richie" I said and she smirked.

"You didn't want that the other night did you?" He lowered his voice and my eyes widened "Rumour has it your pretty fond of things I can do with my mouth" I quickly clasoed my hand on his lips, looking around me quickly, seeing if anyone had heard.

"Well that's not suspicious in any shape or form" Rue muttered, getting on with her algebra some how.

"B-Beep Beep asshole" I said and he rolled his eyes. The only good thing about Richie's only hobby being making sexual jokes is that no one could take him seriously when he said it.

Because yeah, this time he wasn't lying, it was true. That's my thing now I guess, I couldn't be doing with the whole soulmate thing...don't get me wrong, I love Bev, but I don't want tp kiss her.

I'm not sure how it all started, probably at some piss up, but through being lost I figured something out about myself, one of the only things I knew about myself: everything fell apart under intimacy. I needed it, I melted beneath it. Sure I hated Richie and he was an idiot, but he was a gay idiot who let me kiss him.

Along with many others, it wasn't an uncommon practice, most people weren't satisfied with their matches, I figured out later than I should've. Everyone knew that, but it was impossible to prove...man kind may be stupid but we're also sneaky.

So I spent my evenings usually at some shit piss-up, hooking up with random people, most of the time it was people I knew : Richie, Conner and Fred from science. Conviently always boys...not my fault the system guessed my sexuality wrong, I cuff my jeans for fucks sake it couldn't be anymore obvious.

Sometimes it was only kissing, there was something about that, that caused electricity to burn beneath my skin, spiralling through me like a molten fibre. It reminded of something...made me feel less lost I guess, stopping me falling for a moment.

I knew I had been falling.

Falling through a distorted perception of time, where everything strains to a pause but sprints past and swallows me whole.

My hands used reach out to kiss the sky and grasp the endless crevasse of tinted blue.

Everything was a blur, a blur swirled out of existence. Whilst suspended in the air, I closed my eyes to surrender myself to the infinite sky above.

But instead the fear dissolves as serenity paints a calming thought, with soft brush strokes and damp cotton, the soul that will contaminate my heart and thoughts for seemingly forever.

That's what it been like, falling so far but suspending the inevitable of hitting the concrete.

But it was moments like this, that were painted realistically by the world. Because there was only one question that circulated my brain and I couldn't get rid of it.

How the fuck did I get here?

So everything I ever felt, experienced, loved and wished flooded through me, coursing beneath my skin. As if it was trying to recreate enough energy to give me life.

I knew I had been here before, many times. But there was this one time that kind of started all this.

And there was this moment. This perfect fucking moment. I was compeltly submesered in water, when I collapsed in a pool, pissed out of my mind, sinking to the bottom of a senseless depth of nothingness.

The universe fading into echoes, whispers and then nothing. I was completly alone, safe and able to breath with my thoughts.

Nothing.

Floating around in a depth of nothing. I had finally slowed down, stopped perhaps with the world.

Within that lust I began to float, drifting towards life again and when I broke the surface of nothing, I broke an element of realisation.

I was still alive, I didn't drown.

For some reason I hadn't been killed off yet and I had done some questionable things in my life.

Well to put it nicely.

I decided that if the universe really wanted me gone, it would have done so ages ago. But no, I was here and I guess that only meant I had some purpose in life.

Whatever it was I didn't fucking care. To me it only meant that I could do whatever the fuck I wanted, so I did and I knew I would never stop until it finally killed me.

I don't know I guess why I had developed a new reckless nature, doing whatever the fuck I wanted and not caring about the consequences.

Eventually I was free from maths, maths with Richie and was able to escape to my fabourite moment of my day, the only tolerable part. I had a free, which was usually alright but the thing that really made me feel ok was when I was able to have the art room to myself.

I opened my sketchbook and continued on the piece I had been working on for a while now. For some reason I liked to paint birds, yet another thing I wasn't sure when I started to do so or why.

I asked my parental unit why sometimes I couldn't remember things. Mum just said it happens when you get older, that you'll forget most of you teen years like you forget your childhood. Dad said he's always forgetting things, like which one of us is Bill and which one is Georgie and that it's just me getting older...according to him it's just 'dirt hitting the coffin' for me now...thanks Dad.

I let each stroke, fall into one another, allowing smudging tone that rendered the image watery, like a reflection in a rippled puddle, to delve with it. I simple swirl, after another until each movement crafted itself into another wing, pushing against one another, flowing, like water.

I turned around, to look at the boy sat in the back corner of the empty room. I lied when I said I had this place to myself, I guess I really liked being here because he was. The lonely, curly haired boy who hid here, reading some horror book...usually something that I had already read.

He didn't talk much, but my heart beat for the words he did speak. He seemed to always be on edge, always scared. It was probably to do with the deep scars that spiralled across his cheek, under his eye and crept towards his neck.

I guess that's why he hid here...Watchers never came here for some reason. 

I often found my self, deep into his dark eyes. They melt into golden rays, underneath the faint sunlight that manages to cast through this small room, circling an eclipse around his pupils.

They seemed to strain under dark emotions and sometimes if I looked just a lottle closer they would a glimpse of a thought that passed through his mind.

We haven't had many conversations, but every word he spoke has been engraved into my heart, I guess there was a sense of pride for when a shy kid spoke to you.

I would tell him how I had read the book he was reading and how much I loved it and he would respond with nods or a few word answers. One day I saw him re-read a book he had read previously...something that also confused me about some people. How they could re-read things if they already knew what was going to happen.

I remember finally asking him how he chose the books he was going to read, especially in the library where the librarian, Peter File, the Pedofile lerked.

He would just smile, the corners of eyes lustered happiness in soft twinkles, which reflected the light that made his eyes copper against the sun. "I don't know...sometimes I just run my fingers against the spines of books and I get this weird feeling...like I recognize it almost and then I usally love it when I read it"

After that when he seemed to have read all of these 'magic books' I started leaving a book where he usually sat, one I thought he would enjoy. After a few days he would slip it back in my bag without saying a word.

Apart from one time when I left him 'The Book Theif' by Markus Zusak. The following week he sat here with a different expression creasing his face.

"I _hate you" He said bluntly as he sat down at the table causing me to smirk behind my canvas. "I really hate you" I actually looked up from my painting to see his eyes were slightly red._

_"Get in line" I mumbled causing him to repeat the words again._

_"Ok s-s-s-so you f-finsished it, d-did you like it?" I asked unsure why I was curious._

_"Yes,I loved it so much but no at the same time. Why was it so sad?" He asked causing me to laugh quietly._

_"Because it w-w-w-would defect the p-p-purpose otherwise" I said and he sighed sadly looking down at his hands as though he was still traumatized._

_He brought the book from his bag and slowly pushed it across the table I smiled and put it in my bag, automatically getting another book out and handing it to him._

He was stuck in his book again, not looking like he was ready for any sort of engagement. I sort of hoped he was just shy and it wasn't because he had a problem with me.

I pulled mt headphones, trying to get lost into the art, whilst listening to _Everlong_ By Foo Fighters. But my thoughts we too busy being held captive by the idea of the boy behind me.

"A-Are you a-alright?" I asked him and he nodded slowly, not looking up from his book. "Y-You don't talk a l-lot you k-know" I said and he nodded again.

"It would be a bit weird if I didn't know that" He mumbled, his gaze still focused on the book.

"I g-guess so...b-but i-it's weird, I d-don't even k-know your name" I said and he finally looked up at me.

There faint glint of goodness in his eyes, which seemed that no matter what he did, his intention would never carry any hint of malevolence or malignity whatsoever. But it was still very faint.

_If everything could ever feel this real forever_  
_If anything could ever be this good again_

With every flicker, every moment in his eyes, it seemed like he was lost too, and was hiding something thag even he didn't know he had. From the surface of the stolen specks in sunlight, to the abyss in the abysmal depths of dusky, auburn.

_The only thing I'll ever ask of you_

"And you're not going to" He whispered and I frowned.

"H-Have you go a p-problem with m-me?" I asked and sighed, closing his book.

"I'm not very capable of trusting people...especially those who use people for their own advantages" He said and my heart sank. "I'm observant" He added before I could question how he knew.

"I-It's not like t-that" I mumbled and his gaze softened "E-Equal using of e-each other...I-I'm just a little l-l-lost..." I whispered, trailing off slightly "B-But it's not e-everyone I t-talk to"

He looked up at me. " I g-guess you d-don't like h-human interaction, b-because someone h-hurt you...b-but I would n-never, I j-just want to talk w-with you...often I g-guess"

"What? Like...friends?" He asked and I nodded, he frowned. "I shouldn't..."

"We c-c-could just t-talk about b-books" I suggested

"Why?" He asked "Why bother?You're motives never seem to be more than a moment"

"F-Fine..." I mumbled "B-But I've got y-your book" I offered it to him and he hesistated for a moment, pouting his lips before taking it from me and returning to his corner.

Fuck, this was going to take a while. Not like that _was_ my motive, but now that he mentioned it, I guess I wouldn't mind...he had perked my curiousity, especially since he wouldn't stop twirling that fucking pen between his teeth.

_You've got to promise not to stop when I say when_

I really hated everything suddenly again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah everything's really messed up...like if it wasn't obvious it's been like a while, like a year since the whole pennywise incident and now they all a lil older.


	29. Bill And The Fortress Of Trust Issues

SOMETIMES I felt things. It's difficult to comprehend at times, especially when it usually is grief or fear...but then again it never really mattered as whatever emotion that would sometimes pass, it inevitably fades into nothing, numbness.

And occasionally, when I manage to slip away from being lost for a moment, I find myself determined. Usually determined to find whatever it is I lost...without trying to sound like a poet.

"I don't get it Bill" Bev said, following my steps across the steeping stones resting on the surface of the stream. "Why do we always havw to go on random treks around Derry?"

"Yeah...not like I don't love wondering through the woods in December for hours...but you could at least tell us what you're looking for" Rue said, hugging herself with her oversized sleeves.

"I-It's just...d-doesn't this all f-feel...familar?" I asked, stopping to look at them, my cheeks crippling under the winter wind. "L-Like there's s-something important h-here?"

"Maybe..." Bev muttered, looling around her hoping to find what had occupied my mind I guess. "But Bill that's normal I guess, we've soent our whole lives here, maybe it's just feelings from your childhood...memories you're trying to remember" 

"D-Don't bring l-logic into t-this" I said and she rolled her eyes. 

My feet sunk in pools of autumn leaves. The cold wind nipped at our cheeks, lining the trees with speckles of orange, red and yellow. When the wind blew they came down, breaking delicately off of tree branches and fluttering down to earth like a colorful rain.

No sound blew along side the wind, until Rue decided she was bored and to do a Richie. "I spy with my little eye..." Me and Bev both turned around to give her a death glare, causing her to raise her arms up in surrender.

We continued to walk in silence, Rue purposely crunching leaves a lot louder than she should've 'How did you spend your Christmas Rue?'" She muttered under her breath "Oh you know...wondering around the woods, freezing to death'"

"You should've brought a coat" Bev said.

"I did" Rue said gesturing to her denim jacket.

"You know that doesn't count" Bev said and Rue groaned.

"This is so dumb, we should be at school, what are we going to find here?A secret den from our past lives-ahhhhh" Rue screamed at a freqeuency that only dogs could here, followed by a loud crash "Ow"

Me and Bev both turned around quickly to see that Rue had somehow fallen through the ground. "You guys might want to see this..." Her voice echoed beneath us. There was a ladder through the strange trap she had fallen in, we went down it cautiously, trying to ignore all of our spider friends that surrounded us.

Darkness engulfed even my silhouette as I landed on the floorboards. The ceiling was low, the walls and floors were built of heavy timber, and silence reigned there.

Light cascaded in from a vaulted ceiling, the beams meeting in a series of arches. The beams above were creaking as the winter winds howled - old, and wet from the frequent rainfall. Every moment I spent here seemed to be a temptation for the beams to collapse

"Ok...what if this is like a secret criminal hideout?" Rue asked turning her phone torch on as she looked around at weird film and band posters stuck on the wall. 

"Don't be ridiculous..." Bev said, inspecting the music speakers and empty packets of food "Obviously it's a pirate den...and there's a bounty somewhere"

"I-It's a clubhouse" I said, my torch light resting on a hammock, which for some reason I could imagine Richie swinging on it, annoying everyone. 

My fingers traced some of the patterns carved into the wall, pretty badly but they still swirled and curved into readiable words. "F-Fuck" I said, drawing their attention. 

MIKE HANLON SHOT RICHIE.

Underneath, in neater imprint read:

NO I DIDN'T, HE'S STILL ALIVE, SADLY.

"Mike, as in homeschooled?" Bev asked and I nodded.

"I didn't know he and Richie were friends" Rue said "Oh look you're here too" She pointed to another set of words.

BEV IS QUEEN ♡

"And m-m-me" I mumbled.

BILL DENBROUGH WAS HERE :)

That was definitly my handwriting.

BIG BILL LOVES STANLEY

In Richie's.

NO I DON'T.

"Hey, I'm here as well" Rue cheered tracing the letters that spelled out her name.

RUE AND MIKE♡

There were some other interesting candidates in the 'WTF Is Going On, Is This A Shrine? Do We Have Stalkers?' Championships, including:

BEN HANDSCOM IS A NERD. 

RICHIE TOIZER LIKES DICK

STANLEY URIS WANTS TO KILL RICHIE.

R+E

EDDIE KASPRAK WILL YOU MARRY ME? Followed by FUCK OFF BUT YES X

G O r G e  
e I  


"There has to be a reasonable explination for this..."Bev began, lighting a cigarrette to help her concentrate. 

"R-Really?" I asked, picking up a shower cap from the floor and showing it to her. "A-Ans what would t-that be?"

"Maybe it's just Richie" Rue suggested "Half of these has his name on it...maybe he's just messing around" 

I hesiststed for a moment "R-R-Rue, that's m-m-my w-writing" I said picking up a small razer blade from the floor and using it to re-carve the letters next to it, proving them identical.

Bev and Rue did the same, with the same results. "How is that possible? Surely if we did this we would've remembered it?" 

I looked around me desperately, someone was just messing with us, right? But my heart sank when my eyes rested on a small paper boat, folded well but a little creased. I walked towards it, my hands trembling as I held it. 

"G-G-Georgie made t-t-this" I said "He g-g-gave it to m-m-me on the S-S-Selection...h-how did I f-forget?" I remembered him handing it to me, hugging me. Then later in the hall when we were getting to know our soulmates, Bowers pushing me and it fell out of my bag. Someone picked it up and made fun of it, I think. 

But that wasn't Bev, it couldn't of been. But then again, who else would've it been?

"Ok...Ok"Bev said, passing up and down, the ash from her cigarrette drifting into elipses around us, like ghosts. "Ok, is it possibly we used to hang out around here when we much younger and have just forgotten?" 

"G-G-Gerogie was here...less than a y-y-year ago" I said and she frowned.

"Maybe something bad happened here? And our brains blocked it out, like something really traumatic" Rue suggested. 

"A-All of us?" I said and she growned before jumling onto the hammock, obviously missing and lading on the floor.

"We have to get back to school" Bev said.

"I'll talk to Richie...see if he remembers" Rue said.

"W-What if w-we used to h-have more friends?" I asked my hans fiddeling with the shower cap that rested on my knee.

"How could we all possibly forget that though?" Bev asked, burning out the cigarrette. 

"Let's just forget about this until school is over then we'll come up with a plan" Rue said climbing up from the floor and walking over to the ladder. 

"O-Ok, but I-I'm not l-l-letting this go" I said.

"I would never expect you to" Bev said. 

I looked back at the strange hideout before I climbed out, my thoughts occupied by one sentence that seemed to be carved in my mind aswell as the wall. 

Big Bill loves Stanley.

Who the fuck is Stanley?

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᵘˢᵉˡᵉˢˢ ˡᵉˢˢᵒⁿˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒⁿˡʸ ᵒⁿᵉˢ ʷᵒʳᵗʰ ᵗᵉˡˡⁱⁿᵍ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ⁱˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒⁿᵉ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵗʰᵉ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ ˢʰʸ ᵇᵒʸ ⁱⁿ, ʷʰᵒ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃˡˡ ˢᵉᵉᵐ ᵗᵒ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ˢᵒ ᵐᵘᶜʰ ᶠᵒʳ ˢᵒᵐᵉ ʳᵉᵃˢᵒⁿ...

"D-Do you ever f-forget things?" I asked the boy reading behind me, without turning to face him.

"All the time"He mumbled.

"B-B-But like r-really forget things l-l-like m-maybe I huge p-part of your p-past, something r-recent...j-just disappears?" I whispered, hoping that if I said it out loud it would make me sound less mental...it didn't really.

"Like after hitting your head or maybe drinking to much?" He asked and I rolled my eyes.

"S-S-Stop with that j-just because I g-go to parties d-d-doesn't mean I d-drink alot" I mumbled and I could feel him giving me an unconvincef look. "N-No...something d-different"

There was a moment silence, like he was evaluating every possible scenerio, or just ignoring me, I couldn't tell. "I get it..." He whispered and I turned around to face him, but his gaze never met mine.

He pushed his curls out of his face, exposing the scaring that burried itself deep beneath his skin, starting from above his eyebrow, that he usually raised whenever I asked stupid questions. It crawled underneath his cheeks spiralled behind his ear and then carved itself across his neck. 

"I don't remember" He said and I squinted at him, confused. "I don't remember how or why I got it...it's everywhere, all over my skin"

"S-S-Surely..." I began and he nodded.

"Surely I'd remember how I fucked up myself? I've been thinking the same thing...all I remember is how it felt...the pain" He said a small flicker of misery dipping between his eyes. "Like someone was hurting me...because of something I did, but I don't remember what I did to stop myself from doing it again"

"Is that why y-y-you're always s-s-sscared?" I suggested, pushing myself to sit on the table opposite him. He nodded softly.

"Something like that..." He mumbled "What about you? What have you forgotten?" I gaped at him, he never asked the questions, just answered what I asked him. He never kept the conversations running.

"P-P-People" I began "A f-f-friendship, I think...s-something from last y-year" 

"So what are you thinking?" He said, moving to sit cross legged on the same table as me, facing opposite me. "The government stole your memories because you knew to much?" He joked and I grinned.

"Y-Y-Yeah...n-new conspiracy" I said and he smirked. "I w-was a leader of YA s-s-style rebellion a-against the system with...I-I'm going to say T-Timothy?"

"Fuck you" He said laughing "Is this some sort of petty revenge? You're going to use the worst names you can think of until I give in?"

"Y-You tell me G-Gerald" I said and he winced. His gazed lowered to my pocket where my cassette player was hidden. 

"You listen to mixtapes?" He asked laughing and I rolled my eyes. 

"N-Not plural" I corrected him but that didn't help my case. 

"Let me guess...music ssounds better on vinyl?Old songs are better?" He asked, unable to stop laughing.

"S-Shut up Brian" I said, as he lay on his back laughing.

"Do you need a type writer to express your feelings?" He suggested.

"S-Shut up" I said.

"Make me" He said and I sighed heavily before shuffling towards him, and tickling him. 

"Noooo" He shouted, laughing like an idiot "Sorry, have mercy!" I laughed with him until eventually I did, but didn't move...still pinning him to the table. 

He cleared his throat and I quickly jumped off him, walking over to my art set up, I didn't notice he followed me, sitting next to me. "M-Music is music" I said after a while of silence "D-Doesn't matter w-what you l-listen to it on" 

He hummed "Sure" He said and I took my headphones out of my Walkman and played the music outloud, Mess Is Mine, by Vance Joy

After a couple of minutes of staring at paints being mixed he decided he was bored so got up and brought some more paint that he could mess around with instead. 

"You sure you w-want to be h-h-here?" I said hoping he would give me a reason for why he hadn't run away yet.

"No, I'm actually a bit of an artist myself" He said, rolling his sleeves up before placing his fingers in the paint and pressing them against the piece of paper. I studied him curiously as he then picked up a pen and added to his piece before signing his name next to it. 

"For you, no price" He said using his elbows to pass me the paining, it was a small flower and bee made from finger prints, it wasn't at all bad. 

"I can't r-r-resist free s-s-stuff" I said placing it next to me. "I'll h-h-have it f-framed" 

"Obviosuly" He said picking out a huge paintbrush and splatting paint on his paper, brickles of paint spitting on my cheek.

"H-Hey!" I said using my sleeve to wipe it off.

"I'm sorry" He said with a smirk "I'm more of a freestyle painter...the world's my canvas" He said in a weird obnoxious voice. 

I tried to hide my grin and when he turned around I armed myself with a paint brush and brushed his arm with blue paint, he turned around a gave me a shocked expression. 

"No, w-w-wrong t-tone" I said unable to contain my smile this time, an expression which mirrored on his face.

There was a moment of hesistation, wonder even...of who was going to strike first.

But it always was me that takes every chance of disaster, I grabbed my paint brush and began to flick the paint at him...he grabbed his, doing the same before he tried to stop me by using his brush as a sword as we fenced. 

With my spare hand I picked up my paint pallette and pressed it against his shirt and he used his paint covered hands to attack me. 

The battle continued as I grabbed a paint bottle and began firing it at him, trying to get past his shield which was an empty canvas. 

We contiued to upgrade our weapons, I had found an entire can of paint and poured it all over him before running out into the corridor to try and escape. But the fight contiued there as we used the dripping paint on our bodies to flick it at each other. 

He caught up with me eventually and jumped onto my back, placing his painted hands all over my face as I squealed and quickly shook him off.

Our fight ended when I slipped whilst sprinting around the corner as my shoes were covered in paint, bringing him down with me.

We lay on the floor for while, side by side unable to stop laughing. 

"You h-h-have to a-admit, I'm not the w-w-worst human o-o-on the p-p-lanet" I said brushing a lose curl of hair away from his face as it was out of his usual organization of his head, using it as an excuse to just spread more paint on his face. 

"Fine, I'll admit it...if I ever feel like giving my wardrobe some adjustments, I'll let you know" He said laughing. 

"Well, a-a-at least my life can't g-g-get more m-m-messier than this" I said as I finally caught my breath.

"Well that's where you're wrong" A voice boomed through the corridor and I looked up at the head of year who just looked weird upside down instead of intimidating as he towered over us. 

"Detention both of you, after school...you'll be cleaning all of this up" He said and I groaned.

"But sir, I t-t-think I've f-f'fractured my b-b-brain" I said deciding to pull the health and safety card: having a kid die on school premises never looked good.

"Don't care" He said,, student welfare apparently being no interest to teachers. "And you'd actually have to have brain for that to be true" He added and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm used to this kind of behaviour from you Denbrough but leading other students into a bad direction is low even for you...I'm very dissapointed" He concluded stepping over us and trying to walk away probably to burn a cross or sacrafice a goat. He tried to maintain a strong demanour but ended up slipping on our paint trail.

"Well it could've been worse, I guess" Stan said recieving my hand and helping me stand up, which was difficult as we both kept slipping on the paint.

"Yeah, d-d-detention w-without Richie T-Tozier should b-be peacful" I said before walking outside, not bothering to note the judement stares that eyed us. 

It was difficult to concentrate in my English lesson as I had paint in places I didn't know I had and also because I was distracted my everything that had happened today. Apparently, according to be concious, the hideout wasn't the weirdest thing that happened today, the shy kid was.

I spent the rest of the lesson coming up with a elobarate plan to solve this issue. I listed everyone that I could remember whose name was carved in the wood. I even had to beg Betty Ripsom, who worked in admisnistration as a student volunteer to give me the addresses of some of these people. 

In return I would have to volunteer in the next charity event, dressed in a constume of her choice. So I wrote letters to each person I could remember.

Hey, if you're not busy, please meet me in the woods. It's an emergency.   
Bill Denbrough.


	30. If This Was  A Musical Number...That's It, That's The Joke

**"BILLIAM** there is nothing poetic or romantic about fucking around...I'm flattered, but you know you could've just called me..." Richie said as he finally arrived in the woods.

I rolled my eyes "I mean this isn't exactly a subtle place..." He sighed before resting his arms on my shoulders.

I was about to protest but that role was luckily filled in quickly by Bev who had just arrived with Ben "Noooooo...." She began, covering her eyes with her hand "I thought this was a secret meeting and not free porn" 

"It's both" Richie said and I shook my head towards Bev.

"I'm going to pretend that I had something better to do than being here, like I have a life..." Rue began as she walked behind Bev "So what the fuck is this about Bill...? Some of us are busy people with lives"

"Not you apparently" Richie mumbled and I rolled my eyes.

"I-I-I'll explain s-soon...j-just wait for e-everyone to get h-here" I said.

"Erm....hello, excuse me" A quiet voice said, captivating everyone's attention, Mike Hanlon stood there awkwardly "Bill Denbrough?" I nodded and he sighed in relief, like he was scared that this was all some weird trap to hurt him.

I mean, why would he think- oh wait, Derry, Bowers, right.

"I'm Mike..." He said and I grinned at Rue whise eyes widened. 'This the guy..' she mouthed and I nodded.

"I-I'm Bill..." I said "T-That's B-Bev, R-Richie...and Rue" Mike smiled at each of the L- wait...ah i forgot, I was about to call them something...never mind. He smiled at each of them before shaking there hand.

What a gentlemen.

"So what's this about?" He asked, still a little uncomfortable, I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"D-Don't worry, I-I'll e-explain in a m-minute, j-just waiting on C-Conner and E-Eddie..." I said 

"We'll be waiting all day, you sure you don't want to start now?" Bev asked, but before anyone could reply, seriously or with any sarcastic comment...Conner and Eddie arrived.

Oh look at that we managed to summon them, we should do that more often.

"Drop everything....we're here" Conner said, resting his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath whilst Eddie desperately shook his inhaler-I'm guessing they ran here.

"Barely" Eddie said taking a few moe puffs from his inhaler...for good luck maybe?I don't know I was lost here.

"Ok...s-so looks l-like we-re a-all here...m-more or less" I mumbled, I had tried to find who this Stanley was but tragically, his second name wasn't written on the wall and according to Betty Ripsom: There were sixteen Stanley's in the school. So with a heavy heart, I gave up on that one. 

"I n-need to s-show you guys s-something, s-s-something important" I said. 

"Big Bill if you're having dick problems I don't see how we all can h-" I cut Richie off with a glare. 

"F-Follow me" I said, not looking where I was going and ended up walking straight into someone.

"S-Sorry" I said standing up, brushing off the dirt and leaves from my clothes. Helping whoever I knocked down up.

"It's fine" A familar voice said and my heart stopped beating. 

The shy kid from the back of the art classroom, was here? As in not hiding? "Y-Y-You're here?" I mumbled and he nodded slowly, looking around cautiously. "Why?"

"You weren't in art...I dunno, I guess I thought something happened" He said, it is was only now that I realized my hand was still connected with his, but I didn't let go.

"I'm f-f-fine..." I whispered and he nodded, giving me a small smile "D-Did you m-miss me?"

"Something like that..." He whispered, his gaze never leaving mine. My free hand went to move the rouge whisps of his hair that had drifted into an uncomfortable place, there was something about that, which was comforting, familar almost.

"Are you two finished?" Richie said and the boy quickly dropped his hand. For fucks sake Richie.

"I guess I'll get going" He said, his eyes dropping from mine and focusing and everything that wasn't me. 

"S-S-Stay" I mumbled, capturing his hand once more. "I l-l-l-like your c-company" 

He smiled shyly "I like yours too" 

"Is this a private wedding or do you want us here? I'm confused" Conner said, earning a high-five from Richie. 

I flipped them off "F-Fine Richie you l-lead...just w-walk on ahead, to t-the l-l-l-left" I mumbled and he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, grinning.

"Okie tip-tally-hoe gentlemen, onwards" He said in a terrible English accent...I think that was what he was going for. 

"J-Just a l-l-little the the l-l-left" I called after him.

"Why so specific Bill? What is so sp-ahhhhhh" He screamed as he fell through the same trap as Rue, causing her to cackle hysterically like an evil witch. 

Everyone quickly ran over to the crime scene to see if he is ok. "Hows it looking?" Ben asked and Richie groaned.

"I hate all of you" He groaned before turning onto his back "Dark, gloomy and cold...good holdiay destination for spiders" 

Eddie instantly screamed, jumping away and landing on his back. "If there is spiders in there I will throw myself onto the main road" 

"Calm down Eds..." Richie said, pushing himself up and walking over to the ladder, looking up at us.

"Don't you fucking call me that!" He  
hissed. Bev seemed to have gotten frustrated with the bickering and climbed down the slightly unsave ladder...it was ok I got Eddie to sign a waiver. 

"So what is this Bill?"Ben asked leaning against one of the wooden pillars, causing one of the boards fall from the celing and crash onto the floor. 

"Well done genius, what happens if you push another one?" Richie asked from the hammock, which he made himself comfortable in...just like I imagined he would when I first found this place.

"I think this is some sort of clubhouse, or hideout" Mike said, resting on a small swing, which I wasn't sure how safe it was.

"For who?" Conner said, brushing some cobwebs off of a small pile of books.

"U-Us" I mumbled, staring at the wall of our names. I was quickly joined by the others. 

"Fuck" Eddie said, dropping his inhaler, which Richie picked up without question. "That's my handwriting...I wrote that!" He began to panic.

"Same...I proposed to Eddie?" Richie said quietly...QUIETLY, yeah I know I guess he was really spooked. "Illegally"

"Whose Rue?" Mike asked and Rue raised her hand "But I've only just met you now...how could've I wrote that?" 

Ben blushed when he read his contribution, smiling shyly. "H-Hey B-Brad what's wrong?" I asked the book worm who seemed to be frozen in place, his name not leaving the wall.

"Nothing..." He mumbled automatically, like his body was conditioned to do that without thinking.

"H-Hey..." I tried to comfort him, whatever was wrong but he quickly flinged when my hand touched his shoulder, jumping back a little.

"What the fuck do we do now?" Conner asked "How...? What...?"

"We used to be friends..." Mike conculded, saying the words that haunted each and everyone of us. "All of us.." 

"How is that possible?" Eddie said, calmly. "How could we _all_ forget?"

"We d-d-did something" I mumbled without thinking, drawing all eyes on me. "S-Something bad"

"Pennywise"Bev whispered and silence became a heavy soundtrack around us. 

"Surely we'd be dead" Ben said "If we did something illegal..."

"Maybe we were suppose to be" Cute shy boy said, brushing his curls back, showing all the deep scaring that burned his skin.

"Shit" Conner breathed. 

"Why would they let us live?" Richie asked "Isn't clearing memory, hiding evidence all a little too much effort?"

"Maybe they wanted to keep an eye on us? Maybe it was more dangerous for all nine of us to be dead" Rue said.

"We f-f-f-found s-s-something" I said, burning every fibre in my lubgs as I did so, no air able to drift back inside of me to save me. "S-S-Something that h-hurts them"

"Bill breathe" Hidden boy said as all air crawled further away from me, every movement strained as I tried to reach it. 

"Bill..." I heard Bev said at least I think I did.

I felt a firm grip rest on my shoulders, "Bill you need to breath" Richie said, some form of fear or sympathy in his voice. "Please"

I felt someone reach for something in my pocket, before my ears were covered and all sound was drowned out by the sorrows of lyrics and the air of music...and then I was alive again. 

My breathing steadied and faces cleared once again, everything seeming calmer with the silence drowned. 

_I'm going back to 505..._

"H-H-How did you k-know?" I asked the frightened boy. 

_If it's a seven hour flight..._

"The same way you knew it was me" He said and I sighed heavily. He didn't, it was just there...like the ghost of someone else was there, guiding you, destroying you.

_In my imagination your waiting, lying on your side, with you hands between your thighs_

"T-Thanks" I whispered and he nodded. 

"Ok..." Rue said awkwardly "How about we look around...see if anything belongs to us or sparks our memory" We all mummered in agreement, setring off on our own little explorations.

I found some old horror books which I forgot I owned and an old sketchbook...that definitly was mine as I had scratched my name on the cover. But before I could open it, shy guy returned.

"I found this..." He said holding a shower cap in his hands, almost identical to the one he was wearing over his head. He must of notice my confused look 

_Oh, when you look at me like that, my darling_  
_What did you expect?_

"It's to stop spiders from getting in your hair" He explained and I wuickly jumped back from the beam I was leaning again, running my fingers in my hair to check for any introuders. Why didn't I think of that? Oh fuck, fuck.

He held my shoulders firmly, stopping me from freaking out, brushing my hair out if the way, tucking any loose strands behind my hair before slipping my hair uunder the cap. Taking my heart away with it.

_I probably still adore you with your hands around my neck_  
_Or I did last time I checked._

"T-Thanks" I squeaked and he giggled softly. "Erm..."

"Not giving you my name" He said "Especially not now"

I frowned "W-Why not?" I whined and his cheeks flushed a deep red colour.

He opened his mouth to speak but was interupted by Bev, who had found a megaphone and was standing on a wooden box. 

"Ok gays we have a serious issue here..." She began "If Bill is right...which I think we all believe he is, then we have to come up with a plan...if our memories really were taken than that means they must of been dangerous which could only mean..."

"We knew something that could destroy everything...destroy them" Ben said.

"We could've taken down the system?" Conner asked "The governement, Pennywise, the Selection?"

"And I'm guessing we tried but failed" Eddie said. 

"So you all know what that means...we have to somehow remember everything again" Bev said and we all gaped at her "Don't look at me like that...I read a book on psychology last year, I remember reading about amnesia, we need a trigger, like a token from our past, so do some digging losers"

"W-What?" I asked and she pointed the megaphone at me.

"I said you have to dig up-"

"I h-heard that...I m-mean what did you c-call us?" I asked and she frowned.

"Losers?" 

"Fuck" Mike said "That's what we are isn't it? Losers stick together?" We all stared at him blankly. 

"I just feel like...that was something we called ourselves, I rememver Richie saying-"

"Welcome to the Losers club!" Richie shouted excitably "Asshole"

"How did we remember so quickly?" Conner asked.

"I-It must be us...a-all together, m-maybe that's w-why they k-kept us apart...e-each of us w-where some sort of t-t-trigger for e-eachother" I suggested and Bev nodded quickly.

"Oh my god! We have to run around Derry, we have to have a sleepover, jump of the Quarry...we have to remember together" Bev said quickly, climbing up the ladder. Ben shrugged before following her.

"It's getting late" Mike noted "I have to go, but see you guys tommorow?"

"Course" I said and he smiled, hesistating for a moment before wrapping his arms around me. He gave us a small salute and then walked up the ladder.

We all walked through the woods together, seperating in different directions to get home, until it was only me and the book worm. "W-What's wrong?" I asked.

"I can't go home" He said and I frowned. "I just..feel like I shouldn't..."

"S-Spend the n-night alone?" I guessed and he nodded slowly "I g-g-get it, I can't s-sleep on my own...too many b-bad thoughts k-keeping me up, e-every night I feel like...I want to t-t-talk to s-someone"

"Is that why you do it?" He asked quietly and I nodded.

"I-I'm not a b-b-bad person, I do w-w-what I h-have to do to s-survive my own m-mind" I said and he bit his lip, hesistating for a moment.

"Can I stay?"He asked and I nodded softly, interwhining our fingers before dragging him gently to my house.

As an eighteen-year-old, I was pretty good at sneaky people into my house, past my parents, past Georgie and into my bedroom. 

My room seemed to fascinate him, like he was lost in it, all of it. The pictures, the books, the posters. As if everything that belonged to me became me and hurt him.

I took this time to find a pair of pajamas for him, as well as some fluffy socks. "Here" I said passing it to him.

"Thanks" He said, there was a moment of silence, us just standing there awkwardly.

"O-Oh right...I-I'll turn around" I said, mentally slapping myself for being so stupid.

I focused my eyes on the mixtape in my hands, letting my fingers grazing each song title that I had listed on a post-it note. Not like I needed that anymore, I had listened to it so many times I knew every song and the order.

I found myself, particulary on the first seven song titles. 

**S** tand By Me- Oasis

**T** rying Your Luck-Strokes

**A** in't No Rest For The Wicked-Cage the Elephant

**N** octurnal Me- Echo & The Bunnymen

**L** ove Is A Laserquest-Arctic Monkeys

**E** verlong-Foo Fighters

**Y** ou're Somebody Else- Flora Cash 

"Stanley" I said, turning around without thinking, luckily he was dressed. "Y-You're Stanley"

He froze, tensing "How?"

"S-Same why you d-did" I said, my grip tightening around the cassette tape. "Why d-didn't you w-want me to k-know?"

His eyes fell into a pit of dispair, drowning for a moment "I can't let people get close...I'm scared" He whispered.

"Why?"

He hesistated for a moment, before taking a deep breath and pulling his shirt over his head.

I tried to hide the horrified shock that flooded through me. Mangled scars threaded through every fibre of his skin, reminding me of fire. 

The tip of my fingers drifted across the surface of them, my touch fighting the nervous swirls that braided in his stomach, crawling up to his shoulders His skin ached like a ghostly echo of whatever the fuck did this so long ago.

"I'm scared" Stan whispered "Someone did this to me...they did this to me, I don't want it to happen again, so I hid away from anyone who could hurt me and I thought..."

"You t-t-t-thought I would h-hurt you" I muttered and guilt flooded his eyes.

"I'm sorry...but you have a reputation" He said and I nodded slowly, letting go of him.

"I'm s-s-sorry if I s-s-scare you" I said and he shook his head. 

"I'm not scared, not here with you" He said everything sunk, every small thing I knew in this world, everything I knew was a lie now, every fake memory all drifted away for a moment, the only thing staying was Stanley.

"Erm..."He said clearing his throat, snapping me out of my daydreams "I guess I'll sleep on the floor-"

"H-H-How many b-books have you read?" I asked him and he gave me a confused expression.

"Lots"

"S-So I'm guessing you k-know how this goes...I-I'm too t-tired for p-prentending w-we don't k-know the conculsion of t-this...I-I'll take the r-right side of the b-bed" I said and he gave me a shocked expression before nodding slowly. 

I didn't lay on my bed alone, like usual, but this time as I let Stanley slip into my sheets, I knew I would let him slip into my everything, my mind, my body, my heart. And I wasn't sure if I hadn't that or not. 

He was only a breath away, which was dangerous in the depths of a cold winter evening, the lights of the sleeping city reflecting in his pupils. I felt my arms drift around his waist, pulling just a little bit closer, because he never seemed close enough. 

"What do you do?" He asked, his voice trembling slightly. "When you're scared?"

I placed my headphones over his head, a resumed the mixtape that seemed to be him, his soundtrack. My eyes fell deep into his, behind the lust and despair that was 'Trying Your Luck'

It was although he had drifted straight out of a snapshot from the past. He resembled a dream of a vintage record, one with low saturation and more grey hues than anything. 

But when the record turned,the darkness was embedded with a constellation of colour, stars enriched in vibrant tones, planets dissolved in a captivating palette and an aurora locked in place by blended neon starlight and slashed water colour, all smoothly embroided by a smooth, soft brush stroke. 

"Oh my...fuck" He said quickly, pulling the headphoness of and sitting up quickly, breathing heavily. "Fuck, fuck, fuck...what happened, it all just...shit"

"S-S-Stan...w-what's wrong?" I asked, pulling him gently back down, trying to meet his panicked eyes that were darting back and fourth. 

He didn't say anything, quicklg cupping my cheeks, leaning his head against mine. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Bill..I'm just glad you're ok...after everything I did..."

"S-S-S-Stan wh-" But he quickly cut me off, pressing his lips against mine. His lips were soft yet chapt with a taste of passion and ash brushing of them. It lasted no longer than a second but delved with inocence and tragedy all the same, throwing fire around as if it was nothing. 

It was soft, slow and comforting, in a way my life could never be. The warmth left me as his lips did leaving me exposed in the chill air. 

He eventually pulled away, the last ash from the dying campfire, threading into the open air, with the same artistic swirl as smoke. Smoke embroided with spirit and life

"S-S-Stan..." I began, giving him a confused expression. 

His eyes widened "Shit..." He said "You don't...you can't...you don't remember do you?" 

"W-W-We've been through t-this...we a-all lost o-our memories" I said and he shook hisbhead quickly.

"I just remembered..." He began "Nevermind" 

I leaned in to kiss him again and he shook hos head "I shouldn't...you don't know...I should leave"

"N-N-No" I said, "Please d-don't leave m-me on my o-own" He froze before sighing heavily.

"For someone who doesn't remember anything you sure do know where to hit me where it hurts" He mumbled, turning to face me, I gave him a confused look and he shook his head.

I shuffled closer to him, he thought for a moment, biting his lip "I've spent the last year scared of getting hurt" He mumbled, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer.

"Hurt me Bill Denbrough, break my heart, do what you want with it, turns out even without remembering I couldn't hold on to my heart" He whispered before closing the gap between us. 

Heat poured off him, filling in every broken crack, shard and chip of my damaged body, burning through, beneath me like the depths of a volcano. 

Electricity pooled from his eyes, flooding across me and dripping beneath my skin. Everything seemed to fire and Stan was the taste of ash-from crackling wood, warm and dusted grey, the essence of the flames. 

I always hated the nothing that seeped and numbed my mind, my soul. Hated the way it sunk me fhrther and further. I risked everything to get rid of it, to feel something.

Now I felt everything in the nothing as his broken lips floated across my skin, displacing the heat towards my scar on my shoulder, following the devious journey of his soft lips in a hot precession.

Before he walked in the room was filled with art, when he stayed it was filled with him. His deep gaze mirroring dawn-the pinch of darkness that laced the exoctic colours of the sunset, illuminated with warmth. 

He was never dark, I was just too afraid to look for stars.

And for this moment and this moment only, I was glad I was lost, without my memories. Because without it didn't matter whether or not Stanley was in my past the way I wanted him to be or not. 

What matter was that he was here now and he stayed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhehehe oops Stan remembered


	31. Two Birds, No Stone, Please Don't Hurt Stan's Birds

**I WOKE** to soft sheets, and the morning light trickled in through the blinds, radiating small patches of heat to spool across my face. 

The rest of my body was hidden by a pool of warmth, contaminating every cell in my body, making me wish it would never leave. 

The aching in my skull ebbs and flows like a cold tide, yet the pain is always there. 

Yup, I think I slept in...fuck did I skip shool?

Wait no...it's a Saturday.

Slowly and reluctantly, I uncovered my face. I blinked, closed my eyes, and blinked again. Streaks of sunlight penetrate the window and blind me. I rolled away from my sleeping sleeping position and sit up slightly, I stretch my arms above my head and yawn, accidentally hitting something as I did so.

Shit,Shit,Shit, Shit.

"Ow" My whole body froze, but then sighed in relief when I realized it was Stan.

But then I began to panic again when I realized IT WAS STAN.

My eyes snapped shut as if they were trying to get rid of the images of the last night.

And piece by piece the puzzle came together. 

I remembered Richie falling into that clubhouse, I definitly remembered walking home with Stan.

I remember him kissing me and the way my lips were laced with warmth and filled with electricity afterwards.

I remembered doing it again and then no longer feeling his lips on mine, but brushing my neck, slow and angonazing, soft and chappted, molten and electric. 

I remember it continuing there and the winter chill cracked my exposed skin and the passionate heat surrounding him, filling in the frosted gaps. 

But more importantly I remembered that he remembered...he got some.of his memories back from the music, if not all of them. It was probably his, maybe he gave it to me...or maybe I was a theif in my past life.

I allowed my eyes to flutter open and gave the boy that I was still tangled in, a shy smile as the lack of moral or guilt continued to the morning. 

The innocence showed on his sleeping face, the peaceful and serene dreams blocking out the dangers of the outside. The soft breathing making the world seem to stand still.

The lines of care and toil had smoothed and virtually disappeared. His closed eyelids against the dim light of dawn was a screen for flicker of light to dance around on and his breathing was deep and relaxed, all the muscles in his face and body were totally at peace. 

Panic began to coarse through my body. I can't believe I did this, for fucks sake, how stupid was I? This was someone who according to past-life Richie, past-life Bill was in love with...in their past life.

You see my confusion?

Ok, I had two options, run away or kill him.

I decided to go with option one, I rolled to my side, trying to break free from the curtain of hair that covered my eyes. 

"You're planning on running away, aren't you?" Stan said and I froze instantly.

He awakes. Shit.

"No!" I panicked "You're the one who's changing their name to Flora Williams" 

I couldn't see it, but I knew he was rolling his eyes. It was a gift. 

A useless one but still there.

'Ok, Ok, be calm and reasonable. I'm sure somewhere in your existance there is the posibiltity to do so' I told myself. 'You need to be subtle, you need to address the issue you need to-' 

"Hey can you pass me my phone? I need to write something down." I asked and he quirked a brow but did as asked. 

"What is it? Reminder: Stan's dick is too good to handle - buy bread."

Subtle

"Ha ha, Richie" I said beginning to type in a note entry, he frowned as I did so.

"I rememberd the name of this song I've been trying to find. You know when you know next to none of the lyrics so it's impossible to Google?" I said.

"You're mad" He said with a happy grin, pulling me closer into his embrace and buried his face in my hair. His eyelashes brushing against my cheeks as he tried to go back to sleep. 

"I think I'm mad actually...I shouldn't have done this, you don't have your memories, it isn't fair" He mumbled and I placed small kisses against his neck.

"It d-d-doesn't matter, I l-like you, y-you're cute, sarcastic and s-sweet...m-maybe you were d-different before, b-but that doesn't m-matter now" I said, hoping to reassure him but he only frowned in disappointment.

"So how does this work?" Stan said changing the subject. "I go home? Forget about it or fo I see you tonight or...?"

I rolled my eyes "T-T-Thought you d-didn't want to g-get killed?" 

He smirked "That was before I remembered...now I want to make sure we finished what we started..." I nodded, leaning in to kiss him again and he pushed me off of him.

"No that's not what I meant...I mean I also remember what got us in trouble in the first place...not all the details, it's seems to come back little by litte...but I know enough" He said leaning over to reach his shirt from the floor. "We need to call another emergency Losers club meeting"

"A w-what club?" I asked and he sighed heavily. 

"We've got a lot to get through" He said, sitting up.

"No, I don't w-want to l-leave" I said, wrapping my arms around him, like the clingy bastard I was.

" I-I'm also h-h-hungry so, on ward...to the k-kitchen" I said rolling away from his embrace but obviously rolling too far and landing onto the hard floor, causing him to laugh at me.

His laughter was like ripples in a still pond after a stone has been thrown in. It radiated around the room and contaminating me. 

"You're something else Bill Denbrough" He said.

"T-T-Thanks...I think"

ᴬ ᶠᵉʷ ᶜᵒⁿᶠᵘˢⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ ᵒᶠ ᵗʳʸⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵉˣᵖˡᵃⁱⁿ ᵗᵒ ᵘˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵃˢᵗ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ...

"Was I still this handsome in the alternate universe?" Richie asked, placing his hands under his jaw.

"It isn't an alternate universe you dumb fuck it's the past" Eddie said who had also managed to regain his memories, which was triggered by an old inhaler or pills, I wasn't really paying attention.

And he was now helping Stan explain to us what the fuck got us fucked up on the first place, well Eddie's approach was a little different because apparently something about the past made him argue with Richie more...he was so desperately in love with him now...oh so the tables have turned. 

"We're talking about the more important things here...so after finding the little clues left by Betty Rispsom...we eventually found her, in here, then she took us to her hideout, Bill set a small fire than a little bit later Pennywise found us" Stan explained, continuing to draw a storyboard on the wall.

"How did they find us?" Ben asked and Stan shifted uncomfortably.

"Doesn't matter" Eddie said and Stan gave him a grateful look. 

"I s-s-started a f-fire?" I asked and Eddie rolled his eyes .

"That's what you're suprised about? " He asked and I shrugged.

"Then they-" There was a sudden loud crash of someone falling down the ladder. 

"Ow" We all quickly ran over to where Rue was lying on the floor, with something in her hand. 

"Where the fuck have you been?" Bev asked and Rue sighed heavily. 

"Are you alright Rue? Any injuries?" She asked sarcastically "I'm alright thanks for asking"

"Don't be overdramatic, that fall isn't that bad" Richie said and she rolled her eyes "Where have you been though? I was left alone to remove all the screw in the exam hall tables"

"Sorry, but I found this" She said waving a piece of paper excitably, we all couldn't read it. "It's a letter I wrote to my future self last year...do you all remember that?"

"No" Most of us said.

"I do" Eddie said "You were the only one who did that"

"Yeah but it triggered my memory, bet you all regret being lazy, because back then I had bangs" She said and we all gaped at her. 

"Fuck I wish I could remember that" Richie said, helping her up off the floor. She passed him the letter and he read it. 

"Oo, you used to go to a sports club" He said and she laughed with him.

"Ok, back to the story..." Stan said. "Then Bill was reunited with Georgie-"

"HAHAH YOU USED TO LIKE CRADLE OF FILTH? YOU WERE SUCH AN EMO KID!" Richie laughed.

"BEEP BEEP RICHIE!" Stan, Eddie and Rue shouted at him, causing him to instantly shut up. 

Wait what?There was an off switch? A miracle from the gods? The universe? I quickly grabbed my phone out of my pocket and wrote that in my notes section. 

But then looked up, suspicious of why it had grown silent for more than a minute. Richie seemed to fall into a frozen trance, his hands trembling quickly as if there was electricty coarsing through them.

"Fuck" He said "I think I just had my brain reset, you Losers are cruel" 

There was a small cheer from the little club of people who had their memory back. Rue and Eddie both hugged Richie, even Stan did. I guess they got on well in the past. 

"So what do you remember?" Eddie said quickly, not removing his arm from around him. 

"Well I remember being blind temporary, being a detective with Big Bill, chasing a goose...Stanthony pushing me in a lake and obviously I remember the whole Pennywise ordeal and dancing with Rue and you lot to Come On Eileen" He said "So I guess even in the past they still thought I was straight as I think I was still with Rue"

"Fuck you" Eddie said, letting go of him and Richie gave him a confused look.

"What's up with him?" Mike asked and Richie shrugged.

"More of you memory will come back in a few more stages, doesn't all come back at once" Rue explained.

"But why is Eds pissed at me...?" Richie asked.

"You're a fucking idiot" Eddie said, stropping off in the corner, lying on the hammock.

"I'm sure you're right but why?" Richie asked, Rue looked over to Stan who just sighed.

"You two...had an inisde joke, he's just disappointed you don't remember" Stan said.

"Was it really that important?" Richie asked and Stan looked over to Rue nervously.

"It was the base of your friendship" Rue said. We all returned back to the storyboard, Rue picking up a whiteboard pen to help Stan continue.

It was difficult, seeing people's memory come back to them. I just wanted to find whatever it was that would trigger my memory. What if it actually was a defence mechanism? Like I was trying to stop myself from remembering something embarassing? Was that why Stan kept looking at me like that?

"So after Bill saw Georgie, Pennywise realized that she would never find the evidence we had on her, because Betty said she couldn't even get it...the only person who get it was Bill, and even he wouldn't know how to get it" Rue said, drawing a picture of Pennywise as a clown with an evil grin, standing infront of a crowd of stick figures.

"That's u-u-u-useful" I muttered. 

"Then she made a deal, everyone got to live if we agreed to give up on this. Georgie would be allowed to go back home and so would the rest of us, obviously the small print being that she would rest all of our memories" Stan concluded, drawing a head explosion to conclude the story. 

"So what now?" Conner asked, flicking through some of the comics left here, trying to ignore the constant death stare Richie was giving him ever since he got his memory back.

"This isn't going to work until A) We all get our memory back, B) Betty gets her memory back and C) Bill manages to find where the evidence is hidden" Stan said, folding his arms. 

"G-Great" I mumbled. A lot of this shit seemed to depend on me, which was probelmatic for like a lot of reasons. Maybe I should just explain that by wearing a sticker on my head that said:

HELLO I'M

COMPLETELY USLESS

"Ok, so the remembering side of the Losers club can go and find Betty, try to some how convince her to help us and try to reset her memory, and the amnesia side can try to find a trigger" Bev said.

"Sounds good, I'd stick together if I were you and probably start here, since we used to hang out here all the time" Eddie said saluting us becore making his way over to the ladder. 

"Who wants to go first?" Richie asked, leaning against the ladder. 

"You go" Eddie said "I'll enjoy the view from down here" We all gaped at him, apart from Richie who just grinned at him before climbing the ladder. Guess the tables really had turned. 

I explored the hideout carefully, examining every nail, every cobweb and everything here, hoping that it would trigger my memory. Sadly the nails on had rust on them, cobwebs had spiders and all the comics, posters and empty packets of food didn't bring anything but bad smells and cringy music taste.

It was yet another disappointment in my life, I could add that to my list...fuck that I could write a best seller of my life's disappointment. 

IT'S DISAPPOINTING a novel by me.

Whilst digging through a load of old books, I saw a broken piece of floorboard beneath me, next to my old sketch book which I should really look through it because it had to be important if they erased it from my memory. 

I flicked through the pages, mainly paintings of flowers, only a few birds, Bev, Richie, Stanley...there was a lot of Stan in this book. My fingers traced the deep tones that crafted his curls, his eyes, -

_"Bill, Bill...look at that sparrow over there, it's so pretty"_

_"Y-Yeah, beautiful"_

I breathed heavily as Stan's voice flooded through my head, a blurred image fighting it's way through.

" _For someone so petty about others you sure are harsh on yourself"_

" _I'm n-not petty_ " 

_"You're so cute, you know that?"_

But I removed the floor board instead, hidden beneath it was a piece of paper, folded perfectly. I picked it up and unfolded it but before I could read it there was a huge crash. I turned around quickly to see that Bev had dropped an old mug, which had smashed on the floor.

I put the sketchbook and letter back under the floorboard, hiding it before running over to Bev to see of she was ok. 

"You a-a-alright?" I asked and she nodded, a small postcard in her hand. 

"It's a poem" She said, extinguishing her cigarrette "I remember...I remember who wrote it, I remember...everything..."

Then suddenly her eyes widened and she began to panic "Bill we can't trust Stanley!" She said quickly and I held her shoulders, steading her.

"W-W-W-Why not?" I asked.

"It was him the entire time, he did this, it was him who-" But before she could finish another loud sound interupted us.

What were the odds of that? The universe can be so rude sometimes. 

There was another loud bang, followed by very familar laughter...fuck, oh fuck. The universe can be VERY fucking cruel sometimes.

"Shit...it's Bowers" Ben said beginning to panic. "What do we do?"

"Maybe if we just be calm about this, we don't know they're here for us, maybe they're just enjoying a lobely evening stroll in the woods" Mike suggested, like the optimistic beautiful fool he was.

"Hey Losers, you want to come out to play?" Henry's voice cooed and we all froze in place.

"You were saying..."Conner said looking up fearfully. 

" _E-Ew, you're breath s-s-stinks, must be f-f-from all of this b-bullshit"_

_"Excuse me?"_

_"R-Running around calling us names, s-sounds like g-gay jealousy to m-me. I-Is Patrick not giving you e-enough time?"_

"Bill!" Conner said snapping me out of my trance "We have to get out of here" He looked up to the opening if the hatch which had already seen some lovely contact from Patrik's flame thrower. 

SHIT, SHIT. 

I quickly ran over to the broken floorboard "Bill we don't have time..." Mike said as I resisted him trying to pull me away. 

"I h-h-have to g-get s-something" I said quickly picking up my old sketchbook before following the amnesia side of the Losers up the stairs to our worst nightmare. 

Bowers leaned against a tree, spinning a sharp knife in his hand, surrounded by his fellow gays who were doing slightly less cool poses. Well I guess they did have a littke while to get ready for us to come out.

Hahhah, in which way?

"W-W-What the fuck do you w-want?" I asked and he laughed. 

"What do you think I want B-B-Billy?"He sneared and his little clones laughed. 

"Englighten us" Mike said and Bowers scowled at him. 

"Well a little birdie whispered in my ear earlier today and told me..." He began, getting closer to me.

"I'm already going to stop you there, hearing voices isn't a good sign especially from animals" Bev said, smiling at me and I tried my best to suppress my laughter.

"Shut up slut!"He shouted and Bev rolled her eyes. It was a mini tradegy in it's self that she was used to that.

"Someone slipped a large sum for us in exchange that we'll kill you all ourselves" Vic said, or Evil Draco as me and Stan called him.

"Pennywise" Ben said and Bowers frowned.

"Way to ruin the suprise tits, guess we'll just have to kill you sooner rather than later"Bowers said, spinning his knife around his fingers again. 

"W-Well I-I'm not sure a-about that, you've b-been you keep p-p-pointing that k-knife at us and b-b-blabbering on about how m-m-much you want to kill u-us, but it's been a-a-about five m-minutes, I'm b-beginning to d-doubt your c-commitment" I said earning a confused look from Mike.

"I make b-b-bad jokes w-w-when I'm n-nervous" I tried to explain but that didn't help our suitutation. 

Bowers growled, his grip tightening around the handle of his knife. "Yeah we should get going..." Mike said before setting off running, Bev and Ben following him. 

Conner didn't move however, to busy staring at Vic with a petrified glance. "C-Conner we h-have to g-go" I said grabbing his arm, trying to drag his arm. 

"Fuck, I remember Bill" He said "I remember him" 

" _Now careful, what you say sweetheart, you don't want to hurt yourself again"_

I managed to drag him away from them, my head burning with thoughts as my legs burned with the horror reality which was...excersise. Shudder.

"How the fuck did he get out?" Conner whimpered, but I couldn't answer answer as the thoughts that were flooding my head were spiralling out of control.

_"It's not the stutter, it's you I have a problem with"_

_"I love your eyes, but I hate how they belong to you"_

_"Stop lookinf at me like that...like you'd run away from everything for me"_

The air felt heavier and I watched as it drifted in and out of my lungs, cool vapor spiralling around me. 

The more I stared the less it was. Like I was brearhing out all the oxygen in my lungs and it was nevee coming back. My breath became shallower.

Fuck.

_"You're something else entirely"_

There was a resistance against air again, fuck, again.My breath fell heavy and splurted in pools as I tried to ignore my thoughts. 

Running and running, my breath trying to come to a rest as we ran past the kissing bridge. 

" _I just wrote our intials on the kissing bridge"_

Ben froze in his tracks, his body dominated by the attraction of the kissing bridge, his eyes unable to drag themself away from the names of desperate lovers, caged by the system that were carved onto the wood. 

"Ben..." Mike said, pulling his hand. But Ben didn't move.

"I remember..." He began, his voice merely a whisper. Bev froze, like her entire heart burned into flames.

"January embers..." She said, giving him a hopeful glance. 

"My heart burns there too" Ben said and right there and the Beverly Marsh melted into Ben Handsom, burring herself in his arms. 

"We h-have to g-go" I said pulling Bev's arm whist Mike tried to drag Ben away. 

We cut through the woods near the Quarry, stumbling on frozen leaves and oversized twigs. Mike even tripped over a stupidly place log, flying down the hill and landing near the water. 

We quickly stumbled over the leaves and each other to help him, which was difficult as he didn't seem willing to help himself, not moving his body to help. "Fuck..." He said, gripping onto a rock to help himself up. "Rock war...I remember" 

_"ROCKKKKK WARRRRRRR"_

"Brilliant Mike" Conner said squeazing his shoulder, grinning. 

"We need to keep going" Bev said, continuing to run acrosz the uneven path. "I really need to stop smoking" She wheezed. 

Eventually we made it to the top of the Quarry, near enough to human interaction that they couldn't kill us, well not in public right?.

Wrong, as no one was here apparently, oh wait, it was a little late, some people were able to sleep at night. Can't relate.

"Looks like this is the end for you Losers..." Bowers said with a horrible smile which I really hoped he didn't use on photo day, being a photographer is already a hard enough job as it is without gaining PTSD from ugly students.

"Can't believe we're being paid to take out rubbish we would have easily done for free" Patrik said lighting his flame thrower again. We get it, your illegally armed. 

"What have we said about stealing my thunder? That was my line" Henry whined.

"Sorry Hen, you can say it now if you want..." 

"No I can't! Not now they know what I was going to say" He complained like a three year old child.

"Sorry Hen" Patrik said. 

"It's fine we'll just skip to the killing part" Henry muttered, still slightly pissed off. 

"That's my lease favourite part' Mike mumbled, thankfully they didn't hear we didn't want to die more than once today. 

With every step they advanced forward, we stepped backwards, until we got to the edge of the cliff, which I'm pretty sure we used to jump of when we were thirteen. Now to remember whether it was safe or we were just crazy.

"There's nowhere for you to go, get ready to die Losers" Henry said.

"Looks like we're jumping..." Conner said.

"Yeah...wait w-w-what?" But it was too late Conner had already thrown himself off the edge, Bev shrugged before letting herself fall backwards, followed quickly by Ben. 

I didn't have much time to comprehend how mental this was as Mike had already grabbed my arm, throwing me into the winter's night water with him.

_"Remember that I love you"_

Cold water, no breath, pain

The moonlight that was so strong just seconds ago is brushed over with a water based paint. 

My arms flail against the icy water that steals heat from every part of my skin. Ice bitten bubbles sweep my cheek.

I untangled myself from my frantic grasp of the water and shown the light towards the bottomless pit beneath me, using my numb arms as I padel to propel me forward, deeper and deeper, knowing that if they thought we drowned they would leave.

Water burned my eyes and blinded my vision but I was able to see that Bev and Ben had not taken this time to pretend to be dead but had decided to try a new survival tactic which involved kissing. 

_"I hate you, everything about you...you're a mistake"_

The water rushed in like it owns me. It enters cold and murky, stealing away the air that could save my fragile body. I can taste it, like a dirty river, foul and unclean.

_"Stan...it was you? T-This entire t-time?"_

  
But just before I could die, a strong force captured my body and dragged me towards the surface of the darkness. 

"Bill are you ok?" Mike said, brearhing heavily, I nodded as best as I could. "They're gone now, they thought we drowned"

"I-It was h-him" I whimpered and Mike gave me a confused look. "I-I-It was S-S-Stan, h-he did this" My body trembled in the cold. 

Mike sighed heavily, hesistating for a moment before nodding slowly "I w-w-was in l-l-love with h-h-him" He nodded again. 

"It's fine Bill, at least you r-remembered before you f-fell for him a-again or did s-something stupid" He said his teeth chattering in the cold. "Wait, oh no, please tell m-me you didn't"

I nodded "Y-Yeah, I m-may or m-may not have s-s-slept with h-him last n-night..." I mumbled and his eyes widened. 

"Bill..." He said, shaking his head in diappointment. "Of all the people..."

"Or m-m-may not h-have" I added but his gaze failed to meet mine. 

"H-He betrayed u-us, d-didn't h-h-he?" I said and Mike nodded again. 

"Bill we don't know why, try talking to him-"

I swam away to the side as best as I could, climbing out of the water and walking through the woods and onto the streets, not caring about the way my body was trembling and the fact that I probably had hyperthermia. 

Time had distorted, freezing into it's own life of nothingness, everything slowed down until there was nothing, only me and the sinking into an invisable pain, swallowing me whole. 

I couldn't feel the tears that slipped down my frozen cheeks but I knew they were there. 

Once breaks everything. It takes you by suprise. 

But twice, twice destroys everything you didn't realise was there...or fragile fragments that you were building up.

Once was enough to kill me

But twice happened. You can't rebuild or heal a wound...if there is nothing left to heal. 

Words can kill, especially if they aren't true. Maybe that's why it hurt so much, because I knew he was never telling the truth, throughout everything that was happening in the past it was all a lie. He wasn't telling me the truth.

He hasn't been, not since the beginning of all this mess. The only time it felt different, was when he told me he loved me. 

But then he broke me, I don't even know what's is honest anymore. As every thought came and went, my tears escaped through my eyes as I sobbed down the empty streets of Derry, frozen to death.

The wet, desolate streets of the city rested in silence as the starry black sky wept over it. The water in the portholes shimmered by the glow of the bright, yellow street lamps. The small, green trees on the roadside swayed as the strong breeze hit them.

I was out of sync with the nothingness that bonded the streets, my feet thrusted me through the nothingness,falling in and out with the puddles that scrathed the surface of the road. 

It seemed like the clouds had gotten a sudden fascination to the moon and wrapped themselves around it. The moon's faint glow passed through them, coloring them white from grey.

The cool monsoon air carried a bitter moist scent that suffocated the atmosphere in a laced breath.

"Bill!" A couple of voices shouted after me, snaping me out of my thoughts. "Bill, oh my God, you're freezing" Stan said, wrapping his jacket around me. 

"What the fuck happened Bill?" Richie said placing his hat over my head and wrapping his arm around me. 

When I didn't respond they decided to change the subject "We found Betty..." Rue said gesturing over to Betty who gave me an awkward wave.

"Turns out just the mention of my sister's name triggered my memory, well most of it, can't remember where I hid the evidence though" She said apologetically. 

"Bill, come on, what's wrong? What happened?" He said pulling me closer and I instantly pushed him away from me. 

"S-S-Stay the f-fuck away from m-m-m-me" I said and a hurt expression flickered across his face but seemed more confused than anything. 

"Bill-"

"I k-k-know what you d-d-did, I r-r-r-remember" I said and his gaze lost mine. "You f-f-fucking betrayed u-us, you l-l-lied, you u-u-used me, you s-said you l-l-l-loved me...but you b-broke my h-heart"

"Bill I didn't lie about that, I didn't want to do it..." He tried to explain but I quickly cut him off.

"You c-c-chose them o-over us" I said and he shook his head. "I n-n-never would chose them, I r-risked e-everything to s-s-save Georgie"

"Exactly you risked everything, you didn't just ruin your life you ruined all of you friends life, you didn't sacrifice yourself, you sacrificed them as well" Stan said and I bit my tongue, knowing that bit was true.

"F-F-Fuck you" I said before running off in the opposite direction.

"Bill you're going to freeze to death!" Betty shouted after me, but I ignored her...well because I was in a state and usually common sense didn't follow me when I was upset.

I found myself searching the remains of the Loser's clubhouse, seeing what survived the fire that someone must of put out at some point, otherwise the whole woods would be burned to the groud. 

I sat down on the swing, that was barely still standing, finding my old sketchbook in my coat pocket. It was one of the only times that I was grateful for my parental unit who had insisted I wore this huge ass waterproof coat, because it meant that the book hadn't got completly destroyed from the water. 

My shaking fingers flicked through the book, tracing around the sketches of Stan, particulary around his eyes, as well as I could with my numb fingers. I should really go to A&E.

When I turned the next page a letter, folded to perfection fell out. It rested in my hands for a while, unsure whether or not if I should read it. Eventually I unfolded it carefully, trying my best not to let everything slip through my fingertips.

_Dear Bill,_

_I'm not sure what to say, what I could possibly say to make any of this better. I just want to say that I'm sorry, I know you won't remember that, I don't know if even I will. I know they're mad at me and I don't even know if I'm going to live to see you again but I'm writing this anyway._

_I don't care what they'll do to me, I only care about what I did to you. It's been inevitable, but I've been dreading this day even before I met you. I'm not a bad person Bill, I never wanted to betray anyone, but the fact that I fell for you didn't make it any easier._

_I wasn't lying about that Bill, I fell for you when I said it did, I didn't want to hurt you and when I did I just wanted to run away and spend the rest of my life with you. But they control everything, I'm just a fucking puppet to them, no matter how much I wished or prayed, this was inevitable._

_I just need you to know that in any world, in any universe, I love you and I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you this in person, hold you, kiss you but I won't be able to._

_Whoever is your new soulmate, I hope they're kind to you, they like your books, they get along well with the Losers and that they make you laugh. As much as it will kill me, I hope you forget about me, all the pain and heartbreak I caused you._

_You let me trust again Bill, you let me love again, let me feel safe. I'm sorry I couldn't do the same for you. Just know that whatever they do to me now, won't be as bad as what I've done to myself._

_I can't give you this, but I'll try. I'm leaving you something, some people call it a mixtape, cassette, I call it false hope. It used to be everything to me and in some star I wished it will let you remember me._

_False hope, is something I'll need to die to._

_I know you won't remember this, but I want my last thought to be of that night, when I was birdwatching and you were drawing...before everything fell apart, I want to think about dancing with the Losers and I want my last dream to remember there was a time when you kissed me, you William Denbrough kissed me and with that movement I fell apart for you._

_I hope you'll never stop daydreaming Bill and I wish for your thoughts and words to be written for the world._

_Lots of love from your mistake,_

_Stan_  
_(Satan)_  
_x_

That didn't help with my state, a strange emotion consumed, one that I hadn't felt often it sneaked up on me quietly and took me under its arms in an instant.

Every memory played like a song in my head, repeating itself for what seemed like forever. It surged with every expelled breath, always reaching higher peaks, never sufficiently soothed by my long intakes of the damp chilling air.

Tears began to spill from my helpless eyes drifted onto the cold floor beneath me reflecting a sombre atmosphere that tightened my chest.

This was way too fucked up, this shouldn't of happened, I should've just been able to choose Stan last year, I would've, last year I risked everything to save Georgie, that was my main reason for trying to destory the system. 

But now that I sat alone, in a burned down clubhouse, a year without my memories and the friends I loved more than anything, I realized what I was up against. 

Everything would be safer if I just sat here and didn't do anything, whether that was let myself freeze to death or do nothing about the system. I had spent the last year lost but comfortable, could I really risk everything for everyone?

But other inages were stronger than those thoughts, Alice Ripsom, Conner's previous soulmate, Stan's family and the experiments, Georgie...if we did this then all of that wouldn't be for nothing. 

All this pain would be the last and people would choose. People would choose badly, terribly, get married and then get divorced, fall in and out of love because perfrct matches don't exist. People need to be free to make mistakes, because without them we'd never find our soulmates. 

Because in the end mistakes are everything, that what we learn from, learn to live from, mistakes are what we need. And I needed my mistake, I needed Stanley Uris. 

" _Only Bill can find it and I'm not sure he'll ever know"_

There was only one thing in the world that I coyld focus on, the on things that brought me back to the start, the one thing that I could trace from the beginning, that's always been there.

_"It's for good luck Billy"_

I unfolded the small paper boat from my jean pocket and slipped open one of the glued tabs to find a small memory stick hidden. Must be for the powerpoint. 

**DING DING, 100 POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR**

"F-Fuck, I c-c-can't I f-found it, I a-actually found it" I said outloud, unable to stop the smile slipping through my lips.

"Good" The horrible screech burned my eardrums, from the offspring of satan and death itself. 

I turned around slowly to see Pennywise standing behind me, an ugly grin painted on her blood red lips and a gun pointed straight at me. I put my hands up in surrender. 

"F-For fucks s-s-sake" 


	32. All I Do Is Wear Cool Outfits, Make Jokes And Hide My Depression

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**"PASS ME THE PAPER BOAT"** The spawn of the devil hissed at me, no wait, she was what the devil wanted to be when it grew up, it's role model, dream job, it's-

"The boat...Billy" She cackled and I tried to shake my head, but my body trembled through the winter chill that poisioned my veins. "Or..." She finished her sentence by pointing a gun at me. 

"I-I-I'm dying a-a-a-anyway" I said with a smirk and she narrowed her gaze, squinting at me and then sighed before tightening her grip around her gun. "You don't scare me"

"So what?You'll die and I'll just take everything from you anyway, it doesn't matter" Her evil voice echoed across the burned wood, burning my eardrums just like she did with the clubhouse. "I tried Billy, I gave you a normal life, your brother, a perfect soulmate...but it just wasn't enough for you, was it? You'd die just because of what? Stanley? The coward who betrayed you for his own skin?"

She began to advance forward and I couldn't move back. "He doesn't love you Bill, he'll never love you the same way you do, he couldn't even fake it when he was assigned to you, when we asked him to stick with you longer when we started getting suspicous of you" She hissed in my ear and I tried to block it out.

" _Remember I love you-"_

_"You're so immature I feel like I'm babysitting you"_

"Do you want to know what really happened on the day of the Selection?" She teased in a pitchy tone, I shook my head quickly and she laughed, pinching my hair in her iron grip and smashing my head into the wall, sending numbness and tingles, spiralling through my head. Scarlet dripped thick and scarlet from my temples, clasped inbetween my callused fingers. 

"He.Was.A.Mistake" She hissed in my ear, "We always get those, computers aren't perfect that's why we need the IT department, turns out this time we just had to turn it off and on again to figure out you two weren't a match, possibly the most uncompatable pair in the history of the Selection, but Stan was ours and we needed to keep an eye on you..." She said and I grinned before laughing like an idiot. 

"You d-d-don't know h-how happy that m-made me" I said and she frowned, confused...I mean she wasn't familar of the term happy, it was something she wasn't programmed to understand by being the defintion of pain. "T-T-That m-means, he w-was a mistake...and I c-c-chose him" 

Her face paled, even more than usual. "Don't be stupid, people can't choose, they choose wrong..." She said and I couldn't stop laughing. 

"R-Really w-why's that?" I asked "B-Because a f-fucking clown like y-you w-wipes their m-memory?" 

"No!" She screeched "Because people lie and cheat and break hearts" She pressed the barrel of the gun harder against my head, but I still couldn't stop laughing. I think I was losing it, brilliant I was going to die utterally and completly out of my mind.

"P-Please tell m-me you a-aren't b-being serious" I said and her grip weakened, so I pushed away fron the wall, resting my hand on her shoulder so I could steady myself as I whiped away a tear, she raised a pasty eyebrow at me.

"I-I've been a l-little lost this y-year, w-with my p-perfect life y-you generously g-gave me, so I d-did a little e-exploring. Sexuality wise, sexually wise, bored wise...Pennywise" I added, the last one suprising me and making me giggle.

Fuck I was dying...and I had never felt so alive before.

"Are you confessing where you broke the law so I can publically execute you?" She asked and I shook my head, trying to stop myself from laughing.

"Y-You don't get i-it do you?" I said " I k-know w-where to g-go to h-hook up, and l-let me t-tell you, there a-are many places w-with so, so , so m-m-many people, e-even those white o-old men that work for you, u-untouchable. M-My personal f-favourite, the g-guy who signs e-execution b-bills who i-is breaking the l-law, v-very evil"

Her teeth looked lile they were about to fall out under the pressure of her growl. "A-All those p-people, so p-perfectly matched...w-with a l-law to protect t-their hearts, but guess what? They're s-still b-breaking hearts and s-sleeping around, j-just risking their lives to b-be themselves...to c-choose to be h-human, to love, to lust, to...do anything else b-b-beginning with l, lobster?"

"You couldn't k-kill them, b-because they're y-your collegues, e-evil s-sidekicks and you. Y-You've had at l-least four s-soulmates, you b-broke the law yourself you fucking hypercrite, the one you m-m-m-made, if you k-kill me now, it w-won't end there, m-more and more people w-will find their m-mistakes and fall in love and then t-they'll come after you, e-every single one of you, sick bastards that did this...that's a promise" I said grinning like a fucking twat with more confidence than I was feeling. 

"Maybe" She said, finally recomposing herself. "But for now...I can easily kill you Bill, I shot you once, I'll do it again"

"Do it, I dare you" I said with a smirk and she hesistated for a moment. It was her turn to smile horribly. I really pitied her dentist.

"I have a better idea" She said, snapping her disgustingly pale, biney fingers, causing two of her massive body guards from above us to, try and climb down the ladder. Awkwardly, slipping over each other and just jumping in the end. 

"Lou-ise" She said and a tall man, around six foot stepped forward, dragging a terrified looking Stanley forward and my heart sank. "Here's an idea for you and your dying self; give it to me, or...well I think you're capable of using your inagination"

She walked over to Stan, allowing her sharp, red nails to penatrate his cheeks, slitting his skin as her finger nails dragged across it like a whiteboard, blood following behind. 

"D-Don't you f-fucking-" I began, ready to launch my weak body at her but she held her hand up, pressing the gun to Stan's head.

"Give it to me!" She hissed. 

"If you do Bill I swear..." Stan said, shaking his head at me, trembling still "Think of everyone, everyone else who will be better off...I'm one person" 

I hoped that I would just die then and there so I wouldn't have to choose, but I knew the universe never did me any fucking favours. 

"F-F-Fine" I said, walking forward. "Just kill him" Everyone gaped at me.

"I'm j-joking, here" I said, passing her the memory stick, she isntantly passed it to Lou-ise who crushed it in his bare hand. Fuck.

Suddenly I felt my numb arms, (I felt my numb limbs, it was so weird) being used to drag me away from the clubhouse, Lou-ise even had to carry me up the Ladder because my legs were too shit. 

And through the empty woods of the last night I felt, pressing against my face, I found myself ebing surrounded by the worst people in the world, Pennywise and her little minions, pushing me and Stna together and pushing us forward. Just like the pushed together in the first place. It was a poetic ending, almost.

"You're an idiot" Stan whispered, his words distilling around me in the cool vapour that escaped his mouth. "We just lost everything, that was the freedom of thousands of people you litterally just destroyed for me? Someone who betrayed you and got your brother kidnapped and destroyes your life. What the actual fuck were you thinking?"

I stopped in my tracks, facing him, my eyes dipping into the dark pools of his...skimming the surface intially as always, but always diving straight in, letting them flood me, drown me. 

With my remaing strength I managed to pull my arms free, stepping on his shoes, on my toes, cupping his cheeks and kissing him. 

Everything was a blur, a blur swirled out of existence. Whilst suspended in the air, I had just closed my eyes and kissed him, surrendering myself to the infinite sky above.

But instead the fear dissolves as serenity paints a calming thought, with soft brush strokes and damp cotton, the soul that will contaminate my heart and thoughts for seemingly forever.This perfect fucking moment. I was compeltly submesered in love, sinking to the bottom of a senseless depth of nothingness.

The universe fading into echoes, whispers and then nothing. I was completly alone, safe and able to breath with my thoughts.

Nothing.

Floating around in a depth of nothing. I had finally slowed down, stopped perhaps with the world. 

Within that lust I began to float, drifting towards life again and when I broke the surface of nothing, I broke the kiss, my arms still resting on his neck.

"I'm so fucking in love with you" Stan said, tears ready to spill out of his eyes, I brushed them away quickly.

"What is m-me breaking the l-law turning you o-on?" I asked with a smirk and he laughed softly, sniffing slightly as well.

"Yeah I love it when you try to start a revolution but fail because of me" He leaned down to kiss me away but was quickly stopped by Pennywise the fucking cockblocker who was aggressively shouting at us.

"Oh what are you going to do? Kill us twice?" Stan asked, pulling me closer and kissing me, until he had to be oulled away by the guards. 

"I am l-litterally so f-fucking attracted to y-you right now" I said and he grinned.

"That is it! I have had enough with you little shits, you have ruined my day...all I wanted to do was watch Love Island and drink Guiness tonight...but nooooo, you fuckers decided you'f start a little revolution again, fuck you...I am going to kill you, and I'm-" But she was cut off, by a rock hitting her at the back of her head. 

We all looked around us quickly, trying to see where the fuck it came from. Had animals started there own revolution against humans? Why did it have to correspond with ours, couldn't they have waites a few days? Or maybe bears had adapted a new aggressive technique for hibernation. 

"Anyway-" But she was cut off again with yet another hit on the head by a rock, Lou-ise also got hit in the head, and another guard. 

I smiled, looking over to Stan who just smirked at me. There was a moment of silence, as this side armed them selves with their own rocks, getting ready to throw, everyone on the look out, waiting for the next move. Then suddenly:

"ROCK WARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!" Richie screamed, jumping out of no where before instantly getting hit in the head. 

And so it began, the final battle, Losers against the evil side: Pennywise and her minions. Eddie was fully going for it, launching hinself as closely as he could, throwing rocks aggressively.

Bev and Mike were more accurate and strategic whereas Ben had compeltly lost his shit and even tackled Lou-ise to the ground for throwing a rock (and missing) at Bev. 

Betty and Conner had snuck round the side, getting a few could hits before hiding behind the trees, jumping out at random points to hit them and then hide again. 

Rue was just high I think, on what I didn't know, she just kept jumping out in front of people, throwing off their aim or just annoying them. She even ran through the bad side, stealing there rocks and laughing like a maniac. 

"I can't take the rate their coming at us, it's way too much" Richie said as he ducked behind a bush with Eddie rocks landing around them.

"Save the pillow talk for later Chee" Eddie said, winking at him, before jumping out the way of a other incoming rock, which ineveitably hit a very confused Richie. I guess Eddie was still hitting on him.

He stood up, looking more daze "Eds.." He began, his eyes filled with wonder like he was surrounded by the entire galaxy's edge. "Fuck...I did somwthing about being helplessly in love with you?"

Eddie look like he was about to drown in Richie's words, he quickly ran towards him. And with the rocks following from the sky, crashing around them, Eddie grabbed Richie's waist and pulled him down, almost to the floor, bscore kissing the life out of him.

Until they were both knocked over by rocks. It was true romantic cinematorgraphy.

Stan slipped his hand into mine, attempting to escape onto the otherside in the chaos. But we quickly caught by Pennywise, Lou-ise managed to grab us both(really, how strong was this guy?) and pull us away from the chaos. 

The night sky seemed to grower darker, all of the stars, blurring, diming into complete darkness. 

"Hey Bill" Stan said, quickly xausing me to open my eyes. "You're getting worse...." 

  
I nodded slowly, my whole body aching as I did so, he bit his lip, looking down at his feet as we were taken on to the edge of a cliffside.   
The cool breeze in the darkness swirled around us, as if the bright inks of the dusk were dropped into a current with precision, silk cool and smooth

It etched around my skin like the water beneath us,we adanced through the mouth of darkness, the only sound was the soft pressure of footsteps falling slowly and smoothly like a pebble being dropped in water.

My eyes grew heavier under the strain, the only part of my body I could really feel, I had lost control over everything else...gave way to cold, gave in to the numbness.

Stan shook my arm, his eyes pleading me to not die, not yet. I guess he was in denial, we were both about to die. I didn't want to die by Oennywise, I wanted to die by my own stupid nature.

"This cliff is over 200m" Pennywise said "Do you know what that means?"

"Water turns to concrete, hitting concrete at this height is the optimal level for death...suicide" Stan said and she smiled, hideously.

"How does this sound? Two foolish boys, blinded by their stupidity, star-crossed lovers who couldn't be together took their own lives to be together?" She hissed.

"A little too long for a news heading" Sran said and she rolled her eyes.

"You're going to die...both of you and you, for a stupid and foolish reason. You had it all but you gave up on it. I hope you'll die knowing that" She said in a sing-song voice, spinning the gun in her hads, sonething to motivate us to jump I guess.

"Nah, I'll lass out that offer" I said and she raised her eyebrow at me.

"If I die today, I want you to be scared, I want you to fear me, I want you to fear the Losers club, who sacrificed everything to save a nine year old boy, I want you to fear Betty Ripsom...who single handedly gathered everything to destory the system because you fucked with the wrong person and killed her sister. I want you to fear everyone who chose, chose someone else...someone else to kiss, to fuck, to love forever I want you to fear them all because in the end, you should be scared. The world's already fucked up, and no one is cared of you anymore...and without that fear you are nothing" I said and her bottom lip twitched slightly.

"You're a stupid boy. You still think you're going to win, I made this, all of this, YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME!" She screamed and I winced. 

"You made this" I repeated "Not because you cared about anyone else...because you wanted revenge, you driven by jealousy and hatred and you took to oppression to heal yourself" 

"What the fuck are you own about?" She laughed and I looked over to Stan who nodded slowly.

"Your lover" Stan said "Your first ever love, broke your heart after being together four ten years, you were heartbroken, he cheated on you"

"You wanted revenge, but you were a smart person, you wanted to make sure that no one could even do that to anyone again...or did you? That's what you told yourself intially" I said, a smile slipping through my frozen lips. "You abused your power...all existing couples stayed together the first time it was made, you executed your husband for breaking the law five years before it was made, you used power and manipulation to control people in some sick way to fill that empty void inside of you that you feel, sonething that consumes you every day because ever since he betrayed you, you couldn't trust anyone ever again...every moment if every day you were flooded with..."

"Fear" Stanley said "Because in the end your just a small, sad person who got their heart broken. Like everyone else has in this whole fucking world...but you took it too far, Pettywise"

"Why do you care about the truth?" She hissed "You're going to die?"

"Why do I care? WHY DO I FUCKING CARE?" I yelled, pleased with the absence of my stutter for this past hour. "Because Alice Ripsom is dead, because Conner Bowers still has nightmares and is scared of being touched after being abused. My brother was kidnapped and he cries himself to sleep every night becausw of the nightmares he got from it. Because you experimented on Stan's family and used him as a puppet. You ruined so many people's lives, from your own spite, you took away my memories but you could never take away my love for Stan. No more, no more people die, no more people are oppressed or threatened or scared by you anymore" I said and she pretended not to look scared, even Lou-ise was trembling. 

"Your lying you just dilusional" She said, laughing forcefully on her own.

"Did I stutter once?" I asked. "You ruined everything"

"No!" She screamed "You ruined everything, forty years this has been going! I had manioulating everything peffectly, having four different partners and my friends having hundreds and other people for the right price would change their too. And now this small petty child with too much too much imagination comes along and starts criticizing everything I've risked so fucking much for"

"So I have to threaten him and kidnapp his little baby brother, then I had to ignore that we had made yet another mistake in the system to spy on him. Then I find out he's betrayed us and had to clear nine kid's memories and reset their soulmates and had spent twelve hours torturing the traitor befire letting him live but without a soulmate...all for after a year for them to start remembering them again so I had to kill the guy who fucjed the memory thing up and pay the town bullies to kill them, they were unsuccessful and now I have to kill you all myself" She said, breathing heavily afterwards. 

"I think that's g-g-good, b-brilliant even" I said and she gave me a confused look. "Oh yeah, y-y-you see about u-us kids...w-we're always on o-our phones" I took out my phone from ym pocket. "T-That's right, a-all of t-this was lifestreamed o-o-onto every platform, t-thanks to R-Richie and Rue's prank hacker app"

Her eyes widened and her face froze. "That's right e-e-everyone j-just heard that...we j-just did it, we d-destroyed you" I said and she screamed aggressively, aiming the gun at me. 

"I'm going to fucking kill you, both if you, everyone of you little faggots, little shits who ruined everything" She screamed aggresively, walking towards us, causing to quickly walk backward until we were at the edge of the cliff. 

"You little-" Suddenly her body crumpled and she screamed in pain, following to the floor. Bev stood behind her, resting a baseball bat on her shoulder and smiling , the other Losers approaxhng behind her, apparent from Richie who was trying to take out Lou-ise with a big tree branch.

"Beverly fucking Marsh, you are the only god I believe in" Stan said and she smiled, picking up the gun Pennywise dropped. We stepped over the woman on the floor,who dragged herself on her feet. 

I pointed the gun at her, "You can't kill me!" She shouted "I made this town, everyone, all of you are nothing without me, you won't survive, you'll choose wrong!" 

I looked over to the Losers who surrounded me, everyone holding onto the gun "I think I speak for e-e-everyone when I say: We'll c-c-choose perfectly, and terribly but we'll learn from it...because that's w-w-what humans do we learn from our m-m-mistakes. I also think this is a great choice of last words for you to h-h-h-hear: You're a fucking clown"

"WAIT!" Richie yelled before I could pull the trigger. "You can't let her die yet..." He said whilst scrolling through his phone..."Ok I'm ready, go ahead"

I shrugged my shoulders, before pulling the trigger, shooting her in the chest. Richie playing 'Whatcha say?' from his phone as soon as I did so. 

As soon as jer body hit the water, we all cheered, hugging eachother and kissing eachother. Because like we could now, but we kissed our lovers if you must know.

And so, on that cold winter's night, a small crowd of Losers stood over a cliffside, staring at one movement, the lasted lass than second, that liberate the future from captivity. As one life drifted away from fhe world last night, millions of more returned, for now, for the future and for the memories of those before.

A moment, a gasp for air...a breath away from death I stood watching the waves hit the rocks before drawing away, again and again in a repeative cycle with devious smile om my lips. Because I was drowning in those waves, being pulled into fhe depths of darkness, crashing against the sharp rocks again and again with no end. 

But now I had swam to the surface, now I stood above the waves, oppression had drowned and I was free, we all were. I could do whatever the fuck I wanted, but right now I only really cared about doing Stan, being with Stan forever. 

Whatever that was left of my spirit, soul or life inside of me was slipping away.For the first time in years, things had finally slowed down. Things were finally breathing.

I couldn't say the same about me.

Every sharp breath was scraping my chest, my breath had started to slow and every time I breathed, I breathed out all the oxygen I had.

"Hey Bill, you alright?" Stan asked, and I smiled.

"Yeah I'm b-b-b-brilliant, I feel a-amazing...but I really t-t-think y-you said take me to the hospital b-b-before I j-join Pennywise" I said and he wrapped his arm around me, before lifting me up.

"Roger that" He said with a grin. And for the first time in my life, when I closed my eyes, the nightmares could be scarier than reality, because for the first time in my life I was sleeping in freedom.  
  
  
  


  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I've been putting this off because I didn't want this to end but there it is folks, just a fluffy ending and the epilouge next. I'm not crying you are.
> 
> P.S: I hope I didn't do a Bill and write a shitty ending, I hope this was good enough for the story.


	33. Did You Out A Downpayment On The Bouncy Castle?

**"SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT..."** The police officer said with a bored tone, giving us an cross between an unamused and unconvinced look. I guess talking to a group of hysterical teenagers was below her paygrade.

"Most people here aren't" Bev said I rolled my eyes. 

"H-H-How many times are you g-going to make t-that joke?" I asked and she smiled.

"Every day, until I get to use it in my bestman speech at your wedding"She said and I tried to hide my smile through a not very aggresive glare.

The police officer cleared her throat, redirecting our attention back to her again "She threatened to kill you after she found out that you remembered her taking your memories, paid the town bullies to kill you...they failed because they couldn't swim, instead of seeking medical attention you went for a walk and she took you to the cliffside to kill you, but your friends who had to stay with you for this interogation for some reason, stopped her and you shot the leader of your government..." She said, not very impressed with our traumatic experience.

"Yes..."I said "We d-d-don't have to k-k-keep going o-over this, w-we live streamed it, s-she tried to kill js and she d-destroyed everyone's l-lies"

"I get that, she ruined my fucking life too. I'm no lawyer, but I know that if you end up on trial some of her friends high up there would like to get there hands on you...it wouldn't be justice" She said, resting the end of her pen in her mouth, biting it anxiously.

"N-None of this was j-j-justice, e-everything" I muttered and she nodded. 

"One life, for millions, sounds poetic almost. But you know it isn't that simple, you've got people who want you dead now, it's policy to process you...but it's also policy to put you into witness protection" She said, resting her heand against her hand, as tired as we were as well I guess. We had been here for hours. 

All of this was stupid, in every single YA book no one ever got in trouble for saving the day, I guess that's what made them ubreliable. "You're not in trouble William, the DA thinks it's self defence, they saw the livestream...they said if they're going to have to re-write the law anyway, they could make an acception" She said "But there is too many people up there who worked for her..."

"What do you mean re-write the law?" Richie asked."You don't mean-"

"You've got some fans, after the lifestream there's been a protest...petitions, the whole of Derry practically, the government is having a re-shuffle, we had to arrest of four hundred MPs yeterday and two hundred police officers. If they get processed your case stands a chance, but there's a problem. The only law we can prove they broke is the soulmate law, if we re-write it, only her closet officials will be processed. Under the new law, you'd still be charged for murder, but your case wouldn't stand a chance" She said and I shuffled in my seat uncomfortably.

"Why don't y-y-you sound a-apolgetic?" I asked and she smiled.

"Because, they're waiting for your call, you have a choice, whether the law changes for the people and you get charged, or everyone who hurt the law gets charged and you are free on self-defence" She said and I stared at her, the ticking from the clock until it clicked. 

"I t-think, I-I'll choose to s-see someone w-who didn't work for P-Pennywise" I said and her stern look darkened. "I k-know how the l-law works, and of I h-have to change it, I k-know legally I would h-have to be an MP...and w-what do we all k-know about MPs?"

"The law never seems to apply to them" Stan said "It's supposed to, but let's be honest here..."

She scowled "I'll s-s-see my l-lawyer, but u-until then, we a-all have a m-meeting with w-what's left of the g-government, for s-secret buisness we c-can't tell you..."

"But I'm so excited so Imma tell you anyway" Rue said quickly. "They want us to help with having a new treaty signed as well as listing those who tortured Stan and wiped our memory in return for a state pardon, under the liberation of the people, we just came here for a statement and we left making a statement-"

"Come on Rue that was a cool line but we have to beat the traffic of our new fans" Conner said, "Sorry I just really like saying that, onwards to the liberation of love..."

"That's not bad" Eddie said as we walked out the door, "Maybe that's what they'll call this day in the history books that Ben loves"

Conner shook his head quickly, "Uh uh, I'm copyrighting it, as of now for my documentary" 

"You still on about that?" Stan asked and Conner nodded quickly. 

"Yup, that's my future, and ya'll be featured in Liberation Of Love©, don't worry, we'll have to miss out all of Richie's jokes don't worry"He said and we all laughed, especialy when Richie's only response was 'fuck you'.

If I was on some sitcom, or maybe if I was a voice over in a teen show, I would probably use a strange metophoric paragraph to describe the process of the system being removed, with a message of hope, probably over a few screen caps of children cheering and people dancing. 

But I think that would defect the point, this town, this small town of Derry had been isolated from the world, just like every town had been isolated from another. It was held captive under some mundane darkness that we got used to. The problem is when you hide people from freedom for so long, no one knows what it is, what to expect. 

It was all, just a breath, a breath of fresh air. It didn't seem real, no one said anything, no one even whispered outloud what it meant, as if the roots of oppression was still there, consuming every breath of life. 

It took a while, several weeks until it started, a breath of whispers that formulated into those words, those words thay everyone was too scared to say...as if by saying it outloud it would be taken away again. Everyone was scared, scared of tbose words:

Now I can______. Now I can leave this person, now I can leave Derry, now I can kiss this person, now I can live alone, now I can...say bad things about this system that crush us for over forty years.

The first whispers rushed through the town cautiously, like a ring of ghosts. People would hug their friends for long periods of times, hold hands. 

And then slowly, piece by piece, people began to rebuild themselves. People would go out for a piss-up, have drunken one night stands, to over dramatic kissing in the streets. The first online dating app was formed...as there was copyright issues with the old ones, by none other than Richie Toizer. In less than twenty-four hours after being launched 'Not Your Mum' had over four million downloads. 

After the state pardons we had do deal with tiring media attention from the...Derry news at first, as regional news was a developing confidence, people had bearly left yet, due to insurance and housing problems that hadn't been solved yet. But people didn't care as much because for once we were seeing everything happening and changing at a comfortable pace. 

After the media attention the Losers club became a Losers club but painted the face of liberation, especially Betty Ripsom, who was seen as the Katniss Everdeen of this situation which I wouldn't have any other way. Georgie became a national treasure, the representation of the innocene amd purity that had been destroyed through this situation, an angel that has only just been given his wings back. Or well, his paper boat.

With the increased spotlight, career opportunities, books, films, tv series, documentaries would be flooding the world about this for the next few years, spin off book series. Everyone publishing there own tales, but the Liberation Of Love© would be first I hoped...especially as I put money on that.

As did many people did, the beauty of gossip had returned to Derry. Something that went missing through fear of the Watchers. People were discussing other people's love life, betting who they think would be together and who would get divorced first. Even the new divirce bill wouldn't be passed until next month, people were seperating though don't worry.

And my personal favourite, old state controlled film censors were removed last week, so obviously we had a Losers sleepover to watch all the films that weren't 'love at first sight and then conviently matched together and the selection' which were the only romance films previously the only ones allowed. It was a dying industry, because people died whilst sitting through the films.

Obviously there was more explicit music, books and shit. Some were very were very weird, like Fifty Shades Of Grey, which was...an experience, very deifferent from the kids books they had in the hosiptal.

Oh yeah the hospital, well I made a good recovery, but that didn't stop my parents from grounding me for a few weeks for 'Starting a revolution which could of got me killed and murdering someone...when I should've of been tidying my room'. That was a good joke, I hope.

For once, in my very shitty, not very long eighteen years of life, I found myself smiling, happy for no reason. Because for once in my eighteen years of life, I felt something. Other than anger, furstration or pettiness.

Hope. I felt it coarsing through my body and spiralling through my veins with an electric pulse. I felt like there was something there, in the future for William Denbrough. A writer, traveller, activist a loser...a lover. And I knew things weren't going to be perfect, but at least there was something there...something to look forward to, someone.

So as my reflection stared back at me, the stuttering awkward mess was nowhere to be found. Instead, it was just Bill, who wasn't scared, who wasn't risking everything carelessly. Bill who didn't have to be a hero,a leader of revolution, the leader of a band of misfits (even though we all know that's really Bev).

Instead I was just Bill. And that meant nothing yet, not until I wrote something, chose things to tell everyone what the fuck Bill meant. I was just Bill and I was grateful with that. 

I was also just Bill who was really, really struggling to tie a tie. I sighed with frustration, as I threw the death trap across the room, that killed you with stress. "Daaaaaaaaaaad!" I yelled loudly so he could hear me from downstairs. 

"Whaaaaaaat?" He shouted back. 

"It's n-n-not w-w-working!" I shouted, and Georgie giggled behind me and I rolled me eyes. 

"I told you how-"

"Y-Y-Yeah, but i-it's not w-working!" I shouted and I knew he sighed and muttered something about me being ridiculous before walking up the stairs reluctantly.

With some sort of magical power, he managed to destroy the curse of the devil's rippon and perfect it. "There" He said "Just like I told you"

"I d-d-did" I said and he laughed, resting his hands on the side of my shoulders to check the angle. 

"Looks like you'll ready...you shall go to the ball" He said, spinning me around and I rolled my eyes. 

"You look so pretty Billy" Georgie said coming up to hug me. "I wish I could go..."

"W-W-When you're older, hey d-don't crease the suit, m-mum will k-kill me" I said and he laughed, letting go of me. 

I brushe my hands down my suit, looking at myself in the mirror "Y-You sure I d-d-don't look s-stupid?" I said and I git ready to be offended when I got no response. "Dad?" 

"You look great" He said, his voice cracking.

"Are you c-c-crying?" I asked and he shook his head, causing me to raise my eyebrow.

"Just...look at you, you've grown up, you fell in love, you started a revolution and kept your grades up" He said and I quickly wrapped my arms around him. "I'm so proud of you...one day I hope I'll be as brave as you" He sniffed.

"I'm n-n-not brave" I said and he laughed softly. 

"I thought Richie was the funny one" He said and I frowned.

"He isn't" I corrected him. "T-Thanks Dad" He smiled, giving me one last hug. 

The doorbell rang and I quickly ran doenstairs before my parental unit could embarass me infront of the Losers, last time my mum lectured Rue about the importance of car tires in the modern car industry. It was a fucking nightmare. 

There were many hugs, laughs and a few photos, most I knew I couldn't keep because I probably looked constipated in them. Through the chaotic rush, I managed to find Stan. 

"Fuck" I said "You l-look beautiful" I brushed my fingers through his perfect curls and pulling him into a hug. 

"You actually look smart..no flannels? shorts? I'm impressed" He said, laughing and I pouted, which he quickly removed with a kiss. "You look perfect...although I am disappointed about the shorts"

"F-F-F-Fuck you" I said before stepping on his toes lightly to kiss him again. But it was quickly interupted by the bright flash of my mum's camera, taking a picture of us. 

"Mum" I hissed letting go if Stan. 

"Sorry, I couldn't help it, you both look so cute. You'll thank me when you're older"She said and I rolled my eyes. There only a small, tiny fragment of silence that Georgie, to fufill his role as my brother decided to fill. "Does anyone want to see pictures from Bill's emo phase?"

It was the fastest I had ever managed to drag people out of my house. 

There was a flush of excitement that had flooded the room when we first arrived. It left small traces of nerves and dread, but at the same time-there was still excitement.The room was a riot of colour, everyone a little more hyped up than they should be. Motion swirled recklessly as though everyone's drinks had caused their limbs to become supercharged and her their heads giddy. Drink followed dance like flowing silks, trying to capture any by passers.

It changed the air into sweetness and innocent fun, tumbling into giddy darkness. People were losing their logic, melting into the party, into the mindset that only seemed acceptable in entwined dreams. 

The music seemed to have no filter, which was a relief, everyone jumping around to the explicit music we had all been listening to this past week. Choas asiring through particular favourites like Mr Brightside and Come On Eileen. 

It was fun danxing around with tue Losers, I was happy I actually agreed to come to the winter formal that was more of a victory party as everyone was just happy to be able to just go with friends rather than having have a goverment chosen date. 

Ok not everyone was happy, obviously there were some protestors against the liberation by they came in their minimal numbers, complaing about the lack of control and how this will damage society and children with single parents and shit. But you know, I didn't take it personally.

"I really just can't believe this..." Bev said as she wrapped her arms around us, moving within the fade and shrink of the music.

"What the fact that Stan actually dances?" Richie asked and Stan rolled his eyes, sticking his tongue out at him.

"No that we're here...we've done something that we wanted to do" Bev said, that was it. All that was need to said, we all knew, we all just needed it to be said outloud to make it seem real.

The excitement spread through the room like a wildfire, spiralling out of control, until Stan's burnt out into fear. And without a second of hesistation I slipped my hand into his and broke him away from his anxiety and into the cold night. 

We ran, ran away from all the chaos and we didn't stop running, running from the anixety. Well trying to at least. Hiding in a small woods which almost killed us too many times, at the edge of the water, which I only just healed from.

Without a word, or hesistation, I slipped my hand into his pocket and took at his Walkman and this time...I took the headphones out, playing Lovers, by Anna Of The North, outloud. 

All the fear, anxiety that feeded the insecurity in Stan's night, faded through the soundwaves and into the night. His arms made themselves comfortable around my waist as he brought me closer, matching perfectly with my arms that rested around his neck.

Although the music hadn't slowed down it distortrd around us as we began to stop moving, my focus drawn to the shadows. 

I steadied my shaking breath and didn't stop my hand from brushing his soft wips of dark chocolate hair that swept past an ear and caressed the skin of his neck, jaw, cheeks.

My hand brushed his cheek and rested beneath his eyes, which were bright and liquid warm, sprinkled with light brown specks and light shadows of the party lights in the distance.

There was something solemn swimming in his eyes. They held a truth that his face could not hide. I looked up to the night sky where all the lights seemed to meet each other at once. It was like dancing under the Northern Lights, beneath the dry-ice smoke swirled an array of blues, acid greens, hot pinks and gold. 

"D-Don't look at me l-like that..." I said and he frowned, confused. "L-Like you would r-run away from e-everything for me" 

"But I would...for you, everything" He said before kissing me, I stumbled back slightly, falling straight into the water in shock. He laughed, offering to help me up, but obviously, being the petty bitch I was I pulled him in with me. 

As soon as he pushed himself to the surface, I wrapped my arms around his neck, sealing my lips against his to stop him from splashing any water at me, because I just knew he would. I pushed him back and we sank under the water, dissolving under the moon and stars, beneath his lips.

His grip was always firm on me, whether it drifted through my hair, under my shirt or around my waist, like he was always searching for me, feeling his way back to me in the darkness. I couldn't feel much under the cold water but I could feel him and my heart burning beneath my chest as it drowned in a passion that ignites.

My entire life, I was scared of losing my breath, and when I did, I was scared. Whenever I focused too hard on the way I breathed...I didn't. But now, beneath the surface of air, held captive away from oxygen, I felt safe in my own head, my own body. The world fell away against his lips and I was breathing, alive in my own world with him.

When we broke the surface, I let go of him, because I knew I could. Because this time, for the first time, I knew if I let go, he'll still be there and I would never loose him. 

"I love you so fucking much" He said, cupping my frozen cheeks with his equally frozen hands. "And I'm looking at you, like this..." He purposefully stared at me and I laughed. "Because when I said I'd run away from everything for you...I meant it" 

"W-We'll l-leave Derry?" I asked, my heart beating heavily, "Where?"

"Anywhere, anywhere you want...we'll just run, and we'll see everything, everything she hid us from"He said and I couldn't stop smiling when I kissed him again. 

"I love you...everything about you, you're a mistake...the perfect soulmate" 

I looked up to the night sky, watching as the promise faded into the stars, the thundering clouds in the background, getting ready for the storm and I looked back at Stan...my own night sky and I guess that made me the thunderstorm...two contrasting natures but still the same.

The night sky is dark and haunting, slipping deep into an inoy nothingness.

But the darker it gets the brighter the stars shine, swirling, twisting, and churning amongst themselves flickered away, and yet always returned like rogues hiding away in the shadows.

No matter what planet, what galaxy, or what universe any small creature may be on, those fiery lights streaking across the skies in diffusing blue streaks will always be there.

As for the thunderstorm is rips through the night sky, shattering it completly but still manages to embrace the tone of the night wrapping it arms tight and changing it's nature.

A pair that only exsisted in your nightmares...the mistake in the universe.

My name is Bill Dembrough and welcome to mt TedTalk to how everything...just fell, fell deep and I fell in love.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, just the epilouge left kids. Btw falling deep is like an expression we use round where I live, I have sort of used it throughout this whole book, I'm not sure if it's used often but basically it's like saying you've fallen in love with someone but like helplessly and uncontrolably, obsesively like agape love I guess, but it's a good thing don't worry, like falling isn't a bad thing in this 😂✌ See ya in the epilouge


	34. This Feels Like The End Of Something, So I Guess I'll Say  Something Witty

_And then he looked up to the sky once more...knowing that he was safe, until next time.._ **_|_ **

_He knew from now on everything would be_ **_|_ **

_If someone had asked him where he'd be when he was in those sewers he would never of said here_ **_|_ **

_I hate writing I'm a shitty author someome kill me_ **_|_ **

Bill sighed frustrately, tearing away yet anothet ink sunk paper from his type writer, that he bought out of spite and he guessed as a reminder from the time he was made fun of for listening to music on cassettes.

_'Do you need a type writer to write down your feelings'_

Yes, but now it's killing him and he really doesn't want to die of writer's block. Not now, not ever. Or maybe he could if it gets too bad, let the type writer take him.

"Richie told Freddie that Georgie is a super hero space cat, I just had to stop him from throwing him off the roof to see him fly" His husband Stan said, interupting his deep procrastination session, by wrapping his arms around him from behind him and pecking his neck softly.

"Not again, why haven't we filed a restraining order against him from seeing our kids?" Bill asked clearly, having grown out of his stutter years ago, only really coming back if he was really tired. 

"Because..." Stan said, kissing his neck again "Richie's his godfather, he means well"

"He's the only thing on Eddie's house risk assessment" Bill said resting his head on the desk. Stan gripped his chair and pulled him away, Bill tried to stop him but failed...to put him simply, miserably. 

"I'm nearly finished-"He protested as Stan span his chair away from the desk. 

"You've been nearly finished for two days now, leave the ending for a minute, you don't want to rush it anyway or you'll throw it out of the window again" Stan said, chuckling softly, resting his hands on Bill's thighs, never able to take his pout seriously.

"That was one time..." He said as Stan removed his glasses from him.

"And it hurt like hell when it hit me" Stan smirked and Bill rolled his eyes, sitting up to kiss that stupid smirk that always rested on Stan's devious lips off him, the one he loved too much (not like he'd ever admit that outloud, he'd never hear the end of it)

When Stan deeped the kiss, Bill took this as an opportunity to push his chair back to his shit book. "Evil move Denbrough" Stan said, laughing as he pulled his petty husband away from his own mind-torture machine. "We need to go downstairs, it's a disaster,Conner isn't surviving well with the kids, Rue and Bev are burning down the kitchen as we speak and Eddie keeps complaining about cat allergies" 

"What about Mike?" Bill asked, accidently typing out Mike's name instead of the word ' _therefore_ ', causing him to sigh heavily. _Stan may have a point, fuck he always does._ He thought to himself.

"Mike has locked himself in the bathroom, away from the chaos" Stan said and Bill couldn't help but grin as he finally stood up and walked away from his stupid fucking novel, which everyone was loving for some reason...which made Bill worry for the future of mankind.

Bill loved the idea that his main stress came from his writing, and only the ending and that it wasn't much external factors that hurt him anymore. Bill suspected many reasons to why his ending were shit, maybe it was because by the time he got to the end of a book, he was already too excited to start another, or maybe it was because, Bill hadn't had an ending yet.

He was still running through his life with an electric rush, everything had been such a blur, he barely remembered his teenage years in Derry, but then he turned the tv on and there was always some new show about it. Conner's documentary was one of the only ones he bothered watching and Ben's history book was the only book about it he read. 

It took him a while to write his story, about the events of Derry. He wrote most of his horrors first, saving the scariest one...the events of teenage years. He waited for the hype around it to die down, he published a ficition book, because he couldn't bring himself not to. It told the tale almost exactly how it happened, disguising the Losers club. But Bill was very happy to forget everything that happened. 

But Stan wasn't, neither was Bev or Ben. Sure Richie would make the odd joke about it, as that was his thing now, actual decent comedy, most of it was political...making the small boy with terrible jokes into a haze of the past. But he would still crack the old 'Mum jokes' for Eddie, which his thirteen year-old son loved. 

Stan never wanted to forget, he would sometimes panic if his scars began to fade, eventhough they gave him nightmares. He never wanted it to happen again and for some reason, he believed it would. It was a part of him, his past, his trauma, their trauma...he didn't want to loose his memory, not again.

Bill sat on the settee out back with the rest of Losers...and the mini Losers club, resting close to Stan next to the campfire as he was so tired. He was almost quickly joined by Georgie, who hid behind his legs away from Bill's youngest son Freddie. Stan was reluctant to let Bill keep the cat at first, complaining a cat and three kids, a dog and a Richie was way too much responsibility. He couldn't complain about the dog as he had already promised Bill when they were seventeen. 

But when Bill cuddled it close and pouted, Stan cursed himself for being so weak for Bill but gave in anyway.

He was equally confused when Bill wanted to call it Georgie, after his very alive and very safe brother who came to visit at the weekends and it would only cause confusion between the two. ' _Ah Georgie shit on the bed again'_

' _What? Isn't he a bit old for that? Wait no...the ginger nightmare did it'_ But apparently Georgie had always wanted a cat named after him, which was an odd dream but an achievable dream.

"Ok...so I'm thinking, a camping trip back to Derry, we see the museum about the Selection, make fun of it's inaccuracy and then go to the Quarry or something" Bev said, as she sat on the grass, trying to wince in pain as her son Charlie and her daughter, Max as well as Betty daughter Alice braided her hair with flowers, hoping to be able to come up with some sort of fashion statement for Bev's very successful fashion buisness. 

"I don't want to go to a boring musuem" Rue and Mike's daughter, Paige said who had stopped showing Freddie her cartwheels behind them just to complain.

"Hey museums are brilliant and interesting" Ben said as he picked up Bill and Stan's eldest daughter, Jordan away from touching the fire and passing her to Stan. Bill couldn't help but smile sheepishly at Ben's defense, he was pleased that his successful buisness and his glow up (understatement) hadn't change his nerd. 

"Of course they are" Richie said, handing everyone sparklers, obviously telling the kids the wrong way to put them in the fire, resulting in Eddie pushing him out of the way and saving them. Although Eddie's overprotective mother's influence hadn't been passed down to Eddie when raising his son, Will( Yes he was adopted because he had the same name as Bill who wasn't impressed at first but it eventually grew on him)

"So we just go back..." Conner said "After twenty-seven years" and there was a strange silence that surrounded the garden, apart from the squeals of the very loud kids. 

"Only if you guys feel you're ready" Conner's boyfriend, Michael said. Bill liked Michael, a lot, he was good to Conner, to everyone. Which was Conner needed, it took him a while to trust himself, trust anyone with his heart again, but when he finally let go...it fell and it fell deep and Bill had never seen Conner smile so much. 

"I'm down for it" Mike said. 

"Me too" Rue said, throwing yet another piece of corn in the fire, hoping it would cook into popcorn as she was too lazy to go to the kitchen.

"Sign us up" Eddie said and Richie cheered "But first we must go ober the risks of us being there what if-"

"Of course" Richie said "We'll do that later, in the mean time, Billiam, Stanthony?"

Stan looked over to Bill who was curled up against him, half-asleep, like he was every night. He squeazed Bills hand and Bill grinned, a bit too happy for someone who wanted to forget everything.

"Sounds perfect..."He said and everyone cheered. Bill couldn't stop the warmth flitter through his heart, he loved this, this atmosphere of bubbling electricty. _This was why_ he thought, this was why he couldn't write his ending. Because although the scary chapter in his life had ended, it was moments like this that he didn't want to end. Because to him things didn't end with the conclusion from the horror, eventhough it felt like the end of something he couldn't bring himself to say something witty.

He wanted to story to drift to a close, after their lifes, after the dizzy dreams of dancing with Stan, running away from Richie with a water gun, or the endless nights under the stars. Until he eventually slipped, slipped into the frozen quarry water with Stan, sharing their last breaths of each other before they could no longer swim to the surface.

"What's so great about Deary?" Their youngest daughter Kierra asked, her eyes filled with wonder and curiousty. 

"They said Derry" Jordan said in a matter-of-fact tone, reaching over to pick up Georgie from Bill's lap. Bill looked up to Stan, who hesistated for a moment, biting his lip. 

"Well it's a small town..." Bill began, drawing the kids to sit around him.

"Please don't tell me this is another scary story" Freddie said, hiding his face with his hands.

"It's a good story" Bill said "With a happy ending, but it wasn't always like that...it was town filled with a very scary monster, an evil clown who controlled everyone..."

"But what changed to not make it scary?" Freddie asked and Bill tried not to laugh as he thought of his next words, knowing the reaction he would get from Stan for being cheesy, but he knew Stan would kiss him senseless anyway.

"There was a mistake..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that concludes MISTAKE. For real this time, it isn't a joke kids I promise. I hope I didn't do a Bill and wrote a shit ending, but THANK YOU all for reading my strange story and stayed with it as I made up as I went along hehehe. Thanks for all your kudos and cute feedback, it really makes my day. I feel a little emotional as this is the first story I've actually finished. I will be writing another Stenbrough book, in Stan's perspective, very losely based of Love Simon, with the whole annoyimous lover thing, I have already brainstormed it so look out for that I guess. 
> 
> I espeically want to thank certain people for their lovely supported. Pri: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL COMMENTS, YOU WERE THE FIRST COMMENTOR ON THIS STORY AND YOU REALLY MAKE ME FEEL SO HAPPY WITH YOUR COMMENTS❤❤.
> 
> Rockwar: Thank you for your funny comments and predicting story lines...Imma say your psycic so I can deny my story beinf predictiable ❤❤❤
> 
> Niallsgirl1D: Thank you for your lovely comments it really motivated to carry on writing this book.
> 
> Until next time....byeeeeeeeee xoxoxooxox


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